Raising Values: Cell Phones and Social Media

[00:00:00] Welcome to the Raising Values Podcast, where the traditional family talks.

[00:00:06] You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher, and Spotify, and be sure to follow us on Facebook

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[00:00:15] The Linguillian are behind the mic, and we hope you enjoy the show. Welcome back to Raisin values.

[00:00:31] Good morning.

[00:00:32] We're checking the weather in Clear Honor lungs.

[00:00:34] You know, it's cold and allergy season in South Louisiana.

[00:00:38] Yeah, everybody up in the North West is still getting snow down here.

[00:00:45] Our snow consists of pine and oak pollen

[00:00:47] and our cars are already yellow.

[00:00:49] And I heard the first homeowner to break

[00:00:52] the unspoken rule about not mowing your daggum lawn

[00:00:56] until I absolutely necessary

[00:00:58] because once one homeowner starts that nonsense,

[00:01:00] we are all emotionally obligated to mower lawns.

[00:01:03] I know, I had to talk you off the ledge yesterday.

[00:01:06] Like calm down?

[00:01:07] I was about to go hop offense and have a wear with them like bud.

[00:01:10] I mean, you can't have any more grass than I do in my yard.

[00:01:12] I don't know what you're mowing.

[00:01:14] Well, well, maybe they're just, it is kind of, I'm looking out the window right now.

[00:01:19] It is kind of like the weeds and everything are popping up like those little flowers and stuff which is

[00:01:27] totally fine with me. I explained to Piper yesterday. We were passing some, we were getting off the

[00:01:33] interstate and she goes, I just love those yellow flowers but I know that their weeds. I was like

[00:01:38] technically there's no such thing as a weed. I mean plants are plants. I mean grass, grass is a plant.

[00:01:42] I mean plants are plants. I mean grass is a plant.

[00:01:44] So anyway, I encourage it.

[00:01:47] I don't want to cut our yard yet.

[00:01:50] I think you should cut your yard until after the dandelion

[00:01:54] is finished blooming because those are one of the first

[00:01:59] flowers of spring and those are the ones that get bees

[00:02:03] and everything.

[00:02:04] Their energy back after the cold,

[00:02:06] but it's not yet Easter.

[00:02:08] So I think we're gonna have another cold snap before we.

[00:02:12] I'd be shocked if we did.

[00:02:14] Yeah, I don't think we need to know anything right now.

[00:02:16] Now the ants, the fire ants have come back with the vengeance.

[00:02:20] I've already started.

[00:02:21] That whole side of the coldest act is just a circle of ant piles.

[00:02:26] And they get bigger and bigger.

[00:02:28] Yeah.

[00:02:29] I know at the B's level, I love them.

[00:02:31] I am going to harvest some Nina said that the B's love

[00:02:35] the dandelions.

[00:02:36] I'm going to harvest some dandelions this year.

[00:02:40] I never did last year.

[00:02:42] Get on it my little witch.

[00:02:43] Well, I know.

[00:02:43] But and I can see I'm starting to pop up the leaves

[00:02:46] But I don't want to harvest anything yet. Maybe

[00:02:49] mid-spring all harvest some dandelion

[00:02:53] So in direct contrast to this conversation about mother nature the top for today as cell phones and social media which is something that like

[00:03:02] Every parent of every child born in the last 10 years probably

[00:03:06] has to encounter at some point in their lives and something that you and I have had discussed

[00:03:13] and to some degree disagreed about. I think we still somewhat disagree about it. I think you want to

[00:03:18] wait and give Piper a cell phone later than what I do. I think next year would be a good time to give her a cell phone.

[00:03:28] But the conversation with that Piper and I had yesterday,

[00:03:31] which by the way, I don't know if you know this,

[00:03:34] but she informed me yesterday that she has been doing her research

[00:03:39] on the cost of phones and the efficiency of the phones

[00:03:43] and which like Apple Samsung or whatever the

[00:03:47] other one is and all that stuff. So she's already done her research on which phone she wants

[00:03:53] and I was like well you're gonna have to wait because daddy and I aren't ready to give you a phone yet.

[00:03:59] She has a phone. It's my old iPhone 7. K't make calls. Has no the only thing it has is Wi-Fi.

[00:04:07] And so the only way that she can communicate with her friends is through messenger kids.

[00:04:17] And she has a text free app. Which I would argue if we're allowing her to have a text-free app that we can't monitor.

[00:04:27] Why don't we go ahead and just get her a phone?

[00:04:31] It wasn't exactly my decision to give her the text-free app.

[00:04:34] Oh, Nina.

[00:04:36] The oldest, her oldest one in middle school at the end of sixth grade.

[00:04:40] Well, that's what we're at is the end of sixth grade.

[00:04:42] Yes, but the difference is you continue to want to put an age on this and I

[00:04:46] I don't operate like that. Is it the phone or is it the social media?

[00:04:50] It's both. Okay, one inherently invites the other but my point of view is

[00:04:56] Carl Rabbelay of course you're gonna say your granddaughter needs a phone

[00:05:01] My point of view is and this is the same standard like I

[00:05:05] laid at your feet years ago, is when we're at the point where she is not within our custody

[00:05:12] and we're allowing her to goog to be in the, I don't want to say the custody. When we're

[00:05:18] allowing her out of the house and she's, we're not placing her into the custody of

[00:05:24] un-responsible the adult that we trust. At that point, she has to have a phone. Like that's, we're not placing her into the custody of un-responsible the adult that we trust.

[00:05:26] At that point, she has to have a phone.

[00:05:28] Like that's a very clear dividing line.

[00:05:31] Like if we were going to drop her off at the mall with her friends, not that there are

[00:05:35] malls anymore, but like giving me the analogy, then I wanted to have a phone because I

[00:05:40] want to be able to get in touch with her, I want her to be able to get in touch with

[00:05:42] us. But my point of view is that currently most of her time is spent here with us or with, you

[00:05:50] know, adults that we trust her aunt and uncle and grandparents and at all those points,

[00:05:56] like I have ways to get a hold of her.

[00:05:59] Well, yeah, when she's with her grandparents, I totally trust that she can go to her grandparents

[00:06:05] and say, hey, grandpa, can I call mom or dad?

[00:06:07] And that's not going to be a thing.

[00:06:09] I do think, though, there are places that she can go, like, for instance, would you

[00:06:16] off at a birthday party?

[00:06:19] I was a little hesitant there because the only adult that was at this birthday party was nowhere to be

[00:06:26] found when I walked in. She was off watching a Saints game in this lounge at this birthday

[00:06:35] party venue place. I didn't know where the kids were, I didn't know where Piper was, had

[00:06:41] something happened, did my kid know where to find the adult that she could trust to call home? No. And do I think she could have... I think she would have

[00:06:51] had the common sense to go up to a staff member and say, I really need to use

[00:06:55] the phone. But kids today don't know that there's a landline. They don't know, I

[00:07:02] guess that's our part problem. We need to teach her that she can go talk to someone

[00:07:06] that works at a place, but that was one instance

[00:07:09] where I wish she had a phone.

[00:07:12] What party was this?

[00:07:14] We can talk about it after.

[00:07:16] It was one of her classmates' birthday parties.

[00:07:22] I don't think you were in town.

[00:07:23] This doesn't sound like anything I was involved in. No, I don't think you were in town. This doesn't sound like anything I was involved in.

[00:07:26] No, I don't think you were in town.

[00:07:28] But anyway, she doesn't do a lot outside of the house.

[00:07:32] And I get that.

[00:07:33] Now, yesterday she has, we've had a really good talk yesterday.

[00:07:37] She has requested to be doing more outside of the house.

[00:07:40] And so I think our one extracurricular during the school year rule might need to be fudged a little bit

[00:07:49] because she is getting older. She's interested in more things and she's going to start being involved

[00:07:54] and more things. She's not six year old Piper anymore. And so she will be out of the house more

[00:07:59] with adults, not necessarily that we don't trust, but we don't know on a personal level.

[00:08:05] So she'll be like, if she does theater, she'll be at a venue by herself with other kids,

[00:08:12] and then the adults that are entrusted to her.

[00:08:17] On the flip side, I'd understand the problems that adults run into when kids are given the freedom of a cell phone,

[00:08:29] I am constantly, well, dear in summer camps when I was working summer camps.

[00:08:34] I was constantly telling kids, put your cell phone away.

