Raising Values: Hey Piper, I have a question for you.....

[00:00:01] Welcome to the Raising Values Podcast, where the traditional family talks. You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher and Spotify, and be sure to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. You can support the Raising Values Podcast through Patreon. Phil and Gillian are behind the mic and we hope you enjoy the show.

[00:00:29] Welcome back to Raising Values. Good afternoon. I almost said good morning. I forgot to turn on these two ring lights and we honestly don't even need them because it's two o'clock in the afternoon and it's sunny outside.

[00:00:41] If you don't think we need them. Okay. I can plug them in. Okay. Yeah. So welcome. It's been a day already and it's been a fun day.

[00:00:52] Piper and I and one of her friends went fishing this morning up in Washington Parish, which is about, well, we went to one of my favorite state parks in the state of Louisiana.

[00:01:04] Um, it's actually where one of my, um, one of my dear friends was injured and, um, ultimately passed away two days after he was, um, injured on the job.

[00:01:17] He was a park ranger at Bogochitta State Park and, um, we lost him and it wasn't that, I mean, like it was around this time.

[00:01:27] I think it was, no, it was in July that we lost him, but his birthday is, I think his birthday was in October.

[00:01:33] So anyway, we went up there. It's one of my favorite state parks.

[00:01:37] If you think of Louisiana, you don't think of hills and like really pretty terrain and all that stuff.

[00:01:43] I know a lot of people think swamp lands and flat and nothing to really consider, uh, whatever.

[00:01:50] But, um, up in Washington Parish, it is very hilly and beautiful and you can almost kind of imagine a fall up there.

[00:02:00] The leaves are turning and so it's not a lot of evergreens.

[00:02:03] I mean, there are, but you know what I'm saying.

[00:02:05] But anyway, spent the morning up there with Piper and one of her friends doing a, um,

[00:02:11] today was, uh, Louisiana Department of Wildlife and Fisheries Get Out and Fish event.

[00:02:15] So you could go and you could have a, get a rod and reel and bait all for free.

[00:02:21] Um, and they stocked one of the ponds with 800 pounds of catfish, but no catfish were biting.

[00:02:28] And well, somebody, two people caught a catfish while we were there.

[00:02:32] One of them was pretty big. It was like four pound catfish, but I have to say I'm okay.

[00:02:38] Not having caught anything because I really didn't want to come home and have to clean any fish.

[00:02:43] I haven't cleaned a fish in a very, very, very long time.

[00:02:48] And it wasn't on my to-do list today, but, um, it was fun.

[00:02:52] How long has it been since you've been fishing?

[00:02:54] Because, I mean...

[00:02:56] Piper was two.

[00:02:57] Before, I was about to say, I know it was before Hurricane Ida because it was on the pier that got wrecked for Hurricane Ida that I think they're still fixing.

[00:03:04] Piper was two when she caught her first fish out at Uncle John's Pond.

[00:03:09] Yeah.

[00:03:10] And it was during the 4th of July.

[00:03:11] So it's been a while since I've been fishing.

[00:03:15] It's been even longer since I've been hunting, but anyway.

[00:03:18] So, um, that was my morning and then, um, came home.

[00:03:23] But I do have to say, and Phil doesn't know I'm about to do this, but, um, I am going to publicly apologize to my husband for last week's episode.

[00:03:34] I was called to the carpet by a few people, um, for my passionate...

[00:03:42] You do know we're live.

[00:03:43] My passionate, um, very heartfelt...

[00:03:47] And this is recorded.

[00:03:48] Um, push to see Phil fulfill his authentic self.

[00:03:56] And, um, the plans that we have and the steps that we've made.

[00:04:01] This week has been a very, uh, very busy week as far as the plans that we've, we've been kind of conjuring up.

[00:04:08] And we're not quite ready to announce that yet, but it is coming, um, another big adventure for the Rabelais family and the Cummings family.

[00:04:19] Um, so that information's coming soon, but I want to just make sure everything's nailed down, uh, properly before we announce that.

[00:04:28] Um, so my...

[00:04:30] And I did apologize to Phil that, that evening.

[00:04:35] Um, I think I was very...

[00:04:38] I think what she said was, I didn't realize I was that hard on you.

[00:04:42] Well, I wasn't trying to be hard on you.

[00:04:44] And I wasn't, I wasn't trying to be mean or anything else.

[00:04:49] I was just fired up with, I know the potential that you have.

[00:04:54] And I, I think that you can do this.

[00:04:57] And I don't know.

[00:04:58] I mean, you push me to my limit.

[00:05:00] You push me to do more and better and all that stuff.

[00:05:04] It's just not usually broadcast live on the internet.

[00:05:08] And, um, so anyway, I've already apologized to him.

[00:05:12] So I'm apologizing to you all now.

[00:05:14] My mama got onto her butt about it that afternoon.

[00:05:17] Your mama, your, your dad, Olivia.

[00:05:20] Um, I think there was somebody else in the Raising Values chat that was like, oh, wow.

[00:05:25] Um, the, the, the manner in which you spoke to Phil today was crazy.

[00:05:32] It's okay.

[00:05:34] This little baby boy here can handle his wife, his mean old wife.

[00:05:39] I haven't handled you yet, but it's coming.

[00:05:43] Anyway, I think we probably will need to turn these on.

[00:05:46] So, um, I will do that really quick.

[00:05:49] And, um, yeah.

[00:05:51] Can you reach the...

[00:05:52] I can.

[00:05:53] So today's episode, so if you're watching live, give me just a second because the lights are about to be really bright.

[00:05:59] Um, today's episode is kind of...

[00:06:02] Do you go up or down?

[00:06:03] Go all the way down.

[00:06:04] All the way down.

[00:06:06] Okay.

[00:06:06] Now, hit the button, hit the second button from the top on both of them.

[00:06:10] That switch to natural light.

[00:06:11] Then hit the plus buttons twice each.

[00:06:14] Perfect.

[00:06:14] Okay.

[00:06:15] Yeah.

[00:06:15] Because the, the light outside is, it's kind of cloudy outside.

[00:06:18] Okay.

[00:06:19] Even better.

[00:06:20] All right.

[00:06:20] So today's episode...

[00:06:22] Oh, wait.

[00:06:22] There was another.

[00:06:23] Go to the banners really quick because I always forget to do this.

[00:06:26] Um, speaking of the raising value signal chat, I'll go, I'll go back to that one.

[00:06:31] Um, the raising value signal chat was pretty fired up this week.

[00:06:36] Uh, kind of started that.

[00:06:38] I'm glad and I'm not glad, but, um, there, there were some bombs dropped in there by myself.

[00:06:45] So I've had quite the week with listeners and people who watch and listen to the show.

[00:06:53] Um, drops, drop some bombs in there on some friends of ours.

[00:06:57] Not bad bombs, bad bombs about myself that I don't think anyone saw coming.

[00:07:02] And, um, I mean, take with it what you will take, take it how you will.

[00:07:08] It is what it is.

[00:07:09] And it's the way that, um, way that I feel and the journey, the spiritual journey that I'm going down.

[00:07:16] So, um, I hope I don't lose any friends, family, or listeners over my decision in my spiritual journey.

[00:07:24] But, um, that's it.

[00:07:27] Uh, I'm not ready to go public with that yet.

[00:07:31] I'm still trying to figure my life out.

[00:07:32] And I did feel, and I guess I do want to say this on here is I do feel, um, like I can trust the people, the patrons that we have to not be judgmental, to not be, um, harsh on people who have difference of opinions and different beliefs and things like that.

[00:07:51] And so I was very grateful to some of our listeners who had a lot of questions, uh, for me over on the Raising Values chat.

[00:08:01] And, I don't know, maybe one day I'll come around to making it a public kind of, I don't know.

[00:08:08] We'll see.

[00:08:09] We'll see.

[00:08:09] I don't know.

[00:08:10] But if you're in the Raising Values chat and you have been this week, then you've got, um, you've got a lot of information about yours truly.

