[00:00:00] Therefore, be imitators of God as dear children, and walk in love as Christ also has loved us
[00:00:06] and given himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet smelling aroma.
[00:00:12] But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is
[00:00:17] fitting for saints, neither filthiness nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which
[00:00:22] are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks.
[00:00:25] For this you know that no fornicator, unclean person or covetous man who is an idolater has
[00:00:30] any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.
[00:00:33] Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes
[00:00:38] upon the sons of disobedience, therefore do not be partakers with them.
[00:00:43] For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord.
[00:00:47] Walk as children of light, for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness, righteousness
[00:00:52] and truth.
[00:00:53] Finding out what is acceptable to the Lord, and have no fellowship with the unfruitful
[00:00:57] works of darkness, but rather expose them.
[00:01:00] For it is shameful even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret.
[00:01:05] But all things that are exposed are made manifest by the light, for whatever makes
[00:01:08] manifest is light.
[00:01:10] Therefore he says, Awake you who sleep, arise from the dead, and Christ will give
[00:01:15] you light.
[00:01:16] See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the
[00:01:21] time because the days are evil.
[00:01:23] Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is, and do not
[00:01:27] be drunk with wine in which is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit.
[00:01:33] Speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making
[00:01:37] melody in your heart to the Lord.
[00:01:39] Giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord
[00:01:42] Jesus Christ.
[00:01:44] Submitting to one another in the fear of God.
[00:01:47] Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.
[00:01:50] For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church, and
[00:01:54] he is the savior of the body.
[00:01:56] Therefore just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their
[00:02:00] own husbands and everything.
[00:02:02] Husbands love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave
[00:02:06] himself for her, that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of
[00:02:10] water by the word, that he might present her to himself a glorious church,
[00:02:15] not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy
[00:02:19] and without blemish.
[00:02:21] So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies.
[00:02:24] He who loves his wife loves himself.
[00:02:26] For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the
[00:02:30] Lord does the church.
[00:02:32] For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
[00:02:37] For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his
[00:02:40] wife and the two shall become one flesh.
[00:02:43] This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
[00:02:48] Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as
[00:02:51] himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
[00:02:56] Lord thank you for your word, thank you for your truth, thank you for your
[00:03:01] presence.
[00:03:02] Holy Spirit preside over this time.
[00:03:05] Be with us as we hear and as we learn as we listen.
[00:03:09] Use this time Lord for your glory and for our edification.
[00:03:14] Strengthen our spirits, strengthen our souls, strengthen our faith.
[00:03:18] Give us the nourishment that we need from your word Lord and help us to come
[00:03:22] into line with your will.
[00:03:24] Let families be restored and strengthened and more committed Lord to you
[00:03:31] and to each other.
[00:03:32] We pray Lord for the raising up of godly children in this generation.
[00:03:36] We pray that you would establish a hedge of protection around the children
[00:03:40] who are being raised in the way that they should go.
[00:03:43] They would bless parents with seeing the fruit of their labor as they endeavor
[00:03:49] for their children to walk with you in increasingly difficult times.
[00:03:53] Lord we pray that you would make a way for their education, for their faith
[00:03:59] to be matured and for them to exceed their parents in the faith.
[00:04:03] Lord I pray this for my children too.
[00:04:05] May they be more powerful and mighty for you than I could ever be.
[00:04:10] Establish them, strengthen them, set them on a firm foundation.
[00:04:14] Give me wisdom and discernment to know how to lead them in the way that they should go.
[00:04:20] Help them to have their first instinct be to look to you, to seek your will,
[00:04:25] to seek your word, to pray, to pursue you Lord with all their hearts.
[00:04:31] Don't let them get discouraged God.
[00:04:33] Help them.
[00:04:34] Help them to know that you are present and with them and for them.
[00:04:40] In Jesus we pray that you would strengthen them amidst any trials that they encounter.
[00:04:45] God we love you, we bless you and we enter your courts with thanksgiving
[00:04:50] and we enter your gates with praise.
[00:04:53] Holy Spirit be magnified and glorified in this time.
[00:04:56] In Jesus name, amen.
[00:04:59] Before I jump into these passages from Ephesians 5
[00:05:04] I want to provide some context about why I tend to read longer portions of Scripture.
[00:05:12] Ultimately, I think that a lot of the teaching that gets done in the Christian church these days
[00:05:19] while it can be tremendously edifying in a variety of different contexts
[00:05:24] sometimes people miss the surrounding verses.
[00:05:28] When we take things and we preach about them,
[00:05:32] when we speak about them, when we try to elucidate them
[00:05:36] and when we try to give exegesis of them
[00:05:39] the Bible needs to be taken in the fullness of its context.
[00:05:44] And so I'm intending about talking through the relationship between husband and wife today
[00:05:51] but if we don't hear the run-up to what Paul is providing
[00:05:55] through the guidance of the Holy Spirit to the church at Ephesus
[00:05:59] then we may miss something that can help us be informed about this.
[00:06:04] And it may be the case that someone listening hasn't gone through this chapter in full in a while.
[00:06:09] Maybe they've heard some verses from it or are familiar with things from memory
[00:06:13] but the full context of Scripture is extremely helpful.
[00:06:18] Now, we don't have the bandwidth on this program
[00:06:21] nor have I been called to or unqualified for a verse by verse formal teaching
[00:06:28] of all of the implications of these things.
[00:06:31] There are churches who do that and praise God for them.
[00:06:34] I pray that the Lord would lead you, all of our listeners to a Bible believing church
[00:06:40] that stands firm on the truth of the Lord
[00:06:43] because that is absolutely what is necessary in these days
[00:06:46] regardless of the surrounding milieu that we find ourselves in.