[00:08:38] And these are like third, fourth, fifth, sixth graders, which to me was like, why do you

[00:08:43] even have a thousand dollar cell phone?

[00:08:45] What do you need a thousand dollar cell phone for in the third grade?

[00:08:49] Because somebody convinced their parents that they needed a cell phone.

[00:08:53] Well, and I get that.

[00:08:54] And but it's on that flip side was this whole put yourself in a way, put yourself in a way.

[00:09:01] The older she gets, the more and more, she will need that cell phone,

[00:09:05] especially when she starts driving. And especially, depending on, I think, where she goes to school,

[00:09:13] she's, you know, that was the other part of the conversation yesterday. We're no longer on this

[00:09:18] little bitty home school, she's now considering going back to those big schools.

[00:09:23] I'm gonna be honest with you. I'm not holding my breath on that one way or the other until she makes a firm decision.

[00:09:29] I understand.

[00:09:30] Just because I know my child and I know that she tends to go back and forth across that line

[00:09:35] for time time because she did this before when she was like dead set on going one of the big schools

[00:09:42] and then thought better evidence that no one to go to the small school now

[00:09:45] She's back in the other direction. It's not say that like I don't believe her. It's just I don't think she's made that decision yet

[00:09:53] I think I think she is weighing the pros and cons on both sides and until she until she can come to us and say this is a

[00:09:59] 100% what I want I'm committing to it

[00:10:02] Then I'll be like, okay, then that's that, I will put stock in that because you've committed to it.

[00:10:07] Yes, I know, that's why we do shadow days.

[00:10:10] And that's why, I mean, she's got a whole

[00:10:11] another year of middle school to figure out life.

[00:10:16] That's not what I'm talking about.

[00:10:19] What I'm saying is eventually,

[00:10:21] when she does get into eighth grade,

[00:10:23] she will be moving schools. And one of them

[00:10:26] is pretty far away from the house. I will be at another school, you will be home. So we won't be

[00:10:32] in the same location anymore. That's what I'm saying. I don't care where she goes. It doesn't matter

[00:10:39] because in eighth grade, mom will not be her teacher anymore. So cell phones are one thing. I am on board

[00:10:49] with cell phones simply for that knowledge of being able to contact my kid or

[00:10:57] my kid can contact me. No matter what she can pull out our cell phones, she

[00:11:00] doesn't have to look for an adult, she doesn't have to look for someone who

[00:11:04] works at the place she's at to use the phone. She can rely on the cell

[00:11:08] phone that I've given her to make a call. However, the conversation also went to social media

[00:11:17] yesterday. And I told her without a doubt and just like what Nina has said in the comments, there will be no social media.

[00:11:26] I am, I currently teach students in fifth, sixth, and seventh grades who are on social media.

[00:11:35] And it is really, really scary.

[00:11:39] And sometimes it's mind-boggling to me because some of these parents are like, you know,

[00:11:45] they express and teach and say all these things about how to protect their kids on social

[00:11:51] media, protect their kids on internet and all this other stuff.

[00:11:54] Yet it's almost like they pimpe them out, you know, like, go follow my kid, go follow

[00:11:59] my daughter, go follow my son.

[00:12:01] And it's like, what are you doing? Why are you allowing grown ass adults

[00:12:08] to follow your children on social media?

[00:12:10] I don't care if you know them.

[00:12:13] Do you know them, know them?

[00:12:14] You know them on Facebook,

[00:12:16] you know them on Instagram, but do you know them?

[00:12:19] You know?

[00:12:20] So to me, it's super unsafe from that aspect,

[00:12:23] but then you have the whole bullying aspect,

[00:12:26] which I was trying to explain to Piper.

[00:12:28] So one of the things that we've kind of relented on

[00:12:31] was she couldn't play among us for a long time

[00:12:34] on her Nintendo Switch,

[00:12:37] because I didn't want her,

[00:12:39] we didn't want her having communication with strangers.

[00:12:43] And that's part of the game,

[00:12:44] as you talk to these strangers.

[00:12:47] We've done a really good job

[00:12:49] because she has become quite the smart ass with it.

[00:12:53] But people will approach her on this game

[00:12:55] and say, I don't know, I'm gonna show my age here.

[00:12:59] ASL, age sex location, how old are you?

[00:13:02] Are you girl or boy and where are you from?

[00:13:04] And now she's starting to say things like alien from Mars age sex location, how old are you, are you girl or boy and where are you from?

[00:13:05] And now she's starting to say things like alien from Mars or I'm a flower on the top of a mountain

[00:13:13] or something like that. She gives some bogus random, but she never tells them her real name.

[00:13:18] She's always got some, you know, fake name. She never tells them where she's from. She never

[00:13:24] gives them her age. She never does anything to give away who she is. And she understands the importance of that.

[00:13:29] Most kids, I can say, do not. They're gonna just vomit all this information

[00:13:36] because they want to be accepted. They don't want to be bullied. They want to have friends.

[00:13:41] And it doesn't matter. They don't think about the safety of giving away

[00:13:45] personal information on social media. And then the bullying aspect comes in, especially with apps

[00:13:52] like Snapchat and I know there's tons more, where people can send a message in the minute it's

[00:13:57] opened its erase. So now you don't have proof that they've been bullied. They don't have proof of what

[00:14:06] proof that they've been bullied. They don't have proof of what has been said to them. And it's,

[00:14:14] I mean, we have one of the one of the highest suicide rates in teens in this state, in St. Tammany Parish. And most of it comes down to bullying and bullying on the phone, text,

[00:14:22] Snapchat, all of these social media posts that, you know, there's

[00:14:26] all these things that are apps that are hidden behind a wall of security of this is for

[00:14:35] school and this is going to help you make friends and this is going to help you figure

[00:14:38] out who's in your class.

[00:14:40] I can't remember the name of that app, but it also allows for messages in a sort of texting

[00:14:47] platform, but it doesn't. You can make up a profile and say, you as a 41 year old man can make

[00:14:55] up a profile and say you're in 10th grade at Mandeville High. And I'm in this class, in this class,

[00:15:00] in this class, being you've got all kinds of kids that you could predator, you know, being a predator on. So there's correlation does not equal

[00:15:09] causation is like the the death knell of every statistician, but there's two

[00:15:14] things that correlate to what you're talking about, how high the suicide rate is,

[00:15:18] among teens in relation to like social media and phone bullying. And you know,

[00:15:23] we have very affluent parents

[00:15:26] in this parish, which means very early access

[00:15:29] to high technology.

[00:15:31] And also we have a propensity of either two working parents,

[00:15:36] which I don't know for graduating before,

[00:15:37] because we're in that boat,

[00:15:39] or a working parent and a parent who just is so disconnected

[00:15:43] from the kid that they don't pay attention to what's going on and when you mix those two things into

[00:15:47] can I add a fourth or a third?

[00:15:50] can is it three or four?

[00:15:52] how many did you get two?

[00:15:53] two.

[00:15:54] can I add a third?

[00:15:55] sure.

[00:15:56] a third would be the parent is already

[00:15:59] oh I can't think of the word the parent is already hyped up on getting likes and comments and shares on their own posts.

[00:16:09] That it becomes a sort of, uh, why can't I ask you?

[00:16:15] Social programming.

[00:16:16] Yeah, but they want even more.

[00:16:20] And like, I go back to that whole phrase of pimping your child out on social media.

[00:16:25] They want people to like their kids' posts and you know they want people to come back and say,

[00:16:32] oh I saw so and so's post, how cute or oh I saw so and so's post.

[00:16:36] That was so funny. They want that attention.

[00:16:39] They strive for that attention, they drive for it.

[00:16:42] It's just...

[00:16:44] Well I can't say, hang on, you got me on a roll. They strive for that attention. They strive for it. It's just...

[00:16:47] I can't say, hang on. You got me on a roll.

[00:16:48] I know.

[00:16:49] I can tell.

[00:16:50] I'm sorry.

[00:16:51] Sorry, not so.

[00:16:52] Two minutes and 17, a fill.

[00:16:53] I'm sorry.

[00:16:54] It's how to add that.

[00:16:57] You've been counting.

[00:16:59] Okay.

[00:17:01] I don't even remember what I was gonna say now.

[00:17:03] I don't remember.

[00:17:09] I was gonna say we watched that documentary together about social media and about how the algorithm literally works as a positive feedback loop.

