Raising Values: Millenial Parenting

[00:00:00] Welcome to the Raising Values Podcast where the traditional family talks. You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher and Spotify and be sure to follow us on Facebook and Instagram. You can support the Raising Values Podcast through Patreon. Phil and Gillian are behind the mic and we hope you enjoy the show.

[00:00:22] Welcome to Raising Values. Good morning everybody. Happy stormy Sunday. Yeah, it's I mean we drove through a fair bit of it yesterday but it's still out there doing its best to. Yeah so you'll probably hear some rain wind and thunder. It's calmed down right now but I have heard some more thunder. It got pretty bad this morning in Youngsville where Phoebe lives. Oh well that's what's about to come through here. Yeah I know. I looked and saw it so.

[00:00:59] Yeah it's been pretty gross here in the south for weather. Anyway, old people talking about the weather. We're not that old. No we're not that old. But it does bear on the present conversation because I was scrolling through the internet this past week as I do when we're looking for a topic and I came across a Dear Annie letter from an older couple that were in their 70s. I think the wife was in the 70s, husband was 80 years old and they were kind of

[00:01:29] giving a critique of their millennial children and their parenting which I thought would be interesting because you and I are millennial parents but we're also very critical of a lot of millennial parenting. But okay yes we are technically millennials but we're also zinnias and I think that I do think time out don't laugh at me. I do think that that plays a role in how we parent Piper.

[00:01:59] It's funny that like you're so adamant that like oh no no don't want me with those people.

[00:02:06] Not a millennial. I'm a zinnial. I will take that subgroup any day over millennials but I do think some millennials obviously are aging and we're learning the ways of the world and things like that. We are learning the ways of the world.

[00:02:26] I would hope bearing in mind that like the oldest millennials are 40 now. I would hope we've already learned the ways of the world a little bit but.

[00:02:36] Well I'm talking about the younger generation of the millennials but what we're going to talk about today I think we see in what is the group after the millennials? Gen X? No.

[00:02:48] No. That's before us. Gen X. Gen Z. Gen Z are old enough to have children and be parents.

[00:02:56] And I think a lot of what we see, what we're going to talk about is the younger millennials and Gen Z.

[00:03:05] Really do. So let's get into it. So today we're talking about millennial parenting and we've already gone over the fact that we are technically millennials but we don't raise our child the way that this article stated.

[00:03:19] But what I see a lot of, oh my gosh, I see so much of this. So Phil you did some banners to help keep us on track.

[00:03:30] And these three, I only have four banners up. This is going to be a lot of just you and I talking back and forth but the three banners are kind of bullet points from the grandparents' perspective of millennial parenting.

[00:03:41] And then the last one was Reddit's response to this which is like two words and that's it. I thought it was pretty flippant to be honest.

[00:03:52] Yeah, I didn't read the Reddit responses. I did read the article. I think it is important that we talk about the article first.

[00:03:58] So it was a grandmother who had written in to Dear Abby, Dear Annie, I don't know, it was one of those Dear columns.

[00:04:05] And she was complaining about how they had reached their retirement age and they had saved up all their money and their time and they wanted to do things for themselves but they were constantly being pulled into bringing their grandkids to this practice or bringing them to school or bringing them to that.

[00:04:25] And then they had to attend all the things that the kids were doing and that they weren't getting home until nine o'clock some nights.

[00:04:33] And then other times that they were traveling because the baseball or softball games were in other states and so they were always somewhere something, doing something for their children to take care of their grandchildren.

[00:04:46] And they weren't able to enjoy their retirement the way that they had planned because she felt her child, her child, her daughter or whatever, I guess it was her daughter, was not planning her grandchildren's life productively.

[00:05:09] And in so having to pull her and her husband into basically helping to raise their children because they were over extended in extracurriculars and all that other stuff.

[00:05:23] So I see it all the time, all the time at school.

[00:05:27] Yeah, so now this is like the one thing I couldn't be sure about because of the way this was written was I couldn't tell, I couldn't tell how much of the, because she expressed two things and she mixed them back and forth.

[00:05:42] But I couldn't tell how much of her frustration was the fact that like she and her husband were being expected to bust the kids around when mom and dad were both too busy.

[00:05:51] And how much of it was just the fact that like there were so many extracurricular things going on they felt, they felt.

[00:05:59] Compelled?

[00:06:02] They felt compelled to go to all these things.

[00:06:04] In other words, I couldn't tell how much of this was mom and dad didn't ask us to do this but we feel compelled to because it's for our grandkids, we just wish they would tone it down a bit.

[00:06:14] And that's a different situation to me from mom and dad said hey we're busy can you go bust the kids around to this.

[00:06:20] That's a totally different thing for me at least.

[00:06:23] Yeah, I think in the article there was two different things going on.

[00:06:26] There was the guilt of not attending their grandchildren's events and things like that.

[00:06:32] And then there was the asking and not using the complete sentence of no to tell her child, her daughter, no I'm not going to take your kids to practice today or no I have this to do today or whatever.

[00:06:47] No is a complete sentence.

[00:06:49] It was a complete sentence.

[00:06:50] I like to tell people that.

[00:06:52] So both of those things were there in the article.

[00:06:55] But I wanted to tease those things apart because for me and I think for you, those are different issues.

[00:07:00] And one's really not an issue.

[00:07:02] Like to me if this was your parents or my parents that came to me and said you're involved in so many things we feel compelled to come all these things, I would let them up and tell my parents to be like you're not required to.

[00:07:14] Like if you're busy or if you just don't feel like going, you're not breaking my heart, you're not breaking my kid's heart.

[00:07:19] Just stay home for a day.

[00:07:21] It's fine.

[00:07:22] It's okay really.

[00:07:23] Like to me I feel like that's grandma guilting herself and that's not on her kids.

[00:07:29] But on the opposite side of things, if you and I were calling our parents up on a regular basis saying hey I need you to take Piper over to this or take Piper over to that or you know.

[00:07:42] And understand, I get the whole argument of it takes a village to raise a kid.

[00:07:46] We've both leaned on our parents at a time or two.

[00:07:49] We have.

[00:07:50] There have been times where I've had to wake up at 5 o'clock in the morning when Piper was a little bitty to bring her to Hammond so that grandma could watch her while I went to work in New Orleans and then I'd come home and get her or wherever I was working at the time.

