Raising Values: Generational Curses

[00:00:01] [SPEAKER_02]: Welcome to the Raising Values Podcast, where the traditional family talks.

[00:00:06] [SPEAKER_02]: You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher, at Spotify and be sure to follow us on Facebook and Instagram.

[00:00:12] [SPEAKER_02]: You can support the Raising Values podcast through Patreon.

[00:00:16] [SPEAKER_02]: They'll link in our behind-the-mic and we hope you enjoy this show.

[00:00:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome back to Raising Values.

[00:00:31] [SPEAKER_03]: Good morning, everybody.

[00:00:33] [SPEAKER_03]: Good day.

[00:00:34] [SPEAKER_03]: Good evening or whatever.

[00:00:35] [SPEAKER_03]: I remember when we were listening to this.

[00:00:37] [SPEAKER_00]: I remember when we first started doing this episode, it was always like the last second

[00:00:41] [SPEAKER_00]: who's going to actually control.

[00:00:42] [SPEAKER_00]: And now we fall into this interesting little routine where I say welcome back and you say good morning

[00:00:47] [SPEAKER_00]: and then we just go totally by accident.

[00:00:51] [SPEAKER_03]: Maybe the awkwardness has worn off.

[00:00:53] [SPEAKER_00]: What a rest of the awkward.

[00:00:56] [SPEAKER_03]: I said that.

[00:00:57] [SPEAKER_03]: I was like, ooh, no the awkwardness is still there.

[00:01:01] [SPEAKER_03]: But good morning, it is.

[00:01:05] [SPEAKER_03]: It's been a crazy week for us.

[00:01:08] [SPEAKER_03]: So I'm still not feeling 100%.

[00:01:10] [SPEAKER_03]: I started feeling bad last Sunday and I mentioned that during the show.

[00:01:16] [SPEAKER_03]: And then I just went downhill from there and I'm still not.

[00:01:20] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm still not feeling 100.

[00:01:22] [SPEAKER_00]: So.

[00:01:23] [SPEAKER_00]: And Francine, the wind and everything from Francine is probably responsible for a lot of my congestion

[00:01:29] [SPEAKER_00]: and I probably didn't help you either.

[00:01:31] [SPEAKER_03]: Mine's from Bugger Eaters at school.

[00:01:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, Bugger Eaters.

[00:01:36] [SPEAKER_03]: Bugger Eaters.

[00:01:37] [SPEAKER_03]: That's what my sickness is from.

[00:01:40] [SPEAKER_03]: Actually, I, um, I know this isn't having anything to do with the podcast but

[00:01:45] [SPEAKER_03]: this week, anything that I could sanitize and soak in, um,

[00:01:50] [SPEAKER_03]: I saw I did like buckets.

[00:01:52] [SPEAKER_03]: I had buckets up by my sink and my classroom just full of, um, manipulatives that the kids play with.

[00:01:59] [SPEAKER_03]: One reason is because I literally, I'm sitting there and I have my four year old class in there.

[00:02:06] [SPEAKER_03]: And he's got the bucket of, um, they call them plus blocks or whatever.

[00:02:11] [SPEAKER_03]: It doesn't matter.

[00:02:12] [SPEAKER_03]: And he sneezes twice into the bucket.

[00:02:14] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm just like, oh, God.

[00:02:17] [SPEAKER_03]: That's why I don't feel very good.

[00:02:20] [SPEAKER_03]: Actually, I've done pretty good.

[00:02:21] [SPEAKER_03]: So when I started, when I started, back at school, I remember being sick from, like, mid-August,

[00:02:29] [SPEAKER_03]: all the way through February.

[00:02:31] [SPEAKER_03]: I remember going to Prepper Camp and being very sick that year.

[00:02:36] [SPEAKER_00]: What's up here that you and I both went to Prepper Camp with a son in some faction?

[00:02:40] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I don't know if you had it.

[00:02:42] [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, yes, you did.

[00:02:43] [SPEAKER_03]: But I can remember walking down to, um, there's a lady there who she teaches a class.

[00:02:50] [SPEAKER_03]: It's kind of like a medicinal apothecary, um, herbal remedy, kind of booth that she runs.

[00:02:57] [SPEAKER_03]: And I was hitting her up every day.

[00:02:59] [SPEAKER_03]: I was hitting her up every day.

[00:03:01] [SPEAKER_03]: Like, what else do you have?

[00:03:02] [SPEAKER_03]: What else do you have?

[00:03:03] [SPEAKER_03]: I've got to feel better.

[00:03:04] [SPEAKER_03]: I can't be here and feel like crap.

[00:03:07] [SPEAKER_03]: Well, turns out I had COVID that year.

[00:03:11] [SPEAKER_03]: Mm-hmm.

[00:03:11] [SPEAKER_03]: So anyway, book her eaters, um, and everything has been sanitized in my classroom

[00:03:17] [SPEAKER_03]: that I can't sanitize.

[00:03:19] [SPEAKER_03]: Anyway, two today's podcasts because that was what you woke up to listen to today was

[00:03:26] [SPEAKER_03]: why Galian is sick.

[00:03:31] [SPEAKER_03]: We are talking about generational curses and breaking generational curses.

[00:03:36] [SPEAKER_03]: And I asked Phil, um, I wanted to jump.

[00:03:39] [SPEAKER_03]: I asked Phil if he had any banners or what he was going to talk about because this came from

[00:03:45] [SPEAKER_03]: his list of ideas to have topics which is fine.

[00:03:50] [SPEAKER_03]: We have that list.

[00:03:51] [SPEAKER_00]: She won't take credit for her but I'm pretty sure this was a topic she told me to put on the list.

[00:03:56] [SPEAKER_00]: But now she doesn't remember doing that.

[00:03:57] [SPEAKER_03]: I know this is bad but I forgot to turn off the coffee pot and there's no coffee in the pot.

[00:04:05] [SPEAKER_03]: Mm-hmm.

[00:04:05] [SPEAKER_03]: My back.

[00:04:07] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm back.

[00:04:08] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, so generational curses and all that stuff.

[00:04:12] [SPEAKER_03]: So I asked Phil, I was like, did you put any banners up there?

[00:04:14] [SPEAKER_03]: And I actually did some research in all that.

[00:04:17] [SPEAKER_03]: And I know that I talk about generational curses a lot on this podcast and this has been

[00:04:23] [SPEAKER_03]: good therapy for me.

[00:04:25] [SPEAKER_03]: Eddie, when you listen, I'm serious when I commented I needed the therapist.

[00:04:30] [SPEAKER_03]: So, um, you know, hit me up.

[00:04:32] [SPEAKER_03]: You've got my number.

[00:04:35] [SPEAKER_03]: I probably could use a therapist.

[00:04:37] [SPEAKER_03]: We all could.

[00:04:38] [SPEAKER_03]: I think therapy is, um, I think therapy is something that used to be

[00:04:47] [SPEAKER_03]: taboo when you went to therapy like, why are you seeing a therapist?

[00:04:50] [SPEAKER_03]: Why do you need to see a therapist?

[00:04:52] [SPEAKER_03]: Um, and I, uh, maybe this is, maybe this will have something to tie into this episode.

[00:05:01] [SPEAKER_03]: But I can remember my parents putting all of us, my, me and my sisters in therapy at a very

[00:05:07] [SPEAKER_03]: young age, very, very young age.

[00:05:10] [SPEAKER_03]: I don't know why we were in there from a very young age.

[00:05:12] [SPEAKER_03]: I don't know what, like, I can't remember like what was happening or what.

[00:05:17] [SPEAKER_03]: I don't know.

[00:05:18] [SPEAKER_03]: I just remember seeing a lot of therapists when I was a kid and some of them were a little,

[00:05:23] [SPEAKER_03]: a little strange.

[00:05:26] [SPEAKER_03]: We actually had one therapist during a family session that got up and said,

[00:05:31] [SPEAKER_03]: I can't help you.

[00:05:32] [SPEAKER_03]: And walked out.

[00:05:35] [SPEAKER_03]: If that, that needs to be a show.

[00:05:37] [SPEAKER_03]: If my sister were listening, she'd be like, yeah, I remember that.

[00:05:40] [SPEAKER_03]: I hope.

[00:05:41] [SPEAKER_03]: Um, but yeah, he literally, no, she, it was a girl.

[00:05:45] [SPEAKER_03]: She, she sat up in the session where all sitting around and she sets up with her,

[00:05:50] [SPEAKER_03]: no pad and she goes, I honestly don't think I can help you.

[00:05:54] [SPEAKER_03]: I don't think I can help you all as a family and walk out of the room.

[00:05:58] [SPEAKER_03]: And we're all sitting there going, what the hell just happened?

[00:06:01] [SPEAKER_03]: We're that.

[00:06:04] [SPEAKER_00]: I heard the story before we got married and that, that should have been a song.

[00:06:08] [SPEAKER_03]: That should have been your song.

[00:06:09] [SPEAKER_03]: You should have walked away.

[00:06:11] [SPEAKER_03]: But no, you married for love.

[00:06:13] [SPEAKER_00]: I married the least crazy one in your family by a wide margin.

[00:06:17] [SPEAKER_03]: Maybe so.

[00:06:19] [SPEAKER_03]: I think though that, that does kind of tie into the generational curses, but

[00:06:24] [SPEAKER_03]: time out before we do all of that, we totally miss doing all of the admin work,

[00:06:29] [SPEAKER_03]: all of the things that we should be doing.

[00:06:31] [SPEAKER_00]: I do have banners for the admin work.

[00:06:33] [SPEAKER_03]: Okay, we'll see.

[00:06:34] [SPEAKER_03]: I asked if you had banners and-

[00:06:35] [SPEAKER_00]: But that was basically the episode.

[00:06:37] [SPEAKER_03]: That's okay.

[00:06:37] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm glad you have that because we almost forgot.

[00:06:40] [SPEAKER_03]: So, merch is out.

[00:06:43] [SPEAKER_00]: The links in the description.

[00:06:45] [SPEAKER_00]: It's from the Southern Gals.

[00:06:47] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah and so one thing that we did get while we're so not prepared for today's show

[00:06:51] [SPEAKER_03]: because what I wanted to show you is in the kitchen.

[00:06:54] [SPEAKER_03]: And I'm not going to get up again to go run the kitchen and get them.

[00:06:59] [SPEAKER_03]: But you can go to Southern Gals crafts?

[00:07:05] [SPEAKER_03]: No.

[00:07:05] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:07:06] [SPEAKER_03]: Always mess that up.

[00:07:07] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm sorry Tiffany.

[00:07:08] [SPEAKER_00]: The links in the show description.

[00:07:09] [SPEAKER_03]: The links in the show description for merch.

[00:07:12] [SPEAKER_03]: They're like if you want t-shirts, if you want coffee cups, if you want whatever.

[00:07:18] [SPEAKER_03]: Cousies, whatever.

[00:07:19] [SPEAKER_03]: It's all there.

[00:07:20] [SPEAKER_03]: So you can go do that for and it's all of the same page raising values and matter

[00:07:24] [SPEAKER_03]: of facts is all on the same page.

[00:07:26] [SPEAKER_03]: I would love if you're going to proper camp.

[00:07:29] [SPEAKER_03]: I would love to see our shirts out at Prepar Camp.