[00:17:13] Like you do A, you get likes, the likes, driving, door fins and dopamine and then it's

[00:17:18] all that itself.

[00:17:19] So like my standpoint on social media and this is, this is semi-intained to sell phones,

[00:17:26] but it's largely, it's also separated to a degree,

[00:17:29] but like I don't, Piper will not be on social media,

[00:17:32] far as I'm concerned till she's 18.

[00:17:34] And if I had anything to do with it,

[00:17:36] it'd be even older than that,

[00:17:37] because I look at social media

[00:17:42] as something that has the ability, and I would argue the design to interrupt

[00:17:47] the minds and hijack the dopamine hits of adults. And so giving that to a 12, 13, 14 year old

[00:17:56] young girl is just the most psychopathic irresponsible thing I can think of. It's literally

[00:18:02] young boy. Well, but I have a young girl, which is my perspective. But like, you know, the, it, it, the same parent that would pitch a fit, if I

[00:18:11] suggested you put like a kilo of cocaine down on the dining room table and just leave it there

[00:18:16] so the kid could experiment with it, but you're going to give your kid social media,

[00:18:19] which is, in my opinion, digital cocaine. Yeah. It literally, and I know that sounds probably

[00:18:25] a touch hypocritical from like, you know,

[00:18:27] a person who's been podcasting for eight years,

[00:18:29] and I do have a social media footprint.

[00:18:31] But I'm a 41 year old man.

[00:18:34] We didn't even know what social media.

[00:18:36] I mean, social media was in its infancy

[00:18:38] when we were this age.

[00:18:40] Well, when we were like 1819,

[00:18:42] the age I'm talking about eventually

[00:18:44] letting kids on social media.

[00:18:46] Social media wasn't a thing.

[00:18:49] I can remember sitting in my cousin's computer room because we didn't have phones and

[00:18:56] getting on Yahoo chats or AOL chat or when my space was a thing and you could chat.

[00:19:05] I even then, the bullying, the nastiness,

[00:19:08] the subject matter, the topics that were being thrown

[00:19:15] around in those rooms was at the time,

[00:19:18] but I didn't think I was uncomfortable

[00:19:20] with a lot of the things that were being talked about.

[00:19:24] I teach, like I said, I teach middle school. The things that come out of the

[00:19:28] middle schooler's mouth is it makes my skin crawl sometimes. I had to kick

[00:19:35] two boys out of my class last week because they were talking about They were, what did they say? The females, I can't think of what he said.

[00:19:50] Anyway, we were working with the spool of yarn and it had the little opening in it and it

[00:19:55] was a red string because we were making kites and a reproductive hole.

[00:20:00] And then one of them said something about how he needed to go get, he only had

[00:20:06] six-inch scissors and the other boy said, oh no man you're at least a 12, I'm a

[00:20:12] 12-inch scissors and I'm like get out, inappropriate, get out, I understand at the

[00:20:18] age it's like that's when boys become fascinated with themselves and I'm sure

[00:20:23] things are happening and girls are budding and starting periods and all that stuff

[00:20:28] but it's it's not being handled in the home. No, and it's a

[00:20:35] Lot of it is due to what they're seeing on social media YouTube what they're watching what they're talking about

[00:20:42] I would never have said anything like that

[00:20:46] watching what they're talking about, I would never have said anything like that sexually in front of my parents. It's in sixth grade.

[00:20:48] I certainly wouldn't have said in front of my teacher.

[00:20:50] Oh, and I've got no.

[00:20:53] I mean, your father-in-law is apparently listening. He would have smacked my butt cheeks

[00:20:57] up between my earloves if I had to come home from school. And with a note about how little

[00:21:01] Johnny was talking about his 12- scissors to in front of his teacher,

[00:21:06] I would have, I would have been buried in a hole under my bedroom at that point.

[00:21:12] Yeah.

[00:21:12] But the point, the problem is these, these parents, they're not, there's no filter placed upon

[00:21:18] what these children have access to.

[00:21:19] No.

[00:21:20] The parents themselves are not engaged with these children enough to even, because like,

[00:21:20] No. The parents themselves are not engaged

[00:21:22] with these children enough to even,

[00:21:24] because like, let's say, hypothetically,

[00:21:27] you and I gave Piper unfettered access

[00:21:30] to social media and the internet.

[00:21:32] But we still maintain a very close two way communication

[00:21:35] with her.

[00:21:36] We would see warning signs that something's going,

[00:21:38] that something, she's been exposed to some

[00:21:40] that's not right because we'd see it reflect her behavior.

[00:21:44] So not only are these parents just letting the gates wide open

[00:21:48] but they're so disconnected from their kids,

[00:21:50] they're not seeing very clear red flags waving 12 feet tall

[00:21:55] in front of them that you need to be a parent

[00:21:57] and get engaged and figure out what the hell is going on.

[00:22:00] Well, I think a lot of that is because those kids

[00:22:03] when they were two, three, and four, were shoved,

[00:22:05] you know, an iPad or an iPhone was shoved in their face just to get them to be quiet,

[00:22:10] you know, you two kids, you two kids was on all the time or whatever. And we've talked about how

[00:22:16] we don't, we have a no cell phone, no electronics at the table, no matter what. It doesn't matter,

[00:22:23] well, it doesn't matter. Sometimes like when does matter. Sometimes like when we have emergencies.

[00:22:26] If it's an emergency call or something like that, yes, they're

[00:22:28] accepted. There are exceptions, but Piper's not going to bring her

[00:22:31] an Nintendo switch to the dinner table.

[00:22:33] Absolutely not.

[00:22:34] And eat or we're not going to give her much to her displeasure and her

[00:22:41] disapproval. She has asked for our phones at dinner before in a restaurant

[00:22:47] or whatever.

[00:22:48] And the answer is no, absolutely under no circumstance.

[00:22:51] Are you going to sit here and play games at the table while we're at a restaurant and not

[00:22:58] communicate with your parents, not talk about anything.

[00:23:00] I'd be a part of the family.

[00:23:02] I've even given her a lot of side eye because you remember when she went

[00:23:05] ever we were driving someplace,

[00:23:06] she'd start hitting us up for the phone

[00:23:08] to play on the games and everything.

[00:23:09] And I was kind of like,

[00:23:10] no, you can't have my phone.

[00:23:12] And to me, it is like as insensitive

[00:23:15] and awful as this is going to sound,

[00:23:16] like I'm allowed to be that, I'm a father.

[00:23:19] But I want to teach her how to be bored.

[00:23:24] Yeah, I want to teach her that there are going to be times in her life.

[00:23:30] Any adult here has ever been in the DMV.

[00:23:31] Y'all know where I'm coming from on this.

[00:23:33] But there's going to be times in her life.

[00:23:34] She has no choice but to sit down, shut up and be bored.

[00:23:37] There is no other option.

[00:23:38] There's nothing entertaining.

[00:23:39] There's nothing fun happening.

[00:23:41] Your phone might be dead or it just may not be in a social-except social acceptable place for you to pull it out and play on a play video game. I think

[00:23:48] young children have to learn how to self-soot. It goes back to this

[00:23:55] conversation that I remember from when Piper was really really little where it

[00:24:00] was this idea now there's another rage in debate which deserves its own

[00:24:04] episode about the parents that believe like you put your kid in the crib you let them cry

[00:24:08] out until they go to sleep. They have to learn how to self-soothe and then we went in another direction

[00:24:13] which was co-sleeping and Piper having knowing that her mom and dad were close to her but still

[00:24:20] there's got to be some reasonable expectation that like you teach your kid how to be bored. You teach him how to sit in a restaurant and to the degree they're able to three years old maintain

[00:24:30] their composure and not act like a little asshole that's throwing forks and going ballistic

[00:24:35] as they can't watch YouTube right then minute. I just again like I try really hard not to make

[00:24:42] it sound like we just come on here we don't go on other parents for an hour.

[00:24:46] But I'm going to tell you that when I see most of y'all's kids behavior out in the wild,

[00:24:51] I'm pretty disgusted.

[00:24:53] And I'm encouraged by the fact that she's disgusted too.

[00:24:56] Like she watches other kids and she is taken aback by their behavior because, a, she knows you and I would never tolerate that.