[00:06:50] We must follow the Lord.
[00:06:52] That call is always urgent and particularly so now.
[00:06:56] And I also don't know if the Holy Spirit will quicken something in someone
[00:07:02] that isn't part of the main text that I want to speak about
[00:07:07] that's on my heart today.
[00:07:08] There might be something else in those verses.
[00:07:11] There might be something the Holy Spirit wants to bring to mind
[00:07:14] and so I don't want to restrict the landscape of what the Holy Spirit can accomplish
[00:07:21] because the entire Scripture, all Scripture is worthwhile
[00:07:25] for teaching, for edification and for helping us.
[00:07:30] These words should be comforting.
[00:07:33] Even if they're challenging, they should be comforting.
[00:07:35] Comforting in that we have a specific guideline that we can establish
[00:07:42] even if we don't yet totally understand how this comes into play
[00:07:48] and what the parameters are day in, day out in every single decision
[00:07:52] just knowing that we have guidance
[00:07:55] knowing that we have a plumb line, knowing that there is a measurement standard
[00:07:59] knowing that there is something for us to look at and aspire towards
[00:08:03] is extraordinarily helpful for us because if we're in a situation
[00:08:08] where we don't even know if there is something to pursue
[00:08:11] if we don't even know if there is a true north
[00:08:15] and so we're just fumbling about blindly
[00:08:17] that kind of state is even worse in many ways
[00:08:21] than us realizing that there is a standard and that we have fallen short of it.
[00:08:26] It's in fact that realization that we have failed to live up
[00:08:30] to God's standard of morality, God's perfect holiness
[00:08:33] that invites in our hearts through the calling of God
[00:08:37] this awakening of a knowledge of a need for a Savior
[00:08:42] and it motivates us to look upon Jesus
[00:08:45] and to see what he has accomplished on the cross
[00:08:48] and to commit our lives and entrust our souls to him
[00:08:52] because if you're a Christian, dear brothers and sisters
[00:08:56] then you are saying that on judgment day
[00:09:00] you will stand before God and the only thing
[00:09:04] that will allow you to be saved to the uttermost
[00:09:09] is your faith and confidence in Jesus Christ.
[00:09:12] We will not stand before God and say look at what we did
[00:09:16] we will stand before God and say look at what Jesus has accomplished
[00:09:20] he has done this on my behalf
[00:09:23] and I surrender everything to him
[00:09:26] and I pray that you would do the same.
[00:09:30] Think about the consequences of this decision.
[00:09:33] There will come a day at a certain point.
[00:09:37] Most of us will not see this in our flesh on this side of eternity
[00:09:44] but there will be a judgment day where every knee will bow
[00:09:48] every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord
[00:09:51] and the time for us to make this commitment is here and now
[00:09:56] because if you've never really thought about this
[00:09:58] because it seems so far off, it seems so foreign
[00:10:01] it seems so challenging
[00:10:03] I don't blame you because we don't know what the exact picture of this will be
[00:10:09] of the great white throne judgment.
[00:10:11] We don't know what will transpire between now and then exactly.
[00:10:16] It's impossible I think strictly speaking for us to picture it in our minds
[00:10:20] and yet it is a worthwhile enterprise to understand that we will come face to face
[00:10:28] with the holy God and that the only thing that we can do
[00:10:33] is plead the blood of Jesus understanding
[00:10:36] that it glorifies God to see the sacrifice of Jesus treated appropriately
[00:10:45] and appropriated.
[00:10:46] Think about this.
[00:10:48] Let's say you are a judge in a courtroom
[00:10:52] and you are earnestly seeking to provide leniency for someone who you love
[00:11:02] who is guilty
[00:11:03] and you love them deeply but justice must be served
[00:11:07] and so instead of handing down the punishment to them
[00:11:12] you hand the punishment down to your own son
[00:11:18] and you say I love this person so much that I would rather punish my own son
[00:11:27] and here the metaphor breaks down slightly just as an aside
[00:11:31] we don't want to say in the theology of the atonement that the cross was
[00:11:37] punishment for Jesus.
[00:11:39] Jesus was voluntarily taking our place to die the death that we should have died.
[00:11:46] We do want to say that he underwent the wrath of God
[00:11:50] because there is demanded by the justice of God himself
[00:11:57] that guilt not go unpunished but Christ took that punishment for us
[00:12:04] and God says that we can be pardoned
[00:12:09] and don't imagine your God imagine you're back in the seat as the judge.
[00:12:14] There is someone who you love who is guilty
[00:12:17] who is on trial and has been pronounced guilty
[00:12:21] and you say justice must be done
[00:12:24] and so I will meet out this justice and I will meet it out on someone else
[00:12:28] instead of upon you this person who I love.
[00:12:32] All you have to do is accept this pardon.
[00:12:37] Do you want this pardon?
[00:12:39] Do you trust that the one who I have declared guilty instead of you
[00:12:45] is the one who has saved you
[00:12:48] and imagine that this person who you love family member friend colleague
[00:12:53] says no, no I don't accept that pardon.
[00:12:59] I don't accept that restoration of right order.
[00:13:04] I have a variety of different objection of objections to it
[00:13:08] and I just don't accept it.
[00:13:11] How would that grieve your heart?
[00:13:15] How would that grieve your very soul that you have done everything
[00:13:22] to provide away for this person who you love to be restored and to be declared free?
[00:13:29] Now think about the glory.
[00:13:33] It then gives God to extend this incredible blessing of salvation.
[00:13:42] Think about what it means when God sees you on the great day of judgment
[00:13:52] on the great white throne and he looks at you and you say
[00:13:59] I have nothing to plead but the blood of Jesus.