[00:07:31] [SPEAKER_03]: I know a couple of people have bought things that they're going to wear to Prepar Camp.

[00:07:35] [SPEAKER_03]: I'll be wearing our merchandise throughout the whole time.

[00:07:38] [SPEAKER_03]: The other thing that I wanted to mention and I put this in our

[00:07:43] [SPEAKER_03]: Signal Chat for Patrons is that we got stickers printed.

[00:07:48] [SPEAKER_03]: And so we'll be sending all your stickers.

[00:07:50] [SPEAKER_03]: You know, we did at one point.

[00:07:52] [SPEAKER_03]: We did the patches, the MLF patches.

[00:07:55] [SPEAKER_03]: We don't have a patch for raising values.

[00:07:56] [SPEAKER_03]: I don't know if we're going to do that.

[00:07:58] [SPEAKER_03]: But we do have stickers that were printed up.

[00:08:00] [SPEAKER_03]: So we'll send you stickers and then the rest of those stickers will be handed out at Prepar Camp.

[00:08:04] [SPEAKER_03]: So if you are going to be at Prepar Camp, be sure to stop by our Booth and grab some of the stickers.

[00:08:11] [SPEAKER_03]: And you can also sign up.

[00:08:14] [SPEAKER_03]: I do have this one.

[00:08:16] [SPEAKER_03]: You can also sign up for a giveaway at Prepar Camp.

[00:08:18] [SPEAKER_03]: Let me cover that.

[00:08:20] [SPEAKER_03]: You can't scan that.

[00:08:21] [SPEAKER_03]: Sign up for a giveaway at Prepar Camp.

[00:08:24] [SPEAKER_03]: And you're going to have a shirt if you win.

[00:08:27] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:08:27] [SPEAKER_03]: Okay.

[00:08:28] [SPEAKER_03]: That's the merch.

[00:08:30] [SPEAKER_03]: And then the Signal Chat, I kind of just spoke on that.

[00:08:33] [SPEAKER_03]: We do have a Matter of Facts, Patreon Signal Chat.

[00:08:36] [SPEAKER_03]: That's been going on for years.

[00:08:39] [SPEAKER_03]: It's always a fun time in there.

[00:08:41] [SPEAKER_00]: It gets a little ahead of me.

[00:08:42] [SPEAKER_03]: It's so fun that I muted it.

[00:08:45] [SPEAKER_03]: So if you want to talk to me and you're in the better Facts Signal Chat,

[00:08:48] [SPEAKER_03]: you have to actually add me so that I'll see the notification.

[00:08:54] [SPEAKER_00]: Or scoot over to the Raising Value Signal Chat, which is a little bit.

[00:08:58] [SPEAKER_00]: Yes.

[00:08:58] [SPEAKER_00]: More sedate.

[00:08:59] [SPEAKER_03]: Yes.

[00:09:00] [SPEAKER_03]: So yes.

[00:09:00] [SPEAKER_03]: That we do have a Raising Value Signal Chat, which doesn't talk about

[00:09:04] [SPEAKER_03]: so much prepping guns and politics.

[00:09:06] [SPEAKER_03]: But more things that we talk about on this show.

[00:09:09] [SPEAKER_03]: And that's thanks to one of our listeners that said,

[00:09:11] [SPEAKER_03]: why don't we have a Raising Value Signal Chat?

[00:09:14] [SPEAKER_03]: And then it was created.

[00:09:17] [SPEAKER_03]: So yeah, thanks for that.

[00:09:19] [SPEAKER_03]: All right.

[00:09:19] [SPEAKER_03]: So there's that.

[00:09:21] [SPEAKER_03]: So getting back to today's topic at hand, generational

[00:09:26] [SPEAKER_03]: curses.

[00:09:26] [SPEAKER_03]: So one of the things that I took some notes because

[00:09:29] [SPEAKER_03]: my brain, you know.

[00:09:32] [SPEAKER_03]: What is a curse?

[00:09:33] [SPEAKER_03]: All right.

[00:09:35] [SPEAKER_03]: Ready?

[00:09:36] [SPEAKER_03]: There's two ways to look at a curse.

[00:09:38] [SPEAKER_03]: The biblical or the pagan way of viewing a curse, which is a curse

[00:09:42] [SPEAKER_03]: or a hex is placed on a family from an outside person or an entity.

[00:09:46] [SPEAKER_03]: And you can believe that or you can.

[00:09:48] [SPEAKER_03]: It doesn't matter whatever your religious or spiritual

[00:09:54] [SPEAKER_03]: ways of thinking or beliefs are.

[00:09:57] [SPEAKER_03]: And then what I think we're going to really be talking about today is

[00:10:01] [SPEAKER_03]: family traditions passed down through the generations that are harmful

[00:10:07] [SPEAKER_03]: habits that define your life.

[00:10:10] [SPEAKER_03]: So I think that's really what we're talking about.

[00:10:12] [SPEAKER_03]: So those are the two types of curses.

[00:10:15] [SPEAKER_03]: I know when I was kind of research in generational curses,

[00:10:21] [SPEAKER_03]: a lot of the biblical things started coming up.

[00:10:24] [SPEAKER_03]: And then I think that's not really a road we want to go down today,

[00:10:28] [SPEAKER_03]: but it is something to think about too.

[00:10:31] [SPEAKER_03]: If you're in that mindset of, you know, you always say,

[00:10:35] [SPEAKER_03]: well you have for Abelay look, you tell me,

[00:10:37] [SPEAKER_03]: well now you're a rebel.

[00:10:38] [SPEAKER_03]: You have rebelay look.

[00:10:39] [SPEAKER_00]: I say I say that very jokingly.

[00:10:41] [SPEAKER_03]: I know, I know you don't mean that.

[00:10:43] [SPEAKER_00]: But for the for the audience.

[00:10:44] [SPEAKER_03]: Some druid thousand years ago.

[00:10:46] [SPEAKER_03]: No, so.

[00:10:48] [SPEAKER_03]: Have fun your family.

[00:10:49] [SPEAKER_00]: So I'm going to trip this to my father having said this first

[00:10:52] [SPEAKER_00]: and if he doesn't remember saying it to me,

[00:10:55] [SPEAKER_00]: I just think to remember it coming from somebody.

[00:10:57] [SPEAKER_00]: But I can distinctly remember growing up and hearing,

[00:11:00] [SPEAKER_00]: oh yeah, you know we have Rabelay look.

[00:11:02] [SPEAKER_00]: It's better than I am.

[00:11:03] [SPEAKER_00]: Which was just always a way of saying like,

[00:11:06] [SPEAKER_00]: you know, like it's it always seems like

[00:11:08] [SPEAKER_00]: if something's left to chance,

[00:11:09] [SPEAKER_00]: it's not going to go our way.

[00:11:11] [SPEAKER_00]: Which was also kind of a lifeless and

[00:11:13] [SPEAKER_00]: of don't leave things to chance because it's not going to turn out the way you want it to.

[00:11:18] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.

[00:11:19] [SPEAKER_03]: So anyway, so we're going to talk about family

[00:11:22] [SPEAKER_03]: traditions that are passed down through generations.

[00:11:27] [SPEAKER_03]: That can be viewed as curses and so my next thing was

[00:11:30] [SPEAKER_03]: we'll what are considered family or traditional curses.

[00:11:35] [SPEAKER_03]: And I think well, I have a list of seven but I think you can really

[00:11:42] [SPEAKER_03]: any sort of behavior or

[00:11:46] [SPEAKER_03]: tradition or mindset that is negative.

[00:11:51] [SPEAKER_03]: Anything that doesn't push you forward,

[00:11:54] [SPEAKER_03]: doesn't raise you up, doesn't.

[00:11:57] [SPEAKER_03]: You know it keeps you bogged down and keeps the family bogged down.

[00:12:00] [SPEAKER_03]: I think that's something that you can consider

[00:12:03] [SPEAKER_03]: at generational curse.

[00:12:05] [SPEAKER_03]: You could even look at it health-wise things that

[00:12:08] [SPEAKER_03]: you know if your parents smoked and now you smoke and so your kids are going to start

[00:12:13] [SPEAKER_03]: smoke and none of the other going to have the best health,

[00:12:17] [SPEAKER_03]: you know that could be a generational curse.

[00:12:21] [SPEAKER_03]: I sound like a smoker today.

[00:12:23] [SPEAKER_00]: Poor eating habits leading to obesity and you can choose.

[00:12:26] [SPEAKER_03]: Hang on, I'm hanging on, hang on.

[00:12:27] [SPEAKER_03]: I have that.

[00:12:28] [SPEAKER_03]: I have a little, okay, you talk about your

[00:12:31] [SPEAKER_03]: support eating habits.

[00:12:32] [SPEAKER_00]: Try to see myself out?

[00:12:33] [SPEAKER_03]: No, no, no, no, but I did some research.

[00:12:36] [SPEAKER_03]: Go ahead, poor eating habits.

[00:12:38] [SPEAKER_00]: Well, if you have poor eating habits and it causes

[00:12:40] [SPEAKER_00]: you to be obese and you pass those to your child and then

[00:12:43] [SPEAKER_00]: there obese because like there is no, I understand this

[00:12:45] [SPEAKER_00]: 24 and it's fat shaming and all this other nonsense.

[00:12:49] [SPEAKER_00]: But you cannot argue about the horrible health effects

[00:12:53] [SPEAKER_00]: people suffer from being morbidly obese and having

[00:12:56] [SPEAKER_00]: tremendously high blood sugar.

[00:13:00] [SPEAKER_00]: You can't argue that against that, I'll die on that yellow.

[00:13:03] [SPEAKER_03]: No, no, I don't think anybody's arguing that point with you.

[00:13:06] [SPEAKER_00]: Somebody in the internet will.

[00:13:08] [SPEAKER_03]: Somebody will out there.

[00:13:10] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, so poor eating habits and I think that kind of goes into one of the

[00:13:15] [SPEAKER_03]: ones that I had on here, making or allowing or making excuses for

[00:13:21] [SPEAKER_03]: people's bad behavior and poor decisions.

[00:13:25] [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, no, no, that wasn't it.

[00:13:26] [SPEAKER_03]: Working too hard or not working at all and depending on others or the

[00:13:30] [SPEAKER_03]: government to get by, that's I think that went down a

[00:13:32] [SPEAKER_03]: fits into that because I have heard this before from women.

[00:13:39] [SPEAKER_03]: This is, I've heard it from girls I went to high school with

[00:13:43] [SPEAKER_03]: and when I was working at Audivan, I'm really sorry about the coughing

[00:13:46] [SPEAKER_03]: guys.

[00:13:49] [SPEAKER_03]: There was a couple of things that happened.

[00:13:51] [SPEAKER_03]: One, I have heard girls say they were going to continue to have

[00:13:55] [SPEAKER_03]: babies so that they could stay on welfare and get more money for food

[00:13:59] [SPEAKER_03]: stamps, which by the way, food stamps aren't paying for food.

[00:14:04] [SPEAKER_03]: It's actually paying for well, things that are considered real food.

[00:14:09] [SPEAKER_03]: Food stamps only pay for the nasty that keep you sick food.