[00:25:07] But she understands that that standard of behavior that's expected from her, that child is not

[00:25:12] meeting. And she's come to understand at 11 years old that the way she behaves is the way it's

[00:25:19] supposed to be. Yeah. And like I always point out to her on my Connie like I Can't control other kids behaviors. I can't fix other people's parenting. You can't either

[00:25:29] The only thing I can do is make sure I raise you right and if you have kids you raise them right and

[00:25:35] You know hopefully that example takes and

[00:25:39] What I was gonna say when I forgot everything was I you know I'm on social media

[00:25:45] you're on social media personally and for the podcast I

[00:25:50] Don't post as much as I used to and I certainly don't post things that are

[00:25:55] super super

[00:25:57] Personal anymore. I go back and look at things I posted

[00:26:00] When Facebook first came out or even like 10 years after that.

[00:26:05] Look at what I'm eating.

[00:26:06] Yeah.

[00:26:06] And it's like, what was I thinking?

[00:26:08] Like it was like, why would I post something like that?

[00:26:12] And now I think I have some reservations about what I post.

[00:26:16] I posted the other day of two pictures of us.

[00:26:19] I had what 10 pictures of us, but I only posted two and didn't give a lot of information.

[00:26:27] I don't know because I am still that person that that dopamine hits just just as much for

[00:26:33] me as it does for anybody else.

[00:26:35] I want to see the likes and the shares and the comments and all those things.

[00:26:40] But I'm not going to pimp her out to get the same dopamine hit for myself because she's my kid.

[00:26:46] I'm not going to, I'll post pictures of her and everything else, but I'm not going to do it

[00:26:52] to a degree where if she gets on social media one day when she's 18, 20, 25, whatever, or even if

[00:27:00] she just Googles her name and she pops up, I don't want her to be embarrassed by what she sees.

[00:27:06] I don't want that.

[00:27:08] I do go back and forth and I had this discussion

[00:27:11] with a teacher friend of mine the other day.

[00:27:15] She is very adamant that one day when she does have kids,

[00:27:18] she will not post pictures of her kids.

[00:27:20] And I get that because in my head,

[00:27:23] I have gone back and forth with the safety

[00:27:25] of posting pictures of my kid and who's looking at it and then who's taking that picture?

[00:27:32] Who's copying it to their phone and using it in, you know, nasty ways or whatever. I do

[00:27:38] think about that. I try to make sure I'm not posting pictures that are going to get the negative attention

[00:27:48] like that.

[00:27:49] You know what I'm saying?

[00:27:50] Like almost a pervert or a predator looking for kids.

[00:27:54] I've always been, my mind has always said to me and we said this in a couple of episodes

[00:28:00] ago.

[00:28:02] The corridor we live on with this interstate,

[00:28:05] kidnapping and human trafficking and drug,

[00:28:09] and all that stuff is really, really high right here.

[00:28:11] And I've always been concerned,

[00:28:13] especially when she was tiny with her little cute blonde hair

[00:28:18] bob and brown skin, she had tan brown skin

[00:28:22] and cute little brown bubble eyes.

[00:28:26] She was a target.

[00:28:27] And I still think she's a target.

[00:28:29] I mean, she's a beautiful young woman, young lady, girl.

[00:28:35] I don't want to say woman yet, but young girl.

[00:28:37] She's got some work to do before she reaches all this kind of.

[00:28:40] Yeah, I know, but she's getting there and it's really scary.

[00:28:43] You're telling me. But I think about those things and then you have to apply

[00:28:48] that same thing to the high human trafficking

[00:28:51] of social media and who's looking at stuff.

[00:28:55] All of our pages are locked down,

[00:28:57] except for the podcast pages.

[00:28:59] Yeah.

[00:29:00] Those are public kind of by and it's by design.

[00:29:03] And even then, my personal Facebook and Instagram account may show you as a friend, but you may be restricted so that you can't see my posts.

[00:29:13] I also have it to where you shouldn't be able to search my name and find me.

[00:29:20] You might be able to now. I may have changed that because of the podcast, but anyway, I have

[00:29:26] 500 some odd friends on Facebook. I also have

[00:29:29] Half a list of restricted people that I don't want them to see my business. Yeah, and from my perspective like

[00:29:38] Something stuck with me and I'm kicking myself out of camera who this was if somebody they were it's really well known in the tech industry

[00:29:44] I don't think it was Elon Musk,

[00:29:46] but it was somebody like of that level of notoriety

[00:29:51] and they had very plainly said like,

[00:29:54] there are no pictures of the children on social media,

[00:29:56] their children are blind to social media

[00:30:00] and they said that was by design

[00:30:02] because they wanted to ensure the safety

[00:30:04] and security of their children.

[00:30:06] And from our perspective, like this is I don't know how much you thought about this is certain something I've I've had wrestle with for eight years.

[00:30:14] In podcasting, but like I've had to ask myself over and over and over like at what point do because let's call what it is.

[00:30:25] do because let's call what it is. This shows a little bit more even keel will say, compared to matter of facts where, you know, you get me, you get me on a good whiskey fueled

[00:30:30] rant and I'll advocate for shutting down half the federal government on a bad day. But

[00:30:38] I have to ask myself at a certain point at what point do my very vocal stances on certain

[00:30:43] things that would upset about half a population come back on you

[00:30:47] and Piper?

[00:30:48] I've had to ask myself that question before.

[00:30:50] And so I think that, I think that, you know,

[00:30:56] because we've made the decisions we've had

[00:30:58] to have such a public facing persona,

[00:31:02] there's gonna be a certain amount of that Piper

[00:31:04] is just gonna have to weather because she is our child.

[00:31:06] It's like Kyle said, how does she deal with her celebrity parents?

[00:31:10] Because we're not celebrities.

[00:31:12] Kyle size, we are.

[00:31:15] But only yours though.

[00:31:17] But in any case, but I think that the moment that she has access to social media,

[00:31:24] somebody, I heard something recently on the Sean Ryan Show,

[00:31:27] which is a podcast where the most of their guests are former military,

[00:31:32] government agents, so on and so forth.

[00:31:35] They deal with a lot of things around foreign wars and that kind of way.

[00:31:41] But they said something recently on there and they said,

[00:31:43] giving your child social media is not giving your child access to the world

[00:31:48] It's given the world access to your child and that that was like whoa

[00:31:53] I felt the world shift around me because it's true like at that moment you've given the world access to your child and I

[00:32:01] As a 41 year old adult with a pretty freaking thick skin like you've read some of the comments that have been left to me.

[00:32:09] And it's turned your stomach and I've just laughed it off like first of all buzz off.

[00:32:15] Second of all, if you don't know where I live and third of all, if you do show up on the front yard, what have discussion about it, I just, I don't,

[00:32:22] I don't care like I laugh all that off because it doesn't get down deep enough to hurt me. But that same person could find her if she

[00:32:31] had social media. And that scares me.

[00:32:33] Well, and see, and that kind of opens up another can of worms because we've had these conversations

[00:32:38] of safety before when some pretty controversial topics

[00:32:45] have been discussed on matter of facts.

[00:32:48] And then the comments start rolling in from people.

[00:32:53] We have, during COVID, gotten,

[00:32:56] I wouldn't say death threats, but threats of our death

[00:32:59] and hope.

[00:33:00] So would you call it death threats?

[00:33:02] I had people literally directly in these words, wish, all three of us would get COVID and die.

[00:33:09] And like wish that upon me, I don't care.

[00:33:14] I really don't.

[00:33:15] Like the world could wish me death and I just don't care.

[00:33:18] The world's trying to sometimes kill me and fail, keep trying.

[00:33:21] But the fact that they wish death upon like you and our child,

[00:33:24] that that part made

[00:33:25] my blood pressure fly through the ceiling. Yeah, and the comments that you receive, like when you

[00:33:30] and Andrew were posting and doing things on Instagram, I'll like your posts, but I won't go read

[00:33:36] through the comments because they caused me so much stress. And then I start to get worried because

[00:33:41] and then we start to have this safety talk again. Because

[00:33:45] all it takes is one wackadoo to Google your name and then they have our address and they

[00:33:50] could show up. Now, am I scared if they show up for them? Yes, I'm scared for them. I'm

[00:33:56] not scared for us. I know that you'll...

[00:33:58] You'll kiss your wife before you show up as hard as I'm going to say. Or your cat or

[00:34:03] whatever, whatever, whatever's gonna miss you.

[00:34:05] And your room's ready next to Jesus.

