Raising Values: Giving Up Isn't a Bad Thing

[00:00:00] Welcome to the Raising Values Podcast where the traditional family talks. You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher, and Spotify and be sure to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. You can support the Raising Values Podcast through Patreon. Phil and Gillian are behind the mic and we hope you enjoy the show.

[00:00:29] Good morning everybody. Welcome back to Raising Values.

[00:00:32] Good morning. It's good to see you Nina and Kyle, but you've been here for a couple of times in the past. But Nina I feel like I haven't seen you in a while. So anyway, good morning.

[00:00:44] It's gonna be a weird morning again, mainly just because it's me but...

[00:00:50] I love how you went from like, I feel like death to turn on fast fast.

[00:00:55] I do feel like death today. But I saw Nina pop up and then it was like, ah, Nina's here. And I love that. So I know. That's just me. I can do that. I do have a headache but I'm gonna try to work through and do thoughts and words and you know, podcast stuff.

[00:01:15] So the title is Giving Up Isn't a Bad Thing and as is...

[00:01:18] Which I'm not giving up. I almost said we need to cancel the podcast but I'm not giving up.

[00:01:24] So as has happened many times in the past.

[00:01:28] Yes.

[00:01:29] Okay, so circle through those comments. Gordon Girl said busy with in-school year stuff.

[00:01:36] In-school year stuff, yes. The end of the year is...

[00:01:40] Cuckoo?

[00:01:42] Yes, to say the least. The end of the school year is Cuckoo Bananas. Like always Cuckoo Bananas.

[00:01:49] Once spring break hits in April, the year's done. That's it. And it's just really all downhill really really really fast. Not downhill in a bad way but it's just really crazy.

[00:02:02] And next week is our... We have three and a half days left. And two of those days are really just... It's a field day and then it's a half day of we're having a glow party and all that stuff.

[00:02:16] Kyle said he sees a lot of Piper's face in the... I'm guessing in your pick.

[00:02:22] Yeah, I saw that comment Kyle. Which pick are you talking about that you see Piper's face in?

[00:02:27] I think he's talking about the thumbnail for this because it's got your face and my face on it. So I don't know, he could have been referring to... He might have been saying from both of us.

[00:02:37] Well, I mean we did make her.

[00:02:39] I think the older she gets though the more she looks like you.

[00:02:42] Yeah?

[00:02:43] Just saying.

[00:02:44] I don't know.

[00:02:45] She might have inherited some of my personality though.

[00:02:48] Yeah, we had a talk about that yesterday.

[00:02:51] I mean it took me some time, you know, to learn to control my face and tone.

[00:02:57] We had a conversation about tone yesterday and the words that she says to people and then the tone that she uses and how sometimes they can come off as unkind.

[00:03:09] I meant what I told my sister yesterday that she has learned sharp tongue and quick wit.

[00:03:16] I just haven't taught her discretion yet.

[00:03:19] So, yep, Kyle is saying the intro pick.

[00:03:22] Okay, and Kyle, this is Liquid IB which I prefer over Gatorade. He said Gatorade and Raising Cane.

[00:03:30] Raising Cane sounds really good. It sounds really good right now.

[00:03:35] I will be full disclosure even though I know one of my students watches this podcast.

[00:03:40] I indulged a little bit too much yesterday with my family.

[00:03:47] A little bit too much adult beverages.

[00:03:50] Only, I'm going to hear about this at school tomorrow.

[00:03:55] You're allowed to have a drink on the weekends when you're not at school.

[00:04:00] I mean come on.

[00:04:01] So Liquid IV is, I don't know who made it and who created that but I love you.

[00:04:09] I'm just saying I love you.

[00:04:11] Is it like hangover cure?

[00:04:12] It helps with electrolyte imbalance of course because it's just a drink of electrolytes.

[00:04:18] Anyway, so getting to the podcast, we were all sitting around.

[00:04:25] So let me go back a little bit and kind of explain what happens at our house on the weekends.

[00:04:30] And it's happening more and more frequently.

[00:04:33] We've kind of told this story I think in and out a little bit but Phil has been best friends with his best friend for 20 years, 20 plus years.

[00:04:45] No, he and I met each other when he was 14, I was 15 so 25 years.

[00:04:51] So 25 years they've been best friends.

[00:04:53] A little more than 25 years at this point but yeah.

[00:04:55] The year before we got married and Phil had come home from Iraq, we decided, really Phil decided that he wanted to meet his birth family because Phil's adopted.

[00:05:07] So we go and meet them.

[00:05:09] He has a half sister and half brother.

[00:05:13] And anyway, long story short, best friend is looking for a girlfriend.

[00:05:21] And we were like well, we know this girl.

[00:05:24] There's a few more steps in this progression but go ahead.

[00:05:29] Yes, there are a few steps.

[00:05:31] But anyway, so we introduced the two of them.

[00:05:33] They're married.

[00:05:34] She moves from Texas to Covington.

[00:05:36] And it took a while because well first they're newlyweds and they've been married now for 10 years.

[00:05:42] But so it took a while but in the last two years we have become really close with them which is really, really nice because I like to I guess it's not really a joke.

[00:05:56] It's kind of sad on my part but I like to say, you know, I found a best friend and she's been under my nose the whole time.

[00:06:04] So anyway, so what we do, we have family days.

[00:06:07] And so we're either at their house on the weekends or they're at our house over here.

[00:06:11] And you know, anyway, so I don't know where I was going with this story.

[00:06:16] Oh, I was trying to get to the title.

[00:06:19] So we're sitting around outside eating pizza last night and we're like what are we going to talk about?

[00:06:23] Pizza and cheesecake and alcohol.

[00:06:25] It was a weird vibe.

[00:06:27] Anyway, so we were like what are we going to talk about?

[00:06:33] And his sister just throws out this topic because we were talking about some decisions that she's made in her career and how you know at first she was very nervous about making those decisions about giving up some of her goals and dreams.

[00:06:50] And how did we how have we managed to go through life giving up our goals and dreams?

[00:06:57] And you know, what were our goals and dreams?

[00:06:59] And obviously those things have changed throughout our time together and then individually as we get older.

[00:07:06] And so that's how we got to this topic.

[00:07:08] Giving up isn't a bad thing.

[00:07:10] And let me hit some comments really quick.

[00:07:13] Kyle said in Louisiana, it's Louisiana.

[00:07:17] Everyone drinks.

[00:07:18] Yes, but I haven't been able to drink for 11 years.

[00:07:24] 12.

[00:07:25] No, 11 because I've been able to get things under control.

[00:07:29] When I had Piper, I developed an allergy to alcohol, anything, fermented, anything.

[00:07:35] And it was really bad.

[00:07:37] And so to get to Nina's point, Garden Girl, she said, I didn't think you were good at I didn't know you were good with drinking now.

[00:07:44] I thought you got very sick.

[00:07:45] And yes, so for the last 11 years I have gotten very sick when I drink alcohol or anything fermented.

[00:07:50] Even kombucha would send me into hives and anaphylaxis.

[00:07:57] And then in the last year, Nina, this is kind of important for you too, because we've we've talked about this a little bit.

[00:08:05] I was finally able to get in with a holistic doctor and figured out through a ton of blood tests just how out of whack my hormones are.

[00:08:15] And it's important for women to understand just how much our hormones do for our bodies.

[00:08:21] And it's not just like a regular cycle or, you know, eating crazy things and having super weird cravings and insomnia and all that stuff.

[00:08:31] Our hormones are so super important.