[00:14:16] [SPEAKER_03]: It's not really going to, yeah, anyway, I won't go down that rabbit hole.

[00:14:20] [SPEAKER_03]: And then the other one was to lie on different forms or whatever to get more money.

[00:14:27] [SPEAKER_03]: So that the government would continue to hand that money out to them.

[00:14:31] [SPEAKER_03]: And a lot of times you would hear that when we had storms come through

[00:14:35] [SPEAKER_03]: and you could apply for a FEMA assistance and things like that.

[00:14:40] [SPEAKER_03]: I know when it wasn't, it wasn't country night.

[00:14:45] [SPEAKER_03]: It was another really bad storm that came through.

[00:14:48] [SPEAKER_03]: I can't remember which one but it also devastated the city.

[00:14:54] [SPEAKER_03]: And I can't remember a city.

[00:14:55] [SPEAKER_00]: Half-mabe.

[00:14:56] [SPEAKER_03]: I don't remember which one it was but I can remember sitting in the lunchroom,

[00:15:01] [SPEAKER_03]: the breakroom or whatever.

[00:15:03] [SPEAKER_03]: And listening to all these women, all these girls talk about how they're saying that they did this

[00:15:10] [SPEAKER_03]: or something, this happened to their house or we flooded here or now they have six people living

[00:15:15] [SPEAKER_03]: in their house when really they all have anything that happened to their house and they all have

[00:15:19] [SPEAKER_03]: anyone living there but they're filling out the forms in such a way that now they're going to

[00:15:23] [SPEAKER_03]: get the assistance that money from them, from the government to help them out.

[00:15:29] [SPEAKER_03]: And so I sure someone can just be like, oh they figured out a way to cheat the system on their own.

[00:15:37] [SPEAKER_03]: But I would wonder how often that has happened in their family that it's just been passed down.

[00:15:43] [SPEAKER_03]: Like this is what you do.

[00:15:44] [SPEAKER_03]: You ask the you tell the government that you have this problem or you tell so and so that

[00:15:48] [SPEAKER_03]: you have this problem, it's an easy way out and you just do it.

[00:15:52] [SPEAKER_03]: And so the other thing that I wanted to, well I'll wait for that.

[00:16:02] [SPEAKER_03]: So anyway, so working too hard or not working at all depending on the government to get by,

[00:16:07] [SPEAKER_03]: Joe had something to say. Sounds like my-

[00:16:08] [SPEAKER_00]: I was trying to point out to you.

[00:16:10] [SPEAKER_03]: I know sounds like my ex-wife and how about lives that judge to get more child support.

[00:16:15] [SPEAKER_00]: But I think the problem there is just this prevailing.

[00:16:17] [SPEAKER_03]: And you talk, I gotta who gets some water. I'm sorry.

[00:16:19] [SPEAKER_00]: I think the problem there is like this prevailing trend that it's okay to lie to give it to you

[00:16:24] [SPEAKER_00]: water and get what you need. Like the generational curse, whether it's levied at government

[00:16:30] [SPEAKER_00]: or the courts or whatever else, the general congressional curse is teaching dishonesty.

[00:16:37] [SPEAKER_00]: Which I mean, I come from a house over that, that is not tolerated.

[00:16:43] [SPEAKER_00]: It's troubling to me. The audience is going to have to bear with us.

[00:16:51] [SPEAKER_00]: We have a- I'm sorry.

[00:16:53] [SPEAKER_00]: And 80-year-old Smoker, you know.

[00:16:55] [SPEAKER_03]: I can't stop coughing. Okay, back for the second time,

[00:17:00] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm going to put an old lady met in my mouth.

[00:17:04] [SPEAKER_03]: Back to Joe's comment.

[00:17:06] [SPEAKER_03]: Lied at the judge about getting more child support.

[00:17:11] [SPEAKER_03]: I think yes, that could be a family generational curse.

[00:17:14] [SPEAKER_03]: I think that's just a generational curse period.

[00:17:17] [SPEAKER_03]: I think women have been told that it's okay to do that, that you should do that, and

[00:17:23] [SPEAKER_03]: that it's the man's problem because that's why you're doing it.

[00:17:27] [SPEAKER_03]: You know, that's the man's fault.

[00:17:29] [SPEAKER_03]: You tell that judge whatever you need to say,

[00:17:32] [SPEAKER_03]: you get your children away from that man, get the money from that man,

[00:17:36] [SPEAKER_03]: women have been conditioned to do that.

[00:17:38] [SPEAKER_03]: So not only is it a family generational curse of doing that,

[00:17:43] [SPEAKER_03]: that's just societal curse.

[00:17:46] [SPEAKER_03]: And it's sad and it shouldn't happen and judges should wake up to that.

[00:17:50] [SPEAKER_03]: It pisses me off more than anything.

[00:17:52] [SPEAKER_03]: I had a friend who went through a divorce and

[00:17:57] [SPEAKER_03]: um,

[00:17:58] [SPEAKER_03]: Lea amount of excitement that

[00:18:01] [SPEAKER_03]: she had about taking her husband to the cleaners

[00:18:05] [SPEAKER_03]: and what she was going to end up with

[00:18:07] [SPEAKER_03]: and how much of a millionaire she was going to be because

[00:18:12] [SPEAKER_03]: she was going to take his retirement,

[00:18:15] [SPEAKER_03]: all that stuff.

[00:18:16] [SPEAKER_03]: It was one of the reasons why I stopped being friends with her.

[00:18:21] [SPEAKER_03]: So um, yeah, it's sorry, you got me a mom.

[00:18:25] [SPEAKER_03]: Hi, Horst, about that.

[00:18:28] [SPEAKER_03]: So other things that, um, other things that I saw

[00:18:33] [SPEAKER_03]: divorce or relationships, um, or partnerships,

[00:18:37] [SPEAKER_03]: I think you probably have the statistic buried in your head somewhere

[00:18:41] [SPEAKER_03]: that if your parents are divorced,

[00:18:43] [SPEAKER_03]: you're likely to get divorced.

[00:18:44] [SPEAKER_00]: I don't recall the, just got the percentage off top of my head.

[00:18:48] [SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, that, that trend holds true is that if your parents

[00:18:51] [SPEAKER_00]: divorce, the likelihood that you will divorce your spouse,

[00:18:54] [SPEAKER_00]: goes up many orders of magnitude higher.

[00:18:58] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah. Like, not only that, but like

[00:19:00] [SPEAKER_00]: the children of divorced couples or

[00:19:03] [SPEAKER_00]: couples that never married are many times more likely,

[00:19:08] [SPEAKER_00]: not just get divorced, but to never rise above lower middle class

[00:19:14] [SPEAKER_00]: than with a person who is in the center of the family

[00:19:26] [SPEAKER_00]: family, and their family has been

[00:19:32] [SPEAKER_00]: disrupited for the child.

[00:19:35] [SPEAKER_00]: It causes all those things to go through the ceiling.

[00:19:37] [SPEAKER_00]: Now none of us to say that,

[00:19:40] [SPEAKER_00]: you know, you should stay in an abusive relationship

[00:19:42] [SPEAKER_00]: for the sake of the kids.

[00:19:43] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm just putting that out there that like you cannot beat the statistics involved here.

[00:19:48] [SPEAKER_00]: So I think I've always stated that worth regards to divorce like we should probably apply

[00:19:53] [SPEAKER_00]: potentially opposite direction like we use to back in the day

[00:19:57] [SPEAKER_00]: Where people were expected to kind of work it out, you know for the sake of the family

[00:20:01] [SPEAKER_00]: If a husband was being a jerk so might have came in straight in the husband out usually the

[00:20:07] [SPEAKER_00]: Usually the family of the wife would come over be like hey, why are you beating on my sister?

[00:20:12] [SPEAKER_00]: Why are you beating on my daughter? You know, they're you think that's happened

[00:20:16] [SPEAKER_00]: From having heard from having heard stories where this has happened

[00:20:21] [SPEAKER_00]: Where like family have shown up on a man's doorstep and said hey why is my sister have a

[00:20:26] [SPEAKER_00]: Have a busted lip? Yes. I can tell you a hundred percent this used to happen

[00:20:29] [SPEAKER_00]: But I also think that as the as family bonds have been separated as

[00:20:34] [SPEAKER_00]: People have become more private more secular

[00:20:37] [SPEAKER_00]: The bonds of community aren't there that used to enforce that kind of behavior

[00:20:42] [SPEAKER_00]: And it worked the other way too because if you had a woman who was running around on a man

[00:20:46] [SPEAKER_00]: You better believe that woman that woman's mother would come by and be like why are you risking your marriage acting like this?

[00:20:53] [SPEAKER_03]: I don't know if that happened too much

[00:20:56] [SPEAKER_00]: Do you think I don't know depends of what time period we're talking about

[00:20:59] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's what I'm thinking if we're talking about when you and I grew up now

[00:21:02] [SPEAKER_00]: If we're talking about early 20th century late 19th century a hundred ten percent of dead

[00:21:08] [SPEAKER_03]: Because they're anecdotal. That's what I was thinking about enough

[00:21:13] [SPEAKER_00]: Really a lot of fell apart in the early 20th starfall in a part of the early 20th century when you get into the roaring 20s and that time period

[00:21:20] [SPEAKER_00]: But prior to that I mean

[00:21:23] [SPEAKER_00]: They're literally stories again anecdotal so it's like it every one of them is

[00:21:29] [SPEAKER_00]: Is a survey size of one but when they add up it turns into more than a survey size of one

[00:21:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Where like if you had a person who was the town drunk who beat his wife and kids

[00:21:38] [SPEAKER_00]: His boss wouldn't want him to come to work

[00:21:41] [SPEAKER_00]: Stinking to beer after beating his kids up in his wife

[00:21:44] [SPEAKER_00]: So it's one of those things where like the entire community said if you're gonna behave like this

[00:21:49] [SPEAKER_00]: We don't want you around you wouldn't be welcome with your neighbors and back then because the social safety net wasn't as developed as it is now

[00:21:57] [SPEAKER_00]: You had to have your the good good well of your community to survive

[00:22:01] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I'm totally agree with you. I've also noticed that

[00:22:09] [SPEAKER_03]: women will

[00:22:11] [SPEAKER_03]: daughters will

[00:22:14] [SPEAKER_03]: A lot of times find a man that makes them think of their father

[00:22:19] [SPEAKER_03]: You know not like in that context but the

[00:22:25] [SPEAKER_03]: I don't even know what I'm trying to say like they they find a man that

[00:22:30] [SPEAKER_03]: Reminds them of who their father was or

[00:22:32] [SPEAKER_03]: That that figure in their in their life if your dad was and abusive

[00:22:41] [SPEAKER_03]: Whatever a lot of times they're gonna find or

[00:22:45] [SPEAKER_03]: You know, they're gonna fall down that rabbit hole back to a man like that

[00:22:50] [SPEAKER_03]: It's hard to

[00:22:52] [SPEAKER_03]: It's hard to find someone I don't want to say out of your position. That's not that's not the right way to say that but

[00:22:58] [SPEAKER_00]: Well, no, but it's like you and I it's like you and I talk about a similar similar respects like

[00:23:04] [SPEAKER_00]: Parents become models for children so

[00:23:08] [SPEAKER_00]: Like pipers model for what does a wife behave like is you her behavior model for mother is you