[00:34:07] You might wanna visit your local priest and tell him

[00:34:11] to get tell Jesus you need a room ready.

[00:34:13] So in one way I do think that us talking about cell phones

[00:34:18] and social media can kind of be laughable,

[00:34:25] and that's not the right word y'all.

[00:34:27] My words today are not there.

[00:34:29] I can't think of the word I want to use, but anyway.

[00:34:33] Kind of like the concerns are laughable because of...

[00:34:37] Well, we're sitting here spouting about Piper will never have social media.

[00:34:41] Cell phones are going to be a year or so away, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[00:34:44] But then you and I are so intrinsically in social media, cell phones are going to be a year or so away blah blah blah. But then you and I are so intrinsically in social media and YouTube, I'm this YouTube social

[00:34:52] media, but on the internet, you've written a book.

[00:34:56] We have had people walk up to us at a private camp and be like, oh my God, I recognize

[00:35:04] your voice. Can I have a picture with you?

[00:35:06] And it, it kind of gets a little weird because we don't know these people and they know you,

[00:35:12] they know you very well because they listen to your podcast and they can recognize you.

[00:35:16] And then like Kyle is saying the celebrity aspect to a certain extent. Yeah, there are total

[00:35:23] strangers that walk up to you and Andrew,

[00:35:25] and are like, I know you.

[00:35:28] And it's like, no dude, you don't know us,

[00:35:29] but sure you can have a picture,

[00:35:31] but you know what I'm saying?

[00:35:32] I'm not making any sense this morning.

[00:35:34] You're making perfect sense,

[00:35:35] which by the way, not that I would ever discourage anybody

[00:35:38] from wanting to stop and talk to us

[00:35:40] if they're a fan of the podcast,

[00:35:41] but I'm gonna be honest,

[00:35:43] that works celebrity,

[00:35:44] makes me so deeply and transgly uncomfortable.

[00:35:47] Like, I'll see you sit now.

[00:35:49] Every chance he gets.

[00:35:50] Well, but like, you know, like Andrew, we, we, we, we've set on the

[00:35:56] podcast for we even say to each other all the time, like, we're shocked that

[00:36:00] we have an audience, like, you know, this start out as a hobby for us.

[00:36:03] And it was never, it was never meant to get to be famous, internet famous or anything else. It was never really even

[00:36:10] meant to be a business. It really always start out as this is just what we believe in and what

[00:36:15] we feel like we have to advocate for and get stuff off our chest and somewhere along the way,

[00:36:20] yes. And people start recognizing us. And it's been and it's been one of the weirder experiences of my life bearing in mind that I was in a combat zone by the time I was

[00:36:29] 21 years old. So, like, I've had some weird experiences in the last 20 years, and this is right up

[00:36:35] there. Yeah. But by extension, that means Piper is new. You know, we talk about her on here. She's been

[00:36:42] on the show one time when she came around

[00:36:45] and said hello this show.

[00:36:47] It's a little bomb, you.

[00:36:47] Yeah.

[00:36:48] And she is discussed on our social media pages,

[00:36:52] personal and business.

[00:36:55] So you may be a celebrity, quote unquote,

[00:36:59] but by extension, she is too,

[00:37:01] just like any celebrity from Hollywood.

[00:37:03] So people know about her.

[00:37:05] And so I guess what I'm trying to get at is we're spouting no social media, no cell phones,

[00:37:13] but by extension she's already involved in all of that.

[00:37:16] Well, except for one thing, what I'm saying is not no social media.

[00:37:19] I'm saying no social media until she's the same thing about the cell phone.

[00:37:25] When I when I when two things happen, I'm comfortable giving her a cell phone.

[00:37:28] I have to feel like she has the maturity to handle it.

[00:37:31] First of all, because cell phones, at least these days are frickin expensive.

[00:37:35] They're many of their micro computers.

[00:37:37] And they come with it'll come with a hit to our data plan on our cell phone plan, which

[00:37:42] is going to raise that monthly cost, which will add up over a year. Financial will fill us fully entrenched in that thought process.

[00:37:51] So I have to believe she can handle the responsibility of not destroying the device,

[00:37:57] but I also have to believe that she has the maturity to handle it. And to understand that,

[00:38:02] like, you know, just because you get this thing

[00:38:05] does not mean you have the freedom to go search for whatever your we're a little

[00:38:08] hard desires and you have to I have to believe she is at an age where she can

[00:38:13] handle the responsibility because again, I cannot control the world. I cannot

[00:38:19] control all the weirdos out there that might try to reach out to her. I have to believe she can handle with the guidelines and the guide rails we put around

[00:38:30] her to try to shield as much that offer as possible.

[00:38:33] I have to believe that if one slips through, she can handle it.

[00:38:36] And when that day comes, I am cool giving her a cell phone.

[00:38:40] When that day comes, I don't think it'll come before she's 18.

[00:38:43] I'm cool giving Given her social media, but I have to believe that she's ready to handle it

[00:38:47] because it is a very different prospect for a, you know, in the, in the, in the

[00:38:54] time you and I've been on social media, it's been for what about our mid 20s,

[00:38:57] early 20s till now.

[00:39:00] So to date ourselves, like when we first met each other, we were chatting back

[00:39:04] forth over AOL and Stemestinger when I was in our lab.

[00:39:07] Yeah, not AOL.

[00:39:08] No, it was AMED at first.

[00:39:10] I didn't have AME.

[00:39:11] I thought it was never did.

[00:39:12] I've always switched over yet.

[00:39:13] Yahoo messenger.

[00:39:14] Hmm.

[00:39:15] Okay.

[00:39:16] But anyway, it was that it was that time period.

[00:39:20] So we're old.

[00:39:22] But you know, I have to I have to believe that when she

[00:39:27] has access to social media, she's prepared to deal with it. So one of two things has to

[00:39:31] happen. Either she has to hit, she has to fulfill those metrics before she's 18. Or if I

[00:39:38] read, if I recognize that I don't think she's going to be able to until she's 18 and

[00:39:42] that's the age of which she could do it regardless of what I say I have to try to get her ready by them but I don't I I am totally not that you are but I

[00:39:50] am totally against giving an 11 year old child access social media I think it is one of the most

[00:39:55] dangerous irresponsible things a parent could do I I mean even right now with her head with her watching

[00:40:02] certain YouTube channels you and I usually watch with her and

[00:40:05] There's been a handful of times we'd be like nope cut that one off. Yeah

[00:40:08] I like visit that channel again. Yeah, and I mean and she does she doesn't visit it again

[00:40:14] she knows that

[00:40:15] if

[00:40:16] You know any of her the people that she watches if the word tick-tock is in the the

[00:40:23] If the word TikTok is in the

[00:40:30] the title, she's not allowed to watch it because they're going to be showing videos from TikTok and I don't want her

[00:40:37] Seeing that stuff. She also is smart enough and mature enough at 11

[00:40:44] When inappropriate things do come on. She's very quick to turn it off. It makes her uncomfortable. It does. And conversations at school make her uncomfortable.

[00:40:47] She knows she.

[00:40:48] I can't tell you how many times I've watched this girl get up

[00:40:51] from a table at lunch and change tables,

[00:40:54] even if it means to go sit by herself

[00:40:56] because the conversation has gotten inappropriate,

[00:40:59] sexually inappropriate, which makes her uncomfortable.

[00:41:03] She will go tell a teacher.

[00:41:04] She will leave those people

[00:41:07] and she, because it's just not, we just don't allow it. And a lot of times, I mean, there are

[00:41:13] some of the girls, but a lot of times it's the boys that talk about inappropriate things and

[00:41:20] they know it's inappropriate. You know, and, um, but it goes back to parents are so uninvolved

[00:41:29] in their children's life and or they want that dopamine hit

[00:41:34] from pimping out their children on social media.

[00:41:37] They don't care what it does to them.

[00:41:40] We have girls that have come to school reading romance novels that are very explicit, like,

[00:41:48] should not have been given to that child, talking about the R word, and because I don't want to get

[00:41:57] whatever, censor or whatever, but girls being R worded and human trafficking and things like that and these stories

[00:42:06] and then these just explicit scenes.

[00:42:10] I can remember we went to Barnes and Noble one time.

[00:42:13] This was before I started reading this series,

[00:42:15] Piper wanted to read Throne of Class,

[00:42:17] which is what I'm reading right now.