[00:08:34] And so I got in and did tons and tons of blood tests and a lot of I wouldn't say experimental, but experimental natural remedies and things like that.

[00:08:47] And finally, within the last year, half or year and a half, really, my hormones have leveled out into healthy ranges.

[00:08:56] And with that came the ability to drink alcohol again.

[00:09:00] And so there are some things that still send me into that rash of just like covered and painful, painful experiences.

[00:09:12] But there are things that I'm experimenting with to see if I can have an adult beverage again.

[00:09:18] And so a lot of times it works and sometimes it doesn't.

[00:09:21] And last night the wine didn't work.

[00:09:24] And so we will not be doing the wine again.

[00:09:28] I can't drink wine either. It gives me migraines. Always has.

[00:09:32] Yeah. So anyway, so that's where we are.

[00:09:34] But back to the topic again, giving up isn't a bad thing.

[00:09:39] So that's what she had said last night.

[00:09:43] I love all the comments this morning.

[00:09:46] You keep throwing me off and that's good.

[00:09:49] Still putting this one down. Ben said that would be a good topic for women's health for us men trying to help our wives.

[00:09:56] You should relate this with another lady or two.

[00:10:00] I would love to do that.

[00:10:02] In fact, Nina, if you're up for a discussion and I can probably pull Jordan on too and we could do a women's health episode.

[00:10:10] Jordan's a little bit younger than us and Nina, you and I are the same age.

[00:10:14] And so it would be very interesting to see where we are.

[00:10:18] I love that idea and I think we need to do that.

[00:10:22] Kyle, I'm not even going to read your next comment.

[00:10:26] And no, sir.

[00:10:30] Here, Ben.

[00:10:31] Anyway, back to the topic a third time.

[00:10:33] Thank you.

[00:10:35] Yeah, I mean, I made as we were having this conversation last night in the back porch,

[00:10:40] like I made the comment that I felt like my life got a lot simpler and you and my sister made the comment like things just seem to work out.

[00:10:50] You know, like when I say don't worry about it.

[00:10:52] Take a deep breath. It's going to be fine.

[00:10:54] It's going to work out.

[00:10:55] We're going to get through it.

[00:10:56] There's no point getting upset.

[00:10:58] Like, you know, you know me well enough to know that like I am a warrior.

[00:11:03] I am a planner.

[00:11:04] I am extremely type A and like my way of doing things is to plan and obsess over details and schedule and make lists and,

[00:11:13] you know, work all these tiny little details to make sure things work out.

[00:11:17] But whenever we're facing anything that even approaches a crisis, I'm always very calm.

[00:11:23] I'm always very steadfast in saying it's going to be OK.

[00:11:26] We're going to get through it.

[00:11:27] Don't don't don't freak out.

[00:11:29] It's like I got to go this complete role reversal in those emergency situations.

[00:11:34] And I was explaining last night that like a lot of that comes from,

[00:11:38] I guess, like a major personality shift I had when I deployed to Iraq because at the time I got my MOE borders,

[00:11:46] you know, the the war was arguably at its hottest at that point.

[00:11:52] I mean, about the time I got there, the the street to street stand up fighting had largely largely stopped except for like,

[00:12:00] you know, battle Fallujah.

[00:12:01] That was awful.

[00:12:02] But the insurgency really cranked up about the time I got there.

[00:12:06] And there were people coming home with mortar shrapnel in them.

[00:12:09] I mean, it is what it is.

[00:12:11] I wouldn't say that like casual grade was extraordinary given that war compared to other wars.

[00:12:16] But like it was not it was not a foregone conclusion that anybody going over there might not come back.

[00:12:22] So I had to make peace with that.

[00:12:23] I had to accept the fact that this might be it for me.

[00:12:26] I might not become an own.

[00:12:28] And I had to go into the environment and do my job so I didn't hurt anybody else or cause anybody else not come home.

[00:12:35] And it was a moment where I had to like I had to really just accept this.

[00:12:40] This whatever is going to happen is going to be I'm going to control what I can control and things I can't control.

[00:12:46] I'm going to let go of.

[00:12:48] And I've called it like letting go.

[00:12:50] I've called it accepting.

[00:12:52] I've called it, you know, fate or destiny.

[00:12:55] I've called it God's will.

[00:12:56] I've called I've called it a million different things.

[00:12:59] But last night I said giving up and like you and my sister kind of like recall from that idea because like the idea of giving up and surrender has a negative connotation to it.

[00:13:09] And I was like, I'm not saying give up like, you know, like to me give up doesn't mean it doesn't mean anything bad.

[00:13:17] It does.

[00:13:18] Surrender doesn't mean anything bad.

[00:13:19] All surrender means is that I am allowing I am I am I am pulling back my own efforts to control the situation and I'm surrendering to whatever is going to happen is going to happen.

[00:13:31] Yeah, I mean, I'm making peace with it and accepting it because I can't stop it.

[00:13:35] We went around the table with different different adjectives adjectives.

[00:13:42] Yes, adjectives of the word and synonyms of giving up.

[00:13:47] See, I can use words.

[00:13:50] It's working.

[00:13:52] And yeah, so giving up always has had I think it just carries a bad connotation because you're always said, you know, people are always saying don't give up.

[00:14:01] Don't do that.

[00:14:02] You know, it's always with something of you're giving up.

[00:14:06] You're letting go of this goal.

[00:14:08] You're letting go of this dream or whatever.

[00:14:11] And in the case of where this conversation stemmed from, there are times in our lives where it's not so much that the goal or the objective was too much for us to handle.

[00:14:26] It's really coming to terms with the fact that it wasn't our goal.

[00:14:32] Or maybe it was if we thought it was at the time but we changed.

[00:14:36] It could be that it could be that.

[00:14:39] It was also never intended for us.

[00:14:42] That's a possibility.

[00:14:43] You know, and so I think there's so there's so much.

[00:14:49] Hang on.

[00:14:50] Words are hard.

[00:14:53] I think there's like.

[00:14:59] I'm trying.

[00:15:00] I'm trying.

[00:15:01] I'm trying.

[00:15:02] Go ahead.

[00:15:03] While you're thinking I had this thought this morning because I was I was talking a lot last night about like.

[00:15:08] Well, two concepts, one being your higher calling and like in the pursuit of my higher calling.

[00:15:14] I will let go of any of any of those other goals because the highest calling is the highest priority.

[00:15:19] And like I was saying last night, like my highest my highest calling for a long time now has been husband father.

[00:15:26] Those things mean more to me than my job.

[00:15:30] No offense.

[00:15:31] This podcast, everything else I have in my life that I enjoy doing and I you know, I find fulfillment in.

[00:15:37] But if I had to give up this podcast tomorrow to be a better, better husband and father, it'd be gone because my highest calling has to have be in my highest priority.

[00:15:46] And up till the moment I met you husband father wasn't on my radar.

[00:15:52] I had given up.

[00:15:54] I'd given up finding, you know, Mrs.

[00:15:57] Rappley, I'd give I totally just written it off because maybe one day we'll get into that with the patrons only.

[00:16:03] But like a long story history of really, really toxic relationships.

[00:16:08] And I got to the point where I was like, you know what?

[00:16:10] The whole the whole female gender is just I'm done with all of them.

[00:16:14] Wasn't going to convert to the other side.

[00:16:16] I was just favorite gender either.

[00:16:18] No offense to anybody.

[00:16:20] But I was just I was done.

[00:16:21] I was done.

[00:16:22] I was done trying to find because like I went into dating with a very first of all, with a very I felt like a very reasonable and healthy expectation of like what I needed in a marriage for it to be successful.