[00:23:15] [SPEAKER_00]: For model for husband and father is me her model for a marriage is our marriage and so whatever

[00:23:21] [SPEAKER_00]: Whatever we show her is gonna become her model for what's normal

[00:23:26] [SPEAKER_00]: And that's why generational curses tend to prevail and that's why

[00:23:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Young girls end up looking for man that have traits and come with their father and young boys look for traits and

[00:23:36] [SPEAKER_00]: Look for traits and come with their mother because that's their built in model for that's

[00:23:42] [SPEAKER_00]: That's who my father married that I need their it may not be I I'm looking for a carbon copy

[00:23:47] [SPEAKER_00]: But there's some criteria or trait in that list

[00:23:51] [SPEAKER_00]: That they're looking for and they got that from modeling it on their mother. That's what I was to add say that's

[00:23:57] [SPEAKER_00]: That's very I don't know. I mean like if you study this kind of thing from psychological

[00:24:01] [SPEAKER_00]: Sociological perspective which I do because I'm just a nerd

[00:24:05] [SPEAKER_00]: That's pretty well baked in

[00:24:07] [SPEAKER_00]: But for that reason like you said if you if you do come from a household where mother and or father

[00:24:13] [SPEAKER_00]: We're neglected neglectful or abusive

[00:24:16] [SPEAKER_00]: That is also baked into your model and

[00:24:19] [SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes you can see it for what it is and break free from it and sometimes you never do because that's your petrimal

[00:24:28] [SPEAKER_03]: The other one that I had or another one that I have is handling money money handling

[00:24:34] [SPEAKER_03]: Oh god and that one is definitely

[00:24:42] [SPEAKER_03]: Relevant to us the two of us and it was noticeable

[00:24:47] [SPEAKER_03]: With a very beginning of our relationship is how to handle money

[00:24:51] [SPEAKER_00]: Can I tell that story without you getting yourself you've told it three or four times already okay

[00:24:58] [SPEAKER_00]: Go for it. I'll be fine. Well, that like I recognize very early on that like we were

[00:25:04] [SPEAKER_00]: Obviously not taught the same method of managing money

[00:25:07] [SPEAKER_00]: Which is why we have saying you were not taught

[00:25:11] [SPEAKER_00]: But but it came to a head because at the time you when I've always maintained separate separate accounts

[00:25:17] [SPEAKER_00]: We've always kind of like subdivided the bills

[00:25:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Roughly and proportion how much the two of us make and it's always been kind of an effort to say okay look

[00:25:26] [SPEAKER_00]: Like you want your independence you want to spend your money your way on what you prioritize

[00:25:32] [SPEAKER_00]: But we have to split the bills so that we're each carrying part of this load and we've always done that at the time when we were living in the apartment

[00:25:39] [SPEAKER_00]: You paid the mortgage. You're you paid the rent

[00:25:41] [SPEAKER_00]: And I paid several of the other bills it was split roughly a matter of fact back then you made more than I did for a lot of years because I was still in college

[00:25:50] [SPEAKER_00]: But I remember you came to me head and hand one day and said I cannot pay the mortgage. I can't pay the rent

[00:25:57] [SPEAKER_00]: Like I don't remember how short you were I don't remember why it doesn't matter

[00:26:00] [SPEAKER_00]: But you hadn't kept track of how much you had and you were sure you could not pay the rent

[00:26:06] [SPEAKER_00]: And I just looked and said

[00:26:08] [SPEAKER_00]: I got the rent. I'll take care of it this month

[00:26:11] [SPEAKER_00]: We need to figure out like how this happens so it doesn't happen again and I remember how aggravated you were

[00:26:17] [SPEAKER_00]: That I was just very nonchalent like yeah, I've got an extra

[00:26:21] [SPEAKER_00]: $800 to drop on the rent no problem and you could you could not rationalize how I had paid all the other bills and

[00:26:28] [SPEAKER_00]: Had money for that

[00:26:31] [SPEAKER_03]: I don't think that was why I was upset. Oh, that was my perspective

[00:26:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Why you said why were you upset?

[00:26:37] [SPEAKER_03]: I don't know I guess I just figured that this was going to be a big blowout because money was always the

[00:26:43] [SPEAKER_03]: Point of contention and and for means the point of contention for my parents and so coming to you

[00:26:49] [SPEAKER_03]: Had an hand saying I couldn't pay the rent that month

[00:26:51] [SPEAKER_03]: You were already like I was already like bracing for a blowup a huge

[00:26:57] [SPEAKER_03]: A huge blowup. It's like okay, this makes no sense. I know it makes no sense

[00:27:04] [SPEAKER_00]: Relationships rarely do no

[00:27:07] [SPEAKER_03]: You know how I get all

[00:27:11] [SPEAKER_03]: Like not upset but I get all just kind of frustrated at you because on the weekends you're running around here doing chores

[00:27:19] [SPEAKER_00]: I have yet

[00:27:20] [SPEAKER_00]: I have yet to have it explained to me how you have a hardworking industry has husband who busses buck for his family isn't a way into you

[00:27:28] [SPEAKER_00]: You have never managed to explain this me properly and maybe with the audience

[00:27:32] [SPEAKER_03]: I know that it doesn't make any sense. It makes no sense why it should well it upset me because it makes me feel like I should be doing more

[00:27:41] [SPEAKER_00]: And maybe you want to go change the dip flow in the truck while working the wall

[00:27:45] [SPEAKER_03]: No, but I'll work on the lawn while you do the dip flow

[00:27:49] [SPEAKER_03]: I don't mind knowing the yard, but I know that it's a man thing

[00:27:54] [SPEAKER_03]: Anything anyway

[00:27:56] [SPEAKER_03]: Money was always a point of contention that was what the fights in our house was mostly over money because my mom would spend my dad would want to save

[00:28:04] [SPEAKER_03]: my but my dad spent too and just the two of them

[00:28:09] [SPEAKER_03]: Money is just not a

[00:28:10] [SPEAKER_00]: So was it maybe not the fact of who spent what the money was spent on in the fact that that didn't match with the priorities of the other

[00:28:19] [SPEAKER_03]: Oh

[00:28:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Now you're making it makes sense for them and that's just not how that no. Oh, no, I'm not I'm not trying to excuse away the fighting over money because I still think that's ridiculous

[00:28:29] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm just saying like

[00:28:31] [SPEAKER_00]: It could have been the fact you spent money

[00:28:33] [SPEAKER_00]: I once been money, but it could have also been you spent the money on this

[00:28:37] [SPEAKER_00]: I wanted the money so I could spend it on this instead

[00:28:39] [SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't matter

[00:28:40] [SPEAKER_03]: It's just a different perspective on things. See Joe gets it or Jen gets it

[00:28:44] [SPEAKER_03]: No, maybe Jen gets it. He said Jen is home from church and

[00:28:49] [SPEAKER_03]: Skulled my scolded me for doing flight at the bumblebee

[00:28:53] [SPEAKER_03]: I think what it is

[00:28:55] [SPEAKER_03]: Is you have said in the past that the reason you do it is because you want to take care of your girls

[00:29:00] [SPEAKER_03]: You and these are the chores that need to get done and now I'm sitting on in the chair

[00:29:04] [SPEAKER_03]: I read in my book or watching a show or whatever and you just want me to sit there and do that

[00:29:08] [SPEAKER_03]: But then I feel guilty because I'm not doing quite at the bumblebee to get things done

[00:29:13] [SPEAKER_03]: And so I guess one of the things

[00:29:16] [SPEAKER_03]: It makes me feel like I should be up doing something but you're already doing it and you're going so fast

[00:29:22] [SPEAKER_03]: And you're doing things and then I want to ask how how can I help you?

[00:29:26] [SPEAKER_03]: I got a babe. I got it and it's like no what else is on your list? Oh, I got this this this and this and I said okay

[00:29:32] [SPEAKER_03]: Well, let me do this and you're like okay, and it's like wait

[00:29:36] [SPEAKER_03]: Why are you just I don't know maybe I'm expecting a fight maybe I'm expecting

[00:29:42] [SPEAKER_00]: Because the only time you truly get a

[00:29:45] [SPEAKER_00]: Attammy is when you start in on the just sit down just stop

[00:29:48] [SPEAKER_00]: I'll we'll do it later. Yeah, yeah

[00:29:50] [SPEAKER_00]: That's when you and I fight and then it's purely because my you might pull again

[00:29:54] [SPEAKER_00]: Different since how we were raised per quite possibly but I was always taught get you worked on first play later

[00:30:00] [SPEAKER_00]: It's always worked before leisure like if you have one thing on your to-do list unless it is I need five minutes

[00:30:06] [SPEAKER_00]: Just cool down because it's got through killing myself out in the heat you get your butt up

[00:30:10] [SPEAKER_00]: You quit wanting go get your work done. You know you don't goof around and this is something you probably hear me talk about talk to

[00:30:16] [SPEAKER_00]: Piper about all the time

[00:30:19] [SPEAKER_00]: Because she all she and I go through this married frequently

[00:30:22] [SPEAKER_00]: We're she'll say well, I could do that later. It only takes five minutes. Oh my god

[00:30:26] [SPEAKER_00]: What happens if it takes ten see make a

[00:30:29] [SPEAKER_03]: A generational curse that I'm passing down not maybe I'm probably the one passing this down

[00:30:33] [SPEAKER_03]: Because I like to just sit on the gas station and I do procrastinate and I am lazy to appoint

[00:30:44] [SPEAKER_03]: You know this either you admitted him front of witnesses. I know I am I don't want to get up on the weekends

[00:30:51] [SPEAKER_03]: You know on when the sun rises to get my chores done so then I can just sit in my chair for the rest of the day

[00:30:59] [SPEAKER_03]: I want to get up and drink my cup of coffee or two or three. I want to have breakfast or you know and sit there and

[00:31:09] [SPEAKER_03]: Catch up on whatever I want to catch up on or maybe read a couple of chapters in my book or books

[00:31:15] [SPEAKER_03]: Or a couple of books

[00:31:19] [SPEAKER_03]: That those are the things that I need to do to unwind

[00:31:21] [SPEAKER_03]: Um

[00:31:24] [SPEAKER_03]: My voice in my head go it'll just said you're going way off

[00:31:27] [SPEAKER_03]: You're going way off anyway

[00:31:29] [SPEAKER_00]: That's been the last half hour though

[00:31:31] [SPEAKER_03]: No, I've been keeping this up today up to task

[00:31:35] [SPEAKER_03]: Anyway, so

[00:31:37] [SPEAKER_00]: But the point remains that the thing you do that obviously you've taught her is

[00:31:43] [SPEAKER_00]: This constant trap pit trap of oh

[00:31:51] [SPEAKER_00]: But you're a problem. I especially get on her butt about this when it's in the morning and she wants to

[00:31:58] [SPEAKER_00]: She thinks she's done with stuff and she wants to go she wants to park it on the couch

[00:32:02] [SPEAKER_00]: She wants to hang out she wants to she wants to drink half cup of coffee because she started drink coffee

[00:32:07] [SPEAKER_00]: She wants to do whatever

[00:32:08] [SPEAKER_00]: Mostly she wants to like scroll on the screen, but that's that's whatever

[00:32:14] [SPEAKER_00]: But always as soon as she comes to ask me out. I'm like are you shoes on well, that only takes a minute

[00:32:18] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm like it only takes a minute until the lasers are too tight and you have to unlaze them or you can't find them or something happens

[00:32:25] [SPEAKER_00]: And now mom's walking out the door to get in the G because this has happened

[00:32:30] [SPEAKER_00]: And you're sitting on the couch fight with your shoes or you'd impact your swim bag or you've got to pack your lunch

[00:32:37] [SPEAKER_00]: And that's why I always tell her I'm like

[00:32:39] [SPEAKER_00]: Before we get to the goofing off you have to get all the work done because

[00:32:43] [SPEAKER_00]: This constant that only takes five minutes falls apart the minute something doesn't go the way you plan to too and now

[00:32:51] [SPEAKER_00]: Mom's trying to get out the door for work. You're holding her up because you didn't do should it?