[00:08:03] I can't remember.

[00:08:04] But there were times when we did have to lean on both of our parents.

[00:08:07] When we were in a situation where the kids were extenuating circumstances usually illness.

[00:08:10] Like we were in a situation, a lot of times like once I had been working long enough to build up a bit of sick leave, if Piper was sick I stayed home with her.

[00:08:19] Because it wasn't that big of an issue.

[00:08:20] But there was a time when I had so little sick leave, if I had to stay home with that child we were losing money.

[00:08:27] So there were moments in time where we did have to fall back on the village to help with Piper.

[00:08:32] But I don't feel like that was...

[00:08:35] We just overscheduled her and we created this situation where we need somebody else's help.

[00:08:40] And I feel like that's what some of these parents are a little guilty of is like you've crammed so many things into the week, so many activities, so many obligations, so much crap.

[00:08:51] That if any one of these little cards falls out of place, you need somebody to step in and wrangle your kid now.

[00:08:58] And I just...I don't know.

[00:09:00] To me that's too hectic of a lifestyle for me to want to indulge in much less subject my kid to.

[00:09:05] I don't feel like...maybe I don't have the memory of this but I don't feel like we've ever overscheduled her.

[00:09:12] We never did.

[00:09:14] When we did have to fall back on our parents, it was because she was sick and I had to work or you had to work or whatever.

[00:09:22] And your mom is in my head because I did...I remember having to take her over there a lot.

[00:09:27] Now my mom watched Piper for a while but she would come over here.

[00:09:35] But that wasn't...that was a weird issue.

[00:09:40] That was like a weird thing that happened.

[00:09:43] There was a lot of guilt thrown around and a lot of things that were said of...there was just a lot of things that...

[00:09:52] That's almost a whole separate episode by itself.

[00:09:55] Dancing around this so that I'm not hurting anybody's feelings.

[00:09:58] But what it boiled down to was me not having a backbone enough to say,

[00:10:04] Mom, I really appreciate your help but we don't need your help anymore.

[00:10:08] Eventually my backbone was allowed to kick in and I said, we got it. Thanks. Get out.

[00:10:13] She's going to daycare.

[00:10:15] So anyway...so yeah...so your banner says too many extracurricular activities and too little downtime.

[00:10:21] So what we decided when Piper was young and starting to get into a school where there was all these extra things that she could do...

[00:10:32] Clubs and stuff like that.

[00:10:33] Yeah. We made the decision that she could only go into one extracurricular after school activity.

[00:10:39] Whether it was art or drama or whatever she wanted to do.

[00:10:44] She hasn't really been a sports kind of girl but...

[00:10:47] No. But she...I mean she dabbled in playing the violin for a little bit.

[00:10:51] I mean we've always encouraged her to do something other than go to school and sit on the couch and watch YouTube.

[00:10:57] You know, like have something you can put your energy into and get a return on that investment from.

[00:11:02] But we've also been very firm about, like you said, we're not going to do like 15 different things at the same time.

[00:11:08] And that's been for two reasons.

[00:11:11] First of all, because I don't think it's healthy for her to be...

[00:11:16] You and I are adults and we don't think it's healthy for us to have to run around that much and juggle that many balls at the same time.

[00:11:24] Like it's just too much stimulation.

[00:11:26] I don't want to.

[00:11:27] It's too much stress. So if we don't think it's good for us, it's certainly not good for a 12 year old.

[00:11:31] Well, let's not say 12 year old yet because that's my next point. But go ahead.

[00:11:36] Okay.

[00:11:37] Young, younger kid.

[00:11:38] Young...any younger kid.

[00:11:39] Well I guess you could say 12. But if we're talking about Piper. But I'm sorry. Go ahead.

[00:11:43] Anyway.

[00:11:44] My brain's all over the place this morning.

[00:11:46] But like for me it's also...and this is something that was mentioned in the article.

[00:11:50] Like I don't care for that because it cuts into family time.

[00:11:54] Like I place a priority on those moments we spend together, the three of us.

[00:12:00] And I am noticing that as she ages, she's slowly pulling back a little at a time.

[00:12:08] And she's becoming like more independent which we knew was going to happen sooner or later.

[00:12:12] Yes.

[00:12:13] It's a little odd to watch from our perspective.

[00:12:16] But like...

[00:12:17] A little sad.

[00:12:18] Yeah. But again, that's why for all these years I was so hell bent on no,

[00:12:22] we are going to have family time. We're going to have time where it's just the three of us.

[00:12:26] We're going to like go out and get ice cream. We're going to go hang out at the lakefront.

[00:12:30] We're going to go for a ride. We're going to do things just the three of us.

[00:12:33] That's not you and I sitting on the bench while Piper runs around and does stuff in a group.

[00:12:38] And then having to bundle everything back up so that we can get to dance.

[00:12:42] And then bundle everything up from dance to go to art.

[00:12:45] And where we're literally just a taxi service, not even really knowing if that's...

[00:12:53] Does she really want to do all those things?

[00:12:55] Like does she...I guess that's my thing. I'm sorry I interrupted you.

[00:12:59] But we made sure that she only did one thing so that she could focus on that one thing.

[00:13:05] School was top priority.

[00:13:07] Yeah.

[00:13:08] School was always top priority.

[00:13:10] Anything she had to do a lot of times like for homework and things like that.

[00:13:15] She's been really fortunate with teachers that give her the homework on Monday.

[00:13:19] It has to be completed by Friday.

[00:13:21] So that opened up a lot of time on our schedule.

[00:13:25] She didn't have homework every night except for second grade.

[00:13:27] She had homework every night for two hours or more.

[00:13:32] So we said one extracurricular, we're going to go do this.

[00:13:37] Maybe the extracurricular was two hours or whatever.

[00:13:40] But I didn't want to be a taxi service.

[00:13:42] And I didn't want to put her into something that she started to dread.

[00:13:46] Now that did start.

[00:13:48] She did get into stuff especially like this year.

[00:13:50] She got into art class again.

[00:13:53] About three quarters way through she didn't want to do anymore.

[00:13:57] But we're not a quitter family so she had...plus tuition was paid for.

[00:14:02] So she was going to art class whether she liked it or not.