[00:16:38] You know what I mean?

[00:16:39] And when I kept not finding that, I kept thinking myself, well, it's just not out there.

[00:16:43] But I knew I wasn't going to compromise on what I think is to me marriages look for it's still death to its part.

[00:16:50] It's a lifelong decision.

[00:16:51] So I would rather be single forever than marry the wrong person.

[00:16:56] And then when I met you, that path just like hard right right into the woods because I changed career paths.

[00:17:05] I changed everything.

[00:17:06] You changed your major.

[00:17:08] You changed everything.

[00:17:09] Everything changed and where you were going to live, where you were going to move to all those things changed.

[00:17:16] So sorry not sorry.

[00:17:18] Well, but again, all those and you have to understand that like up to the moment I met you, I was I was pursuing an engineering degree.

[00:17:26] I had already accepted the fact that when I graduated, I was going to be looking at moving to Europe.

[00:17:30] I short version long story like I had I had set a goal for myself of being an automotive engineer and I wanted to go work for one of the big supercar manufacturers.

[00:17:39] So that was going to be Italy or Germany, either Porsche or Ferrari, Lamborghini.

[00:17:43] But that was where I was going.

[00:17:45] And I was you have to understand the way my personality was back then and still is to this day.

[00:17:50] I don't care how hard it is.

[00:17:52] I don't care how much work it takes.

[00:17:54] I don't care how many how many nights sleepless nights it takes.

[00:17:57] You saw me do this to myself in college when I was sleeping three hours a night.

[00:18:01] I the fact that something is hard means nothing to me.

[00:18:07] I will achieve my goals and I'll do it by brute force if absolutely necessary.

[00:18:12] Preferably, I'll get by on my good looks and my smooth talking.

[00:18:15] But it doesn't get me very far.

[00:18:17] So usually it's just brute force.

[00:18:19] It's hard work.

[00:18:20] But I I don't shy away from that.

[00:18:24] The only thing that made me give this up was the fact that I was like I met the woman I wanted.

[00:18:29] I want to make my wife.

[00:18:31] I want to be a father and have kids with her.

[00:18:34] I want those kids to be U.S. citizens.

[00:18:37] And that changed that changed my entire path.

[00:18:40] OK. And it like as quickly as we met each other and I made those decisions, I gave up because I was like OK, this five minutes ago this was my path or maybe a couple of months ago.

[00:18:52] I must say, wow, I'm powerful.

[00:18:55] Well, but you know, this was my path and I was committed to it.

[00:18:58] And there is no there is no amount of pain or hard work that was going to sway me off of it.

[00:19:03] But the moment it was no longer my path, I gave it up.

[00:19:08] It meant nothing. It meant nothing to me at that point.

[00:19:10] And that's why, to me, giving up isn't a bad thing.

[00:19:14] I would I would never encourage a person to give up on a goal or a dream because it's hard.

[00:19:19] You know, life's right. Life sucks.

[00:19:21] Get a helmet.

[00:19:23] Some things just have to be done.

[00:19:24] Get your stuff together and go knock it out.

[00:19:26] Ask for help. Work.

[00:19:28] What my father told me a long time ago, possibly half joking, was he said, you know, you're a rabble.

[00:19:34] You know, it's a good way. Rabble's aren't born rich and none of us are.

[00:19:38] And unfortunately, you weren't born.

[00:19:41] What was it was rabble's aren't born rich.

[00:19:44] So you're going to have to work twice as hard for twice as long to beat everybody else.

[00:19:49] But if you can outwork them, they'll never beat you.

[00:19:52] So I grew up with this idea that like, you know, if I was willing to work twice, twice long, I would always come out on top.

[00:20:00] No one could keep me down because I was willing to do four times the work they were to get to the same aim objective.

[00:20:06] And by the way, when you develop that thought process, it doesn't take four times the work.

[00:20:11] You just have to be prepared to do it and then just dive in and get it done.

[00:20:16] But anyway, you let me get off on a tangent.

[00:20:19] That's OK, because it brought up a couple of things for me.

[00:20:23] What I was going to say when I was having difficulty finding words is I think I think you should be proud of yourself when you recognize that that goal is not for you.

[00:20:34] And in my mind, I have a certain scenario in my head.

[00:20:39] So and I keep thinking back to your sister and I hope she doesn't mind us using her as an example because she was the influence for all of this.

[00:20:47] But she caught she's responsible for this.

[00:20:51] She she is one of the most.

[00:20:56] She is a force to be reckoned with.

[00:20:58] She's a powerful woman.

[00:21:00] She knows what she wants.

[00:21:02] She knows what she's after.

[00:21:04] She there's no there's not a lot of question with her like, you know, she is she's just she's just that kind of person.

[00:21:12] When you meet her, you have three options.

[00:21:15] You can follow behind her or you can try to confront her or you can get the hell out of the way.

[00:21:21] But she's she's going to go where she's going to go.

[00:21:23] Yeah, and that's not a bad thing at all.

[00:21:26] In fact, you'll meet her at Prepper Camp if you're going to Prepper Camp anyway.

[00:21:31] So some of y'all met her last year at the Matter of Acts camping trip when we first met her when she was 14 years old, I believe 13 or 14 years old.

[00:21:41] She already knew what she wanted to be when she grew up.

[00:21:44] And she was already working towards that goal.

[00:21:47] And it was it was me being in college, I was like, wait, what?

[00:21:51] She's already like volunteering for a job that she wants when she gets out of high school and you know, she knows where she wants to do.

[00:21:59] I am not that person.

[00:22:00] I have never been that person.

[00:22:02] I have dreams and things that I want to do.

[00:22:05] I even tell my students when I grow up, I want to be this.

[00:22:08] And they're like, well, Miss Rebel, you're already grown up now.

[00:22:11] Things will change.

[00:22:12] And, you know, I may not always be a teacher.

[00:22:15] My goal one day is to go to space anyway.

[00:22:18] She's always had these goals in these streams and since she was at least 13 when we met her.

[00:22:24] And it wasn't with it wasn't until within the last year that some of those goals changed for her.

[00:22:31] And she had a really, really hard time coming to terms with the fact that her heart was changing.

[00:22:37] And I think that that was more of what she was trying to deal with than it was the goal that she was letting go or the goal that she was giving up.

[00:22:48] And me being the type B personality that I am, I don't have trouble saying this isn't for me and I need to let this go.

[00:22:59] I really have never had that kind of trouble.

[00:23:02] In fact, I mean, it's reflected in my career.

[00:23:06] It's reflected in my friendships.

[00:23:08] It's reflected in family members.

[00:23:10] I don't have trouble letting go of things.

[00:23:13] Certain things.

[00:23:14] I'd have trouble letting go of you or letting go of Piper.

[00:23:17] But I was just going to say that the interesting parallel here is that my sister, I wouldn't say I would never say she and I have the same personality.

[00:23:24] We have very similar personalities.

[00:23:26] And you and my best friend, her husband, have very similar personalities.

[00:23:30] So it is like me and my best friend, we've literally had that weird almost brotherly relationship for 25 years where we could talk to each other about anything.

[00:23:41] There's no pretense between us.

[00:23:44] It's just, hey dude, what you doing?

[00:23:45] Let's go hang out.

[00:23:46] And I have often thought to myself, I'm like, there's got to be some weird psychological paper to be written here about the fact that I married a woman with almost exactly my best friend's personality

[00:23:59] and then he married a woman with very much my personality.

[00:24:03] It is a little weird.

[00:24:05] Well, but I think the old opposites attract thing, I think those personalities just click together.