[00:32:54] [SPEAKER_03]: Any order you should have? Well, and that's why we've implemented within the last week of

[00:32:59] [SPEAKER_03]: So we have the ability to turn her phone off from our phones which is

[00:33:04] [SPEAKER_03]: Thank you Apple

[00:33:06] [SPEAKER_03]: So at seven o'clock or eight o'clock depending on the day really in what time we get home

[00:33:11] [SPEAKER_03]: We turn her phone off because then she actually looks up and goes what what where am I?

[00:33:18] [SPEAKER_03]: My name who am I?

[00:33:20] [SPEAKER_03]: Probably listening and that's not your mom

[00:33:23] [SPEAKER_03]: And then she can have it back once everything is done once her swim bag is packed once her lunch is packed once her you know

[00:33:29] [SPEAKER_03]: Everything is laid out for tomorrow. That way we don't run into

[00:33:33] [SPEAKER_03]: That problem in the morning. I know the first day we did it. I came into the living room

[00:33:38] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm coming in to make my coffee and breakfast

[00:33:41] [SPEAKER_03]: She's in the chair shoes are on teeth of brush hairs brushed everything is done. She's ready

[00:33:45] [SPEAKER_03]: And I'm like are you ready to go she goes yeah, and everything was packed and ready to go so she got to sit

[00:33:51] [SPEAKER_03]: for an extra 20 25 minutes

[00:33:54] [SPEAKER_03]: while mom finished getting ready anyway

[00:33:57] [SPEAKER_00]: But the point the point remains

[00:34:00] [SPEAKER_00]: Teaching your children to procrastinate or be lazy as a hundred and ten percent a generational curse

[00:34:06] [SPEAKER_00]: And as much as much as I would love to live in the utopian society where you don't have to work hard to profit

[00:34:13] [SPEAKER_00]: I don't think we're gonna I'm a think I'm gonna live to see it and

[00:34:17] [SPEAKER_00]: The statistics say that people with a better work ethic always wind up profiting from it

[00:34:23] [SPEAKER_00]: Like there is there's no downside to teaching your children the value of hard work teaching them responsibility teaching them to prioritize

[00:34:31] [SPEAKER_00]: You know like needs over once

[00:34:34] [SPEAKER_00]: There's no downside to that anybody that wants to debate that with me lying on up, but you're not gonna win

[00:34:40] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, and that kind of goes into the next two bullet points that I had was the treatment of children or your children treatment of your children or children in your family

[00:34:50] [SPEAKER_03]: And abuse so I think that kind of

[00:34:53] [SPEAKER_03]: Folds into that a little bit and when I when I made this bullet point I was thinking of

[00:35:01] [SPEAKER_03]: Yes, the treatment of children and

[00:35:03] [SPEAKER_03]: God how many shows have we done about my my childhood yes, but

[00:35:10] [SPEAKER_03]: The treatment of children in the family from like ants and uncles and grandparents and things like that

[00:35:17] [SPEAKER_03]: I guess you could also say allowing behavior

[00:35:22] [SPEAKER_03]: From certain people to

[00:35:24] [SPEAKER_03]: 110% allowing or making excuses for people's bad behavior and poor decisions not holding

[00:35:30] [SPEAKER_03]: grown-ups the the adults in your family accountable for their actions and

[00:35:36] [SPEAKER_03]: The things that they say and do you you could you could talk about abuse in that category physical

[00:35:45] [SPEAKER_03]: I don't know if I can say the other word on YouTube. I would rather know it. Okay, because yeah, we might get flaged

[00:35:52] [SPEAKER_00]: You could also change that perspective ever so slightly and say that the whole making excuses for people works up and down

[00:35:59] [SPEAKER_00]: Because I've seen I've seen instances where

[00:36:03] [SPEAKER_00]: You've had like a 14 and 15 16 year old child that is plenty old enough to understand right from wrong

[00:36:10] [SPEAKER_00]: And plenty old enough to be expected to within a reasonable margin control themselves

[00:36:15] [SPEAKER_00]: And yet people constantly make excuses for them saying well, they're just child and I'm like no

[00:36:19] [SPEAKER_00]: They're 14 15 16 years old like young young men and women that age 200 years ago

[00:36:26] [SPEAKER_00]: We're starting families and going off the war

[00:36:28] [SPEAKER_00]: So like there has to be some expectation as certain point that it's not as if at 17 years old and

[00:36:35] [SPEAKER_00]: 364 days their their child we treat them like two years old and then in 18 all sudden they're in a dull

[00:36:41] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, there has to be some kind of aggressive expectation of a person like

[00:36:45] [SPEAKER_00]: Machering and yet I see this happen where it's that well, they're just a child. They're just 18

[00:36:51] [SPEAKER_00]: They're just 20. They're just I do it. It's this constant

[00:36:55] [SPEAKER_00]: It's the constant moving of the goal post to shield a person from accountability

[00:37:00] [SPEAKER_00]: And it works the opposite direction too when they get up to a certain age and say well

[00:37:05] [SPEAKER_00]: They're 60 they're 65 they're 70 they're old they're brain

[00:37:09] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and that but that's also where you and I always

[00:37:14] [SPEAKER_00]: Be myself and I'm like no

[00:37:16] [SPEAKER_00]: Either they're either we treat them like they're an adult or we treat them like they're an invalid pick one

[00:37:21] [SPEAKER_00]: And we'll go that direction

[00:37:23] [SPEAKER_00]: But we're not I'm not I'm not willing because again. I was I was raised this way

[00:37:29] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not willing to afford a person

[00:37:32] [SPEAKER_00]: Freedom to do what they want

[00:37:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Without also laying the ultimate expectation of good behavior upon them

[00:37:40] [SPEAKER_00]: So if if you're an adult if you're gonna spend money how you want live how you want

[00:37:45] [SPEAKER_00]: If you're gonna be that person that does the way you want do it you get to eat the poop sandwich

[00:37:50] [SPEAKER_00]: When it doesn't even though it doesn't taste good because that's accountability and freedom

[00:37:54] [SPEAKER_03]: Combo link to gather come tied together. I think that this is probably

[00:37:59] [SPEAKER_03]: One of the biggest generational curses that families passed down. It's the lack of accountability for their family members

[00:38:06] [SPEAKER_03]: I know that that's true in my family is the lack of accountability

[00:38:11] [SPEAKER_03]: And then the bad behavior continues

[00:38:14] [SPEAKER_03]: luckily

[00:38:15] [SPEAKER_03]: I think it has been broken with me and my sisters. I think

[00:38:20] [SPEAKER_03]: The lack of accountability and then the

[00:38:25] [SPEAKER_03]: Displacement of accountability even just like the slightest displacement because either bin broken

[00:38:31] [SPEAKER_03]: Or is in the process of getting broken?

[00:38:33] [SPEAKER_03]: I I struggle with that. I struggle with making excuses for people

[00:38:38] [SPEAKER_03]: but then on the other hand

[00:38:41] [SPEAKER_03]: This last week or a week before

[00:38:44] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm sitting at lunch with a friend a coworker of mine and I'm talking about my child and I cannot remember what we were talking about

[00:38:52] [SPEAKER_03]: But I

[00:38:54] [SPEAKER_03]: was telling her that

[00:38:58] [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, it was it was about swim so the girl the kids can swim at our school so

[00:39:03] [SPEAKER_03]: PE class is in the fall and then spring it's swim you go swimming

[00:39:07] [SPEAKER_03]: And it's like swim lessons is not

[00:39:09] [SPEAKER_03]: You need to be free for all for swim

[00:39:12] [SPEAKER_03]: It's an actual swim curriculum didn't realize that

[00:39:14] [SPEAKER_03]: Anyway

[00:39:16] [SPEAKER_03]: 7th grade girls are

[00:39:18] [SPEAKER_03]: really

[00:39:19] [SPEAKER_03]: Not into it. They don't want to go swimming with the boys in their class. They're at an age right now where you know

[00:39:26] [SPEAKER_03]: They're all now young girls. They're all young women who

[00:39:30] [SPEAKER_03]: Have a period and

[00:39:32] [SPEAKER_03]: bodies are changing and things like that and they don't feel comfortable going swimming

[00:39:38] [SPEAKER_03]: And we get that totally get that

[00:39:40] [SPEAKER_03]: However, it is a graded class you still have to do it and

[00:39:46] [SPEAKER_03]: Obviously the principle is really good about if there's a medical issue quote unquote

[00:39:52] [SPEAKER_03]: Then they don't have to go swimming that week or that day or whatever

[00:39:55] [SPEAKER_03]: But for the most part they're expected to dress out and so

[00:39:59] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm

[00:40:01] [SPEAKER_03]: Telling my friend does it at work and I'm saying you know

[00:40:05] [SPEAKER_03]: Yes, I understand that that is a reason

[00:40:08] [SPEAKER_03]: I get that they are uncomfortable. I get that they don't want to do this

[00:40:13] [SPEAKER_03]: I get all of that

[00:40:14] [SPEAKER_03]: However

[00:40:16] [SPEAKER_03]: When she's an adult and her boss says well

[00:40:20] [SPEAKER_03]: This is your deadline and you have to meet this deadline and she says something like well

[00:40:26] [SPEAKER_03]: I want to or I'm uncomfortable with that that's not how it's going to work in the real world

[00:40:31] [SPEAKER_03]: and use the phrase that we always use on this podcast

[00:40:35] [SPEAKER_03]: We're raising an adult

[00:40:38] [SPEAKER_03]: This woman that I was eating lunch with kept on with the excuses

[00:40:42] [SPEAKER_03]: Well, she's only 12. Well, she's only this well you've got to think about this and is it really going to harm her later on in life?

[00:40:49] [SPEAKER_03]: And I'm thinking is it going to harm her no?