[00:14:05] There was a couple of times where we were like, okay, it's been a really stressful week.

[00:14:08] You've had finals or you've had exams, whatever.

[00:14:11] Skip tonight, we'll eat pizza, watch TV together as a family.

[00:14:16] I was actually kind of reluctant to do some of that stuff though

[00:14:19] because those three hours that she was in art class was our date night.

[00:14:24] So I was like, look, I only get one day a week with your dad.

[00:14:28] So can I please...I need you to go to class.

[00:14:32] Anyway, I often feared if she was in all of these different extracurriculars

[00:14:39] that she started with a passion for it

[00:14:42] but eventually because she was so stressed and so exhausted

[00:14:45] that she would lose that passion for it.

[00:14:47] And then where would she be in a few years

[00:14:50] not having the same interests of the things that she really enjoyed

[00:14:54] because it was too much work?

[00:14:56] In a similar vein but kind of different.

[00:14:58] I was advised a very long time ago.

[00:15:00] I'd love to attribute this to your father-in-law

[00:15:03] but it may not have come from him.

[00:15:05] But somebody gave me some really great advice a long time ago

[00:15:08] and said, never do anything you love for a living.

[00:15:11] In other words, like, I enjoy baking.

[00:15:13] I was told the exact opposite.

[00:15:15] No, that's BS.

[00:15:16] But here's my perspective.

[00:15:18] You never work a day in your life.

[00:15:20] Yeah, that's BS.

[00:15:21] You will always work.

[00:15:22] And you will grow to...

[00:15:23] From my perspective, I enjoy baking.

[00:15:25] I enjoy baking.

[00:15:26] I enjoy the process of it.

[00:15:27] It's fun.

[00:15:28] Y'all enjoy the proceeds of me baking.

[00:15:31] But if I did it for a living, it would not be fun anymore.

[00:15:36] It would be a job.

[00:15:38] It would be, I gotta hurry up and get these cookies out.

[00:15:40] I gotta hurry up and work on those cupcakes

[00:15:41] and I can get that bread going.

[00:15:43] It wouldn't be fun anymore.

[00:15:44] It'd take all the fun out of it

[00:15:45] if it was done $4 under a time crunch.

[00:15:48] And that's why podcasting, this is something I enjoy doing.

[00:15:53] I was very intentional when I started podcasting eight years ago

[00:15:57] to never, ever, ever let this become a job.

[00:16:00] It is a hobby.

[00:16:01] I love it.

[00:16:02] If it granated tomorrow, my bills are still paid.

[00:16:06] I am very particular about not allowing things I enjoy

[00:16:10] to become for money.

[00:16:12] Because the minute that happens to me,

[00:16:14] you take something away from it.

[00:16:16] And that's where I worry about Piper.

[00:16:20] If she gets...

[00:16:22] If the stress of doing the thing exceeds the enjoyment,

[00:16:25] it's not fun anymore.

[00:16:26] And it takes it away from her.

[00:16:28] And I worry about if she were allowed to get into

[00:16:32] too many extracurricular activities at once,

[00:16:35] all the running around and the jumping and the stress

[00:16:37] and the staying up late to get the homework done

[00:16:39] and the coming home late, eating dinner late

[00:16:41] because we don't get home until whatever hour,

[00:16:43] which is the next thing we'll jump into,

[00:16:46] all that piles up to where it's not fun anymore.

[00:16:48] And it was pointed out in the article,

[00:16:50] and I kind of have to lay this at some parent's feet,

[00:16:53] but if that sounds like a description of you and your kids

[00:16:56] where they're involved in all these different things,

[00:16:58] I'm going to ask you seriously two things.

[00:17:01] Is that what your kid wants or is that what you want?

[00:17:04] And the other thing I'm going to ask is,

[00:17:06] even if it's what your kid wants,

[00:17:08] your responsibility as a parent is not to indulge your kids,

[00:17:12] it's to put them on the right path.

[00:17:15] So if what we're describing sounds like unneeded stress

[00:17:19] or sounds like maybe we need some balance

[00:17:21] between downtime and all this stuff,

[00:17:23] that's not for you to ask your kids,

[00:17:26] what do you think little Timmy?

[00:17:28] You tell them no, I'm the parent, this is not healthy,

[00:17:30] we're going to change things.

[00:17:32] Be an adult, be the parent in the room.

[00:17:34] Yeah.

[00:17:36] But the next thing that was criticized

[00:17:38] and I will go right on along criticizing this is,

[00:17:41] the grandmother was very upset because of all the running around,

[00:17:45] they're resorting to basically take out and fast food constantly

[00:17:49] to keep the kids fed because nobody ever has time

[00:17:51] to cook a meal at home, which you and I have talked about that.

[00:17:55] I am intensely critical of that.

[00:17:57] And I can't even say it's just our generation

[00:18:00] because we were the generation raised on McDonald's for God's sakes.

[00:18:03] It's a miracle we don't all have a third eye.

[00:18:05] Happy Meals came out when we were babies.

[00:18:08] It's a miracle we don't all have a third eyeball at this point,

[00:18:10] knowing all the junk that goes into that.

[00:18:12] But to me it's more like, for you and I,

[00:18:16] we were always very, hold on, I've got to stop and train my thought

[00:18:20] and check the comments section.

[00:18:22] Joe said good morning.

[00:18:24] Good morning, we're a little late on that.

[00:18:26] Leadership in extracurricular activities being bad

[00:18:30] can also kill the child's interest in it too.

[00:18:33] Yeah, pretty much what I was saying.

[00:18:35] They can get so engrossed in it that it's not funny anymore.

[00:18:39] It takes all of that out of it.

[00:18:41] But my issue with this is really just the fact that like,

[00:18:44] first of all, to me, you know I'm a spendthrift.

[00:18:47] I mean, I'd like to think that's partially responsible for us

[00:18:50] being in the financial state that we're in

[00:18:52] because your husband's very thrifty about a lot of things.

[00:18:55] Yes.

[00:18:56] And part of that is also eating out

[00:18:58] because every time we go eat out it's 70, 80, 90 bucks

[00:19:02] and that's almost a week's worth of groceries for us.

[00:19:06] So I'm always balancing this calculus of

[00:19:11] the girls want to go eat out,

[00:19:13] but that costs like almost a week's worth of groceries.