[00:42:19] Oh my God, absolutely not.

[00:42:21] Are you going to read anything by this author?

[00:42:25] Because it's an adult content book.

[00:42:27] And it's just not, but yeah,

[00:42:30] these girls are coming to school with these books

[00:42:32] and teachers are having to call home going,

[00:42:36] what the hell is it?

[00:42:37] We love that your child loves to read.

[00:42:39] Do you know what your child is reading right now?

[00:42:42] And then the parents are all like,

[00:42:44] what?

[00:42:44] My kid is reading that?

[00:42:46] And then it's like, how did you not know?

[00:42:49] How did you not know?

[00:42:51] I can explain this for you.

[00:42:52] You know how they didn't know?

[00:42:54] Yeah.

[00:42:55] Yeah.

[00:42:57] I know.

[00:42:58] I know.

[00:42:59] But they're also not monitoring their kids

[00:43:01] doing the same thing either.

[00:43:02] Well, look at that.

[00:43:04] How many? Look at that one right there.

[00:43:07] Children imitate their parents in all way,

[00:43:10] even in how they use social media.

[00:43:12] So I'm going to postulate, and it might be a little unkind,

[00:43:17] and I don't give a damn.

[00:43:19] I'm going to postulate that.

[00:43:20] Perhaps the problem is the parents have such a cavalier attitude towards social media

[00:43:28] that they think we're the problem because we're saying you shouldn't let your kids on it

[00:43:32] while told as simultaneously, wholly discounting the behavior downstream of that social media

[00:43:38] use. It's like, what do you mean my kids reading that book? Where did your kid get the book?

[00:43:45] Dummy, did you order it off at Amazon?

[00:43:47] Did you take them to Barnes and Noble?

[00:43:49] Did you read the Cliff Notes?

[00:43:50] Did you not look at the book you were buying for your child?

[00:43:54] Like, again, I try not to spend an hour dunking on other parents,

[00:43:58] but God, some of y'all are so frickin' stupid.

[00:44:02] Some of them, look.

[00:44:03] I'm a green.

[00:44:03] There's a supreme, there's a supreme,

[00:44:05] there's a supreme lack of accountability with parents.

[00:44:08] And I'm gonna, I'm gonna piss somebody off in the audience

[00:44:11] who's gonna swear, oh no, not me, not mine.

[00:44:14] God, I hear it all the time at school.

[00:44:16] But I'm gonna tell my little baby.

[00:44:18] Well, no, I'm gonna say that there are very,

[00:44:22] very limited cases that I truly believe a child is

[00:44:26] bad, quote unquote.

[00:44:28] I think nine times at 99 times out of 100, whatever behavior you see in that child that

[00:44:35] you're not happy with, I can point it right back at the parent.

[00:44:38] And that parent will swear up and down.

[00:44:39] I didn't raise him that way.

[00:44:41] The hell you did not.

[00:44:43] You did or you failed to not teach them that.

[00:44:45] Yeah. I'm not saying my kids in angel, she's not. But she knows right from wrong because she's

[00:44:51] been raised with such an intensive focus on teaching her right from wrong that it is expected in

[00:44:59] result for her to do the right thing. When she doesn't do the right thing, that's the anomaly.

[00:45:04] And we immediately address it,

[00:45:06] and it usually doesn't happen again.

[00:45:08] Yeah.

[00:45:09] But when I look at kids around us in the world,

[00:45:12] I see kids who are awfully behaved,

[00:45:15] who have no concept consequences,

[00:45:17] who the moment consequences find them,

[00:45:19] they have a complete meltdown.

[00:45:20] Because at first I'm very very been held

[00:45:22] and we count for anything.

[00:45:23] And nine times out of 10,

[00:45:24] I see the exact same behavior in their parents.

[00:45:26] I'm thinking of one in particular who has a meltdown every time he doesn't get

[00:45:30] his way and knowing both of his parents, they're exact,

[00:45:34] they are exactly to a T the exact same way.

[00:45:36] Mom and dad cannot cope with not getting their way.

[00:45:40] And if they don't get their way, they both react.

[00:45:44] Emotionally, they have a emotionally, they have a meltdown,

[00:45:46] they pitch a fit, they gaslight. I could go on for an hour about that family because they're

[00:45:52] a perfect example of how to screw up a child. And I venture to say that if that child lived

[00:45:59] here, 60 days, I haven't fixed. Six. Six.

[00:46:05] No, but here's the thing.

[00:46:07] It's not about this.

[00:46:08] I know.

[00:46:09] But like this, this house is not a boot camp.

[00:46:12] But this house, this house is a house where decisions have consequences.

[00:46:18] You're held to a standard.

[00:46:20] Like the standard is right here.

[00:46:22] How hard you want to run into that wall is not up to me, it's up to you.

[00:46:26] And if you wanna make your face hurt,

[00:46:27] go ahead and beat it against the wall a couple of times

[00:46:30] or accept that this is the wall and stop hitting it.

[00:46:33] Yeah.

[00:46:34] It's just anyway, you got me off on a rant.

[00:46:36] And I usually do that on my own podcast.

[00:46:38] But look at that guys, we got a Phil rant on racing values.

[00:46:42] I'm just saying like I I

[00:46:54] I see children as an incredible responsibility. I see them as a gift and I take parenting extremely seriously

[00:47:01] Like I've said before, you know, like I could fail at my career. I could fail at this podcast and my other podcast I could fail at everything I have

[00:47:04] But if I fail at being a husband or father,

[00:47:06] that's when I've really screwed up.

[00:47:08] Everything else is just like, okay, I'll go find our job.

[00:47:10] Okay, this is gone.

[00:47:12] I'll find something else to do with my time.

[00:47:14] Not saying I don't enjoy it, just saying.

[00:47:16] In Phil's pantheon things he cares about,

[00:47:19] it's guillain and piper, right?

[00:47:21] I put the very, very tip top,

[00:47:22] and everything else is kinda of like down here.

[00:47:30] And I just, I wish other parents had the same appreciation for it that I do.

[00:47:33] But also in context to get myself back on the subject.

[00:47:39] Well, most, most adults are so focused on themselves anyway.

[00:47:45] And a lot of that has to do with their addiction to social media and the dopamine hits that they're getting.

[00:47:46] It's an addiction.

[00:47:47] And like I said earlier,

[00:47:51] I am not, I am a part of that crowd.

[00:47:56] I do like it when people like my posts or whatever.

[00:48:01] But I'm also not on social media all the time. I don't have notifications turned on,

[00:48:08] except for I have one notification turned on Instagram because I'm waiting for the girl

[00:48:14] to announce that she's booking for tattoos so I can go get my tattoo. But that's it.

[00:48:20] There are no, I don't get a notification when someone comments or likes or does whatever.

[00:48:25] I don't even get it for the podcast because I don't want that to interfere with my life so

[00:48:30] much that I'm constantly looking and looking and looking. I just don't, I don't want that.

[00:48:36] Oh, I just don't want that in my life. So we start with it. So wait, and so in

[00:48:42] in that same breath, am I addicted to the dopamine hit? Yeah, everybody is.

[00:48:48] But I'm also not addicted to them to it so much that I have to know when and where people are

[00:48:55] your cognizant of the words. Yeah, thank you words or words are hard. That's okay. I'm good at words.

[00:49:03] But you know, I'm just gonna say we

[00:49:05] started this episode off really focused on like cell phones and social media

[00:49:08] for kids, but we've also dovetailed it into like social media for adults and

[00:49:12] I'm curious how you think about this because there have been psychological

[00:49:16] studies and yes, I'm a massive nerd because I study this stuff because it

[00:49:19] interests me. Just for the listeners like if I had a state in college to

[00:49:24] more semester, I think one more if I had a state in college to more

[00:49:25] semester, I think one more semester I could have minor in psychology. Anyway,

[00:49:29] took a lack of organizational psychology courses. It's cool field. But

[00:49:34] there have been psychological studies that have shown that there is a

[00:49:38] correlation, and again, correlation is not causation, but it means that the

[00:49:42] influence, there's an influence there, but there's a correlation between

[00:49:46] the divorce rate and social media use. There's a there's a correlation between

[00:49:52] like I

[00:49:54] Forget exactly how they they they rated this but basically they were looking at like

[00:49:59] number of people that went to marriage counseling number of people that you know like they were looking at all these different things

[00:50:04] Basically try to put a title, try to put a metric

[00:50:07] to how many unhappy marriages were out there. They looked at marriage intimacy and they

[00:50:13] found lots of correlations between all these things that show that not all is happy in

[00:50:17] the household and social media use. So the working theory is now that same dopamine hit that you've been you've been pointing towards

[00:50:28] The dopamine hit is not from the likes. It's attention

[00:50:32] Right, and so the the the works are just the the

[00:50:37] The indi the digital indication of the attention. Yeah, but that's that's the working theory

[00:50:43] Though a lot of people are developing and a lot.