[00:08:19] And, um, a lot of really good conversations go on in our chats so that we do have a Matter of Facts and a Raising Values signal chat for our patrons.

[00:08:29] So if, um, if that's something that you want to be a part of, I, I sometimes have to mute the Matter of Facts and sometimes I have to scold some of our patrons like, um, Eddie, who.

[00:08:42] Eddie does.

[00:08:43] Eddie and Stuart.

[00:08:44] Edward and.

[00:08:45] Eddie and Stuart can be troublemakers sometimes.

[00:08:47] Sometimes Chris.

[00:08:49] Sometimes Chris.

[00:08:50] Sometimes I have to just be like, all right, now we're adults.

[00:08:53] You never have to scold me though.

[00:08:56] No, not private, not publicly.

[00:08:59] Anyway, so join us in those chats, become a patron.

[00:09:02] We actually just got two new patrons this week, which is really nice.

[00:09:05] And, um, we always put, put a disclaimer out for those signal chats, especially the MOF signal chat.

[00:09:11] I will just say that, like, if you are a patron and you didn't get the memo about the signal chats, the absolute simplest way to deal with it is to get to log into Patreon and just send me a message directly saying, hey, I'm a patron.

[00:09:26] Why aren't I in the signal chat?

[00:09:27] And I'll work with you to get you booted in.

[00:09:29] And you don't have to do it.

[00:09:31] Oh, no.

[00:09:31] It is totally if you want to carouse with all the rest of the psychos.

[00:09:37] But, you know.

[00:09:38] We, Phil will add new people in.

[00:09:39] A lot of us will be like, I'm so sorry.

[00:09:42] Are you sure you want to make this life choice?

[00:09:45] So, some people in the Matter of Facts group would probably accuse me of spoiling their fun.

[00:09:50] But I give a warning to everyone before I drop them in.

[00:09:53] Oh, do you?

[00:09:53] Yes.

[00:09:54] Every last one.

[00:09:55] I don't tell them what's coming, but I tell them just.

[00:09:57] I feel like you have to.

[00:09:58] You have to give people a warning.

[00:10:00] Well, and especially like the Matter of Facts signal chat because those boys can get a little bit rowdy sometimes.

[00:10:07] It's all in good fun.

[00:10:08] It's all good natured.

[00:10:10] But they get a little rowdy sometimes.

[00:10:11] So, I just like to warn people.

[00:10:13] Like, if you're looking for like the family friendly group, you should probably be over here.

[00:10:18] And if you want to be.

[00:10:19] The Raising Values chat.

[00:10:19] And if you want to be in the one that's less wholesome and more psychotic, probably this one.

[00:10:24] Full of nerds.

[00:10:26] Yes.

[00:10:27] Speaking of patrons, this is our second annual.

[00:10:30] We are having our second annual Secret Santa patron.

[00:10:34] Oh, Stuart's going to be so glad you reminded me of that.

[00:10:38] I didn't remind you.

[00:10:39] You reminded them.

[00:10:40] And now I'm saying it.

[00:10:42] Yes.

[00:10:42] So, there is information in the Matter of Facts group.

[00:10:47] We can send it to you if you are a patron and you want to participate.

[00:10:51] You have to have your name and your address.

[00:10:53] You've got to give it to Stuart before, I think I said November 11th.

[00:10:58] That way everybody has time to mail out.

[00:11:00] He has time to assign who your person is.

[00:11:04] I actually dropped a quick little like two, three minute blurb on the patron only podcast feed.

[00:11:10] So.

[00:11:11] He did say that we have more this year than we did last year, which is fun.

[00:11:15] Already two more.

[00:11:16] Yeah.

[00:11:16] And it is, it's a fun event.

[00:11:20] And the prize, I mean, the gifts don't have to be prepping related.

[00:11:26] They don't have to be super serious.

[00:11:29] They can be funny things.

[00:11:30] There's usually some humor involved.

[00:11:32] So, anyway, if you're a patron and you'd like to take part of that, you have until November 11th to get your information to Stuart.

[00:11:39] And I cannot remember the email address to save my life right now.

[00:11:42] I know it's protonme.com or something.

[00:11:44] I don't know.

[00:11:45] Don't take my word for it.

[00:11:46] It's in Patreon.

[00:11:47] Yes.

[00:11:47] Go log into Patreon where patrons should be members.

[00:11:52] Because if not, we have a different discussion to have and the information is there.

[00:11:55] Yeah.

[00:11:56] And then merch.

[00:11:57] Of course, we have merch if you ever wanted to support the show.

[00:12:01] And Chris and Tiffany that way, you can certainly log on.

[00:12:03] It's in the show notes down below with the address to go do that.

[00:12:08] There's all sorts of things that you can purchase for raising values and matter of fact.

[00:12:14] So, you can go purchase that stuff.

[00:12:17] Now, on to the show.

[00:12:19] As usual, as per Gillian's norm, it was 10 o'clock last night and I had no idea what the topic of the day was going to be.

[00:12:29] Mainly just because, yeah.

[00:12:31] Actually, I went back and forth with discussing what we talked about on the RV chat.

[00:12:36] And like I said, I'm just not ready to do that yet.

[00:12:39] So, I was scrolling through Instagram and I came across this account.

[00:12:47] Did you put it up there?

[00:12:50] It's at Mr. underscore Joshua T.

[00:12:53] And he is a child therapist.

[00:12:56] And his content revolves around, well, child therapy, really.

[00:13:02] So, there's a lot of things on there for parents.

[00:13:04] There's a lot of things on there even for like grownups who deal with children and things like that.

[00:13:11] And so, one of his, it always happens.

[00:13:14] It's always like, oh, here.

[00:13:15] Here's something to talk about tomorrow.

[00:13:17] One of the things that he'd posted a long time ago.

[00:13:21] And we, yes.

[00:13:23] Okay.

[00:13:24] Anyway, sorry.

[00:13:24] I had like three thoughts in my head at that moment.

[00:13:27] So, yes.

[00:13:28] Mr. underscore Joshua T.

[00:13:32] He had seven questions that he asks his patients.

[00:13:37] Are they patients?

[00:13:38] Clients?

[00:13:39] No.

[00:13:40] Children.

[00:13:41] The children that come to see him.

[00:13:43] Patients.

[00:13:44] Patients, right?

[00:13:45] Clients, I think is what Eddie refers to them as.

[00:13:47] Clients.

[00:13:48] Patients.

[00:13:49] Right.

[00:13:49] The children that come to him, see him as a therapist.

[00:13:52] He asked them seven questions.

[00:13:55] And a while back, he had commented about one of the questions he asks his clients or the children that come to see him.

[00:14:05] And so that kind of snowballed into, well, what are the other things you ask?

[00:14:10] Because it might be good for parents to ask their kids this stuff.

[00:14:13] So he went through the seven questions.

[00:14:15] And I'm like going through them.

[00:14:16] And I'm like, oh, my God.

[00:14:18] I need to know the answers to these questions.

[00:14:20] So, of course, I scream across the hall to Piper, who has her headphones in, of course.

[00:14:25] And I said, hey, Piper, I have a question for you.

[00:14:27] So she comes in.

[00:14:29] And I was like, actually, it's seven.

[00:14:30] And you're going to sit there and you're going to listen.

[00:14:33] And you're going to give me, like, full responses.

[00:14:35] Like, I want to know these things.

[00:14:36] So these are seven questions that Joshua T., I don't know what his last name is.

[00:14:42] I guess I should have looked that up.

[00:14:44] But Joshua asks his children in the office.

[00:14:51] So the first one is, what are the things your parents worry about that they don't need to?

[00:14:59] And, okay, I'm trying.

[00:15:01] Yeah, okay.

[00:15:02] That's a question.

[00:15:04] I know.

[00:15:05] It's great.

[00:15:06] I'm crazy today.

[00:15:07] All right.

[00:15:08] Piper said, my feelings.

[00:15:10] She said that, mainly me, I hover too much.

[00:15:14] I'm always asking, are you okay?

[00:15:16] Are you okay?