[00:19:16] And that's like to me, I have a hard time

[00:19:19] stomaching that thought.

[00:19:21] But then on the other side of things,

[00:19:23] I also look at it as what's more healthy?

[00:19:26] The pot roast we made the other night

[00:19:28] that was fire by the way,

[00:19:31] and that is full of nutrition

[00:19:33] and it's very low carb.

[00:19:36] It's good food for us.

[00:19:37] What's good for us?

[00:19:38] Or stop into Wendy's.

[00:19:41] Like what's better for us?

[00:19:43] So I constantly have these thoughts in my head of

[00:19:45] like, I believe it is certainly more economically viable

[00:19:49] and I think it's healthier for us to cook here at the house.

[00:19:52] But when I see other parents that are like,

[00:19:55] oh, I'm tired.

[00:19:56] I'm just going to stop and get burgers

[00:19:58] or oh, we're too busy.

[00:19:59] We're just going to stop and get this.

[00:20:01] And I'm like, but like you can't,

[00:20:05] you have to acknowledge that that's not as healthy

[00:20:07] as cooking a meal at home.

[00:20:09] You have to acknowledge that.

[00:20:10] If you think McDonald's is as healthy as something

[00:20:12] you cook in your kitchen,

[00:20:13] there's a whole other conversation we need to be having.

[00:20:16] But if you can't acknowledge that,

[00:20:20] then you have to acknowledge it's more expensive.

[00:20:22] And we're in a time period where like inflation has gone

[00:20:27] through the ceiling.

[00:20:28] People are complaining on a regular basis

[00:20:30] about the economy and how tight money is

[00:20:32] and everything else.

[00:20:33] But here you are spending a week's worth of groceries

[00:20:36] to feed your family for one meal.

[00:20:39] And then I-

[00:20:40] It's like that episode of the guy you used to watch,

[00:20:44] you probably still watch,

[00:20:45] where he takes everyone's finances

[00:20:47] and looks at what they're-

[00:20:48] Oh, Caleb Hammer?

[00:20:50] Yeah, Caleb Hammer.

[00:20:51] And he was scrutinizing this man's credit card bills

[00:20:57] to see where he's spending all of his money

[00:20:59] and what he's charging to his credit card.

[00:21:02] And it was like every other line was a restaurant.

[00:21:06] He had racked up something like close to $10,000

[00:21:10] in just restaurant feet,

[00:21:13] like where he brought his kids to eat.

[00:21:15] And he said because it's easier to just go out

[00:21:18] than it is to cook at home because the same thing.

[00:21:22] They were so-

[00:21:25] They were just so over-

[00:21:27] Overtasked?

[00:21:28] Overtasked with their kids that

[00:21:30] that's just the thing that happened.

[00:21:31] They didn't go home to eat.

[00:21:33] And I think Caleb even told him,

[00:21:36] well then you're doing too much.

[00:21:38] You need to go home and eat.

[00:21:40] You don't need to put $10,000 in credit card bills,

[00:21:44] that's not what you call it, I know,

[00:21:46] but anyway, fees or whatever, expenses,

[00:21:49] onto this credit card.

[00:21:51] Because now you got to pay it back with interest.

[00:21:53] And I hope the food was good enough

[00:21:55] that it's worth $10,000.

[00:21:57] There is nothing that tastes good enough

[00:21:59] to justify $10,000 in interest bearing debt

[00:22:02] at a 30% interest rate.

[00:22:04] Where are you eating?

[00:22:05] I mean that's like breakfast, lunch, dinner.

[00:22:08] That's all I can think of.

[00:22:10] I know it was him and two children and his wife

[00:22:13] and they would always eat out.

[00:22:15] And I don't think that they ever cooked at home.

[00:22:17] I don't know.

[00:22:19] When you showed me that I was just like,

[00:22:21] holy crap.

[00:22:23] Not only would my husband leave me if-

[00:22:27] Oh we'd fight.

[00:22:28] We would have a fist fight.

[00:22:30] But how are you not, you know,

[00:22:32] 4,000 pounds and-

[00:22:34] But see that, therein lies my problem

[00:22:37] with the propensity towards,

[00:22:41] we're just gonna pull the chain

[00:22:43] and feed the kids junk to get us fed.

[00:22:45] But like on the one hand,

[00:22:47] Jesus Christ is that unhealthy as hell.

[00:22:50] And on the other hand,

[00:22:52] Jesus Christ is that expensive as hell.

[00:22:54] It's like, it's the two things I don't like.

[00:22:57] If we went out every night,

[00:22:59] that's $700 for a week.

[00:23:02] $700 because it does.

[00:23:04] It's between 80 and $100 depending on where we go.

[00:23:08] We usually go out to eat once a week.

[00:23:10] And that includes like Raising Cane's Kyle.

[00:23:13] Raising Cane's is fried perfection,

[00:23:16] but fried perfection can only be had in limited quantities.

[00:23:19] There are times where we eat out more than,

[00:23:22] you know, more than once a week.

[00:23:24] But it's usually extenuating circumstances

[00:23:27] where maybe we're out of town or whatever.

[00:23:31] Well, like last night, you know,

[00:23:33] I mean we drove out of town to go see some family

[00:23:35] and we were on the road literally half a day.

[00:23:39] The opportunity to come home

[00:23:41] and cook a home-cooked meal wasn't there

[00:23:43] unless we were gonna pack sandwiches from the house.

[00:23:45] Right.

[00:23:46] And it is nice to just go out to eat.

[00:23:50] It is nice to not have to worry about,

[00:23:52] you know, I feel like adulthood is constantly asking

[00:23:56] the same question of what's for dinner?

[00:23:58] What's for dinner?

[00:23:59] That's because I live with people who are picky

[00:24:01] and I am not.

[00:24:02] Because if I had a promissory note

[00:24:08] that everyone in this house would eat

[00:24:09] whatever I cooked without complaint,

[00:24:12] then picking dinner would be really easy.

[00:24:13] Because I'd be like,

[00:24:14] okay, we're gonna pick this, this, this or this,

[00:24:16] and everyone's gonna eat it. It'll be good.

[00:24:18] But then I get the, I don't want that.

[00:24:21] I don't feel like that.

[00:24:22] Well, that's because you always resort to chili.