[00:14:03] It brings glory to Jesus.
[00:14:06] It does say in Scripture that even the righteous are scarcely saved
[00:14:11] to emphasize the distinction between works and faith.
[00:14:15] But our salvation is to the glory of God.
[00:14:20] It's not as if God begrudgingly lets us in because of this loophole.
[00:14:26] He has created a way that gives him tremendous, tremendous infinite glory
[00:14:34] and it gives Jesus glory and it's something that we are created to participate in.
[00:14:40] It's something that it's almost essentially impossible to express.
[00:14:47] But even if we try to wrap our minds around it,
[00:14:49] we should hopefully endeavor to make sure that we understand the gravitas of this,
[00:14:57] that eternal consequences are eternal consequences,
[00:15:01] that all of this matters, that the decisions that we make matter
[00:15:06] and that they will have these eternal ramifications.
[00:15:10] So if you don't know Jesus as your Savior already,
[00:15:14] there's no other order of business that is more important.
[00:15:18] There's no self-help book, there's no lecture, there's no talk,
[00:15:23] there's no other piece of knowledge more important than the personal knowledge
[00:15:28] of Jesus as your Lord and Savior.
[00:15:31] He died to pay the price for you,
[00:15:35] he extends out his nail-pierced hands with love
[00:15:39] and invites you into an eternity of being in the right place,
[00:15:44] being where you were created to be,
[00:15:47] in an ever-expanding, ever-increasing joy of fellowship with your Creator
[00:15:53] who is infinitely powerful, infinitely loving
[00:15:57] and knows everything about you already.
[00:15:59] So please come to him today, cry out to Jesus
[00:16:03] and believe in the power of his name,
[00:16:06] in his name alone that we must be saved.
[00:16:10] And when we profess our faith in him,
[00:16:12] when we declare that he is our Lord and our Savior,
[00:16:16] when our faith is established,
[00:16:18] then we will be saved as the Bible suggests.
[00:16:22] Not just suggest, that's to put it a little too lightly.
[00:16:25] Intensely teaches with the fullness of God's declaration
[00:16:30] that can never be broken throughout all of eternity.
[00:16:33] It's not just a suggestion,
[00:16:35] it is the most important decision that you can and will ever make.
[00:16:40] The most important decision potentially that could ever be made
[00:16:45] on our side from our standpoint.
[00:16:48] So let us follow the Lord into that
[00:16:51] and we will then think about what the ramifications are.
[00:16:56] As we join in this family of God,
[00:17:01] this great mystery that Paul speaks of,
[00:17:04] the mystery concerning Christ and the church,
[00:17:07] how we are part of the body of Christ and how that works.
[00:17:12] And there are points at which the analogy breaks down
[00:17:17] in the literal sense, the physical sense.
[00:17:21] And so we don't want to press this analogy too far.
[00:17:25] But what we can say is that God has a very special place
[00:17:31] in his heart and in his plans for his family
[00:17:35] and he has a specific design for it.
[00:17:37] And what we understand as right conduct based on the spirit of the age
[00:17:44] may be out of alignment with what the Lord is speaking.
[00:17:48] So I want to walk through the ending verses in Ephesians 5 again
[00:17:55] and first we'll make the commonplace observation
[00:17:58] that these verses feel very out of touch
[00:18:03] with the seemingly majority opinion of Western society.
[00:18:12] So when we read in verse 22 and following why I've submit
[00:18:16] to your own husbands as to the Lord for the husband
[00:18:18] is head of the wife as also Christ's head of the church
[00:18:21] and he is savior of the body.
[00:18:22] Therefore just as the church is subject to Christ,
[00:18:25] so let the wives be there be to their own husbands
[00:18:28] and everything that chafes many people.
[00:18:32] It rubs them the wrong way certainly.
[00:18:35] But we do have to understand what this looks like.
[00:18:39] If someone comes from a home where their father
[00:18:44] was very domineering and abusive and in control
[00:18:49] and had to have his way in every single thing,
[00:18:53] then these verses are going to create imagery
[00:18:58] and bring up memories that are painful
[00:19:02] and it's not surprising in those contexts
[00:19:05] to see people rebelling against those.
[00:19:08] And so it's important for there to be good teaching
[00:19:11] about what these verses actually mean.
[00:19:15] So there's been plenty of inks spilled,
[00:19:19] plenty of keyboards worn down in service to this idea
[00:19:22] of what does it mean to submit?
[00:19:25] What does it mean for the husband to have headship?
[00:19:29] Does that mean that the husband is standing
[00:19:33] in the place of God and has that entire authority,
[00:19:36] etc., etc.
[00:19:37] And the answer is yes and no because the husbands
[00:19:43] have a role to fulfill that is outlined in the subsequent verses
[00:19:47] which don't get talked about quite as much
[00:19:50] because they're not as abrasive
[00:19:53] with the current lens of culture.
[00:19:55] In verse 25, and these passages have to be taken together.
[00:19:59] They can't be taken individually.
[00:20:01] Husbands love your wives just as Christ also loved
[00:20:04] the church and gave himself for her
[00:20:07] that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing
[00:20:09] of water by the word,
[00:20:11] that he might present her to himself a glorious church
[00:20:14] not having spotter wrinkle or any such thing
[00:20:16] but that she should be holy and without blemish.
[00:20:19] So husbands, what does it say about us
[00:20:23] and our leadership if we are not serving
[00:20:27] the way that Jesus served his church?
[00:20:31] How many things has Jesus done for his church?
[00:20:34] How many things has he done for you today?
[00:20:37] Your breathing, you can hear this message.
[00:20:40] You are awake.
[00:20:41] You are alive.