[00:15:17] Is something wrong?

[00:15:17] Are you okay?

[00:15:19] And all period, the period, time, period.

[00:15:22] That's what she said, all the time.

[00:15:25] That I worry too much or that Phil worries too much.

[00:15:28] Or we're always asking her about her feelings.

[00:15:31] It would have been really interesting had we started asking these questions to her.

[00:15:35] Like five and then 10 and then 13.

[00:15:39] And, well, she's 12 right now.

[00:15:40] But anyway, it would have been really interesting to ask her these questions and see how they change.

[00:15:44] So that was the first one.

[00:15:46] What do we worry about that we don't need to?

[00:15:49] How would you have answered that question?

[00:15:53] Honestly, probably similarly.

[00:15:55] Yeah.

[00:15:56] Well, so, and you and I, you know this about me.

[00:15:59] That like one of the weird little quirks in our relationship is that sometimes Phil is just quiet and broody.

[00:16:06] And, you know, I'm mulling something over and you will pet, you will pester me like 14 times about what's the matter.

[00:16:13] And the answer is either nothing or I don't want to talk about it.

[00:16:18] And the answer is not going to change until I've had time to like decompress it, think about it, you know, figure it out.

[00:16:24] Like I have to figure things out in my own head before I can talk to anybody else if they even need to be talked about.

[00:16:29] Sometimes I just think to myself, it's a thing that's bothering me.

[00:16:33] I know rationally it shouldn't, so I just have to get over it.

[00:16:36] And there's no point bringing this to you or anybody else because I know it should not be bothering me.

[00:16:43] But sometimes you have difficulty accepting when I say, nothing babe, I'm okay.

[00:16:48] What I'm telling you is I'm going to be okay.

[00:16:51] And that's not an acceptable answer.

[00:16:54] It's not.

[00:16:54] Okay, so let me explain this for those watching and to you.

[00:16:58] And I don't know if Piper would even like take this in.

[00:17:03] I have always been the fixer.

[00:17:05] I've always been the fixer of everyone's emotions, everyone's problems.

[00:17:08] I've always been the one that's been like, you're having a bad day?

[00:17:11] Well, I'm going to fix it.

[00:17:12] I'm going to help you have a better day.

[00:17:14] You having a problem?

[00:17:14] I'm going to fix that.

[00:17:15] You're not going to have a problem anymore because Gillian's here.

[00:17:19] Yeah, peacemaker.

[00:17:20] And so that has obviously turned into a hovering mother who is constantly asking her teenage daughter, are you okay?

[00:17:29] Are you okay?

[00:17:29] Because I can pick up y'all's energy.

[00:17:33] I know when, I know all of your energy.

[00:17:36] I know when something's wrong.

[00:17:37] I know when you're sad.

[00:17:38] I know when you're mad.

[00:17:39] I know when you're depressed.

[00:17:39] I know when all of these things, anxious.

[00:17:41] I know when all those things are happening.

[00:17:43] And her, they all kind of like blob together.

[00:17:47] So it's really hard for me to discern what's happening with her.

[00:17:51] She internalizes.

[00:17:52] But she does release an energy that is like, okay, something's off.

[00:17:58] Something's off here.

[00:17:59] And so I always tell you that.

[00:18:02] You're always like, sometimes you're like, no, babe, everything's fine.

[00:18:08] I'm fine.

[00:18:10] And I know that I am sitting in the same room with you going, no, you're not.

[00:18:15] I can feel your energy.

[00:18:16] You're not.

[00:18:17] But I also very frequently tell you, if that was the answer you got the first time, why do you think I'm going to change it if you ask twice?

[00:18:25] Because I want you to tell me the truth.

[00:18:27] But what I want you to do is just back off and like, give me some space.

[00:18:31] Well, that's not what you say, though.

[00:18:33] So if you say something like that, then I will be like, okay, I need to let this go and remove myself from all of this and let him sort that out.

[00:18:44] But if you say nothing, I'm fine.

[00:18:45] And then your energy continues to put off the same way.

[00:18:49] I'm going to be, I'm going to be asking, okay, well, you're not fine.

[00:18:52] And you're lying to me.

[00:18:53] So I need to know what's wrong.

[00:18:54] But if I were to tell you I'm angry, what would you do?

[00:18:58] Would you think to yourself, oh, he needs some space to like get over this?

[00:19:01] Or would you immediately say, what have I done to upset you?

[00:19:03] I would want to know why you're angry.

[00:19:06] So telling you what the emotion I'm feeling is, is not going to get me to the result I want, which is, please just give me some space so that I can like, I can figure this out.

[00:19:15] Okay, so just say that.

[00:19:17] Okay.

[00:19:18] We'll try that.

[00:19:20] We've never tried it.

[00:19:23] But anyway, so I think that's that when she's, when her answer says my feelings, are you okay all the time?

[00:19:31] She's basically talking about me.

[00:19:33] I also think some of it is like, from my perspective, at least, and I never, I never know like how much of this is like me projecting, or how much of it truly is me seeing a commonality in her, her personality and mine.

[00:19:46] But like, sometimes, I don't think her feelings are as easily hurt or near, or for as near as long a period as you believe they are.

[00:19:55] Like, that was one of the things we'll get into later.

[00:19:57] But like, I think for a lot of things, yeah, she might be like upset or disappointed or whatever in a moment.

[00:20:03] But then it passes very quickly, as opposed to some other people where it like lingers for a while.

[00:20:10] And I think that's just something that we have, we have to kind of adjust to and figure out, like, realize that she might have the ability to just like take it on the chin and say, well, that sucks.

[00:20:21] And five minutes later, she's over it.

[00:20:24] And that's something we have to, I guess, come to terms with, is that it doesn't make the hurt any less, but just accept the fact that, okay, her feelings are hurt.

[00:20:35] Give her a couple of minutes with her headphones in, listening to heavy metal.

[00:20:39] She's so my freaking child, by the way, when she gets like that.

[00:20:43] And she'll be okay.

[00:20:44] She'll work through it.

[00:20:47] Yeah.

[00:20:48] Yeah.

[00:20:48] Like, sometimes the talking it out is not what she needs.

[00:20:52] It really isn't.

[00:20:53] I think sometimes when it's a complicated, I think sometimes when it's an emotion and she doesn't know how to process it, that's when she needs to talk.

[00:21:02] But if she, if she's already like done the work and worked through it, she knows exactly why she's upset.

[00:21:08] The only thing left to do is just let it go.

[00:21:11] I don't know how I would answer that.

[00:21:13] What are the things your parents worry about that they don't need to?

[00:21:17] I don't know.

[00:21:18] At 12 years old, there was just so much turmoil in my house.

[00:21:23] Anyway, I don't know if.

[00:21:25] If your husband asked 40 year old you that question, what would your answer be?

[00:21:29] About my parents or what are the things your husband worries about that he doesn't need to?

[00:21:34] Put this, put this in your terms.

[00:21:35] Because that, when you asked me that question, I answered it from like my current perspective.

[00:21:40] Oh, you did.

[00:21:41] Good.

[00:21:42] So.

[00:21:43] Okay.

[00:21:43] So what are the things that.

[00:21:45] And not even just me, but what do the people around you worry about that they really probably don't like?

[00:21:49] You're okay.

[00:21:52] I don't know if people worry about me.

[00:21:54] Oh, bull crap.

[00:21:56] I worry about you constantly.

[00:21:59] Why?

[00:22:00] Because you're my wife.

[00:22:02] Are you worried?

[00:22:04] I'll forget how to get home one day?

[00:22:07] No.

[00:22:07] It's, and see, I don't, I don't ever worry about you in terms of stuff like that.

[00:22:11] I worry about like whether you've had a bad day.

[00:22:13] I worry about whether someone at work has upset you.

[00:22:16] I worry about whether you and Piper are having a disagreement.

[00:22:19] I worry about all kinds of things with you.

[00:22:21] But it truly is, it's never like you don't have the capability of handling it.

[00:22:25] It is more of a, I just, it breaks my heart to see you and Piper unhappy.