[00:24:26] Which is always good.

[00:24:27] Red beans and rice.

[00:24:28] Which is always good.

[00:24:29] And what else?

[00:24:30] There's something else you're always like,

[00:24:32] we could make this, this or this.

[00:24:33] Breakfast for dinner.

[00:24:34] Well, that's always good.

[00:24:35] But that's not always your choice.

[00:24:37] But anyway...

[00:24:39] The point is, you are pickier than I am.

[00:24:42] Therefore, you have to pick what we eat for dinner.

[00:24:45] Because the most picky person has to be satisfied.

[00:24:48] I'm the least picky person.

[00:24:49] I'll eat pretty much whatever.

[00:24:51] Thank the army.

[00:24:52] Joe said, he asked the question before I answered this.

[00:24:56] He said, what was the restaurant we took them to

[00:24:58] when they came down?

[00:24:59] It was $90, but it was well worth the treat.

[00:25:01] And that's Lalu.

[00:25:03] It's down on the lakefront.

[00:25:05] It's Creole.

[00:25:07] It was a Creole restaurant and it's amazing.

[00:25:10] Yeah.

[00:25:11] It's our favorite and we never get to go.

[00:25:13] But when we do want to have like a breakfast,

[00:25:16] date or whatever, we always go to Lalu.

[00:25:19] Yeah.

[00:25:20] And unfortunately, like side note, at least around here,

[00:25:24] there's a lot of overlap between expensive and very good.

[00:25:28] Yeah.

[00:25:29] I mean, unfortunately...

[00:25:30] Is it worth it for $90?

[00:25:32] And Lalu is always worth $90.

[00:25:34] And unfortunately, like we live in a very high cost living area

[00:25:38] relative to our surroundings.

[00:25:39] So like you could get, you could drive an hour in any direction

[00:25:44] and probably get, I wouldn't say as good.

[00:25:46] You'd get similar cuisine, much cheaper.

[00:25:48] Going an hour in any direction.

[00:25:50] But we live in a place where if you want to eat decent food,

[00:25:54] it's going to cost 70 to 100 bucks.

[00:25:57] I think St. Tammany Parish has the highest...

[00:26:00] Highest cost of living?

[00:26:02] Yeah, the highest cost of living.

[00:26:04] Highest property taxes, highest property values,

[00:26:07] highest insurance, everything highest.

[00:26:10] So when are we getting out of here?

[00:26:12] About 10 years.

[00:26:14] You said that 10 years ago. No, I'm joking.

[00:26:16] No, 10 years ago, I said in 20,

[00:26:18] I said in 18 years when Piper got out of high school.

[00:26:21] Well, anyway, so yeah.

[00:26:25] So yeah, to me like, I'm not saying never eat,

[00:26:29] never eat junk food, never order pizza, never go out to eat.

[00:26:32] Oh, that was the other thing.

[00:26:33] We did order pizza this week

[00:26:35] and we did go eat Mexican last night with our family.

[00:26:39] But I'm not saying never do those things.

[00:26:41] I'm just saying that like, if the answer is

[00:26:45] we're always too busy so we're always going to feed our kids junk food,

[00:26:49] then you're too busy is the problem.

[00:26:51] Yeah.

[00:26:52] And you can't even hang the

[00:26:54] I never learned how to cook excuse over me because there's the internet

[00:26:58] and you...

[00:27:00] Like, millennials, y'all know this,

[00:27:02] y'all grew up the same time I did.

[00:27:04] There is more information available on the internet

[00:27:06] than scholars of 100 years ago had access to.

[00:27:10] And here it is. It's on a smartphone.

[00:27:12] Just Google how to cook something.

[00:27:15] You'll figure it out. It's not that hard.

[00:27:17] I used to have a friend who when I would get into her car,

[00:27:21] I had to move over stale chicken fingers or chicken nuggets

[00:27:26] and I'm not talking like goldfish or anything like that.

[00:27:29] I'm talking like whole half eaten sausage biscuits

[00:27:33] and that had been in there for weeks.

[00:27:38] It's called laziness.

[00:27:40] Chicken nuggets or what?

[00:27:41] I mean, they were like opened ketchup packets

[00:27:44] and it was never got thrown away, first of all.

[00:27:47] And oh, and then there was like

[00:27:50] there was a restaurant represented by every cup and every cup holder.

[00:27:54] It was just like, first, how do you live like this with your car?

[00:27:59] Second, do you ever cook?

[00:28:02] No.

[00:28:03] Do you ever feed your children something other than fast food?

[00:28:07] It was just, it made me just go,

[00:28:10] first I cringed and then second I was just like,

[00:28:12] I just can't, we're going to take my car.

[00:28:16] We're taking my car.

[00:28:18] Wherever we're going, we're taking my car.

[00:28:21] And I feel like we already kind of inadvertently talked about this

[00:28:25] when we were talking about too many extracurricular activities,

[00:28:27] but it's like, I feel like there is an unfair expectation

[00:28:32] placed upon boomer grandparents at this point

[00:28:37] that they make themselves available for this busy of a schedule.

[00:28:42] Because call it what it is,

[00:28:44] we're talking about people that are well into their 70s in a lot of cases,

[00:28:49] may not be in the greatest of physical health,

[00:28:52] traveling to other states is going to become more of an issue

[00:28:56] the older they get.

[00:28:58] I don't know, like I just...

[00:29:00] You changed the banner but you didn't read it.

[00:29:02] Oh, sorry.

[00:29:04] Stuart's going to get on you.

[00:29:06] Stuart will, but Gillian's here to save me.

[00:29:08] Expecting the village, in quotes,

[00:29:10] to keep up with your busy schedule.

[00:29:12] And this is, I personally,

[00:29:16] I feel like if you're going to take everything we've said here

[00:29:19] and pitch it into the wind and ignore it,

[00:29:23] you're going to have your kids involved in that much stuff,

[00:29:25] they're going to be that busy,

[00:29:27] they're going to eat junk food, whatever, have a party.

[00:29:29] That's you and your kids and their health

[00:29:31] and their sanity you have to contend with.

[00:29:34] But I still don't feel like it's fair to put all that on grandma and grandpa.

[00:29:38] You know what I'm saying?