[00:40:52] [SPEAKER_03]: But if I don't stand firm on this

[00:40:55] [SPEAKER_03]: Hi, if I don't stand firm on her dressing out for P.E

[00:41:00] [SPEAKER_03]: Then she's going to continue because this is what children do it's not just my child

[00:41:05] [SPEAKER_03]: She's going to continue to push that envelope

[00:41:08] [SPEAKER_03]: Well mom gave in on swimming. I don't have to dress out for swimming

[00:41:12] [SPEAKER_03]: Maybe I don't have to dress out this week for P.E or maybe I don't have to go to school this day

[00:41:18] [SPEAKER_03]: Because it's whatever

[00:41:22] [SPEAKER_03]: We can't we can't give in and so a lot of times I am a

[00:41:28] [SPEAKER_03]: Give them an excuse. Here's you know, whatever

[00:41:32] [SPEAKER_03]: There, you know, there's always an excuse or whatever

[00:41:36] [SPEAKER_03]: But I'm coming around and I have been for the last few years as being a mom coming around to the fact of

[00:41:42] [SPEAKER_03]: No, there is no excuse isn't uncomfortable. Yes. Do you have to still do it? Absolutely

[00:41:48] [SPEAKER_00]: To a certain extent. It would I'm saying yeah, and I mean and again to pivot that ever so slightly like

[00:41:55] [SPEAKER_00]: That's also why I'm very big on this idea that like I can literally never times

[00:42:01] [SPEAKER_00]: Talking to Piper where she is responded by saying well, I don't like doing that

[00:42:05] [SPEAKER_00]: Because like it's boring. It's whatever

[00:42:07] [SPEAKER_00]: It's not fun yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I I retort pretty pretty nonchalantly with

[00:42:14] [SPEAKER_00]: I do things all the time that's not fun. I mean look I spent it's been 80 hours every two weeks at a job

[00:42:21] [SPEAKER_00]: That I don't particularly enjoy or care for but it keeps a roof over your head and food in your mouth

[00:42:26] [SPEAKER_00]: So I'm willing to keep doing it like you know all of it and this isn't even like adulthood

[00:42:31] [SPEAKER_00]: You know I'm saying

[00:42:32] [SPEAKER_00]: This isn't as if childhood is just 18 years of fun and then the rest of your life's gonna suck

[00:42:36] [SPEAKER_00]: This is life

[00:42:37] [SPEAKER_00]: You're always gonna have to do things that are not

[00:42:40] [SPEAKER_00]: Fun that you don't want to do because the penalty for not do them is worse than the lack of fun

[00:42:46] [SPEAKER_00]: But again, there are there families that they they prioritize

[00:42:53] [SPEAKER_00]: And I I can think of some specific families. I grew up around that they prioritize

[00:42:59] [SPEAKER_00]: fun and leisure and laziness

[00:43:01] [SPEAKER_00]: To the point where they do only the amount of work that is a hundred percent completely necessary

[00:43:07] [SPEAKER_00]: Even if that means their children have to do without things like I can remember families growing up around because you know my family grew up

[00:43:17] [SPEAKER_00]: In a I don't want to say it was a poor town. It was a very lower middle class town very working class very blue collar and

[00:43:22] [SPEAKER_00]: I can remember families that

[00:43:24] [SPEAKER_00]: You know dad was always dad was always home early or dad was taking days off work dad did the bearish mental matter work

[00:43:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Mom didn't work kids were running around in a house that was filthy because mom never cleaned the house

[00:43:35] [SPEAKER_00]: Kids clothes were always kind of radity and you know had holes in him because the the family was poor

[00:43:41] [SPEAKER_00]: Because the husband wouldn't get his butt out there and do any you know like try to apply himself to work his butt off

[00:43:46] [SPEAKER_00]: And cuz come to find out when I got older talked to my dad about it

[00:43:50] [SPEAKER_00]: Apparently the whole family was on drugs which didn't help the any of the situation at all

[00:43:54] [SPEAKER_00]: But I didn't know that as a kid. I just saw that

[00:43:58] [SPEAKER_00]: This is a family that is obviously suffering financially because dad isn't applying himself

[00:44:03] [SPEAKER_00]: And this is a family living in almost squaller because mom will get a rest off the couch and clean the house

[00:44:10] [SPEAKER_00]: And I again I

[00:44:12] [SPEAKER_00]: I drew the I drew those kudos comparisons between that family and my family my dad busted his butt outside the house

[00:44:19] [SPEAKER_00]: My mom worked to have a

[00:44:20] [SPEAKER_00]: A clean stable environment for me and my brother to grow up in and I could very cleanly see there's a and there's b

[00:44:28] [SPEAKER_00]: And a is not working and b is

[00:44:31] [SPEAKER_00]: So why is we know what's the difference here?

[00:44:35] [SPEAKER_00]: But I see that as the same thing, you know like

[00:44:38] [SPEAKER_00]: You're trying to teach our child

[00:44:40] [SPEAKER_00]: That because it's not fun is not a justification not to do it if it needs to get done and if it's gonna better your life

[00:44:48] [SPEAKER_00]: You have to do it. You have to rise above that and then it bleeds over into the thing

[00:44:52] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm trying to teach her which is get the work done before the leisure

[00:44:56] [SPEAKER_00]: Because if it truly is only gonna take five minutes

[00:45:00] [SPEAKER_00]: Then get it over with and five minutes you can go back to do what you want to do

[00:45:03] [SPEAKER_00]: But this this constant urge to procrastinate put it off to be lazy to do it later

[00:45:09] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm like the problem with that is is that if you only give yourself five minutes get done the first time it takes six minutes

[00:45:17] [SPEAKER_00]: The whole system you bill falls apart

[00:45:19] [SPEAKER_00]: So that's why I've always hammered on or about

[00:45:22] [SPEAKER_00]: Get the work done first get your responsibilities done first if it really is only gonna take five minutes

[00:45:27] [SPEAKER_00]: Then five minutes you'll be done but it takes half an hour

[00:45:31] [SPEAKER_00]: You just prove my point that you did now okay the right amount of time to do it and it wouldn't have gotten done if you've done it your way

[00:45:38] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I like I've told her every time mom walks out to the Jeep and you're not ready

[00:45:43] [SPEAKER_00]: You're not ready to walk out right behind her or right in front of her

[00:45:46] [SPEAKER_00]: You prove my point that your way is not working

[00:45:50] [SPEAKER_03]: The last one on my list before we move on to the last little bit you're adopted son is on morning getting

[00:45:56] [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, I talked about you earlier. You weren't here

[00:46:00] [SPEAKER_03]: It shows how much you love me

[00:46:03] [SPEAKER_03]: Oh, joking. I did talk about you earlier

[00:46:05] [SPEAKER_03]: You have to go back to listen or text me

[00:46:08] [SPEAKER_03]: Anyway

[00:46:09] [SPEAKER_03]: The last thing I wanted to say was not educating your children and that being a generational

[00:46:15] [SPEAKER_03]: Curse

[00:46:16] [SPEAKER_03]: Not educating your children as in like sending them to school yes or but not educating your children in

[00:46:24] [SPEAKER_03]: How to be an adult yeah

[00:46:26] [SPEAKER_03]: So just like what we were talking about

[00:46:29] [SPEAKER_03]: How yet you know not educating them that they have to go to work and they have to bring home a paycheck and they have to take care of themselves

[00:46:36] [SPEAKER_03]: or

[00:46:37] [SPEAKER_03]: For instance yesterday

[00:46:39] [SPEAKER_03]: Piper comes out of her room

[00:46:41] [SPEAKER_03]: She's gonna kill me with how much I'm talking about her today. Piper comes out of her room and she goes

[00:46:47] [SPEAKER_03]: Dad needs to do laundry and

[00:46:49] [SPEAKER_03]: I looked at her and I said time out

[00:46:51] [SPEAKER_03]: What is dad need to do laundry?

[00:46:53] [SPEAKER_03]: Is that do you need something washed and she goes yeah, and I said get your stuff go to the laundry room

[00:46:59] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna teach you how to do your laundry and just she was appointed context at the moment this all happened

[00:47:05] [SPEAKER_00]: I was undery the hood of the truck yank and spark plugs out of a head so like I was doing something that neither one of them

[00:47:12] [SPEAKER_00]: New how to do and yeah dad could have done laundry afterwards

[00:47:15] [SPEAKER_00]: But there I I appreciate the fact that you were kind of like pump the brakes

[00:47:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Dad's working on stuff. We don't know how to do we can do this. Yeah, so anyway

[00:47:25] [SPEAKER_03]: taught her a life skill

[00:47:27] [SPEAKER_03]: And I might even what I might do is

[00:47:29] [SPEAKER_03]: Put the notes you know right down the notes and tape it to the washing machine so that she remembers

[00:47:34] [SPEAKER_03]: How to wash her own clothes so like

[00:47:39] [SPEAKER_03]: She's a girl. She's a teenage girl and of course

[00:47:42] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm finding clothes in there that she just tried on she likes where three outfits today

[00:47:47] [SPEAKER_03]: She could have just hung it back up instead of throwing in the dirty clothes. I'm not gonna say who who might have taught her some bad

[00:47:54] [SPEAKER_03]: I don't do that

[00:47:56] [SPEAKER_03]: Change clothes three times a day. I don't have the energy

[00:47:59] [SPEAKER_00]: No, I mean I mean try on three outfits looking for the perfect oh yes, but I don't throw it in the dirty clothes

[00:48:04] [SPEAKER_00]: Once I just try it on anyway

[00:48:06] [SPEAKER_03]: So we had a little life lesson at teaching her how to do her own laundry

[00:48:10] [SPEAKER_03]: she she knows how to cook some things and she knows how to

[00:48:15] [SPEAKER_03]: Clean the kitchen and all that stuff

[00:48:17] [SPEAKER_03]: She knows how to sweep the floors. You know all that so not educating your kids on how to be an adult

[00:48:24] [SPEAKER_03]: but I think it and this is not an excuse

[00:48:29] [SPEAKER_03]: If you're

[00:48:31] [SPEAKER_03]: If your parents weren't taught those things then how are they going to teach their children

[00:48:36] [SPEAKER_03]: But this is kind of where I

[00:48:38] [SPEAKER_03]: Starts to kind of wrap this up and get into well, how do we break these generational curses?