[00:20:43] Jesus has done thousands of things for you today
[00:20:47] and most of them go unnoticed
[00:20:49] because they're part of what God provides for us every day
[00:20:53] and it's one of those aspects of our nature
[00:20:56] that once we get familiar with something
[00:20:58] it becomes the normal and we acclimate to it
[00:21:00] and we just adjust and that could be as inclusive
[00:21:04] as taking every single breath that the Lord gives us
[00:21:07] every single heartbeat, every single time
[00:21:10] when our cells divide if there aren't harmful mutations
[00:21:14] in the process of mitosis.
[00:21:16] Think about that.
[00:21:17] Now we're talking about billions and billions
[00:21:20] and billions of individual quote-unquote things
[00:21:22] that Jesus is doing for us
[00:21:25] and regardless of the forensic accounting of all this
[00:21:29] just think about how Jesus serves us all the time.
[00:21:33] He is our high priest.
[00:21:35] He intercedes on our behalf.
[00:21:38] He has opened up a way for us to come to him in prayer.
[00:21:42] He has told us to ask and we will receive.
[00:21:45] He has given everything.
[00:21:46] He gave his own life for us.
[00:21:51] He gave up the state of eternality
[00:21:56] that he had to be incarnated for us.
[00:21:59] He humbled himself.
[00:22:01] He took joy in going to the cross
[00:22:04] even in the anticipatory agony of it all.
[00:22:08] He did it for the joy that was set before him.
[00:22:11] He knows you.
[00:22:11] He loves you and he serves you
[00:22:16] and it should be stupefying that that is the case
[00:22:19] but he is exemplifying the kind of love
[00:22:22] that we are to show.
[00:22:25] And I can tell you, husbands,
[00:22:27] that as you endeavor to be led by the Holy Spirit
[00:22:31] into that approach to being the head
[00:22:34] and taking on the responsibility
[00:22:37] where everyone else comes first before you
[00:22:41] not just, oh, I get my way in this because I'm in charge
[00:22:44] according to the hierarchy here
[00:22:46] but that I'm going to lead the way that Jesus led
[00:22:51] to the extent that it's possible
[00:22:53] only by the power of the Holy Spirit.
[00:22:56] When you ordain that
[00:22:59] as opposed to simply speaking a pronouncement
[00:23:02] of verse 22,
[00:23:04] why submit to your husbands over your household
[00:23:06] then the right order of God will take place.
[00:23:10] Jesus didn't demand that everyone follow him
[00:23:16] when he was not in this place of perfectly loving everyone else.
[00:23:23] He was saying, come to me, you who are weary,
[00:23:27] come to me and be at rest.
[00:23:31] My yoke is easy.
[00:23:33] My burden is light.
[00:23:34] And so when we think about this,
[00:23:38] we have to think about as husbands,
[00:23:41] are we doing the same for wives?
[00:23:44] Obviously, Jesus is in a different position than us
[00:23:47] but are the lives of our wives easier
[00:23:54] when we come home or are they harder?
[00:23:58] Do our wives eagerly anticipate us being involved with things
[00:24:04] or do they prefer us to just stay away?
[00:24:08] Do they want to see us or not?
[00:24:11] If you went to your wife right now and said,
[00:24:16] hey, we need to talk about something,
[00:24:18] what would their reaction be?
[00:24:20] If you had to make a decision
[00:24:23] that you thought was important for the family,
[00:24:26] how would you do it?
[00:24:28] How would you follow all of these steps?
[00:24:32] How would you rightly appropriate these verses?
[00:24:36] How would you lead?
[00:24:39] If you asked the dozen people who know you the best,
[00:24:45] would they say that you are actively loving your wife
[00:24:51] the way that Christ loved the church?
[00:24:54] Is that your reputation?
[00:24:57] That's not everything that matters.
[00:24:59] God knows the truth and if there are misapprehensions
[00:25:02] about your reputation and the way that you handle
[00:25:05] your affairs in your household, that's one thing.
[00:25:08] But is that what you are known for?
[00:25:12] For being a husband who serves,
[00:25:13] a husband who provides,
[00:25:15] a husband who leads properly.
[00:25:18] Now, this is one of those balancing acts
[00:25:21] that we need the Holy Spirit for.
[00:25:23] Sometimes discipline, sometimes leadership
[00:25:26] needs to be more definitive, more declarative,
[00:25:31] more forthright, and other times it needs to be
[00:25:35] more empathetic, more loving.
[00:25:38] And both of these things can be true simultaneously.
[00:25:42] You can't just speak one tactic into every single situation
[00:25:49] because serving someone and loving them
[00:25:51] is going to look a lot different
[00:25:54] if you are preparing to entertain house guests
[00:25:58] versus if you see a serious problem
[00:26:01] that is coming your way and need to head it off.
[00:26:05] Now, for those of you who think that entertaining house guests
[00:26:08] is a serious problem coming your way,
[00:26:10] fair enough, I hear you.
[00:26:12] I think we've all been there to one degree or another
[00:26:16] but then the question would be
[00:26:18] how can we look at that situation
[00:26:20] and how can the grace of God be extended to us
[00:26:24] to change our attitudes or to change the circumstances
[00:26:27] so that that's not the case?
[00:26:29] Another brief aside, because we've all been there,
[00:26:32] that's for sure.
[00:26:33] So, husbands, I have a question for you.
[00:26:37] Do you know when the right time is to bring up
[00:26:42] something with your wife?
[00:26:44] Something that you've noticed that you think
[00:26:48] it would be better for everyone
[00:26:49] if a particular behavior changed
[00:26:52] or you want to do something
[00:26:56] and you want to make sure everybody's on board,
[00:26:58] et cetera, et cetera.
[00:27:00] Do you know when the best time is?