[00:22:30] So I just, I understand like rationally, perpetual, always happy is not possible.

[00:22:37] But I just naturally like, I feel that buried deep inside me when my girls are upset about something.

[00:22:44] I don't know how to answer that.

[00:22:46] There's your homework.

[00:22:48] Yeah, I don't know how to answer that.

[00:22:50] Probably because you're too busy and focused worrying about everybody else.

[00:22:54] Yeah.

[00:22:55] Well, that's what keeps going off in my head is like.

[00:23:00] Joe said good luck.

[00:23:01] Thank you, Joe.

[00:23:02] I'm going to need you.

[00:23:05] I don't know.

[00:23:06] I don't know how to answer that question.

[00:23:08] But you do, you do, you do worry about other people usually to your own detriment.

[00:23:14] More than myself.

[00:23:15] Well, the same could be argued about me though.

[00:23:19] But I see that as a feature, not a flaw.

[00:23:22] Yeah.

[00:23:22] But anyway.

[00:23:23] I don't know.

[00:23:23] I'll have to give thought to that.

[00:23:25] Okay.

[00:23:26] So question number two.

[00:23:27] What are the things your parents don't worry about that they should?

[00:23:32] And her answer was, I don't know.

[00:23:36] I don't know.

[00:23:37] She kept going, I don't know.

[00:23:40] But if you think about it, the fact that her first answer was like, basically, I'm okay.

[00:23:45] Back up.

[00:23:46] Give me some space.

[00:23:47] Yeah.

[00:23:47] And the natural inverse of that is, there's nothing y'all don't worry about that you should.

[00:23:51] I'm asking you to worry less.

[00:23:53] Yeah.

[00:23:53] That's true.

[00:23:54] I guess so.

[00:23:55] What are the things your parents don't worry about that they should?

[00:23:59] What are the things your husband doesn't worry about that he should?

[00:24:09] Yes.

[00:24:09] I'm not worried about you cashing me in for the life insurance policy.

[00:24:12] If you were going to do that, you're going to-

[00:24:14] How did you know that's what I was thinking?

[00:24:15] I ain't worried about that because I won't even wake up one morning and-

[00:24:19] Oh, stop saying those things.

[00:24:21] Stop it.

[00:24:21] Just remember that if something happens to me under mysterious circumstances, you are automatically suspect number one.

[00:24:28] I'm not going to do that.

[00:24:30] I got upset today because you didn't go fishing with us.

[00:24:33] You think I'm going to try to K-I double hockey stick you off so that I'm not with you forever?

[00:24:43] If you got angry enough in a fit of rage, you know, moment of passion.

[00:24:48] I don't think so.

[00:24:49] I was already upset with you this morning about not being with me, so I'm not going to intentionally make it so that you're not with me.

[00:24:56] So what I'm hearing is I got to keep her on the hook.

[00:24:59] I guess so.

[00:25:01] All right.

[00:25:01] Number three, because there's not much to do with number two.

[00:25:05] This one kind of caught me off guard, her answer, but it also made my mama heart so happy.

[00:25:12] What are the sweetest things your parents-

[00:25:15] What are the sweetest things that your parents do that they don't realize you appreciate?

[00:25:22] Okay, wait.

[00:25:22] Let me start over.

[00:25:23] What are the sweetest things that your parents do that they don't realize you appreciate?

[00:25:28] And her answer was make my favorite food.

[00:25:32] Food is a love language.

[00:25:34] Food is a love language.

[00:25:36] Little tidbit about me.

[00:25:38] I love to cook when I have the energy to cook.

[00:25:43] Usually, like on a Tuesday or a Thursday when I have robotics and I don't get home until 5, 530.

[00:25:49] But my day starts at 630.

[00:25:53] I don't have the energy to come home and cook.

[00:25:55] I don't have the energy because now that we've, especially now that we've become an ingredient household and I have to stop at the grocery store and I have to get all the ingredients for this.

[00:26:04] And it's, you know, whole foods and things like that.

[00:26:06] Like we're not cooking from a box or a bag anymore.

[00:26:09] There are no more grab the bag of chicken nuggets and throw the nugs in the air fryer.

[00:26:13] No, if we want chicken nuggets, we're getting chicken breasts and coating them with the breadcrumbs that I made from the butt ends of our sourdough bread.

[00:26:24] Doesn't that just sound amazing?

[00:26:26] Yeah, it's a lot of work.

[00:26:28] Anyway, like for instance, yesterday, she woke up talking about this.

[00:26:35] But last night I made trout.

[00:26:39] I made like a herb crusted butter trout.

[00:26:43] And it was, oh my God, amazing.

[00:26:46] I'm not a big fish person, but I was really impressed.

[00:26:48] It was so good.

[00:26:49] She asked us to have more fish in the house.

[00:26:52] And two things about fish.

[00:26:54] He didn't like to eat fish.

[00:26:56] And I'm afraid to cook fish.

[00:26:58] And I know that sounds really crazy, but I'm always afraid I'm not going to cook it.

[00:27:02] I'm going to overcook it.

[00:27:04] No, I'm going to undercook it.

[00:27:06] And then I overcook it.

[00:27:07] And then it's rubbery or it's not good.

[00:27:10] But I cooked this trout to perfection last night.

[00:27:15] And I am going to brag on myself because it was so, so good.

[00:27:19] I will just say that just because I don't prefer fish doesn't mean that I'm going to pitch a fit

[00:27:25] if you decide to cook it.

[00:27:26] It's just like, if somebody ever asked me, what do you want?

[00:27:29] Fish will almost never be the answer.

[00:27:32] It's just, it's not one of my favorite things to eat.

[00:27:34] Yeah.

[00:27:34] Fish and shrimp.

[00:27:36] I just don't like to cook fish and shrimp.

[00:27:38] I don't like shrimp a lot.

[00:27:39] So I don't cook it either.

[00:27:41] But that's one of their favorite things to eat.

[00:27:43] But I get so much joy.

[00:27:47] Just, this is going to sound really creepy.

[00:27:49] Just sitting there watching my family eat my food.

[00:27:53] And the compliments to the chef that they give.

[00:27:58] It's just like, okay, if I don't do anything right in this life,

[00:28:03] I have at least cooked a nice, delicious, hearty meal for my family.

[00:28:08] And, you know, I, not that I didn't grow up in a household where we didn't have food.

[00:28:15] I grew up in a household where my parents fought over what was going to be cooked.

[00:28:19] I can remember a huge fight that took place in the kitchen when my mom wanted to cook breakfast for dinner.

[00:28:27] And my dad threw this god-awful fit because he kept saying,

[00:28:34] you're not feeding my children that for dinner.

[00:28:35] You're not feeding that to my children for dinner.

[00:28:37] And I was like, but I really wanted eggs and toast and sausage for dinner.

[00:28:42] Is that why you're so averse to ever, like, saying what you want for dinner?

[00:28:48] Because why?

[00:28:49] Because of all the fights and the people pleasing.

[00:28:51] And I'll just eat whatever you want.

[00:28:54] No, no.

[00:28:56] I'm so averse.

[00:28:57] Or is that just because you're a woman?

[00:28:59] I'm so averse because you cannot go wrong if you pick one of three things with me.

[00:29:07] Maybe two.

[00:29:09] Steak.

[00:29:10] Okay, three.

[00:29:12] Steak.

[00:29:13] Kibachi.

[00:29:14] Sushi.

[00:29:16] Steak.

[00:29:17] And tacos.

[00:29:18] And tacos.

[00:29:20] But not, y'all don't want to eat steak, sushi, and tacos every night.

[00:29:24] No, no.

[00:29:24] I don't want to have to afford taking y'all out to steak, sushi, and tacos every night.

[00:29:30] I don't mind making it here in the house.

[00:29:34] Yes, but it doesn't taste as good.

[00:29:36] Well, you know.

[00:29:37] But the hibachi I made the other night was really good.

[00:29:39] But it tastes a lot better to my checking account.

[00:29:41] So there's that.