[00:50:45] That's a sense.

[00:50:46] There are a lot of people on the exact opposite side who have firmly entrenched interest

[00:50:50] to make sure that social media remains unfettered, that are saying, because this thing, this

[00:50:58] algorithm has been designed to hijack the dopamine response in relation to attention and because social media

[00:51:07] gives us access to almost limitless attention from the world around us, it might actually

[00:51:14] be responsible for destroying the very fabric of our relationships.

[00:51:18] Yeah, and families, I mean relationships and families, but yeah.

[00:51:21] That makes sense because I'm thinking of who on my Facebook

[00:51:26] and Instagram feed posts the most,

[00:51:28] and then what do I know about their personal lives?

[00:51:32] And I can definitely see a correlation between

[00:51:35] how much they're posting and how unhappy they are

[00:51:38] in their life.

[00:51:39] And that makes a lot of sense.

[00:51:42] A lot of sense.

[00:51:43] Yeah.

[00:51:44] I don't know.

[00:51:44] To me, this started probably almost a year ago for me.

[00:51:49] I have begun to walk away from people and things

[00:51:56] that pull my attention in a way that is not healthy.

[00:52:02] So social media, I don't feel like social media is healthy.

[00:52:06] And you can also tell from our Facebook, I mean, our Instagram feed on raising values.

[00:52:11] I don't post on there hardly at all.

[00:52:13] And we don't have a lot of followers.

[00:52:15] We are getting a few more because of the conference, but I don't post on there.

[00:52:19] And so I'm trying to make it to where I can interact more with our listeners on Instagram.

[00:52:28] But I am the toxic people and the people who I don't align with anymore, like with what

[00:52:39] they're doing in their personal lives or the values that they hold, you know, those things.

[00:52:46] I am finding myself more and more walking away from friendships and family members and,

[00:52:54] you know, people that do not feed me in a way in my values.

[00:53:01] You know what I'm saying?

[00:53:02] Like, I have found some really good friends that I feel like and that's okay.

[00:53:06] I have found some really good friends and we think a lot alike.

[00:53:11] We don't think totally alike but we think a lot alike.

[00:53:15] And I want to align myself with those people.

[00:53:18] I know that there's a whole study behind it and why you should align yourself with people

[00:53:21] like that.

[00:53:22] It just gives me more peace to know that I'm

[00:53:25] aligning people with those same values. So the people who are so intrinsically in and on social

[00:53:33] media all the time, I can draw that correlation with the lack of peace in their life. And I hope

[00:53:42] that they find peace in their life one day. But I have found

[00:53:46] peace and I don't want anything to mess up that peace. So if it means to walk away from social

[00:53:53] media or a friend or a group of friends or a family member, I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it.

[00:54:00] And maybe one day, maybe what I should start to do is do an AI generator for Facebook and

[00:54:06] Instagram posts for raising values. Maybe that will take the stress off me. I even, Kyle, you will

[00:54:12] like this. I even looked at a newsletter generator the other day to see if I could get a matter of

[00:54:17] effects. newsletter generated so that I wouldn't have to do it, but anyway, I just thought I need to say that.

[00:54:26] Well two things.

[00:54:27] First of all, my brother-in-law and I were actually sitting on the back porch just the

[00:54:31] other day and had this exact same conversation about how we've reached point our lives where

[00:54:36] it's not a ballot.

[00:54:38] It's not about kick our body ever lives.

[00:54:40] It doesn't agree with this 100% because that's not.

[00:54:42] That's not the line he and I have drawn, but it was interesting that we drew the exact same line. I told him my line is I'm looking for

[00:54:49] other men who are working on themselves, working on their families, their working have a strong

[00:54:56] relationship with their wives, their working to have a strong relationship with their kids,

[00:54:59] if that applies. I'm looking for men that are inspiring me to be the better me. I don't want

[00:55:06] people around me who are fighting with their wives or drinking themselves into a hole. And I don't

[00:55:12] want people to men around me that are going to drag me down because I do believe that all it's saying

[00:55:17] that it's hard to soar with the Eagles when you hang around with Goonybirds.

[00:55:21] You said it so much more eloquently than I did.

[00:55:25] I like that.

[00:55:26] I mean, not minus the whole Goonybirds things.

[00:55:28] I don't know what a Goonybird is, but I get what you're saying.

[00:55:30] I'm joking.

[00:55:31] But, or Doto's, if you prefer that.

[00:55:34] Oh, I know.

[00:55:35] I know what you're trying to say.

[00:55:36] But the other thing I was going to say is like,

[00:55:39] I, my personal, like, I'm not emotionally invested

[00:55:44] in most of social media. I do it basically as a

[00:55:48] stress relief or I do it. Try to try to get the podcast out in front of one more person if I can.

[00:55:54] But a lot of my personal viewpoint on it is like my worry is that for a lot of people,

[00:56:01] they are seeking attention, which is that dopamine here from social media, from strangers on social media, rather than from a

[00:56:09] person who should be giving them that attention. So like me

[00:56:14] personally, if I'm looking for attention, it should be coming from my family.

[00:56:18] Is that why you send me memes all the time? No, that's usually just because it

[00:56:23] it it it tickled my funny bone I wanted to share

[00:56:27] it with someone who would appreciate my 12 year old son to be a real real real real real

[00:56:33] real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real

[00:56:35] real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real

[00:56:37] real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real

[00:56:39] real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real

[00:56:40] real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real

[00:56:41] real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real I worry is that for a lot of people, that digital cocaine,

[00:56:45] that cheap, easy hit of get on social media

[00:56:47] and do something to get the likes and the hearts

[00:56:49] and the clicks and the whatever,

[00:56:51] that is so much easier for a person

[00:56:54] than to build a relationship with their spouse

[00:56:56] and build a relationship with their kids.

[00:56:58] And the problem is, most well-adjusted adults

[00:57:02] are not looking for attention to validation from their kids,

[00:57:04] but those kids are a hundred percent. Supposed to be looking for validation from

[00:57:08] those parents and attention and affection. And if you don't give it to them, and if

[00:57:16] they have social media, if they don't get that attention validation from you,

[00:57:22] the parent, and you give them social media. They're going to go looking for that from social media, 100%.

[00:57:28] So consider that a big old dissertation on like cell phones and social media for kids and adults.

[00:57:37] I just, I think that, you know, something I've seen a lot lately is that the world you and I grew up in

[00:57:45] doesn't exist anymore.

[00:57:47] As much as that pains me to admit that I am forced to admit that, yeah, I think the world

[00:57:53] of the mid-late 80s that I was a child in that world is completely and totally gone.

[00:57:58] The times when you could get on your bike and ride around your idiot friends for 14 hours

[00:58:02] and come home and no one ever turned up on a milk carton, those days are gone.

[00:58:06] They're never coming back, I don't think.

[00:58:09] So, I mean, this is a...

[00:58:11] Unless there's a whole big...

[00:58:14] What is the pulse thing that y'all always talk about?

[00:58:17] Yeah, an EMP, unless there's an EMP.

[00:58:20] What it would take is for people that do things to people they're not supposed to just wind up

[00:58:25] You know with a rope tie around the neck, but I'm not gonna go away further now that road. This is a family friendly show

[00:58:31] We're raising values. That's raising values. I think there's value in raising people off the ground that hurt other people

[00:58:39] That's true. That's true. I think especially children

[00:58:43] But I just I don't know.

[00:58:46] I have concerns about giving the world access to my child.

[00:58:51] And that is where a lot of my, I want to call it my extreme reticence about social media

[00:58:56] comes from because I just, I cannot believe that a preteen or even a teenage child is prepared to deal with that digital cocaine.