[00:27:02] I don't.
[00:27:03] I'm asking you.
[00:27:04] Have you thought about it?
[00:27:06] Have you thought about the idea that your ideas
[00:27:11] will be taken with a different perspective
[00:27:16] depending on a variety of different factors,
[00:27:19] many of which we don't necessarily pay attention to?
[00:27:24] In the past, I have felt like,
[00:27:27] okay, there's a problem.
[00:27:29] We need to deal with it.
[00:27:30] It needs to get handled right now.
[00:27:32] That is what will make me feel like we're making progress
[00:27:34] towards a problem.
[00:27:36] And I've learned over many years
[00:27:39] and plenty of you have been married longer than I have been
[00:27:43] and you can give me advice on this topic as well.
[00:27:46] I have found that it is absolutely to my benefit
[00:27:51] to bring things up at an appropriate time.
[00:27:55] And what I do these days is I have a tendency to avoid
[00:28:01] worrying about when is the right time to bring it up too much.
[00:28:06] You know how in the Bible it talks about
[00:28:08] there being an appointed time?
[00:28:11] And this is not just for the sake of prophetic fulfillment.
[00:28:15] This is for the sake of miracles that Jesus performs
[00:28:18] in his ministry, other specific aspects
[00:28:22] that are confirmed in Scripture.
[00:28:24] But the idea is that God can provide these appointed times
[00:28:28] and that should move us to say,
[00:28:31] Holy Spirit help me to recognize when the appointed time
[00:28:35] for this particular issue is.
[00:28:37] I would then say that if you're paying attention to something
[00:28:41] and something keeps on coming up spontaneously
[00:28:45] and it gets past this first check that it's not like
[00:28:49] a fiery dart from the enemy that's trying to distract you
[00:28:53] or throw you off or things like that.
[00:28:55] Sometimes things need to get done.
[00:28:58] Sometimes things need to change or be adjusted.
[00:29:02] And sometimes the way that the enemy will try to circumvent
[00:29:05] that is by throwing enough of those fiery darts at us
[00:29:09] that we approach things from the wrong perspective.
[00:29:12] And you likely know how this feels when you are approached
[00:29:16] with something and it's like, this is a huge deal
[00:29:18] and you had no idea that it was that feels dislocating.
[00:29:22] It feels strange.
[00:29:25] It feels like there's now distance between you and your spouse
[00:29:30] because if there was something going on that was this huge deal
[00:29:34] and you had no idea about it, then yeah,
[00:29:37] you're not of the same mind.
[00:29:39] You're not truly in every single way as one flesh
[00:29:44] as Ephesians suggests we need to be calling back
[00:29:48] the very beginning of Scripture in Genesis.
[00:29:51] And so when these things get brought up, we can use this idea
[00:29:57] of okay, this has occurred to me several times.
[00:29:58] It's clearly something that needs to be addressed.
[00:30:00] That can be separate from okay, when is the best choice
[00:30:06] to address this?
[00:30:07] When is the appointed time to bring something up,
[00:30:10] whether it's large or small?
[00:30:12] Now if it's an immediate danger thing,
[00:30:15] if it's something that requires addressing immediately,
[00:30:18] there will be an urgency about it.
[00:30:19] If we have a sound mind and sober judgment to say,
[00:30:23] okay, let's get this handled right here and right now.
[00:30:26] But gentlemen, husbands, we all know that there are times
[00:30:31] when it is best not to bring anything else up.
[00:30:34] These are times of emotional distress
[00:30:38] or other sort of situations where piling on,
[00:30:43] even if you can solve the problem,
[00:30:44] is not communicating to your wife,
[00:30:48] your emotional sensitivity and presentness to her situation,
[00:30:52] which we are commanded to serve by the way.
[00:30:55] We are commanded to understand and to serve someone
[00:30:59] whose thought patterns, whose spiritual patterns
[00:31:03] don't perfectly align with our own.
[00:31:05] They have different skills, different interests
[00:31:08] and different perspectives on things.
[00:31:11] In any given circumstance, our gradation of
[00:31:15] what are the most important things on our plate today
[00:31:19] or tomorrow, our priorities are going to be different.
[00:31:22] Now God willing, they're going to be aligned
[00:31:24] at the topmost level that we want to serve God,
[00:31:27] we want to serve at each other,
[00:31:29] we want to serve our children
[00:31:30] and the rest of our household,
[00:31:32] we want to fulfill our callings,
[00:31:33] we want to proceed further and grow in the faith.
[00:31:36] All of these things, all of these are good things.
[00:31:39] But we all know that usually our day-to-day to-do list
[00:31:42] and other aspects take a place of priority in our minds,
[00:31:48] where in some cases they can even push
[00:31:51] these bigger picture higher priorities to the back burner
[00:31:55] because there's a specific deadline
[00:31:57] about a decision that has to get made.
[00:31:59] There's a specific pressure that's being brought to bear.
[00:32:02] And that is a challenge for us.
[00:32:05] And I do somewhat apologize for speaking in generalities.
[00:32:09] I want to avoid a misstep where I provide advice
[00:32:15] that is overly specific
[00:32:16] that doesn't apply to someone's situation.
[00:32:18] The last thing I want to do is get you into trouble.
[00:32:21] I just want to point out that we are supposed to serve
[00:32:25] our wives and love our wives as Christ loved the church.
[00:32:28] Now, I can speak for myself
[00:32:30] and I'm pretty sure I can speak for everyone else
[00:32:32] if we're being honest that we have not lived up to that standard.
[00:32:36] And I would say husbands, gentlemen, brothers,
[00:32:41] could we take one step closer to that standard
[00:32:45] whether it's listening to our wives
[00:32:48] when they have something to bring to us
[00:32:51] and just being there to understand and feel
[00:32:56] like we are paying attention to them,
[00:32:58] that they are valuable and validated.