[00:29:41] Well, I know.

[00:29:41] But the hibachi I made the other night was really good.

[00:29:43] Oh, that was.

[00:29:43] I made like real hibachi, y'all.

[00:29:46] I was very proud of myself.

[00:29:47] That was good.

[00:29:47] So I was really excited about her answer for that because that is like one of the, I don't

[00:29:55] even know how to describe this and maybe some of the listeners do.

[00:29:58] But I will creepily sit here and watch them take their first bite and wait for the noise

[00:30:06] that is made or the, oh my God, that's so good, mom.

[00:30:09] Or, oh my God, that's so good, babe.

[00:30:11] I will like wait for that.

[00:30:13] It's a little creepy.

[00:30:16] I know.

[00:30:17] It is a little creepy.

[00:30:18] I watch y'all eat.

[00:30:20] But there has been like maybe.

[00:30:23] There's been murder mysteries that had that exact same scene in them, by the way.

[00:30:26] So like.

[00:30:28] Where he eats the brain.

[00:30:29] Yeah.

[00:30:29] No.

[00:30:30] When the chef is just sitting there like grinning and staring.

[00:30:33] I swear I didn't put anything in it.

[00:30:35] Just love.

[00:30:36] I used to tell Piper that all the time because she'd say, well, what's in it?

[00:30:40] When she was a little baby, little girl.

[00:30:43] What's in it, mom?

[00:30:44] And I'd say, a lot of love.

[00:30:46] I made it with a lot of love.

[00:30:48] And she goes, ooh, I love the love.

[00:30:50] Fortunately, love is not arsenic.

[00:30:53] No, it's not arsenic.

[00:30:54] It's not.

[00:30:55] That's not something I just sprinkle into y'all's food.

[00:30:57] So anyway, Creepy Gillian loves to watch y'all eat her food.

[00:31:01] And I love to cook the food.

[00:31:02] And, you know, Phil is always asking me, well, I'll make dinner if you just tell me what the recipe is.

[00:31:07] And it's like, dude, I season things until my ancestors say that's enough.

[00:31:12] That's enough, babe.

[00:31:13] You don't need to put any more basil in that.

[00:31:15] But this is one of those famous differences between me and my wife is that I'm a baker at heart.

[00:31:22] And baking is all about science and precise measurements and following the recipe.

[00:31:27] Like, if you're going to deviate from the recipe, you have to know why you're deviating from the recipe.

[00:31:32] You can't make cookies and sit there with the baking powder and just until your ancestors say something.

[00:31:38] That's why I'm not a baker.

[00:31:39] But that's why I am because.

[00:31:40] I will cook the savory and you can cook the sweet.

[00:31:43] Nerdy little ingredient measuring, that appeals to my personality.

[00:31:48] That works for me.

[00:31:50] And you would never cook a day in your life if you had to follow a recipe.

[00:31:57] How would you answer that?

[00:31:58] Are you thinking of yourself right now or as a child?

[00:32:03] What's the sweetest things your parents do that they don't realize you appreciate?

[00:32:07] I don't know.

[00:32:09] It's really hard for me to put myself back into those shoes 30 years ago.

[00:32:13] I can say for me, and it revolves around food again.

[00:32:18] I can say for me the sweetest thing that I can remember was my dad bringing me out into the herb garden.

[00:32:25] And he took the time to teach me about herbs, which is where my love for herbalism and witchy woo-woo stuff came from, is being in the garden with my dad.

[00:32:38] I do.

[00:32:39] There were good times in my life, I promise.

[00:32:41] It wasn't always bad.

[00:32:43] I'll go down the road with you, though.

[00:32:44] Because, like, thinking back on it, I think the times my parents spent that meant the most to me was when they were teaching me things.

[00:32:51] Yeah.

[00:32:52] I think so, too.

[00:32:53] Because, like, that's what I feel like.

[00:32:56] Because, like, there's so much of me versus my parents is fleshed out and, like, differences of opinions.

[00:33:03] And my parents and I are just very different people in a lot of ways.

[00:33:06] But I always reflect back on, like, all the things I learned from the two of them.

[00:33:11] Because, you know, like, simple stuff like how to bake, how to cook, how to do dishes, how to take care of a house.

[00:33:21] Frankly, sometimes some of my very feeble attempts to, like, mentor my daughter emotionally, that probably comes a lot from my mom.

[00:33:30] You know, like her teaching me all those things.

[00:33:32] And then from my dad was how to manage money, how to manage a household.

[00:33:39] You know, mechanics work and carpentry and all the man stuff.

[00:33:43] So on, you know, so to say.

[00:33:45] But, like, I have always had that mentality, like, I don't like to do for someone.

[00:33:52] I want to teach them how to do it so that they don't – not that I'm mine, but so they don't have to come back to me.

[00:34:01] Excuse me.

[00:34:02] There's something floating around.

[00:34:05] So, like, when a person takes time out of their day to teach me something or help me work through something I'm trying to do,

[00:34:13] like, that still to this day is very impactful to me because of all the things in the world that I believe are in the short supply,

[00:34:22] time is probably the most in short supply.

[00:34:25] Because from the day you're born, you only have so much of it and you don't even know when the last moment is.

[00:34:30] So when a person gives you their time, that matters to me.

[00:34:35] Yeah, I think looking back as an adult, the time spent with mom and dad,

[00:34:41] the nurturing, nice, sweet time that I spent with mom and dad was always the best.

[00:34:49] Oh, he said, bless you, Phil.

[00:34:52] Excuse me.

[00:34:53] There's – I don't know why.

[00:34:54] I haven't sneezed all day.

[00:34:55] And all of a sudden, it just popped out.

[00:35:00] Okay, so the next question, I think we're on four.

[00:35:03] Yeah.

[00:35:03] I think we're on four.

[00:35:04] What do you like doing with your parents?

[00:35:07] And I wasn't surprised by this answer at all.

[00:35:09] Kind of, I guess, in a way.

[00:35:11] Her answer was geocaching.

[00:35:13] So we like to do geocaching.

[00:35:16] Last weekend, you should have seen us.

[00:35:18] Some of the geocaches that we were looking for were right up against a five-lane highway.

[00:35:23] And so we probably looked like the big morons out there trying to find the cache.

[00:35:27] But we like to do geocaching.

[00:35:31] She said mini golf and arcades.

[00:35:33] So it's a tradition in our little three-person family.

[00:35:38] No matter where we go for vacation, if they have a mini golf place, we always have to go.

[00:35:46] So anytime we go to Gulf Shores, anytime we go up to Arkansas, anytime we go anywhere,

[00:35:51] if there's a mini golf place, we're going to mini golf.

[00:35:53] And one of my favorite places that we've done it, and I don't think she remembers it

[00:35:57] because she was super young when we went, was on the side of a mountain in Gatlinburg, Tennessee.

[00:36:03] That was a fun, fun place to go.

[00:36:06] So, yeah, mini golf, arcades, geocaching was her answer.

[00:36:14] Yeah, anything outdoors, Joe said.

[00:36:16] My kids will tell you anything.

[00:36:18] His kids will tell you anything outdoors.

[00:36:19] I think there's probably more to that.

[00:36:21] I think family game night is, I think anything where we're doing something fun.

[00:36:27] We do have family game nights.

[00:36:30] We haven't had one in quite some time.

[00:36:33] And I think that that's just, you know, the season of where she is in her life.

[00:36:37] I mean, in August next year, she's going to be in high school.

[00:36:41] So it's not as cool to hang out with mom and dad.

[00:36:43] And maybe she doesn't want to hang out with mom and dad as much anymore.

[00:36:46] And right now, it's just a convenience that mom and or dad or both of us are there

[00:36:51] because we have to drive her with her friends and all that stuff like today.

[00:36:58] So, yeah, I think anything really.

[00:37:01] But those were the three things that she said the most.

[00:37:06] And then the next question.

[00:37:08] Are you ready?

[00:37:09] What do your parents, what don't your parents understand about the world around you?