[00:59:08] And I feel like if you accept the fact that when the 18th, they're going to make their own

[00:59:14] dagger decisions or, you know, parents, like you have to install that expectation in your child's

[00:59:20] head of this is what it is. And it can lead to these things and it can open you up to these things like

[00:59:28] It's like I used to use an analogy all the time when I would talk about gun safety

[00:59:32] I'd always tell parents be like, you know, I don't I don't keep a kilo cocaine line around

[00:59:36] But I'm gonna tell my kid not to do drugs like the fact that I don't allow it into my house

[00:59:41] Doesn't mean I'm not gonna prepare her for it because she might find it one day

[00:59:45] And I want her to be safe. That's my ultimate goal

[00:59:48] But as far as cell phones like I know we're we are fast approaching the day where we're gonna have to

[00:59:53] Break down and get her a cell phone

[00:59:55] I'm just looking at it as like a I don't want the thousand dollar cell phone to get smashed in half because that's gonna get

[01:00:03] prohibitively expensive very quickly.

[01:00:09] She's done pretty good with the cell phone and Nintendo's which that she has. She has. So I feel like we can log in on her account at school on her Chromebook and see what

[01:00:17] she searched because they can't delete their history and she doesn't do anything that

[01:00:23] raises any eyebrows to me.

[01:00:25] Yeah. So the other thing we're gonna have to figure out is like,

[01:00:29] I mean, if she gets an iPhone, I know how to lock those down

[01:00:31] backwards and forwards where she thinks we can,

[01:00:34] we can keep her out of trouble on that end.

[01:00:36] But then the question is like, do we even get

[01:00:38] her a smartphone at this point or do we get her a non-smartphone?

[01:00:43] I don't know. That's a whole nerd discussion to have.

[01:00:45] But like I said, my original signpost was the moment

[01:00:50] we're allowing her out of our custody

[01:00:51] or the custody of a trusted adult,

[01:00:53] I want her to have a cell phone.

[01:00:55] And we're very quickly reaching that point.

[01:00:58] We weren't at that point several years ago

[01:01:00] when these conversations first started to happen.

[01:01:03] But we've always been,

[01:01:05] I feel like in lockstep on the conversation of social media

[01:01:07] with her.

[01:01:08] Yeah.

[01:01:09] Like, under no circumstances, no.

[01:01:11] Yeah, I know we're trying to in the show

[01:01:14] if you've ever watched and that's

[01:01:15] the Netflix documentary that you were talking about.

[01:01:18] The social dilemma is on Netflix.

[01:01:22] You should watch that if you haven't. They do interviews with all of these people

[01:01:28] who used to work for Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest,

[01:01:32] YouTube, these developers of these sites,

[01:01:35] and every single one of them will,

[01:01:38] are on that documentary saying,

[01:01:40] I don't have it, my children will never have it.

[01:01:43] There will not these things that they developed.

[01:01:46] It's almost like they were part of developing this nasty, I don't know, this nasty weapon.

[01:01:59] And they understood what the weapon was going to be used for and what their job and their

[01:02:03] role in producing this weapon was going to be used for and what their job and their role in producing this weapon was and once they were able to get out of development of this weapon, they

[01:02:11] or this drug or whatever, however you want to call it, they understood I will never have

[01:02:16] a part of this and my family will never have a part of it.

[01:02:19] And if the developers of these social media, big social media sites are saying that.

[01:02:26] I think we should listen.

[01:02:28] I think we should listen.

[01:02:29] I mean, to draw two more parallels

[01:02:32] that then I'll let us close show.

[01:02:34] We won't make this like an Italian goodbye.

[01:02:36] I would also say that like if you watch

[01:02:39] like any of the documentaries on Edward Snowden

[01:02:41] and all the things he came to realize about

[01:02:43] the US government and the NSA's,

[01:02:52] you know, spying activities on American citizens. I've said before that if you, if you watch into that and you read into what the capabilities of the NSA are, like you will not want to walk in front

[01:02:57] of a webcam undressed ever again for the rest of your life, even if the computers turned off,

[01:03:02] it will creep you out. But the other thing I would point out is like if you look at things like people that

[01:03:08] work in the pharmaceutical industry, most of those people will not let their

[01:03:12] families take the drugs that that company produces. Yeah. So where I come from,

[01:03:17] that's a clue. I'm just I'm just saying like, you know, for every parent out

[01:03:23] there that's tackling these questions of

[01:03:25] self-consultial media, you make the decision that you can live with because ultimately

[01:03:31] if your kid gets hurt by it, you're going to be in one of those scars from rest your

[01:03:35] life.

[01:03:36] All I would say is don't make this decision likely.

[01:03:40] Like truly think through, truly think this through and make the decision that you

[01:03:47] and us and inspire your spouse can live with that you feel like is doing the best service

[01:03:52] to your child. And the only thing I will say is completely cast aside what society and

[01:03:58] your neighbors and your kids, idiot friends and their parents and all those other people

[01:04:02] tell you you should do because when it comes to parenting no one else is on the hook for your kid but you.

[01:04:08] Yeah I agree. In closing one quick little blurb, women who prep conference is

[01:04:16] coming up April 20th through the 23rd there's still time to get your tickets

[01:04:20] and you can do so through my affiliate link on the LinkedIn link in the

[01:04:27] raising values Instagram and Facebook pages. So do that.

[01:04:32] Did you get Kyle slash Holly their digital ticket?

[01:04:36] I've given Allison the information for Holly and I think she's super excited about being

[01:04:43] able to attend the event and I think she's super excited about being able to attend the event.

[01:04:45] And I am too. Yep. And otherwise, you know,

[01:04:48] proper camps coming up in September. I am 99% sure the event is not sold out, but the campsite

[01:04:55] best I'm aware is completely and totally sold out. So if you still want to come to Prepper Camp, they're Airbnb's all throughout the area. It's not that far from

[01:05:07] greens, burp greens, something greenville green, so I don't know. It's in Saluda. It's in Saluda,

[01:05:15] North Carolina. It's like right on the North Carolina, South Carolina border Asheville. So like

[01:05:20] Asheville is about 35 minutes away. There's hotels and everything there. Like there's still plenty of opportunity

[01:05:25] for a person who wants to come to Prepper Camp to come.

[01:05:28] Matter of fact, and raising values will be in a booth

[01:05:31] down in the vendors area on what they're calling TBN Road

[01:05:34] because all the Prepper broadcast network hosts

[01:05:37] are gonna be on a row through there.

[01:05:39] And, you know, I think our plan is what we did last year,

[01:05:42] like we're not looking to go out there and sell stuff,

[01:05:44] Ron, so just there to like greet guests And I think our plan is what we did last year, like we're not looking to go out there and sell stuff, Ron.

[01:05:45] So just there to like greet guests where they're to record a bunch of content with people.

[01:05:50] Like I will grab, I will grab people that are just walking by and dragging them in front

[01:05:54] of a microphone if I have to.

[01:05:56] Because we want, we want to hear from the showgoers.

[01:05:59] We want to hear from the people that are there, this is their first time at the event.

[01:06:03] And I believe that it does an incredible service for the people that can't make it to Prepper Camp to be able to see

[01:06:09] that content, which by the way, if you're watching this on YouTube, there is actually an entire

[01:06:15] playlist put together that is like all the interviews we did from Prepper Camp this past year,

[01:06:21] 2023. It was good. There was one episode where I had really jacked a body,

[01:06:25] but the rest were all really good.

[01:06:28] And then the last thing is for our patrons,

[01:06:31] our family camping trip is coming up in four short months.

[01:06:35] It'll be in June.

[01:06:37] And if you haven't gotten your site yet,

[01:06:39] you can look at all the three months.

[01:06:40] Three months.

[01:06:42] March, April, May, June.

[01:06:44] Nevermind, I'm off.

[01:06:46] If you haven't gotten your campsite,

[01:06:48] I think the cabins they might have some cabins available

[01:06:52] still, but be sure, we'd love to see you all there.

[01:06:56] And it's in Tennessee this year,

[01:06:58] the camping trips in Tennessee.

[01:06:59] For patrons.

[01:07:00] For patrons only.

[01:07:02] So if you're not a patron, become a patron

[01:07:04] and you'll be invited, but if you're not a patron become a patron and you'll be invited but if you're not a patron

[01:07:06] you're not invited sorry not sorry anyway hope you guys have a great rest of your day and have a great week ahead

[01:07:14] and we will talk to you in a week see you next time thank you and goodbye Bye! Thank you.