[00:29:40] I always felt guilt when I called your mom and said,

[00:29:43] hey, usually it was the night before,

[00:29:46] are you busy tomorrow, can you please watch Piper or whatever?

[00:29:50] Something in me, it grinded me.

[00:29:53] I don't want to depend on other people to have to take care of my child.

[00:29:58] And a lot of times the guilt came from things that were said to me

[00:30:03] when Piper was first born.

[00:30:05] Not by your mother, but by my mother.

[00:30:09] But anyway, I hated doing that

[00:30:14] because now I've taken her day away from her

[00:30:18] because I can't take off work or you can't take off work,

[00:30:22] but somebody has to watch the child and blah blah blah.

[00:30:25] I don't know.

[00:30:27] So that spurred the whole one extracurricular activity.

[00:30:32] We're not going to overburden ourselves with everything

[00:30:35] because I did not want your parents or my parents raising our child.

[00:30:41] It wasn't fair to them.

[00:30:43] And one of the things that was said to me did make sense,

[00:30:48] even though it was very harsh in the way it was said.

[00:30:51] Why did you have a kid if you thought other people were going to raise your child?

[00:30:55] And that's not at all what was happening

[00:30:58] because I had to work in order to provide for my family.

[00:31:02] But it does make sense in the fact that

[00:31:07] I'm not going to do anything extra that I don't need to do

[00:31:12] or not in order, but to make other people have to step in and take care of Piper.

[00:31:17] That was just not going to happen.

[00:31:19] No.

[00:31:20] Anytime we've ever...

[00:31:22] And this isn't just with regards to Piper,

[00:31:24] but this is in regards to you and me too.

[00:31:26] We are very focused on being self-sufficient as a family.

[00:31:30] And anytime we've had to fall back on somebody else

[00:31:35] or ask for help, it's never been because,

[00:31:38] oh, I screwed myself over.

[00:31:40] It's always been because...

[00:31:42] To quote your father-in-law,

[00:31:45] it's always been because we did...

[00:31:48] No, I was going to say one day we need to have your dad on the show.

[00:31:52] I know you're watching, Pops, but...

[00:31:55] I'm sure we can find interesting things to talk about.

[00:31:59] I'm sure we could.

[00:32:01] But to me, it is all...

[00:32:03] He pointed out years ago, he said,

[00:32:06] you've done everything you can to prevent this situation from occurring.

[00:32:10] You've done everything you can to dig yourself out of this hole.

[00:32:13] You did everything before it happened to be able to weather the storm.

[00:32:18] You did everything right.

[00:32:21] And life giggled and threw you a curveball.

[00:32:25] And he told me, he said, that's not your fault.

[00:32:28] That's not...

[00:32:29] You should be ashamed because you fell short.

[00:32:32] You did everything you could have, and now I get to step in and help.

[00:32:37] So that's always been my point of view is,

[00:32:40] if you're doing everything you can to take care of things by yourself

[00:32:43] and you just fall short,

[00:32:45] you can't be upset with that,

[00:32:47] and I wouldn't expect your family to hold it over your head later.

[00:32:50] That's what family is for.

[00:32:52] But on the flip side of things,

[00:32:54] it would be akin to you and I blowing through all of our money,

[00:32:57] screwing our monthly budget up,

[00:32:59] and it comes the end of the month, we can't pay the mortgage and we're broke,

[00:33:02] and we're having to go to my dad for help or somebody else.

[00:33:05] You better believe that Pops would have something to say about,

[00:33:08] why can't you pay your mortgage?

[00:33:10] Because y'all went and blew like two grand on silly shit?

[00:33:13] Because you made out seven days this week,

[00:33:15] and $700 is charged to your credit cards.

[00:33:18] That doesn't happen.

[00:33:19] And he would rightfully cock an eyebrow and be like...

[00:33:22] Well, he would have every right to cock an eyebrow at that point.

[00:33:25] If he's coming in to save us because of our stupid decisions,

[00:33:29] I would like to think in the 19 years that we've been together

[00:33:35] that yeah, we've made some stupid decisions,

[00:33:38] but none that I feel like he's had to come in and save us from

[00:33:44] because I think most of the things that he's had to come in

[00:33:48] and help us with were not anything that we had.

[00:33:53] No, it kind of falls under the catastrophic heading.

[00:33:58] But a lot of it was just because you and I were young.

[00:34:02] We were figuring stuff out.

[00:34:03] We were growing up.

[00:34:05] But at the same time, even though we may have made a couple mistakes here and there,

[00:34:09] I still feel like we didn't make near the mistakes

[00:34:12] we were watching a lot of our peers and a lot of our friends make around us.

[00:34:16] And again, for me that was always motivated by this idea that

[00:34:20] I always knew that my family was there if I needed them,

[00:34:23] but I also knew that my goal as an adult was to not need them very often.

[00:34:29] Because again, it goes back to what I was told as a child.

[00:34:33] Dad's job is to prepare his son or daughter to not need him anymore.

[00:34:39] It was something that was told to me a long time ago,

[00:34:42] and I was told it is the most ironic part of being a parent,

[00:34:48] is that your job is to make your kid not need you anymore.

[00:34:52] And you don't want them.

[00:34:53] You want to always be there for them, be there with them,

[00:34:55] and you will always be there for them.

[00:34:57] But your job is to make sure that the day you check out to go meet your maker,

[00:35:01] they're fine.

[00:35:02] They're going to be upset.

[00:35:03] They're going to have some stuff to deal with.

[00:35:05] But they're fine.

[00:35:06] Their bills are going to be paid.

[00:35:08] They're going to feed themselves.

[00:35:09] They're going to make it.

[00:35:10] So like that was always my perspective.

[00:35:14] Okay, as the child in this relationship,

[00:35:17] my job is to not need my dad to bail me out of problems.

[00:35:21] It's to dig myself out of holes.

[00:35:23] It's to dig my family out of holes.

[00:35:25] It's to not put ourselves in the hole.

[00:35:28] What does Kyle say?

[00:35:30] Kyle, you're so funny.

[00:35:32] He said that the Raising Values Cookbook is going to be $27.95.

[00:35:37] Honestly, like...

[00:35:39] I can't get a newsletter together, Kyle.

[00:35:41] I'm not getting a cookbook together.

[00:35:44] Although, like...