[00:37:15] I was, we were trying to, I don't know, the answer kind of doesn't fit.

[00:37:21] But this is what she said.

[00:37:22] She said, I don't care about most things.

[00:37:27] We, everyone, so like me and Phil and then everyone else,

[00:37:30] always apologizes for things that aren't a big deal to her.

[00:37:36] That just goes against that grain again of people pleasing

[00:37:41] and making sure everyone is okay and all that stuff, at least for me,

[00:37:45] of, well, I'm going to apologize if I've hurt your feelings

[00:37:48] or if you're disappointed or whatever.

[00:37:51] I'm going to apologize.

[00:37:52] I mean, it already like, it's a knife through the heart

[00:37:55] when I have to tell her something and that's going to disappoint her.

[00:37:59] So I don't know.

[00:38:00] I don't know how, I guess the hardest thing for me is to take that like 100% serious.

[00:38:10] I don't know.

[00:38:12] Maybe she doesn't care about most things and that apologies, you know,

[00:38:16] things just really aren't a big deal to her and so why apologize?

[00:38:19] But I think the way I read that though is that like there's a fairly small group of things

[00:38:24] that really are impactful to her.

[00:38:27] And those things I believe she takes very seriously.

[00:38:30] Well, that's the next one.

[00:38:32] But then anything outside of that, it's like, it's like she said,

[00:38:36] like all these things that don't bother me that bad.

[00:38:40] Which I think is also just an aspect of like us trying to learn her personality because over the last 12 months,

[00:38:48] like it's not, obviously it's changed, but I feel like it's coming out.

[00:38:54] Like we're, we're slowly one step at a time seeing who she's going to be as an adult.

[00:39:02] And in some ways it's not really a shock.

[00:39:04] And in other ways, I feel like we're juxtaposing what we're seeing against memories of this five, six year old kid.

[00:39:12] And we're having trouble like making that connection between the two.

[00:39:17] Because who she's, who she's becoming is dramatically different in some ways than who she used to be.

[00:39:23] Yeah.

[00:39:24] Yeah.

[00:39:24] And she's dramatically different from me.

[00:39:27] And I think from me, and that is like, I think I'm having a harder time with that than I am with who she used to be.

[00:39:35] Although I do look back at videos and pictures of her when she was younger, like four or five and six.

[00:39:42] And think that is just, that was a totally different kid than the kid we have now.

[00:39:47] Not in a bad way or anything like that.

[00:39:51] Because she is becoming more of the person she's supposed to be.

[00:39:55] And you know how I harp on being your authentic self.

[00:39:59] But I, I, I don't know.

[00:40:01] I wish you could know who, like some of you might know Piper when she was little bitty.

[00:40:08] And she wasn't afraid of anything.

[00:40:11] She wasn't afraid of talking to you.

[00:40:13] Nobody was a stranger.

[00:40:15] She, she did have very good sense of people.

[00:40:19] And so when Piper was uncomfortable around someone, we, we knew that that wasn't someone that she needed to be around.

[00:40:26] Massive waving red flag.

[00:40:27] Yeah.

[00:40:27] And so when Piper kind of, you know, cowered away from someone, we knew that it was, it was a big deal to take that into consideration.

[00:40:36] And now she's just kind of, I don't know, she's just a teenager.

[00:40:40] And I don't, I, I have a hard time because I'm not sure how she's processing her emotions.

[00:40:46] And I want to make sure this is the hover mom.

[00:40:49] I want to make sure that she's processing her emotions in a good way and not just, you know, bottling everything up and not expressing the way she feels.

[00:40:59] I also don't want her to be mean or a bully or ugly to people either.

[00:41:06] And I think sometimes I see that come out in her.

[00:41:10] And I think it is, you know, I wonder if it's a shield.

[00:41:16] I wonder if it's a, a wall that she has created so that her feelings don't get hurt.

[00:41:23] What do you think you're thinking?

[00:41:25] So again.

[00:41:26] Or is she just, can she just be mean?

[00:41:29] Well, and I think, again, there's one of those moments where I don't know if I'm projecting or if I'm just seeing a commonality.

[00:41:35] But like, I know when I was her age, I struggled a lot with something you, you point out to me, even to this day at 42 years old, where you're constantly telling me, not everyone is you.

[00:41:50] I tell you that all the time.

[00:41:52] Because I, I, I do probably like a lot of people do kind of develop this in this idea in my head of like, well, I could have done that.

[00:41:59] So why couldn't they?

[00:42:01] And my brain immediately jumps from that point to the reason they didn't do it is because they're lazy or because they don't work as hard or whatever.

[00:42:10] It, it, it takes some time to circle back around to the fact that maybe that wasn't within their capabilities and they, they just could not do it because they can't do it.

[00:42:19] But my brain doesn't go that direction because my brain, it starts with this false premise that one of those things that I talk about all the time where I'm like, rationally, I understand this.

[00:42:28] But there's nothing rational about the way the human brain works sometimes.

[00:42:32] And I always start from this perspective, discounting my own, my own capabilities sometimes.

[00:42:37] Like, well, if I could have done that, they could have.

[00:42:41] And then you have to point out to me like, hey, babe, not everybody can, not everybody, not everybody can sit down and in a matter of like 10 minutes, figure out the shortcuts app in iOS and start programming applications with it.

[00:42:56] But for me, it was like, well, it's not that hard.

[00:42:59] You just do this and this and this and then if statement and then, you know, put this script in right here and it works just fine.

[00:43:04] Like, it's not that hard.

[00:43:05] Or like I get into a lot of work where I, somebody will send me a spreadsheet, be like, hey, I can't, I can't get this to work.

[00:43:11] And I'm like, seven seconds later, I'm like, it's fixed.

[00:43:14] What else you got?

[00:43:15] Because to me, it is simple because it's a skill set I have.

[00:43:19] And I wonder sometimes if what she butts heads against is she compares another person, either their capabilities or their personality or something to her.

[00:43:31] And the conclusion she jumps to is they could have done that.

[00:43:35] They chose not to.

[00:43:37] And she gets frustrated with them.

[00:43:39] I can see that.

[00:43:40] I can definitely see that in her for sure.

[00:43:43] Yeah.

[00:43:43] It's something that I recognized in myself quite a, quite a long time ago.

[00:43:48] But at 12, I wasn't there yet.

[00:43:51] Like, all I knew was I had this very, like, the word is egocentric, which doesn't, has nothing to do with your ego.

[00:44:00] It just means that, like, you judge the world based off of your own individual viewpoint.

[00:44:05] And usually it's something that comes later, usually well after teenage years into adulthood, where we develop the ability to see things from other people's perspective.

[00:44:14] It's not something that's within the wheelhouse of young teens.

[00:44:17] So that could be what's going on.

[00:44:20] Yeah.

[00:44:20] So I don't, like, my viewpoint on her when I see her interact with, like, her friends is that I don't think she's a mean kid by nature.

[00:44:30] I think she probably gets frustrated with people.

[00:44:32] And lashes out.

[00:44:36] And teaching her to, like, pull that back, that's what she has parents for.

[00:44:42] Yeah.

[00:44:42] True.

[00:44:43] The next question was...

[00:44:48] Oh, yeah.

[00:44:49] What don't your parents understand about you?

[00:44:53] And this kind of speaks back to something we said earlier in an answer that she...

[00:44:57] Well, I think it was the one before this.

[00:44:59] Her answer was, give me five minutes to be disappointed or to accept what's happened and I'll be fine.

[00:45:06] But she did say that being wrong by her friends sticks with her longer.

[00:45:10] And I didn't say anything in that moment, but I totally understand where she's coming from about that.

[00:45:17] And you know this about me.

[00:45:19] I...

[00:45:21] And this is under one of those huge differences between you and me, but, like, I am very slow to forgive.

[00:45:29] Like, I don't always succeed.

[00:45:30] We talked about that last night, as a matter of fact, about my notorious holding of grudges.

[00:45:35] But I do my best to, like, if I've been wronged by somebody, I do my best to at least put it out of my mind so I don't continue to expend energy on it.