[00:24:11] Like you and I offset each other because we are both such extremes.

[00:24:14] And they offset each other a lot.

[00:24:18] Because I've always said I think they're good for each other because they balance each other out.

[00:24:24] And the same can be said for us.

[00:24:26] And in either couple's case, all four of us are extremes of our personalities.

[00:24:32] So we need an extreme the other direction to bring us back to center.

[00:24:36] But anyway.

[00:24:37] So what you're saying is everyone needs a hippie in their life?

[00:24:40] Or a warrior type A list-making obsessive compulsive person to get you to come down out of the clouds every now and then and embrace reality.

[00:24:54] Yeah, I guess so.

[00:24:56] She used to get so mad at me when we were dating and I would tell you like, baby, you got to get your head out of the clouds.

[00:25:01] And like, you know, there's work to be done down here.

[00:25:04] I would get so mad at you.

[00:25:06] I was like, no, I'm staying in the clouds.

[00:25:08] This is where it's nice.

[00:25:10] But anyway, it was kind of in that moment when we were talking about it.

[00:25:17] We were camping that weekend.

[00:25:18] And she was talking we were talking about these goals that she was considering giving up and not because the goal was too hard or it was too much of a fight or anything like that.

[00:25:29] It was just she wasn't sure that it was for her.

[00:25:33] And it was it was in that moment that I was like, damn, I'm old.

[00:25:39] And now I'm, you know, spewing wisdom to my younger sister who, you know, I've been there, done that kind of thing.

[00:25:48] Vintage. That was what we were called yesterday the day before yesterday was vintage.

[00:25:53] We are vintage.

[00:25:54] So much nicer than over the hill.

[00:25:55] Yeah.

[00:25:57] Anyway, she went through with giving up and she decided that that path was not for her.

[00:26:04] And I really couldn't be any more proud of her because I think had she continued down that path or and when we continue down paths that really aren't meant for us, maybe we thought that they were meant for us, but they really aren't meant for us.

[00:26:18] Then your struggle is so much worse.

[00:26:22] You know, you're trying to make a square peg fit in a round hole and it's just not there.

[00:26:29] And so I think you have to be proud of yourself when you come to that realization, especially if you can figure that out before you start going down that road.

[00:26:38] Yeah.

[00:26:39] You know, and then the other thing that I was going to say was well, I think I've kind of already said it is I'm such a type B personality.

[00:26:48] I I cannot remember a time in my life where I was like, yes, that's what I want to be when I grew up.

[00:26:53] That's what I want to do.

[00:26:54] I'm going to school to do this.

[00:26:56] But that's because you're a Toys R Us kid.

[00:26:58] I changed my I changed my major three times.

[00:27:03] I ended up only majoring in general studies because I couldn't put I couldn't put it down on paper.

[00:27:10] I wanted to do art history and so but they didn't have an art history degree at the time.

[00:27:15] So I took every class that I could and I wanted to minor in this and I want to, you know,

[00:27:20] But I think it's funny how when I first enrolled in college, I enrolled in teaching.

[00:27:28] My major was teaching.

[00:27:29] I wanted to teach English.

[00:27:31] And here I am throughout my entire career in the back of my head.

[00:27:35] It has always said you need to be a teacher.

[00:27:38] You should be a teacher.

[00:27:39] And and if I guess if you look at my career, I have been a teacher.

[00:27:45] I've been a teacher since I graduated from college.

[00:27:47] Yeah, I just did it in a nonprofit setting.

[00:27:51] I did it in a it's called informal education.

[00:27:53] So I was leading the golf chat at the aquarium.

[00:27:58] I was taking animals out and talking to guests and educating them about different animals.

[00:28:02] And I would take my volunteers out to different ecosystems and we would spend days out there and study the ecosystem.

[00:28:12] So in a way, I have always been a teacher.

[00:28:14] But now I'm in the classroom actually teaching.

[00:28:18] And when I made this career shift, I got out of nonprofits and became a teacher.

[00:28:28] In my head, I kept saying, well, this is just temporary because, you know, my whole career path has always just been temporary.

[00:28:37] I've done this for seven years.

[00:28:39] I did this for ten years.

[00:28:40] I did this for four years, whatever.

[00:28:42] And then I said, this is going to be temporary.

[00:28:45] It's going to be until Piper graduates from this school and then we're going to leave.

[00:28:48] And that it's not that that's not going to happen.

[00:28:54] I don't I don't know if I will retire from this school, but I am so just I'm where I'm supposed to be.

[00:29:05] Like I can feel like this is the path.

[00:29:07] I finally quit fighting myself, although I don't think I fought myself.

[00:29:11] I think for someone like me and I'm comparing myself to someone like you, I need I need it to go into all those different areas.

[00:29:22] I need it to try all those different things, all those different careers to see just really to get the experience.

[00:29:30] You know, I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

[00:29:33] I don't. And I still have a goal of one day I'm going to make it to space.

[00:29:38] And, you know, if that happens to just turn out to be that I am aware of my spirit and energy leaving this earth when I die and I'm now part of the universe again, then I've made it to space.

[00:29:53] But as I've gotten older, yes, your goals change.

[00:29:57] Your your whole life will will evolve as you grow older.

[00:30:01] But in your goals will all change and evolve as you grow older.

[00:30:07] I'm just more at peace now.

[00:30:09] I don't put that burden on my shoulder of I've got to have a career set and I've got to know what I'm going to do when I grow up.

[00:30:17] And I've got to do this, you know, right now are one of Piper's biggest choices will come up next year.

[00:30:26] It actually will start to come up in September.

[00:30:30] Yeah, September, October, where she will have to decide which high school she goes to.

[00:30:35] We know she's not going to public.

[00:30:37] So there's a couple of choices for private schools here and she's going to have to go toward those places and she's going to have to make the decision of where she's going to go to high school.

[00:30:46] One thing that we will not do and have never done.

[00:30:49] And I think some people kind of balk when I talk about it is where will she go to college?

[00:30:55] Well, what does she want to be when she graduates from high school?

[00:30:59] I don't care.

[00:31:00] I don't care if she doesn't go to college.

[00:31:03] You know, we've told her time and time again, if you want to be a hairdresser, I'm not sending you to four years of college to be a hairdresser.

[00:31:09] You can go to a vote tech or whatever.

[00:31:12] If you want to do underwater basket weaving and you think that you can make a living at underwater basket weaving and you have to get a four year degree to do underwater basket weaving, then sure, we'll send you to college and you can do that.

[00:31:23] But we're not wasting time and resources and going down a path that was so beat into our generation of you will not succeed unless you have a degree.

[00:31:35] You will not succeed unless you have a degree.

[00:31:37] Well, the problem was when they sent us to college and we did these things, we got out with the degree and no experience.

[00:31:48] And we needed the experience to use the degree.

[00:31:51] So we were you know, so many people are now swamped with, you know, college debt and all those things.

[00:31:58] And they have the degree, but they don't have the experience.

[00:32:02] Anyway, that's just something that so the path that Piper decides to take in her life is something that we will guide her in.

[00:32:10] But we're not pushing her down a path or a goal to reach a goal that may not be for her.

[00:32:18] We've always said I don't know if she's a college kid.

[00:32:21] I don't know if she's going to go to college.

[00:32:24] And don't mistake me.

[00:32:25] Like I have no doubts in my mind at all about her intelligence.

[00:32:28] She could she could do.

[00:32:31] She has proven to me in every time she's been tested in any kind of standardized way, she has the intellect to do whatever she wants.