[00:35:46] I mean, I can honestly publish a blog article of all my recipes

[00:35:49] because they all came from the internet anyway.

[00:35:52] Anyway, sorry.

[00:35:53] Wait, what did you say?

[00:35:54] I said I could publish a blog article of all my recipe books

[00:35:57] because it all came from the internet anyway.

[00:35:59] Oh, just links to all of your recipes.

[00:36:02] Look, that's how I find most of my recipes.

[00:36:04] I'm like, how do you bake this?

[00:36:07] And then I look at like 13 different recipes.

[00:36:09] I'm like, let's try this one.

[00:36:11] I do want to read Kyle's last comment though.

[00:36:15] He said that I think the village idea comes and goes.

[00:36:18] Work just sucks right now, and I do feel guilty about it.

[00:36:23] And I feel like we do this on the podcast a lot.

[00:36:28] We talk about...

[00:36:29] It's almost like we put ourselves, me and you, in this like holier than thou.

[00:36:34] We haven't screwed up parenting.

[00:36:36] We haven't screwed up marriage.

[00:36:39] We haven't screwed up any of these things.

[00:36:41] We're so much better than all of those things.

[00:36:44] I'm the perfect spouse though.

[00:36:47] Anyway, but see our season of work sucks right now has passed.

[00:36:56] And that's not to say that work in life isn't going to suck for us in the future.

[00:37:01] I mean, right now I think we have one more year before...

[00:37:04] Piper goes to high school?

[00:37:09] Yeah, when Piper goes to high school, I think our life is again going to flip and change.

[00:37:15] And schedules are going to have to change.

[00:37:17] Maybe jobs are going to have to change.

[00:37:19] A lot of things are going to change for us.

[00:37:21] But for right now in this little time period that we're in in our life, it's easily managed.

[00:37:28] And we can do that.

[00:37:30] But we have been in a position in our life that lasted for years where I feel like we were in a lot of turmoil

[00:37:40] and a lot of reaching out to family and a lot of reaching out to friends of, you know,

[00:37:45] can you help us with this?

[00:37:47] We really did rely on our village a lot of times.

[00:37:50] That's just not where we are right now.

[00:37:52] So I agree with you.

[00:37:53] I think the village idea comes and goes.

[00:37:55] And that's not to say that...

[00:37:58] Well, it does.

[00:37:59] It is to say you won't always be stuck in this position.

[00:38:03] You won't always...

[00:38:04] This isn't the rest of your life.

[00:38:06] And that's what when I was in therapy after I gave birth to Piper and had such horrible postpartum

[00:38:13] depression and anxiety, I was having these horrible panic attacks.

[00:38:18] I was talking to my therapist about it and she gave me the one phrase that I always repeat to myself,

[00:38:27] especially when I'm having an anxiety attack of this isn't the rest of my life.

[00:38:32] This is not...

[00:38:33] I am not going to feel this...

[00:38:36] Dread and everything?

[00:38:38] Yeah, this dread and this fear and all these things that happen during anxiety attacks and things like that.

[00:38:44] That's not going to be the rest of my life.

[00:38:46] Will I feel them a couple of times during the day or even more than that?

[00:38:50] Yes.

[00:38:51] And when it was really, really bad, when I was in the really, really bad part of it,

[00:38:57] I was having probably six or seven panic attacks a day, which is crippling.

[00:39:02] But when she told me that, it was like, okay, I can focus on this.

[00:39:07] It's not the rest of my life.

[00:39:08] This is not the rest of my life.

[00:39:09] And lo and behold, she was right.

[00:39:11] And it's not the rest of my life.

[00:39:12] So just like the song and just like you said, Kyle, you know, to everything turn, turn.

[00:39:18] That's actually a Bible verse.

[00:39:21] I think the key though is that it's one thing because I know Kyle's situation specifically.

[00:39:28] We both do.

[00:39:29] And I think it's one thing if we find ourselves down and out or we put ourselves down now.

[00:39:38] To me, that's always going to be the difference.

[00:39:40] That's true.

[00:39:41] If life, if life wax you right between the eyes.

[00:39:44] I mean, life is pretty much like sucker punched.

[00:39:48] But here's the thing.

[00:39:50] But it does.

[00:39:51] But it does everybody in one point or another.

[00:39:53] So I guess that's my point is, if you, if you need help because if you need help

[00:39:59] because, you know, life has punched you in the gut, there's no shame in that.

[00:40:04] That's what the tribe, that's what the village is for.

[00:40:06] That's what the tribe is for.

[00:40:08] It's a whole different thing when you say, I know I can't sustain this.

[00:40:12] Therefore, I'm going to engage all these extra people.

[00:40:15] It's like, is there between life sucker punched me and I sucker?

[00:40:19] I took the stick and stuffed it in the spokes of the bike wheels.

[00:40:22] You know what I'm saying?

[00:40:23] Right.

[00:40:24] I did this to myself.

[00:40:25] Exactly.

[00:40:26] And that's always going to be where I draw that line between the two.

[00:40:29] That's true.

[00:40:30] That is very true.

[00:40:31] And in response to what your dad and Kyle both kind of said at the same time,

[00:40:36] your dad said, sometimes the village relies on you.

[00:40:39] And Kyle said we will always need, we will always need our tribe parents.

[00:40:44] How we got that.

[00:40:46] You are the den mother.

[00:40:47] I'm the den mother of all of you people.

[00:40:52] Well, one of our dear friends does refer to you unironically as mom.

[00:40:57] Mom.

[00:40:58] That's so weird.

[00:41:00] Anyway, I think.

[00:41:02] I think he's 33, 34.

[00:41:05] He's in his mid 30s.

[00:41:06] I still couldn't be his mom.

[00:41:08] I know you couldn't.

[00:41:09] That would be really weird.

[00:41:11] Anyway, what I was going to say to those two comments was that's just because our season has changed to a position of where we feel like we had enough content,

[00:41:23] enough things that we have gone through individually and together as a couple and as parents that we felt like we were in a really good position to lend some help to people and to talk about all of those things.

[00:41:38] I mean, we've put our entire life out on the Internet at this point of the things that we've gone through by ourselves or whatever.

[00:41:48] And together.

[00:41:49] And together.

[00:41:50] And so will that change?

[00:41:52] I guarantee you that in the next year, life is going to flip upside down and our village is going to start getting a lot more phone calls.