[00:45:45] I try.

[00:45:45] I don't always succeed.

[00:45:47] But...

[00:45:48] I don't succeed.

[00:45:49] But I will...

[00:45:51] I will...

[00:45:52] I do not forgive and forget.

[00:45:54] If a person has wronged me, like, especially if I perceive it as a lack of loyalty, like, I gave...

[00:46:02] I exposed my back to you because I trusted you and you betrayed me, there will never be reconciliation from that.

[00:46:10] There will never be contrition.

[00:46:12] I will never trust you again.

[00:46:14] I will go to my grave remembering you screwed me over.

[00:46:18] And some people have told me, like, what's really not healthy?

[00:46:21] And I'm like, but you know what it does?

[00:46:23] It ensures you will never get the chance to do it to me again.

[00:46:27] Yeah.

[00:46:29] And I think that's where that came from.

[00:46:32] Because she...

[00:46:33] When she...

[00:46:34] And we know this is that as she's gotten a little older, she has gotten a little slower to trust people.

[00:46:39] But when she trusts a person, she's pretty open with them.

[00:46:42] Yeah.

[00:46:43] And when somebody betrays that trust, I believe, I feel like that's extremely impactful to her.

[00:46:52] And yeah, I think she probably does, like, make a mental checkmark of don't overtrust that SOB again.

[00:46:57] Yeah.

[00:46:59] So I think that's where...

[00:47:00] That's how I interpret that answer is that if it's something that isn't a big deal, she's disappointed.

[00:47:07] She wishes it wasn't that way.

[00:47:08] She's upset.

[00:47:09] She's whatever.

[00:47:10] But she's very quick to, like, decompress and unwrap and get rid of it.

[00:47:14] Mm-hmm.

[00:47:14] Which, I mean, if that's what's going on, that will serve her very well in her life.

[00:47:23] But what I believe is happening is that when someone...

[00:47:26] It's not that somebody let her down.

[00:47:28] It's when somebody hurt her.

[00:47:30] Like, intentionally hurt her or abused her trust.

[00:47:33] I think, yeah, she'll take that.

[00:47:35] She'll go all the way to the ends of the earth for that.

[00:47:38] Because it's...

[00:47:41] Loyalty is more...

[00:47:42] I think loyalty is more important to her.

[00:47:43] Mm-hmm.

[00:47:45] Yeah.

[00:47:45] Whereas I've witnessed you forgive quite a few venial and, you know, more serious sins from friends of yours under the auspice of, well, they didn't mean it or they're my friend or they're going through a rough time.

[00:47:59] And you're just...

[00:48:00] You're willing to...

[00:48:01] I do give everybody...

[00:48:01] I give everybody, like, four, five, 17,000 chances.

[00:48:06] And here's the thing of it.

[00:48:08] I wouldn't necessarily say one way is right and one way is wrong, but both personalities have consequences.

[00:48:14] Mm-hmm.

[00:48:14] The consequences of me being the way I am is that I have a very small friend group because I don't let you in fast.

[00:48:22] And once you're in, it's kind of like the mafia.

[00:48:24] Like, you're in this for life.

[00:48:25] There's only one way out.

[00:48:26] And I don't think you want to go that way with me.

[00:48:30] So, as a result, I don't have a lot of friends.

[00:48:32] I don't have a big friend circle.

[00:48:33] I have...

[00:48:34] There's a lot of people I know.

[00:48:36] Like, even friends of yours in the community.

[00:48:38] I know them.

[00:48:38] I'm polite.

[00:48:39] I'm cordial.

[00:48:40] I'm conversive.

[00:48:41] But they don't really know who I am.

[00:48:44] They don't know Phil.

[00:48:46] They don't know me.

[00:48:47] Mm-hmm.

[00:48:47] And I don't know if they ever will.

[00:48:50] Whereas you, because you're a little more forgiving than I am, have a much larger social circle.

[00:48:54] I don't.

[00:48:55] Not anymore.

[00:48:56] I mean, I have friends that I communicate with.

[00:49:01] Or, like...

[00:49:01] I don't...

[00:49:02] Who do I hang out with?

[00:49:03] Like, I don't feel like...

[00:49:04] I don't feel like I have a big, like, friend circle.

[00:49:08] And I think there has to be different layers to the friendships.

[00:49:11] But you used to.

[00:49:13] Yeah.

[00:49:13] I guess is what I'm getting at.

[00:49:14] But I don't think it was big.

[00:49:16] I don't think it was big.

[00:49:17] It was a handful.

[00:49:17] Compared to me?

[00:49:18] It was a handful of people.

[00:49:19] I think it was around the same amount of people.

[00:49:23] Anyway.

[00:49:25] Yeah.

[00:49:25] Anyway.

[00:49:26] You know, I see what you're saying about her.

[00:49:28] And, um...

[00:49:29] I...

[00:49:31] I...

[00:49:31] I can be totally wrong.

[00:49:33] But that's...

[00:49:34] That's how...

[00:49:34] That's how it looks to me.

[00:49:36] Yeah.

[00:49:36] No.

[00:49:36] It makes perfect sense.

[00:49:38] Um...

[00:49:39] The next and the last question was...

[00:49:42] How do you feel loved by your parents?

[00:49:46] Her answer?

[00:49:48] Very.

[00:49:48] But y'all annoy the hell out of me.

[00:49:52] I mean, that's what parents do.

[00:49:53] 12-year-olds.

[00:49:54] Um...

[00:49:55] Direct quote was...

[00:49:56] How do you feel loved about...

[00:49:57] How do you feel loved by your parents?

[00:49:59] Very.

[00:50:00] I feel very loved by my parents.

[00:50:02] But you annoy the hell out of me.

[00:50:06] I expect nothing different from an almost 13-year-old child who, um...

[00:50:12] Whose parents annoy the hell out of her.

[00:50:15] I mean, I love you dearly.

[00:50:17] And I tell you at least once a month that I'm shocked men haven't hunted all women to sport.

[00:50:22] You know, to extinction for sport.

[00:50:24] I am shocked about that as well.

[00:50:28] I know that sounds awful.

[00:50:30] But I'm kind of shocked about that as well.

[00:50:33] No.

[00:50:33] But like I said, I mean, I guess to me, I thought it...

[00:50:37] There were some answers you and I got last night that were not surprised at all.

[00:50:41] There were some that...

[00:50:43] It took me a minute to like think about it.

[00:50:46] And what I feel like the totality of that list really kind of emphasizes is just the fact that like...

[00:50:57] There's aspects of her personality that are very much in common with one of us or the other.

[00:51:04] Mostly you.

[00:51:07] Besides the food part.

[00:51:09] That's me.

[00:51:10] The food part is me.

[00:51:12] Yeah.

[00:51:13] But I mean, at the same time...

[00:51:16] There's a lot of her personality that does kind of ring true to me.

[00:51:19] There's parts every now and then though where I look at her and I'm like, oh, that's Gillian.

[00:51:24] Oh, not even like a little bit of Gillian.

[00:51:26] But like that is full strength, undiluted.

[00:51:29] That's Gillian.

[00:51:30] Yeah, there's been times when she's like come out of her bedroom or whatever.

[00:51:35] We'll be riding in the car, whatever.

[00:51:37] And she asks a question.

[00:51:39] And I can remember asking that same exact question to my parents.

[00:51:44] And it's nothing like...

[00:51:45] Nothing major usually.

[00:51:46] It's like, why does this happen?

[00:51:48] Or have you ever thought about this?

[00:51:50] And I can just remember thinking, oh my God, I remember that exact conversation with my mom or my dad.

[00:51:58] So yeah.

[00:51:59] Sometimes I see me.

[00:52:00] I see me and her a little bit.

[00:52:02] But I see mostly you.

[00:52:04] And even your dad said, well, everything from the nose up is Phil's.

[00:52:10] But she got your mouth.

[00:52:11] And I didn't know how to quite take that.

[00:52:14] Did she physically get my mouth or did she get my mouth?