[00:32:39] But it's like I've told her time and time again, if you want to do this, you're going to have to go to college.

[00:32:45] It's part of the gig.

[00:32:47] But if you want to do this, this, this, there's no point in you going to college.

[00:32:51] Like four years you spend going to college, we'd better spent doing those jobs, apprenticing somewhere, going to a VOTEC.

[00:32:58] Because if the goal is to do that job and like four years of college isn't going to get you closer to the goal, what's the point?

[00:33:07] So that's that's what I underwater best weaving got to be at LSU.

[00:33:14] So, Kyle, underwater, underwater best weaving for anybody not familiar is just kind of a catch all term that we used to use to describe like useless degrees like gender studies.

[00:33:25] I just pissed somebody off and I don't care much because there's a bunch of useless degrees in college.

[00:33:29] If someone will get a if someone figured the roll tide was coming at the last jab, I take a college is like if if someone is stupid enough to go out and get a college loan for it, someone is stupid enough to teach it.

[00:33:41] Take your money. So if the job you want to do does not require a degree, you don't go to college period and discussion and not.

[00:33:49] Yeah, I think that's a whole discussion on its own is college and the should I add that to the list?

[00:33:56] Phil, Phil, Phil loses his mind on the Department of Education on federal involvement and no, because that is already on the list.

[00:34:05] Going through the at least a Louisiana education bills that are going through Senate and House right now for the upcoming year.

[00:34:16] We need to we need to pass back through some of these been swans and said goals and dreams change with life and who is in your life.

[00:34:23] I wholeheartedly agree. Absolutely. Garden girl said she was going to join the Peace Corps when she met her husband.

[00:34:29] I can totally see you going out before you and I met.

[00:34:32] Yeah, you and a bunch of your little hippie friends running around in the third wall trying to help people that sounds like your vibe.

[00:34:42] I mean, in a way, I kind of did.

[00:34:45] In a way, I was a student ambassador in Australia for a month.

[00:34:49] See, garden girl said once she chose not to once she chose not to leave, she's going to work for social work.

[00:34:57] Want to work at a children's hospital, but our kids were a priority to show us life.

[00:35:02] She did hit and she feels fulfilled.

[00:35:05] Joe said you grow life changes circumstances force change lives road has turns and potholes changing lanes is not giving up.

[00:35:13] And see, I understand where you're coming from when I say give up or when I say let go.

[00:35:18] I equate it to like swing them like Tarzan swing him through the jungle on vines.

[00:35:24] If you hold on to this fine and you hold on to this fine, you stop in order to move forward.

[00:35:30] You have to let go of this vine, hold onto this vine.

[00:35:33] And then when you get to the next vine, you have to grab that one.

[00:35:35] Let this one go.

[00:35:36] So the problem is if you hold on to both vines, you stop it.

[00:35:39] If you let go both vines, bad things start happening.

[00:35:42] So that's when I say things like give up or let go.

[00:35:45] I mean that when you when you change lanes or when you change paths or goals, you have to let go of the old one.

[00:35:52] You can't you can't when I say give up, I mean it in terms of I am not giving any more attention or thought or emotion.

[00:36:02] Like I don't I don't stop and think to myself hardly ever except when it gets brought up.

[00:36:06] But like I don't think these days about man, what my life had been so great if 20 years ago I hadn't decided to get married to this girl and have a family.

[00:36:13] I pursued that dream of going to Germany or Italy and work on the next Lamborghini or something like that.

[00:36:20] Wouldn't that have been such a better life?

[00:36:22] I don't ever think about it that way.

[00:36:24] I think about it as I'd for that.

[00:36:26] But my point is when I gave up that dream, I gave it up.

[00:36:30] It the moment I changed paths, the old one meant nothing to me.

[00:36:33] It wasn't my path anymore.

[00:36:34] It wasn't my goal.

[00:36:36] So when I say give up, I'm just saying that if you continue to give energy to and pine for that own old goal, if you continue to think to yourself, man, I made a mistake.

[00:36:45] I should I should go back and I should do that or I should try to keep that door open.

[00:36:49] That's antithetical to the way my mind works.

[00:36:51] My mind is once this is my path, bam, that's my path.

[00:36:55] There is no other path now.

[00:36:57] This is it.

[00:36:58] That's what the whole episode is supposed to be about.

[00:37:01] That's what the title is about is because the conversation.

[00:37:04] That's how the conversation went last night and we were all talking about the words we use to describe the same thing are so different.

[00:37:10] Right. Our perception literally went around the table and and each gave a synonym or two of what giving up means.

[00:37:17] Because we did.

[00:37:18] Rebecca and I were like, whoa, wait, give up.

[00:37:22] We haven't given up anything.

[00:37:24] We just decided not to go down that path anymore.

[00:37:27] And so that's why the title says giving up isn't a bad thing.

[00:37:31] The actual phrase giving up isn't a bad thing.

[00:37:35] I think some of it also comes from my perspective as a husband and father, because I've been very upfront on this podcast and in between the two.

[00:37:41] But it's about the fact that I think being a husband and a father is a very selfless thing.

[00:37:46] You're supposed to put other people in front of you.

[00:37:48] You're supposed to sacrifice yourself for them.

[00:37:51] That's like our whole purpose of being.

[00:37:53] So to me, giving up, surrender, sacrifice, those are all selfless things of me saying I'm letting go of this for a greater calling, for a higher calling, for a greater good.

[00:38:06] So to me, give up and surrender and sacrifice.

[00:38:10] Those things don't have a negative connotation to me.

[00:38:13] They have the connotation of this is the role I have taken on in this family and it's my job.

[00:38:21] It's what I'm supposed to do.

[00:38:22] So when I say, oh, I gave up that career path because this was more important to me, I don't see that as a bad thing, to me at least.

[00:38:31] But it's a perception thing.

[00:38:34] I think it's also, it's very much the fact that no matter what word any of us were using around that table to describe it, we were all saying the same thing, was that sometimes it's healthy to let go of those goals and to pursue the path that we're supposed to be pursuing.

[00:38:54] I had this thought this morning about, as I want to do, I think human beings are in some ways incredibly frustrating creatures because we do very irrational things.

[00:39:06] There's a reason why I studied psychology so much in college and it wasn't because the subject interested me.

[00:39:11] It was because I was trying to figure out people intellectually because figuring them out emotionally wasn't working very well.

[00:39:18] But in nature, there are birds out there and rabbits and so on and so forth.

[00:39:25] That rabbit is not going to try to be a bird.

[00:39:28] It's not going to try to grow wings.

[00:39:29] It's not going to try to fly.

[00:39:30] It's not going to start pecking on trees.

[00:39:33] It's a rabbit.

[00:39:34] It's going to be a rabbit.

[00:39:35] And the bird's not going to try to be a rabbit.

[00:39:37] It's going to be a bird.

[00:39:39] In nature, things are what they are and they pursue the path that is dictated by what they are.

[00:39:46] They don't try.

[00:39:47] They don't expend all this energy of trying to get away from what they're meant to do and yet human beings do.

[00:39:54] Human beings will develop drinking habits and develop addictions and work themselves into an early grave and they'll have heart attacks at 40 because they're so hell bent on,

[00:40:07] I'm trying to do this thing even if it kills me.

[00:40:10] And sometimes that thing isn't what they're meant to do.

[00:40:13] We talked the other night about the fact that once my career really isn't something that I would necessarily say I'm proud of, not like I'm ashamed of, but it's just where I work.

[00:40:26] It provides the living for my family.

[00:40:28] If I could make more money and better benefits with the same life balance, I'd go somewhere else tomorrow.