[00:48:43] [SPEAKER_03]: Well first we have to wake up to them. We have to realize that this is a curse

[00:48:47] [SPEAKER_03]: This isn't getting my family anywhere you have to take a step back and look at your family and be like

[00:48:53] [SPEAKER_03]: Grim on pop-all do this

[00:48:55] [SPEAKER_03]: Mom and dad do this and me and my siblings do this and none of this is healthy

[00:49:01] [SPEAKER_03]: None of this is

[00:49:02] [SPEAKER_03]: Forward progress for our family none of this is getting us where we want to be

[00:49:07] [SPEAKER_03]: You have to be able to wake up to those things which is often the most if that is the hardest part

[00:49:12] [SPEAKER_03]: Is taking us that back and looking at it in a different lens and going hmm maybe I should stop this

[00:49:19] [SPEAKER_00]: I will say though that like

[00:49:21] [SPEAKER_00]: specific to you. I think what saved you was

[00:49:24] [SPEAKER_00]: Moving five hours away to go to college by having that buffer and being able to kind of like disconnect and see who figure out

[00:49:32] [SPEAKER_00]: Your way of doing things because I know my father's comment at the same thing was that

[00:49:36] [SPEAKER_00]: It wasn't until he moved about five hours away from Southeast Texas to Southeast Louisiana

[00:49:41] [SPEAKER_00]: That he was able to look at some habits of his family very objectively and say

[00:49:47] [SPEAKER_00]: God why are they like that like that was his he could not have that wake-up call while he was

[00:49:54] [SPEAKER_00]: You know like five minutes crossed down from mom and dad and when he was an hour away from all this brothers and sisters

[00:49:59] [SPEAKER_00]: But with with that disconnect came the ability to view them view things differently

[00:50:04] [SPEAKER_00]: But the thing that

[00:50:06] [SPEAKER_00]: Because I see Eddie continue with a comment and I'm reading it, but we're in the middle of something

[00:50:11] [SPEAKER_00]: But like one of the things I've commented to about

[00:50:14] [SPEAKER_00]: Comment it about to Eddie into several other people

[00:50:17] [SPEAKER_00]: Stewart being one of them friends of ours through the podcast who don't have children themselves

[00:50:22] [SPEAKER_00]: Is I've commented on like you know bear in mind that there are other ways to mentor that have your own children

[00:50:27] [SPEAKER_00]: Like if you know a child that lives in your neighborhood or lives in your community who doesn't have that father figure or

[00:50:34] [SPEAKER_00]: They you see the ability to interject yourselves in their lives with someone with some amount of permission

[00:50:40] [SPEAKER_00]: To be a positive influence in their life like that is also an opportunity to mentor them and maybe help help them break those

[00:50:46] [SPEAKER_00]: Generational curses yeah because if the only way you ever know is the only way you've ever known

[00:50:52] [SPEAKER_00]: You don't have you don't have that thing that I had where I can compare your trust the way my family live to the way other families live

[00:50:59] [SPEAKER_00]: And I could see okay, this is definitely the way to do things because it's working better

[00:51:02] [SPEAKER_00]: But if you don't have that AB comparison point you can't ever get to that point

[00:51:06] [SPEAKER_03]: I think though and

[00:51:08] [SPEAKER_03]: Maybe since that there are pisses here. You can kind of back me up

[00:51:11] [SPEAKER_03]: I think at some point in every

[00:51:13] [SPEAKER_03]: Person's life they're able to compare and contrast themselves to another person or a family and say well

[00:51:20] [SPEAKER_03]: Why do they have that why does so and so have the nicer house or the nicer car or they're able to go one trip so or

[00:51:29] [SPEAKER_03]: you know

[00:51:30] [SPEAKER_03]: And then I but I think the problem is

[00:51:33] [SPEAKER_03]: They are

[00:51:34] [SPEAKER_03]: Born in a rut and then they say stuck in the rut and they don't know how to get themselves out of the rut

[00:51:40] [SPEAKER_03]: They don't realize that it's a rut and maybe maybe having that a ha moment

[00:51:47] [SPEAKER_03]: Of saying well

[00:51:49] [SPEAKER_03]: Sally's family is like this why can't we be like this

[00:51:53] [SPEAKER_03]: Knowing that there's always something behind the scenes that other people don't see but

[00:51:58] [SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I think people do get that. I think most people are able to look at other families or other people and say

[00:52:06] [SPEAKER_03]: So and so lives like this but we live like this and why why is that there why is it like that?

[00:52:11] [SPEAKER_00]: But the difference is a lot of people will attribute that to something outside of their control

[00:52:17] [SPEAKER_00]: Rather than saying the difference between me and them is something within my control that I could change for myself

[00:52:23] [SPEAKER_00]: That's that's the hard part to me

[00:52:26] [SPEAKER_00]: Once you get past recognizing a generational curse the next hardest thing to do is to actually take ownership of it because for a lot of people

[00:52:35] [SPEAKER_03]: That's what I'm trying to say about your you're doing better at it. I'm I'm worried you always do it better

[00:52:41] [SPEAKER_00]: You're you're really good at leaving the conversation that I weren't at thank you

[00:52:46] [SPEAKER_00]: Nyquill has not been my friend this week. Oh, the best but her the green fairy have had a very intimate relationship last several days

[00:52:53] [SPEAKER_03]: anyway good for but

[00:52:55] [SPEAKER_00]: I think taking ownership of those generational curses is

[00:53:00] [SPEAKER_00]: Incredibly difficult because it lays bare at your feet the fact that you are the one screwing up your own life

[00:53:07] [SPEAKER_00]: And that's a bitter pill for a lot of people to swallow is to say

[00:53:11] [SPEAKER_00]: Something going on here is when they might control and it would be better if I would make it better

[00:53:15] [SPEAKER_00]: So the reason it's not better is because of me that but once you overcome that emotional hurdle like the whole conversation we have an earlier about

[00:53:25] [SPEAKER_00]: Stewart we are not starting over and Rachel. Thank you for joining us

[00:53:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Are we different times out? Why are I actually a little so late? I'm starting the thing that our clock's got set forward an hour

[00:53:38] [SPEAKER_00]: I don't think so

[00:53:41] [SPEAKER_00]: But I truly I truly believe it like

[00:53:44] [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, it's broken people raising broken people raising people people but again I always go I and again

[00:53:52] [SPEAKER_00]: Since we were taught since I've said quite a few times the way I was raised was that

[00:53:57] [SPEAKER_00]: You know no one no one is responsible for your outcome but you

[00:54:01] [SPEAKER_00]: You don't get to blame it on luck, you know get to blame it on chance

[00:54:04] [SPEAKER_00]: You don't get to blame it on someone else like when I was growing up the answer always was

[00:54:09] [SPEAKER_00]: Did you work as hard as you could have and if I tell if I told my dad I held back even 1%

[00:54:15] [SPEAKER_03]: That's the reason you failed okay and Rachel actually put my words into better words too

[00:54:20] [SPEAKER_03]: She said I think it's because they are stuck in their own ways some people can't figure out how to change

[00:54:26] [SPEAKER_03]: That's what I think I think they get comfortable

[00:54:29] [SPEAKER_03]: Maybe they don't know any better maybe there's you know there's some reason why besides just because it's hard work to break general

[00:54:37] [SPEAKER_03]: generational curses

[00:54:39] [SPEAKER_03]: Trust me. I am living that right now. I am living the the whole

[00:54:44] [SPEAKER_03]: Breaking the curse

[00:54:46] [SPEAKER_03]: And I have been ever since I became a mom

[00:54:49] [SPEAKER_03]: It is hard but if you don't know that you're not

[00:54:55] [SPEAKER_03]: In of right or if you are in a curse then how are you gonna change it and

[00:55:01] [SPEAKER_03]: Yes, like I just said you you know

[00:55:03] [SPEAKER_03]: You can see what other people are doing and you can say whatever but if you're comfortable in that

[00:55:08] [SPEAKER_03]: You wouldn't change it. You won't change it because that's all you've known and that's all you've ever known

[00:55:13] [SPEAKER_00]: And it's not comfortable to change that yeah, and for some people that's emotional comfort. It's like

[00:55:18] [SPEAKER_03]: Again, right you don't know any better. That's what

[00:55:21] [SPEAKER_00]: Well, it's but it's not just they don't know any better

[00:55:24] [SPEAKER_00]: But what I'm saying by emotional comfort is is what I've seen earlier about how for some people

[00:55:28] [SPEAKER_00]: That for some people they will truly say there's nothing wrong with this because the alternatives to a midger screw it up

[00:55:35] [SPEAKER_00]: You remember the conversation you and I had sideways to this about

[00:55:38] [SPEAKER_00]: We used to have a friend who was constantly on you about

[00:55:43] [SPEAKER_00]: Why still doing that? Why is Phil prepping you crazy prepper stupid yoddy adiadia and you asked me that are we still friends?

[00:55:49] [SPEAKER_00]: We're not okay, but you asked you asked me and you I think you I think you asked me

[00:55:55] [SPEAKER_00]: I've experienced inspiration and I took it as a genuine question because you know, it's me

[00:55:59] [SPEAKER_00]: But you asked me like why is she like that? I'm like because if she admitted for one second

[00:56:04] [SPEAKER_00]: That what I was doing made sense. She would have to admit that her not doing it doesn't make sense

[00:56:09] [SPEAKER_00]: So it's better for her to demean this whole thing that for her to admit she screwed up and I think that applies here

[00:56:15] [SPEAKER_00]: I think for a lot of people out there

[00:56:17] [SPEAKER_00]: They can wreck they will internally recognize generational curse, but they'll they'll either excuse her way saying I can't fix it

[00:56:25] [SPEAKER_00]: Like how many times have you heard people who are

[00:56:29] [SPEAKER_00]: Woofully overweight

[00:56:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Who will say I'm just big bone or it's or and now I'm not saying that there are not medical

[00:56:36] [SPEAKER_00]: Conditions that make it incredibly difficult to lose weight they exist. I get that but y'all don't all have thyroid problems

[00:56:43] [SPEAKER_00]: Some of y'all just can't put the fork down. So let's let's be honest

[00:56:46] [SPEAKER_00]: That's a whole other, but let's beat but let's be honest that you can't explain away one hundred percent of a problem with a tiny population

[00:56:54] [SPEAKER_00]: But I agree

[00:56:56] [SPEAKER_00]: But there are people who will use excuse because the alternative is to admit

[00:57:00] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm doing this to myself and I just don't want to so I don't want to put in the average stop doing it or for a person who

[00:57:05] [SPEAKER_00]: Is constantly like

[00:57:07] [SPEAKER_00]: Compat day they are at negative whatever in their checking account because the king control is spending

[00:57:12] [SPEAKER_00]: They will make excuses of the cost of living and the cost groceries and my boss doesn't pay me enough

[00:57:20] [SPEAKER_00]: And they will make all these excuses before they ever admit

[00:57:23] [SPEAKER_00]: I shouldn't go on to the bar last night run up two hundred dollars on my bar tab

[00:57:27] [SPEAKER_00]: Or I shouldn't spend money on that or I shouldn't have finance the I shouldn't have this credit card at

[00:57:32] [SPEAKER_00]: 30% interest with all this balance sitting audit you know I'm saying yeah, so again

[00:57:36] [SPEAKER_00]: It's one of those situations where I understand like for the audience when I give these analogies

[00:57:41] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not saying that this applies to a hundred percent of people and they're an odd people out there

[00:57:47] [SPEAKER_00]: They're genuinely

[00:57:49] [SPEAKER_00]: Genuinely having a bad a bad time or there's something stacking the deck against them

[00:57:54] [SPEAKER_00]: But I am saying that there are people who don't have the deck stacked against them by anything other than themselves

[00:57:59] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, but they will not admit it because

[00:58:01] [SPEAKER_00]: It then forces them to take responsibility for it and some people are allergic to accountability

[00:58:06] [SPEAKER_03]: I think I said this earlier

[00:58:09] [SPEAKER_03]: I think accountability and holding people accountable is probably the like root cause of most of this is that

[00:58:17] [SPEAKER_03]: Well besides people being stuck in a rut and not knowing that they're actually stuck in a rut

[00:58:21] [SPEAKER_03]: But if you do have that aha moment of wow, this really isn't healthy to be doing this mentally healthy or even physically healthy

[00:58:32] [SPEAKER_03]: Then you can't

[00:58:34] [SPEAKER_03]: This is where it gets hard for me because I haven't held my parents accountable for so long

[00:58:41] [SPEAKER_03]: Is

[00:58:42] [SPEAKER_03]: Actually saying time out wait a second

[00:58:46] [SPEAKER_03]: This is this is not going to continue your behavior is not