[00:52:17] She did physically get your mouth and get your mouth.

[00:52:20] She did.

[00:52:21] And somebody, we were in class the other day.

[00:52:23] And one of her classmates, so seventh grade, was in my room.

[00:52:28] And Piper and I were talking about something.

[00:52:31] And we both smiled at each other at the same time.

[00:52:33] And this other student was like, oh my God, you look just like your mom.

[00:52:38] I was like, there's a reason for that.

[00:52:42] But it's called genetics, babe.

[00:52:44] I think you're learning that in science right now.

[00:52:46] I was about to say, I'm not sure what year they learn genetics and biology and all that.

[00:52:50] But they're in for quite a shock.

[00:52:52] Yeah, right?

[00:52:54] So anyway, I thought that was a fun thing to do with Piper.

[00:52:59] And those are questions that I'm going to keep.

[00:53:01] Because I want to see how they change as she gets a little bit older.

[00:53:03] Or I wish we had done these questions long ago to kind of see how much she's grown from then till now.

[00:53:13] But it'll be interesting to see in a few years.

[00:53:16] Because I am going to ask these questions again.

[00:53:19] Maybe once a year.

[00:53:20] I don't know.

[00:53:21] I think it's just fun to kind of get a perspective from your kid.

[00:53:24] But I don't feel like, at least for me, these were questions that my parents would have asked me.

[00:53:35] And maybe your parents wouldn't have asked you.

[00:53:37] I think the way people parent nowadays is very different than how our parents parented us and generations ahead of them.

[00:53:48] You know how I'm fond of saying that the world we grew up in doesn't exist anymore?

[00:53:53] By extension, the world that our parents parented us in, that world doesn't exist either.

[00:53:59] Well, no, it doesn't.

[00:54:00] But I think, too, what we do as we grow up and become parents is we learn how we want to parent.

[00:54:07] We see from our own parents what we want to do and what we don't want to do as parents.

[00:54:13] We all, we, I can't really, I don't know.

[00:54:19] I guess I can kind of say this.

[00:54:22] This was another reel that I had seen last night.

[00:54:25] I don't know how I got down this whole child therapy wormhole.

[00:54:30] The algorithm.

[00:54:31] On the algorithm.

[00:54:31] Yeah, this side of Instagram.

[00:54:33] But there was another woman who had posted something about living room kids.

[00:54:38] Have you ever heard of a living room kid?

[00:54:40] The kids that aren't allowed to hang out in their bedroom?

[00:54:43] They have to hang out in the living room?

[00:54:44] It's not a, it's not a, you have to.

[00:54:47] A living room kid is someone who is a child who feels safe enough to come into the living room.

[00:54:53] Safe enough to be out of the safe place of their bedroom.

[00:54:58] And in their mind, it's safe to be in all parts of the house.

[00:55:03] And what this woman was saying was for her and her husband, the living room was not a safe place to be emotionally.

[00:55:12] It wasn't, and sometimes physically, it wasn't a safe place to be because that's where mom and dad hung out.

[00:55:16] And so it was safer to be in their bedroom.

[00:55:20] And not that that resonates with everyone from our generation, but I can remember days where it was like, yeah, I'm just going to hang out in here because right now it's just way too toxic, way too crazy out in the other parts of the house.

[00:55:34] I'm just going to hang out in here and close my door and hope that everything stops.

[00:55:37] Um, so I can understand that term now of being a living room kid where children feel like it's safe to be here.

[00:55:48] It's, it's not this house.

[00:55:50] I made this comment to Phil and Piper the other day because Piper was in her room.

[00:55:56] Her door is open.

[00:55:57] She's on her phone.

[00:55:58] She's texting her friends.

[00:55:59] You can hear her giggling back and forth with everybody in there.

[00:56:02] Phil was somewhere.

[00:56:04] I was in the living room.

[00:56:06] Not one TV was on in the house.

[00:56:08] Not, you know, there was, I had eventually turned on like some jazzy kind of soft music just to kind of do some work.

[00:56:17] But it was such a contrast to the house that I grew up in.

[00:56:20] Like my mom played music and she played, you know, I still remember the music she played and it was like this jazzy soft music and whatever.

[00:56:27] But what I get in this house, I get that every day.

[00:56:34] Like I, that is the vibe in this house.

[00:56:37] Sometimes the TV never comes on in this house because we're sitting at the table and we're eating dinner or, you know, each one of us are working on our own projects.

[00:56:45] But it's, it's not something like this is just such a quiet, safe place.

[00:56:50] And I, I don't know.

[00:56:51] It's peaceful.

[00:56:52] It's peaceful.

[00:56:53] And it, it is a living room kid's house.

[00:56:56] Like Piper knows that she can come out and do whatever and it's not going to be chaotic.

[00:57:02] It's not chaos.

[00:57:04] Even though you tell me I'm chaos.

[00:57:06] You are chaos.

[00:57:07] So anyway, that's all, I guess.

[00:57:10] Do you have anything else to add to this one?

[00:57:12] Go check out Mr. Underscore Joshua T on Instagram.

[00:57:18] Those questions are there and I can definitely shoot you those questions if you'd like to test this out on your kids and see what their answers are.

[00:57:26] But he has a lot of really good advice for parents, especially because he's a child therapist and he sees, he sees children all the time that are going through tough spots in their life or maybe it's an emotional management skills that they're trying to cope with or learn how to deal with or whatever.

[00:57:45] Um, and kudos to the parents that, um, send their kids to therapists and see that there is a need there for that child because, I mean, I was sent to therapists, um, when I was a kid.

[00:57:57] And, um, a lot of times it was a joke.

[00:58:01] I think, um, my mom would always joke, well, we have to give you something to talk to your therapist about.

[00:58:07] And I was like, no, but really you don't.

[00:58:10] I really don't have to go to my therapist and talk about the things that happen in this house.

[00:58:14] But, um, therapy was always something that I was glad to be a part of.

[00:58:21] Um, I've kind of talked about, um, I've seen a lot of therapists in my life, a lot, um, individually and together as a family.

[00:58:31] We've even had as a family, not this one, not me and Phil, but my family growing up, we've had a therapist walk out on us as a family and say, oh, I can't help you.

[00:58:40] I don't know how to help you.

[00:58:41] And, uh, literally walked out of the room on all five of us.

[00:58:45] Um, so, but that is something that I guess I have to applaud my parents on is knowing that a therapist needed to be present.

[00:58:59] And all of our, me and my sisters went to therapy and, um, we had different therapists growing up.

[00:59:08] We had tried all sorts of therapists and they continued throughout our teenage years and all that stuff.

[00:59:12] So I guess kudos to my parents for seeing that we needed to have a place to escape to and actually, um, talk about our feelings and from an outside source that wasn't judgmental, um, on what was going on in our house.

[00:59:27] But, um, kudos to the parents that do that.

[00:59:30] Piper, Piper doesn't see a therapist, quote unquote, like in an office, but she, she is, um, very much in tune to the therapist at school and knows that she can go talk to her whenever she needs to.

[00:59:43] And we encourage that with her.

[00:59:45] And one of the things that Phil and I did when we first started dating right before we, before we got married, we individually saw therapists and then we, um, went to therapy as a couple.

[00:59:54] And that is what set such a strong foundation for the two of us when we got married.

[01:00:00] So yay for therapists, yay for people realizing that therapy is there.

[01:00:05] I am a huge mental health advocate, um, because of the things that I've gone through in my own life.

[01:00:10] So, um, yeah, go check out Mr. Mr. Underscore Joshua T, um, for that.

[01:00:17] A lot of fun.

[01:00:18] Okay.

[01:00:19] Thanks for joining us on this day where we had to change the time.

[01:00:23] Um, we had some fish therapy to, to go to, but, um, anyway, I hope, uh, you guys have a great week ahead and yeah, that's about it.

[01:00:37] Have fun with that.

[01:00:38] Stop looking at me, Swan.

[01:00:40] Okay.

[01:00:41] Bye guys.

[01:00:42] Bye guys.