[00:33:01] If we're supposed to love Christ the way that...
[00:33:04] We are supposed to love Christ, obviously.
[00:33:07] But if we're supposed to love our wives
[00:33:09] the way that Christ loved the church,
[00:33:11] Jesus hears our prayers all the time.
[00:33:13] Can't we hear our wives when they want to speak to us?
[00:33:17] And sometimes this is difficult for us
[00:33:19] because if it was something big,
[00:33:22] you know, your wife comes in, there's been an accident,
[00:33:24] there's something wrong at home, immediate attention.
[00:33:28] Big problem, we're right there.
[00:33:29] But if it's for the dozen time,
[00:33:33] some little thing that's going on,
[00:33:35] some nagging issue that shouldn't in your mind be a problem at all,
[00:33:41] wouldn't we want Jesus to hear us out on those sorts of things too?
[00:33:45] And he does.
[00:33:46] He absolutely does.
[00:33:47] He hears about every single aspect of our lives.
[00:33:50] Then we need to pray that the Holy Spirit
[00:33:53] would give us the same attitude towards our wives.
[00:33:56] And this is not to say that we shouldn't be able
[00:34:01] to speak a word into a situation,
[00:34:03] but that if our words are few,
[00:34:06] but direct and purposeful and God oriented and stabilizing,
[00:34:12] then that will create a situation in the home
[00:34:16] where there is a greater degree of security,
[00:34:20] a greater degree of comfort,
[00:34:22] and a greater degree of peace.
[00:34:24] How often does Jesus escalate with us?
[00:34:29] In terms of if we're angry and we're coming to him,
[00:34:32] we're upset.
[00:34:33] How often does Jesus go over the top with his anger
[00:34:38] as a way of retaliating?
[00:34:40] I'm going to go out on a limb and say, never.
[00:34:42] Now, in certain cases, God had stern words for people
[00:34:47] when Job challenged God, God challenged Job right back.
[00:34:50] But in all that, God said that Job didn't err a sin
[00:34:55] in what he did even in the times when he was questioning God.
[00:34:59] So God is willing and able and ready to endure us questioning him
[00:35:06] or us bringing things to him that we might perceive as small.
[00:35:11] God doesn't perceive anything as small.
[00:35:13] Everything has consequences.
[00:35:14] Everything matters.
[00:35:16] Everything has a purpose.
[00:35:19] But shouldn't we be trying to do so even to some degree,
[00:35:23] even to a limited degree to the extent that we're able
[00:35:26] through the power of the Holy Spirit?
[00:35:27] Shouldn't we treat our wives the same way
[00:35:30] when they have small things to bring to us?
[00:35:32] Like I said, it's easier for us to imagine us behaving properly
[00:35:37] when there's some kind of emergency
[00:35:39] or something rises to the occasion.
[00:35:41] But it's also easy for us to feel like, oh, you know,
[00:35:45] I don't need to be bothered with this,
[00:35:47] that or the other thing when we perceive it is not rising
[00:35:50] to that level.
[00:35:51] But, you know, ultimately, if we're to be a priest in our home,
[00:35:56] the priest has to be concerned with every single aspect,
[00:36:00] not to the point of literally micromanaging every single
[00:36:05] thought, every single thing and bringing things into some
[00:36:09] line of created order by force of our own will,
[00:36:14] but rather to create a space where people feel confident
[00:36:18] and secure so that they can explore,
[00:36:20] so that they can pursue God,
[00:36:22] so that they can become the best versions
[00:36:25] of who God has created them to be.
[00:36:27] And so we know that we're not going to get there
[00:36:31] as husbands by our own strength alone.
[00:36:35] For the vast majority of us, myself included,
[00:36:38] it's not in our disposition.
[00:36:39] It's not in our carnal nature.
[00:36:41] It's not built into our character, this ideal set of frameworks.
[00:36:46] I get frustrated as much as anyone in various instances
[00:36:51] where I'm like really, like, this is what we're dealing
[00:36:54] with again, haven't we had the same conversation,
[00:36:56] et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
[00:36:58] And those things, those reactions need to be subjugated
[00:37:03] to this idea, to this scripture that we have
[00:37:06] to love our wives the way that Christ loved the church.
[00:37:12] In order to be the head of the church,
[00:37:17] Jesus showed himself worthy of that.
[00:37:20] He was always worthy of it, but he showed himself
[00:37:23] in that role by laying down his life totally
[00:37:28] by giving everything of himself,
[00:37:32] of being a servant as leader.
[00:37:35] And it's this idea that because of Jesus
[00:37:41] has the supernatural power to transform the world.
[00:37:45] And I'm not being melodramatic or hyperbolic in this.
[00:37:50] This notion of servant leadership is how we will see
[00:37:58] the kingdom of God expanded.
[00:38:00] And if we are not modeling this in our own homes,
[00:38:04] or at least attempting to, if we're attempting and trying
[00:38:07] and failing and repenting and going back to Jesus
[00:38:10] and saying, Lord, I need help with this.
[00:38:12] I need help with this.
[00:38:13] It's a battle.
[00:38:14] I need help.
[00:38:15] Strengthen me, Holy Spirit.
[00:38:17] If we're not trying to do this, then how could we possibly
[00:38:20] expect to stumble into a situation where our households
[00:38:24] are properly ordered?
[00:38:25] We see the power of God at work.
[00:38:27] We have testimonies of the Holy Spirit acting in our midst
[00:38:30] all the time, and we just see these things our own lives.
[00:38:33] We need to get into this virtuous cycle of earnestly
[00:38:38] pursuing this in our relationship with Christ.