[00:40:34] It means nothing to me.

[00:40:36] It's just my job.

[00:40:38] But the lifestyle it affords my family is what's important to me.

[00:40:42] But I know people that their job is a central part of who they are.

[00:40:49] And they would be hesitant to give up that job or they'd be hesitant to do anything to impact their career even if it meant a better work-life balance, even if it meant more time with their family, even if it meant their health.

[00:41:04] I hate to say it, but I've had coworkers who literally, they were within a few months of retirement.

[00:41:10] They punched out one day because they were feeling bad, died on their couch that afternoon.

[00:41:14] Just totally 100% stress-induced cardiac event.

[00:41:20] And I'm sorry to say, but I've been the one to say time and time again, husband of father is my highest calling.

[00:41:28] I would change careers in a split second if it helped me do this better because this is more important to me.

[00:41:35] But I know people that won't do that.

[00:41:37] I know people that they would get in their heads, I've spent 10 years working here.

[00:41:41] I've been working towards that corner office or I've been working towards that top job and like that becomes the thing that drives them.

[00:41:48] But does it drive them because that's what they were born to do was work at, get that corner office and have the big desk?

[00:41:57] Or were they born to do something else? Were they born to be a husband and father or a wife and a mother?

[00:42:02] Were they born to start a family? Were they born to volunteer for their community?

[00:42:09] Were they born to be a teacher and influence the next generation of young minds?

[00:42:14] I personally believe that everyone has a predisposition to something in life.

[00:42:21] And I think that sometimes we have trouble finding that thing.

[00:42:26] Like you don't know what you want to be when you grow up, although I think you do.

[00:42:30] But sometimes people don't want that. They fight against it.

[00:42:34] They rebel against it. They rebel against their own nature.

[00:42:37] They try to be something they're not.

[00:42:40] And then they wind up in the situation where they're spending all their energy pushing in the wrong direction, trying to swim upstream.

[00:42:48] I think that's a generational curse that's been placed on our generation, our parents' generation, but mostly the Gen Xers and the Millennials.

[00:43:01] There's always been this pressure. You have to be something. You have to go to college. You have to do this.

[00:43:08] There's always been these have-tos and pressure that's been put on our shoulders of this is the only way to do this.

[00:43:17] This is the only way you'll succeed.

[00:43:19] And if you don't do it this way, you're a failure and you're not top tier in our whole structure of whatever.

[00:43:29] You know what I'm saying?

[00:43:31] And I at least for us, and I've said this, I think already today, but at least for us.

[00:43:37] But I think as a generation, we are breaking those curses.

[00:43:41] We are not placing that pressure on our kids so much because we understand now that the college degree doesn't get you a six figure job.

[00:43:50] And the amount of stress to figure out who you want to be when you grow up is not worth it because unless you're going to medical school or going to school for an exact degree that you're going to eventually work in one day,

[00:44:10] then the odds are that you're going to work in that field is very small.

[00:44:16] I mean, I know teachers who went to school for six years to get their masters in education to teach and then they get in the classroom for two years and they're like, absolutely not for me.

[00:44:26] And they're off whatever real estate.

[00:44:30] They do all sorts of things, things that didn't require a degree in the first place.

[00:44:34] But what I think we're going to start to see is as these generational curses, as these generational pressures that were placed on us begin to break with our generation, with our children.

[00:44:48] I think, I hope maybe we'll start to see happier adults because they don't have to meet the standards of what their parents and grandparents have set for them.

[00:45:00] Yeah, you know, and that was I was told that you're going to go to college.

[00:45:05] You're going to graduate.

[00:45:07] There were times where the bill was threatened because of actions that I did in college.

[00:45:14] And, you know, I got my nose pierced and my grandmother said if you want me to continue to pay for college, then you will take that out of your nose.

[00:45:20] Well, it's something that I've always wanted and I got it done.

[00:45:23] And guess who took it out of her nose?

[00:45:26] You know, because I had to go to college and I had to graduate from college and I had to go get a career and all that stuff.

[00:45:34] And then here I am.

[00:45:35] I'm not even a certified teacher.

[00:45:39] I teach an enrichment class and couldn't be happy.

[00:45:43] I am the happiest I've ever been in my career.

[00:45:46] The absolute happiest I've ever been in my career.

[00:45:49] And when my students asked me the other day, Mr.

[00:45:52] Avalay, are you going to leave when Piper leaves?

[00:45:55] And I said no.

[00:45:57] And their faces were like, what?

[00:45:58] Like, really?

[00:46:00] I was like, no, I'm I'm happy.

[00:46:02] I want to see y'all graduate.

[00:46:03] Like, you know, I I don't know.

[00:46:07] So I will just say that, like full credit to my parents, my father was very much in the vein of like he encouraged an education.

[00:46:15] I would never say he went so far as demanding it for him.

[00:46:18] It was more of a he his conversations with me were very much centered around you need to figure out how you're going to support yourself.

[00:46:25] Yeah.

[00:46:26] And then you need to commit serious attention and effort towards getting yourself established.

[00:46:35] But I agree with you.

[00:46:36] I think that I think that a lot of people are coming around to like more my way of thinking where it's like I make plenty of money for us to have a very comfortable living.

[00:46:47] I'm not going to go out and kill myself for that extra 10 percent.

[00:46:50] I'm not going to kill myself, scratch for overtime or go, you know, I'm not making money is not the goal.

[00:46:58] My goal is to be neighbor.

[00:47:01] Sorry, our 20 year old neighbor just got a motorcycle.

[00:47:04] Yeah.

[00:47:05] But my ultimate goal is husband and father.

[00:47:07] So whatever furthers that goal of husband and father is what gets done.

[00:47:10] And if it doesn't further that goal, it doesn't get done.

[00:47:13] What's my kid going to appreciate more?

[00:47:16] A couple extra hours of my time or another, you know, five or ten thousand dollars in the savings account.

[00:47:22] Do you think that it's more important to push your child in a direction to not necessarily take care of themselves because that needs to be the goal?

[00:47:32] Like you have to be able to care for yourself.

[00:47:34] You have to make enough money to pay rent and have a life.

[00:47:39] Or do you think it's more important that you just you're there to support their endeavors?

[00:47:45] Why not both?

[00:47:49] I mean, yeah, you could do both.

[00:47:52] Because here's the thing.

[00:47:53] Like I was raised to believe and I've taken this taking this mantle on myself that like a parent's ultimate goal is to prepare their children for the day they're not going to be there anymore.

[00:48:04] So the day you and I are both gone, she has to be able to stand on her own two feet, pay her bills, keep herself fed.

[00:48:11] Because if she can't do that without you and I managing her, we failed as parents.

[00:48:16] That is our like my only goal in life.

[00:48:20] The only job I have as as parent is to make sure she's one day self-sufficient before I have before I have to check out of this world.

[00:48:29] I would like her to be happy.

[00:48:31] Happiness is her job, though.

[00:48:33] Finding happiness is her job.

[00:48:35] That's for her to figure out what makes her happy or who makes her happy.

[00:48:39] Her happiness is I don't want to say her problem.

[00:48:42] That's her job.

[00:48:43] My job is to make sure that she stays alive long enough to find happiness.

[00:48:47] So I would say, am I going to support her endeavors?

[00:48:52] Absolutely.

[00:48:53] I love the kid like life itself.

[00:48:54] I want her to be happy.

[00:48:55] I want her to do all those things.

[00:48:57] But my job is to make sure she could support herself.

[00:49:01] So it has to be both things.