[00:58:51] [SPEAKER_03]: It's it's not acceptable and it has to stop and

[00:58:55] [SPEAKER_03]: Like Eddie just said to one of his clients it's going to get worse before it gets better. I'm there

[00:59:02] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm there it's it's not it's not we're not in a fun stage of breaking a generational curse right now for me

[00:59:10] [SPEAKER_03]: Or holding people accountable and

[00:59:13] [SPEAKER_03]: It is going to get worse. I think it's still going to get worse than before it gets better because this is this is

[00:59:22] [SPEAKER_03]: I don't know it's me going

[00:59:24] [SPEAKER_03]: at 40 years old

[00:59:26] [SPEAKER_03]: Time out your behavior is not healthy and it's affecting me in an unhealthy way as well and I refuse to

[00:59:37] [SPEAKER_03]: One bring my family into it, but to continue that in my family. I expect

[00:59:44] [SPEAKER_03]: I've said this my sister said this I

[00:59:47] [SPEAKER_03]: Expect you to hold me accountable and you do you always have I think that's one of the reasons why we

[00:59:53] [SPEAKER_03]: Clash so much in the beginning of our relationship is because you held me accountable for my spending

[01:00:00] [SPEAKER_03]: You held me accountable for hitting you you held me accountable for everything that I was doing that was agenerational

[01:00:08] [SPEAKER_03]: curse When I

[01:00:09] [SPEAKER_03]: said abuse I meant either physical or mental abuse. I did those things And it

[01:00:16] [SPEAKER_03]: wasn't easy, but it also started me down a path of going wait a second

[01:00:20] [SPEAKER_03]: I don't need to do that. I shouldn't do that to you. I shouldn't spend the money like this

[01:00:25] [SPEAKER_03]: I shouldn't hit you just playing or anything like that. Okay, so

[01:00:29] [SPEAKER_03]: Thank you for that for holding me accountable, but that's the hard part at least for me is holding people accountable and then

[01:00:37] [SPEAKER_03]: Because I don't like confrontation I have to stay firm in that accountability

[01:00:41] [SPEAKER_03]: So I've been no contact with my parents for a while right? Yeah, hmm well

[01:00:48] [SPEAKER_00]: Well, barring some like an emergency yeah boring well checks on further physical well being yes, yeah there was a physical

[01:00:59] [SPEAKER_03]: There was a physical thing that emergency that happened and that's what I'm

[01:01:05] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm not I'm not discounting that I'm just adding context because there

[01:01:10] [SPEAKER_00]: For some people when they say no contact it means I'll see you at your funeral

[01:01:14] [SPEAKER_03]: Well, yes, and that's not that's not that I mean

[01:01:18] [SPEAKER_03]: That's why I had the context right but I have been no contact with my mom

[01:01:23] [SPEAKER_03]: Anyway anyway that's I guess I guess it is relevant to the conversation because it is holding people accountable for their actions

[01:01:30] [SPEAKER_03]: Not allowing them to continue those actions and taking whatever means necessary to do that and that's the getting worse before it gets better

[01:01:39] [SPEAKER_03]: Maybe it'll get better. I don't know

[01:01:41] [SPEAKER_03]: Probably not just like Rachel said it's they are stuck in their ways when you say it'll never get better

[01:01:49] [SPEAKER_00]: I disagree only because there are

[01:01:53] [SPEAKER_00]: I think it depends on where your goal post is like for me

[01:01:57] [SPEAKER_00]: It's never gonna get better in the fact that they are going to get better. They're gonna change

[01:02:01] [SPEAKER_00]: If that's your goal I'm not saying it is but if that's your goal post you can you will never get better

[01:02:06] [SPEAKER_00]: It's not not going to but I do think it can get better in the fact that like

[01:02:12] [SPEAKER_00]: I do feel like it can become easier over time for you to defend that that's that garb bad goal put your goal post

[01:02:19] [SPEAKER_00]: You know I'm saying I think over time

[01:02:22] [SPEAKER_00]: You will become

[01:02:24] [SPEAKER_00]: more comfortable defending yourself and more comfortable

[01:02:27] [SPEAKER_00]: Extricating yourself from the conversations and the situations when you shouldn't be there

[01:02:32] [SPEAKER_00]: I do think that will get easier over time. I don't think it will ever get easier because of any action

[01:02:40] [SPEAKER_03]: There's I think it'll get easier because of the actions you're taking it'll get it I will become more comfortable with

[01:02:46] [SPEAKER_03]: Breaking away

[01:02:49] [SPEAKER_00]: Over almost 20 years of us being together which this coming February makes 20 years

[01:02:57] [SPEAKER_00]: Then you not been together since it came over from Iraq wow wow

[01:03:03] [SPEAKER_00]: But over over almost 20 years of being together at this point I

[01:03:08] [SPEAKER_00]: Have always

[01:03:10] [SPEAKER_00]: Expected accountability from you because there was no version of reality where we were gonna get married if I couldn't expect you to be accountable for you know

[01:03:18] [SPEAKER_00]: For your end of things like that. That was again

[01:03:21] [SPEAKER_00]: We talked about non-negotiables and we talked about on this show

[01:03:25] [SPEAKER_00]: That was a non-negotiable for me. We are gonna be accountable to each other for everything

[01:03:30] [SPEAKER_00]: But I feel like

[01:03:32] [SPEAKER_00]: Me holding you accountable and you holding yourself accountable has gotten a hell of a lot easier over last 20 years

[01:03:39] [SPEAKER_00]: I keep there are very few times where you and I have to like go head to head anymore

[01:03:44] [SPEAKER_00]: And say and have like a major just a major fundamental disagreement over

[01:03:49] [SPEAKER_00]: Money spending usually I'm the one who's the spend threat and you're the one saying fill you've got the money go go get what you want

[01:03:56] [SPEAKER_00]: But my point is like how many times have you had to come to me with your head in your hand?

[01:04:00] [SPEAKER_00]: It's yeah, I can't pay the bills

[01:04:02] [SPEAKER_00]: In the last

[01:04:05] 15 years

[01:04:06] [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know. I don't think it's happened

[01:04:09] [SPEAKER_03]: That's nice

[01:04:10] [SPEAKER_03]: I was thinking you were gonna say yeah like five times no, but that's like she hasn't learned or less than but I guess that's my point is that

[01:04:19] [SPEAKER_00]: Accountability was a very hard thing for the two of us to overcome in early on in our relationship because

[01:04:25] [SPEAKER_00]: Black of accountability was generational curse

[01:04:27] [SPEAKER_00]: But over the past that was the mic the first couple years together or the maybe the first year we were married

[01:04:34] [SPEAKER_00]: But over the years we've been together since it has been a non-issue. Yeah, so I feel like

[01:04:40] [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like things become habit forming and I feel like as you could as you commit yourself to this road of breaking these generational curses

[01:04:49] [SPEAKER_00]: As you commit yourself to that that path of self-reprovement or

[01:04:53] [SPEAKER_00]: Not even self-reprovement, of course society standards, but really just getting to like your perfect version of yourself

[01:05:00] [SPEAKER_00]: You know, it's like when you when you when you and I got really serious about getting our health in our control

[01:05:07] [SPEAKER_00]: We were both overweight. We were both eating like CRAP another one of us was doing right by ourselves

[01:05:13] [SPEAKER_00]: And we decided we need to make some changes my blood sugar has been so much better managed since then

[01:05:19] [SPEAKER_00]: It's been a hundred and ten percent worth it to me

[01:05:22] [SPEAKER_00]: My verb my perfect version of myself

[01:05:25] [SPEAKER_00]: Even though I understand that as long as I do the walking and I do the eating right my weight will come down

[01:05:30] [SPEAKER_00]: But my person my perfect version of myself isn't a calme climb under where model I couldn't care

[01:05:35] [SPEAKER_00]: It's not but it was never gold mine

[01:05:38] [SPEAKER_00]: my goal was

[01:05:40] [SPEAKER_00]: To be more physically active and more physically capable than the average 42 you know 41 42 year old man, which I think I am

[01:05:49] [SPEAKER_00]: My goal was to not have to you know embrace

[01:05:53] [SPEAKER_00]: Hypoglycee man pre-diabetes my goal was to stay off insulin and well well into my older age

[01:05:58] [SPEAKER_00]: Those are my goals my goal is to maintain my health for as long as I can

[01:06:02] [SPEAKER_00]: And I feel like I'm accomplishing that

[01:06:04] [SPEAKER_00]: So I guess I'm saying it's like if you have a generational curse

[01:06:08] [SPEAKER_00]: It has to be something that you recognize is bad for you or it's holding you back from obtaining your goals

[01:06:16] [SPEAKER_00]: And then it has to be something you're willing to take responsibility for and put in the work to break that curse

[01:06:22] [SPEAKER_00]: So that you can become your better version of you

[01:06:26] [SPEAKER_00]: I like that

[01:06:28] [SPEAKER_00]: I think that's always the goal though. I mean even outside the realm of generational curses like we should all want to be better

[01:06:35] [SPEAKER_00]: We should all want to be a better version of ourselves

[01:06:38] [SPEAKER_00]: You should never want to be your neighbor you should never want to be a celebrity or a sports figure

[01:06:43] [SPEAKER_00]: But you should want to be the best version of you

[01:06:48] [SPEAKER_00]: That sounds so it'd be deby even coming out of my mouth, but I believe it

[01:06:52] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm glad you believe

[01:06:54] [SPEAKER_00]: Well, it's just it's the way I see things but as far as generational curses like I think you've done tremendous works

[01:07:00] [SPEAKER_00]: I try to break your own generational curses. I don't feel like I carry a lot of them if any into this marriage

[01:07:06] [SPEAKER_00]: But I will say not to talk that I will say that I feel like my father broke a lot of generational curses before he got to me

[01:07:14] [SPEAKER_00]: Which is probably why I didn't carry a lot carrying them into this relationship because

[01:07:20] [SPEAKER_00]: He had done the work you're doing now of saying

[01:07:23] [SPEAKER_00]: This is the way I was taught. I don't think that works. This is the way I'm gonna do things so by the time I came along

[01:07:29] [SPEAKER_00]: The way I was taught was the product of his adult life

[01:07:34] [SPEAKER_00]: unlearning and re-learning things

[01:07:37] [SPEAKER_03]: You have to throw your mom in there too. True

[01:07:40] [SPEAKER_00]: I did that as a team. I don't mean me

[01:07:43] [SPEAKER_00]: And I don't leave me to leave my mom out but like a lot of times I talk about my father because you know it's that whole

[01:07:49] [SPEAKER_00]: What's my model for husband father? Yeah, yeah, yeah

[01:07:54] [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, good show good show old man

[01:07:58] [SPEAKER_03]: All right guys. Well, thank you for joining us today and I'm sorry to

[01:08:03] [SPEAKER_03]: The ones who I was like where are y'all? Yeah, anyway. I hope y'all have a great rest of your week

[01:08:10] [SPEAKER_03]: And we'll see you next week next week's gonna be our last show before proper camp

[01:08:14] [SPEAKER_03]: And then we get to go see all of our family up in North Carolina. I'm so excited to see you all

[01:08:19] [SPEAKER_03]: All right. Thanks for joining us. We'll see you later. Bye, everybody. Bye y'all