[00:38:42] And even if our wives are not on board with, you know,
[00:38:49] every single aspect of what this means and what the
[00:38:51] family is going to look like and everything else like that,
[00:38:54] we have to take the initiative.
[00:38:56] We can't just wait around sitting and praying that
[00:38:59] something is going to happen.
[00:39:00] We have to pray with purpose.
[00:39:02] We have to follow through.
[00:39:03] We have to say, God, I want your vision.
[00:39:06] I want your purpose and your will to be established in my
[00:39:10] house.
[00:39:11] And then the Lord will say, OK, well, here are some things
[00:39:14] that you need to do.
[00:39:15] The Holy Spirit will bring these to your attention and
[00:39:18] we immediately will have a difficult choice to be saying,
[00:39:21] you know, I really would not rather do that.
[00:39:24] And it's though that choice won't come in a moment
[00:39:28] where God calls out to us and says, change your ways
[00:39:32] and we say, no, we just defiantly say no.
[00:39:34] But there will come a time pretty soon after we pray those
[00:39:38] types of prayers that something will be brought to us,
[00:39:41] typically by our wife and we will have a choice to modify
[00:39:47] our behavior to show that we are earnest about pursuing
[00:39:51] the Lord in this goal of servant leadership.
[00:39:54] Jesus, show me what to do here.
[00:39:56] Holy Spirit, lead me in the way I should go or we can go
[00:40:00] to our default status quo behavior and we won't see
[00:40:04] the kind of transformation that we want.
[00:40:06] So husbands, take the initiative here.
[00:40:09] Take the initiative to read these verses carefully to
[00:40:13] think through the other connections to scripture
[00:40:16] about what this means in your home and ask the Holy
[00:40:20] Spirit to search your heart.
[00:40:21] Ask the Holy Spirit earnestly to say, God, I need to
[00:40:26] change.
[00:40:28] I want this for my home.
[00:40:30] I want my home to be a secure place, a place where your
[00:40:33] Holy Spirit lives, a place where there is peace, a place
[00:40:39] where there is order, a place where there is love.
[00:40:42] And I know that if I am to be the biblical head of
[00:40:45] household that I'm called to be, it is my primary
[00:40:48] responsibility to bring my house into that state.
[00:40:54] And the way I'll do that is by following the guidance
[00:40:57] of Holy Spirit of digging into the scriptures here.
[00:41:01] Now understand this and understand this from scripture
[00:41:05] that the wife is a reflection of her husband in the
[00:41:11] way that Jesus is spoken of as wanting to present
[00:41:17] his bride to himself, a glorious church, not having
[00:41:20] spot or wrinkler, any such thing, but that she should
[00:41:22] be holy and without blemish.
[00:41:25] So husbands, if we're in a situation where there's
[00:41:30] something wayward in our house, that is our
[00:41:33] responsibility not to be domineering but to understand
[00:41:39] the principles of scripture to communicate effectively
[00:41:43] and to show servant leadership that is deserving
[00:41:47] of being followed.
[00:41:49] Jesus is worthy of our adoration.
[00:41:51] He is worthy of our obedience.
[00:41:53] He's worthy of being followed.
[00:41:55] His perfect love has given us more than we could ever
[00:41:58] ask for in terms of a justification for him deserving
[00:42:04] our obedience and our loyalty and our fealty and
[00:42:07] are following him.
[00:42:10] Most of my self included are in a position to say
[00:42:13] that I have not lived up to that standard in the
[00:42:17] case of my marriage, but it is incumbent upon me to
[00:42:21] endeavor to move in that direction and to depend
[00:42:25] on the Holy Spirit on the power of the word of God
[00:42:28] to transform me from image to image and glory to glory.
[00:42:32] So husbands, can we all take a step in that
[00:42:35] direction in the direction of servant leadership
[00:42:38] in the next conversation that we have?
[00:42:40] We will be given a choice.
[00:42:42] You will absolutely be given a choice and the
[00:42:44] Holy Spirit I pray will open your eyes to it.
[00:42:47] You can go one way or the other.
[00:42:48] One way leads to leads to a greater establishment of
[00:42:53] servant leadership, a greater establishment of the
[00:42:55] foundation of your home built upon Jesus and the
[00:42:58] other way leads to places that are not that and
[00:43:02] we should stay away from those places.
[00:43:04] We're only going to be able to do it by the power
[00:43:06] of God and by the leading of the Holy Spirit.
[00:43:09] So let's open our eyes, open our ears, let's study
[00:43:12] the word and let's allow the Lord to teach us
[00:43:15] what it means to be in this position of servant
[00:43:19] leadership. God, you have ordained a role for the
[00:43:24] husband. You've ordained a role for the wife and
[00:43:27] you have constructed something that is perfect
[00:43:30] when it is aligned with your word with your principles.
[00:43:33] We declare God that you are holy and righteous
[00:43:36] and true and Holy Spirit.
[00:43:38] We welcome you and we invite you to be a fruitful
[00:43:42] part of these conversations.
[00:43:44] Lord, help us to figure out what this means and what
[00:43:46] it looks like in our own lives.
[00:43:48] We have had so many examples of bad relationships
[00:43:52] or bad teaching on this or a bad reflection from
[00:43:56] the culture. Lord, we want it to be you.
[00:43:59] We wanted to be your vision and not our own.
[00:44:02] We want it to be your purpose and your will
[00:44:04] and not our own.
[00:44:05] So don't let us design something out of our
[00:44:08] own strength out of our own creativity out
[00:44:11] of our own mind.
[00:44:12] Let it be your word that is informing how we act
[00:44:16] and Holy Spirit, we need you every day on this.