[00:49:04] Like if she's if supporting her endeavors means that she has the motivation and the drive to move forward with being able to develop a career, cool.

[00:49:13] But if her if her endeavors or whatever took away from her being able to provide for herself, then I'd be like, pop the brakes here for a second.

[00:49:24] Like I would love to quit my job, be a full time podcaster, be a lot of fun, but it's not going to pay the bills.

[00:49:30] So at a certain point, your endeavors have to take a backseat to a little bit of reality and a little bit of I just you have to be able to take care of yourself.

[00:49:39] I love I don't know who PBN members James.

[00:49:45] Oh, hi, James.

[00:49:47] I love your comment.

[00:49:48] This is he said that this is his favorite episode to date.

[00:49:51] Great work.

[00:49:52] Thank you, James.

[00:49:53] The boss agrees.

[00:49:58] Colisey College is wasted on me.

[00:49:59] Didn't have didn't have to have a degree to work here.

[00:50:02] I'm in a weird position where like I hadn't have to either.

[00:50:05] You do have to have a degree to have your position.

[00:50:08] Yep.

[00:50:09] Yep.

[00:50:10] I mean, I have to have a degree to have my position, but my position doesn't necessarily need a teaching degree teaching.

[00:50:17] Well, what I was saying was I had to have a bachelor's degree to even get my foot in the door for an interview where I'm at.

[00:50:22] But I wouldn't say that I don't know.

[00:50:24] Like a lot of the things I learned in college have come in handy at the job I have now.

[00:50:29] But I would say a majority of what has made me so successful has actually been things that like I learned on the job, not just here but in previous jobs.

[00:50:37] Like when I was in operations and general manager, I learned all kinds of things that I'm applying now which are making me very successful.

[00:50:46] So it's one of those things where it's like I had to have the bachelor's degree to get in the door.

[00:50:51] But the work experience is what got me through.

[00:50:53] So I don't know.

[00:50:56] I'm hoping that I see I see a shift happening in the private sector where there's less and less emphasis on people having a bachelor's degree or master's or Ph.D.

[00:51:05] And there's more and more emphasis on like bringing people in and entry level jobs.

[00:51:10] And it's sink or swim.

[00:51:12] You come in here at the bottom, you show me what you can do.

[00:51:15] You move up based on that.

[00:51:16] There is no more they're they're moving away from slowly stubbornly moving away from a two tiered system where the non college degrees go down here and do grunt work and college degrees automatically skip ahead ahead of the line.

[00:51:30] They're moving away from that because they've seen this rash of kids that come out of college.

[00:51:34] With a four year degree.

[00:51:36] But they're functionally freaking stupid.

[00:51:38] They don't know.

[00:51:39] They only had to do anything.

[00:51:40] That's true.

[00:51:41] Somebody said that.

[00:51:42] Oh, it was Joe.

[00:51:43] You said, yeah, very excited.

[00:51:44] I've met too many college graduates that can't do anything for me.

[00:51:47] You can't do that.

[00:51:50] Would you stop?

[00:51:51] All right.

[00:51:52] Joe says I've met too many college graduates that can't do anything for me to have a good impression of college education.

[00:51:58] What's college education?

[00:52:00] Yeah.

[00:52:01] Well, in the analogy I would agree that like if my boss says, hey, Phil, I need this.

[00:52:08] I'm not going to ask her.

[00:52:11] I might ask her for some input and be like, OK, well, do you want this or do you want this?

[00:52:16] Do you want this?

[00:52:17] Do you want me to do it in a chart or your table?

[00:52:19] How much how much granularity do you want the data elements?

[00:52:22] And that's really just so I can understand what she's asking for.

[00:52:25] But I'm not going to ask her what color do you want in the cell?

[00:52:28] What formula do you want this cell and how do you want the report done?

[00:52:31] She doesn't care about all that.

[00:52:33] She wants me to use my intelligence and give her what she's asking for.

[00:52:36] But I know a lot.

[00:52:38] I know a lot of these damn kids coming out of college that they can't think that they can't think that far because their entire college education has been here's an assignment.

[00:52:47] I get this.

[00:52:48] I'm back.

[00:52:49] Here's another assignment.

[00:52:50] And that's what they're college is not what it was when we were in college.

[00:52:54] College is not I.

[00:52:56] My personal opinion is college is a waste of time now because it's more of a daycare for emotions and feelings and not so much learning is going on.

[00:53:07] I don't know.

[00:53:08] Maybe it is.

[00:53:09] I would say that started when you and I were there.

[00:53:12] It was starting.

[00:53:13] It hadn't quite taken over.

[00:53:15] It hadn't quite taken over.

[00:53:17] But again, like you and I are you and I were unique amongst a lot of our peers because like you had a student worker job.

[00:53:24] I was working part time full time all the way through college.

[00:53:27] Like I can remember getting invited to the bars with all these idiot, you know, 19, 20 year old kids.

[00:53:33] They were inviting me to go out, you know, with them because we were classmates.

[00:53:37] And I was like, um, no, I got to go work.

[00:53:40] And then they all the color were drained out of their face when they realized I was like 24 years old, engaged to be married, had an apartment, had a full time job.

[00:53:49] Like they're all like, you know, like their whole world was I'm going to go to class and then I'm going to go do stupid stuff after class.

[00:53:57] And they were just like, you mean you're like an adult?

[00:54:00] And I'm like, yeah, I'm like a real I'm like a real adult, not like a little boy anymore.

[00:54:07] Anyway, Gillian says I was an adult by the time I was 14 years old.

[00:54:11] Six.

[00:54:12] Not six.

[00:54:14] He was a real adult by the age of eight.

[00:54:18] Kyle was saying that's the problem with my job.

[00:54:20] People identify it with their life and that's very common in law enforcement and in military and in a lot of career fields where like it's not just the job, it's them.

[00:54:31] Like I am a soldier.

[00:54:33] I am a cop.

[00:54:35] I am a nurse.

[00:54:36] I am a whatever and it's a component of their self identity instead of just a job, which I guess is why like when I say it this way, you have to understand like I take my job definitely serious when I'm clocked in.

[00:54:49] I am 100% focused do the best I can because that's my work ethic.

[00:54:53] But five seconds after I punch out, I don't.

[00:55:00] Are you OK?

[00:55:01] OK.

[00:55:05] She's bouncing over here.

[00:55:11] Garn girl said my teacher teaches my sister teaches fifth grade and had a criminal justice degree.

[00:55:17] Yeah.

[00:55:20] Ben said I was an automotive tech to massage therapist to cook to CNC machines.

[00:55:25] One of these days we're going to sit down and talk about our career progression because especially through college, I did all kinds of stuff like that.

[00:55:32] I bounced.

[00:55:33] I wouldn't say I bounced around from job to job.

[00:55:35] But like the stuff I did was just to cover the full spectrum because again, it was just like my goal is to get through college.

[00:55:41] I don't care where I'm working.

[00:55:42] Just give me a job.

[00:55:45] Carl Radley not having college often limits you.

[00:55:50] I don't think that's the case so much anymore.

[00:55:52] It wasn't his generation.

[00:55:54] It wasn't.

[00:55:55] Yeah, definitely.

[00:55:56] And it was a lot in ours.

[00:55:58] But I don't think that's the case so much anymore.

[00:56:00] I think people are really starting to figure out just because they finished college doesn't mean that they're going to be a good employee.

[00:56:08] And what's worse is that a lot of a lot of young people are getting out of college with a bachelor's degree.

[00:56:13] Oh, there's no jobs.

[00:56:14] Go back into college, get a master's, come back out.

[00:56:16] Oh, there's no jobs.

[00:56:17] Go back in, get a Ph.D., come back out.

[00:56:20] And now they've got 100 grand in student loans stacked up and no one's going to pay on Ph.D. money with no experience.

[00:56:27] Yeah.

[00:56:28] So so they're only depending on the Ph.D.

[00:56:32] A doctor, a medical doctor.

[00:56:35] Not all Ph.D.'s are medical doctors.

[00:56:38] I did.

[00:56:39] And that's not what I'm saying.

[00:56:40] I know that.

[00:56:41] I know plenty of people who have Ph.D.'s not in the medical field, but they will get their Ph.D.

[00:56:47] and make enough money to pay back those loans.

[00:56:50] Not in all cases.

[00:56:52] Not in all cases.

[00:56:54] If you get look if you get a Ph.D.

[00:56:56] in history, unless you go score something in academia and get tenured, unless and that's not only somebody exactly what I'm saying.

[00:57:05] OK, there's enough people that are currently on social media lamenting their their their postgraduate work and how they're buried in student debt forever.

[00:57:14] And they work as brief as a Starbucks to prove that that what you're saying happens.

[00:57:19] Yes. But when I'm saying happens to I can't roll the dice on one hundred thousand dollars in debt on a maybe I'll find a job.

[00:57:27] We're saying the same thing.

[00:57:29] Yes. But you're arguing with me regardless.

[00:57:34] She just likes to argue with her husband. It must be a wife thing.

[00:57:37] I'm not even arguing with you.

[00:57:41] You're arguing with me.

[00:57:44] Looks like we need some likes on this video chat.

[00:57:47] Kyle said, I'm on the clock watching this podcast.

[00:57:49] Get her some raisin canes.

[00:57:51] No slaw, extra fries, extra sauce.

[00:57:53] See, he knows where it's at.

[00:57:54] We're going to get raisin canes today, aren't we?

[00:57:56] We're going to have to.

[00:57:59] If if we can if we can get out of here and go get the errands done, we could probably do like a late lunch picnic over the lakefront.

[00:58:05] OK, well, let's finish this then.

[00:58:07] OK. So all all I'm going to say to wrap to round this out is like to me giving up giving up isn't a bad thing.

[00:58:16] Surrender isn't a bad thing.

[00:58:19] Compromise isn't a bad thing.

[00:58:21] I always say that in my world, as I'm sure most people's even if they don't have necessarily the verbiage put into words in my world, everything is organized.

[00:58:32] Shock and surprise, I know.

[00:58:34] But my top priority in life is husband father.

[00:58:39] Everything else comes after that.

[00:58:42] So I would never give up anything that makes that that that I would never give up anything that forwards the pursuit of being a husband, a father, because that is my absolute top goal.

[00:58:55] But by. But in the inverse, I would give up any goal, any pursuit, any endeavor that doesn't forward me down that path of being a better husband and father, because it's all about I am I am releasing the things that are costing me energy and effort because they no longer serve me.

[00:59:14] And that could be career.

[00:59:17] That could be hobbies.

[00:59:18] It could be relationships that have turned toxic.

[00:59:21] It all comes back to what is your ultimate calling your ultimate goal.

[00:59:26] And, you know, sometimes you turn 40 and you still know what you want to be when you grow up or sometimes you're like me and like I knew what I wanted to be.

[00:59:36] I knew what I wanted to be when I was a kid.

[00:59:40] And then that changed.

[00:59:41] And once it changed, I was like full speed that direction.

[00:59:45] And then it would change again.

[00:59:46] I was full speed that direction, but I've always had a goal that I drove towards.

[00:59:51] And when that goal changed, the old goal was given up immediately because it wasn't my path anymore.

[00:59:58] So I would just say that like never be never, never allow your life to be spent chasing a goal that isn't yours anymore.

[01:00:06] Don't fall into the trap of I've spent so much time or so much effort pursuing this.

[01:00:11] If it's not your path anymore, let it go and go do the thing you are meant to do.

[01:00:18] And if that thing is simple, something as simple as I am meant to be a housewife and stay home and have kids and take care of a family, which is not simple.

[01:00:26] It's well.

[01:00:29] Simple.

[01:00:30] You and I are using the word simple differently.

[01:00:33] My point is like if that's your goal, full speed ahead lady, you go you go get it.

[01:00:37] If your goal is to run off to Italy and work for Lamborghini or Ferrari, then you know, good luck learning that language and go have fun with it.

[01:00:45] But whatever your goal is, you have to you have to do two things.

[01:00:50] In my opinion, you have to fully commit to that goal and pursue it relentlessly.

[01:00:55] But you also have to let go of anything that doesn't push you down that path.

[01:01:01] And when the goal changes, you're going to let go of this goal that fast to pursue the new goal relentlessly with everything you have.

[01:01:10] That was a really good ending.

[01:01:13] I'm good at that right now.

[01:01:14] Then I'm good at talking.

[01:01:15] Where you go Mr. Rogers?

[01:01:17] I have so does this mean I have to trade in the T-shirts for the sweaters?

[01:01:25] You need a cardigan?

[01:01:26] I'm not shaving though.

[01:01:28] I do have a cardigan.

[01:01:30] Oh Lord have mercy.

[01:01:31] Anyway, so next weekend we will not be on because we will be out of town.

[01:01:38] But we should be back on the next the following weekend.

[01:01:41] So anyway, I hope you all enjoy the rest of your Sunday and the rest of your weekend.

[01:01:46] And thank you for joining us.

[01:01:48] There was something else I wanted to say.

[01:01:50] Raising Canes.

[01:01:51] Well, yeah, Raising Canes has come in.

[01:01:53] Thanks Kyle.

[01:01:55] Really quick before we jump off.

[01:01:57] There is an episode that Sarah put out.

[01:02:01] I posted on our YouTube channel.

[01:02:05] Okay, it's on our YouTube channel.

[01:02:07] We did a, it was a, what was it?

[01:02:11] PBN Girls?

[01:02:12] Not all of us.

[01:02:13] It was anyway.

[01:02:14] It was Lady Preppers.

[01:02:15] Well, it was about Prepper Camp.

[01:02:17] It was about Prepper Camp and which is coming up going to be actually pretty quick before you think of it.

[01:02:24] You know, before you whatever.

[01:02:26] It's going to be here before you know it.

[01:02:28] So go check out that episode.

[01:02:29] It was a lot of fun to do.

[01:02:31] Jordan was there, Jane Austin.

[01:02:34] Oh, I can't remember the other lady's name, but she has been at Prepper Camp for quite a few many years.

[01:02:41] Was it Virginia?

[01:02:42] No, it wasn't Virginia.

[01:02:43] Did it start with a V though?

[01:02:44] No, it didn't start with a V.

[01:02:45] I'm sorry.

[01:02:46] It started with an M, I believe.

[01:02:47] But anyway, she teaches a class at Prepper Camp.

[01:02:50] I haven't met her, but we'll have to hunt her down this year.

[01:02:55] Yes.

[01:02:56] So anyway, and it was Sarah Hathaway whose podcast we were on.

[01:03:00] So anyway, go check out that episode and remember that Prepper Camp is coming up to get your tickets.

[01:03:04] We will all be there.

[01:03:06] Not just like the rabelais will be there, but I think pretty much everybody's going to be there this year.

[01:03:11] So anyway, go enjoy your beach day, Ben.

[01:03:15] And we'll see you later.

[01:03:18] Thank you all for joining us today.

[01:03:19] Bye, everybody.

[01:03:20] Bye.