[00:44:18] We need you in every conversation and every
[00:44:20] thought that we have.
[00:44:21] Help us, Holy Spirit, to take captives, a captive
[00:44:25] negative thoughts that would occur to us about
[00:44:27] our spouses.
[00:44:28] Help us to be servant leaders.
[00:44:31] Lord, you have to show us what that means
[00:44:33] in every situation because we all have different
[00:44:36] propensities, different foibles, different easily
[00:44:38] setting sins. Lord, show us where there is a problem
[00:44:42] in our homes and give us the patience and the
[00:44:44] wherewithal and the wisdom and the discernment
[00:44:47] to deal with it.
[00:44:48] Jesus, show us your love in this.
[00:44:50] And I pray that we would look back upon this
[00:44:52] conversation this time a year from now, two
[00:44:55] years from now, even even in two weeks from
[00:44:57] now and say, God, thank you for helping me
[00:45:00] with this.
[00:45:00] I feel like we're making progress.
[00:45:03] And then as that happens, Lord, help us to
[00:45:07] not be satisfied.
[00:45:08] Help us to want even more.
[00:45:10] You always have more for us.
[00:45:12] You never run out of things to provide for us.
[00:45:14] Your giftings never fail.
[00:45:15] Your mercy never fails.
[00:45:17] Your love never fails.
[00:45:18] Lord, help us to want more and more from you
[00:45:21] and more and more in our own relationships.
[00:45:24] Lord, as we see the fruit of your Holy Spirit,
[00:45:27] the fruit of the godliness that you will
[00:45:29] bring into our houses, help us to become
[00:45:31] more thirsty for it, help us to become
[00:45:33] more dependent on it.
[00:45:35] Lord, help us to empty ourselves so that you
[00:45:37] can fill us in our homes and our relationships.
[00:45:40] God only you can do this and you receive the
[00:45:43] glory for it.
[00:45:44] It is not in our own strength or in our own
[00:45:46] power that we can accomplish this, but you
[00:45:48] Lord can accomplish anything.
[00:45:51] Help speak into the person's mind right now
[00:45:55] who thinks that this is impossible and remind
[00:45:57] them that you are the God of the impossible.
[00:46:00] You raise the dead.
[00:46:01] You create out of nothing.
[00:46:03] There is nothing impossible for you.
[00:46:05] Lord, to speak a word of encouragement to
[00:46:07] that person, Lord, who thinks it's too far
[00:46:09] gone.
[00:46:10] It's impossible.
[00:46:11] I'll never be in that position.
[00:46:12] My wife will never be in that position.
[00:46:14] Maybe they're even believing lies about you.
[00:46:16] Lord, they say God doesn't want me in that
[00:46:18] position or something like this, or I don't
[00:46:20] deserve to be in that position.
[00:46:22] God break all of these lies now in Jesus
[00:46:24] name and I pray that your Holy Spirit would
[00:46:26] bring healing and restoration and soundness
[00:46:29] of mind.
[00:46:30] Lord, speak your word over them that
[00:46:32] they are called that they are called by
[00:46:35] you by name.
[00:46:37] Holy Spirit, call them by name and speak
[00:46:40] into them the blessings that you have for
[00:46:42] their life.
[00:46:43] Tell them about the scriptures.
[00:46:46] Tell them about Job who was restored.
[00:46:49] Tell them about all the injury that was
[00:46:51] suffered by men and women of God only to
[00:46:53] see the Lord redeem the time the Lord
[00:46:55] to provide miraculous blessing the Lord to
[00:46:58] transform to the utter most and give them
[00:47:02] a vision of eternity that we are all
[00:47:04] aiming for consistent with the joy that
[00:47:06] was set before Jesus at the cross.
[00:47:08] God heal and bring about restoration in
[00:47:12] the lives of all of those listening
[00:47:14] today Lord, let this be a watershed
[00:47:17] moment in the lives of many households.
[00:47:19] Let this be a turning point like your
[00:47:21] will be established and speak these words
[00:47:24] of encouragement over them that you are
[00:47:27] the Lord and you will bless and you
[00:47:29] will redeem and it delights you to do so.
[00:47:32] Lord, so many are in a situation where
[00:47:34] they feel like they're not deserving or
[00:47:36] because of mishap, prehensions about your
[00:47:38] character.
[00:47:38] They believe that you are looking upon
[00:47:40] them with an evil eye Lord show them
[00:47:43] that you are not that you are looking
[00:47:45] upon them with love with an aching
[00:47:47] heart that wants to see them brought
[00:47:50] into greater relationship with you.
[00:47:52] Show them your outstretched arms.
[00:47:54] Show them your power.
[00:47:56] Holy Spirit show them your tenderness show
[00:47:58] up right now in their rooms in their
[00:48:00] hearts Lord in their minds with power
[00:48:04] and presence that is love and that
[00:48:07] abounds and that isn't just fleeting
[00:48:09] but that sticks give us something to
[00:48:12] aim for bless our marriages bless
[00:48:15] our decision making plus our communication
[00:48:18] give us abilities that we never even
[00:48:20] imagine that we could have Lord through
[00:48:23] the power of your Holy Spirit.
[00:48:25] We love you Jesus.
[00:48:26] We worship you.
[00:48:27] We praise you.
[00:48:27] We thank you for the victory that you
[00:48:29] have won through the power of your word.
[00:48:32] Let mighty victories be one in our
[00:48:34] households and our relationships and
[00:48:36] our marriages and Lord let us resemble
[00:48:39] you through your power and through your
[00:48:41] might as we endeavor to serve our
[00:48:43] wives and to serve your kingdom in
[00:48:46] Jesus name.
[00:48:47] Amen.