[00:42:01] And we're going to do what we can to not have to do all that stuff.

[00:42:06] But I just I just see life changing in a year.

[00:42:10] So we'll figure it out.

[00:42:12] But that's very sweet of you all to say.

[00:42:14] But now we have to get to the response.

[00:42:17] Yes.

[00:42:18] So Reddit is a cesspool of human villainy and scum.

[00:42:23] But I surf it every now and then because there's a couple of groups on there like the GMRS group and a couple of user groups that I fumble around with night vision and things like that.

[00:42:32] But yeah, this was read its response to this article.

[00:42:36] You do have to read it.

[00:42:37] Forget.

[00:42:38] OK, Boomer.

[00:42:39] OK, Boomer.

[00:42:40] Yeah, I am.

[00:42:41] Well, I am because her response to the Dear Annie article, Annie or Abby or whoever she was, was basically OK, Boomer.

[00:42:51] And when I read it, I got pissed off at her response.

[00:42:55] I was like, wait, time out a second.

[00:42:57] I agree that the grandparents could be saying no, we're not coming.

[00:43:01] We're not going to do this.

[00:43:02] We can't bring them.

[00:43:03] Blah, blah, blah.

[00:43:04] I agree with that.

[00:43:05] But when she got to the end and she was like, maybe you should stop focusing on the negative part of their parenting and focus on the the positives that they're doing and keeping their children active and doing all these things and know that it is a different time period.

[00:43:21] And that people don't sit down at six o'clock to eat dinner together anymore.

[00:43:25] You know, maybe you should focus on that and just be happy that they're inviting you to be a part of their life.

[00:43:31] And it was just like you totally didn't even you didn't even read her complaint.

[00:43:37] You didn't even it was an OK, Boomer.

[00:43:40] The only thing in that entire response and this was also in a lot of the Readers responses.

[00:43:45] The only thing I agree with is why are you writing this article instead of talking to your child?

[00:43:52] True.

[00:43:53] And I do agree with that because I feel like if if my mother and father had a really significant issue with some way I was rate, I was handling my response places, a husband and father above and beyond.

[00:44:05] OK, that's not the way I would have done it.

[00:44:07] But like I think Phil is screwing up and causing harm.

[00:44:10] I have full faith one or both of them would come to me and be like, listen.

[00:44:14] Oh, I know they would.

[00:44:15] Yeah.

[00:44:16] But at the same time, they're also very good about drawing that line of like it's not how I would have done it, but it's working.

[00:44:24] And, you know, the mortgage is paid.

[00:44:26] Everybody's fed.

[00:44:27] Everything's fine.

[00:44:28] It's not there.

[00:44:30] They're very good about like I'm not going to metal.

[00:44:34] I'm only going to insert myself if it's a real serious problem.

[00:44:37] And I appreciate that.

[00:44:39] I appreciate their respect.

[00:44:40] They show you and I is like, you know, the household, this household.

[00:44:44] I appreciate at the time I I will.

[00:44:49] I don't want to say I didn't appreciate it, but at the time it kind of put me in a bind.

[00:44:53] But there were times when I called up your mom and said, hey, can you watch Piper tomorrow?

[00:44:57] And she said no.

[00:44:59] And, you know, now hindsight's 20-20.

[00:45:02] I'm glad she did that.

[00:45:03] I'm glad she didn't cancel her doctor's appointments to watch Piper.

[00:45:07] I'm glad she decided to go do whatever she had planned that day and said no, because I don't think I would have been the person to take advantage of her because that's just not just not that person.

[00:45:19] But I can see other people doing that to their parents saying, oh, well, you canceled your doctor's appointment before.

[00:45:25] Can't you just reschedule this time?

[00:45:27] I wouldn't have done that.

[00:45:28] I am glad that she told me no a couple of times.

[00:45:33] And that was also a lot of the response I kept seeing over and over and over was what else do you have to do?

[00:45:38] You're retired.

[00:45:39] It was this it was this feeling I kept getting of like, I am entitled to your time and attention to do what I want done.

[00:45:50] And that that grinds my freaking gear so badly, not even because this is being directed at the parents, the parents slash grandparent of this child slash grandchild.

[00:46:01] But just like entitlement as a general rule drives me up the freaking walls.

[00:46:06] Like you you are you are entitled to the air you pump in and out of your lungs and whatever you can produce with your own hands and everything else you're not entitled to.

[00:46:17] Yeah.

[00:46:18] So like entitlement as a general rule drives me up the freaking walls.

[00:46:21] But that's the generation.

[00:46:23] That's what I'm saying is I think it's like the younger millennials and then the Gen Z Gen Zers.

[00:46:30] They have grown up having that entitlement.

[00:46:35] They were children with entitlement issues and they became adults with entitlement issues.

[00:46:40] And the parents were probably walked all over as when they were children and just saw it as, you know, oh, Timmy's upset today.

[00:46:50] Let's go get him a hamburger or let's go get him some ice cream or whatever.

[00:46:54] Or let's get him four and a half fingers across the button.

[00:46:56] Tell him to knock it off.

[00:46:57] Well, yeah.

[00:46:59] OK. But that's yes.

[00:47:00] I know that's what I'm trying to point out is that parenting right now with the generation that's, you know, coming up with coming up with all these kids is totally different than how we were raised, how our parents were raised.

[00:47:14] And it is that world doesn't exist.

[00:47:16] She did.

[00:47:17] She did state that in her response.

[00:47:20] And I do agree with that.

[00:47:22] I don't think the world that our parents were raised in exists anymore because there's so much technology and interference with family.

[00:47:32] And also, the family is not a thing like there.

[00:47:35] There are so many cases where the father is not in the home or the mother is drugged out or whatever.

[00:47:41] There's just so many things now that interfere with the family unit.

[00:47:46] Do we sit down at the table at six o'clock every night and eat dinner?

[00:47:50] No, we usually sit in the living room and pick a movie together, which I find is, you know, I do remember having to sit at the table a lot of times for dinner.

[00:48:01] But then I also feel like that's good family time because not we're not on our phones.

[00:48:06] We're watching a movie together.

[00:48:08] We're trying to plan our evening and things like that.

[00:48:10] But what I'm trying to say is the people who are getting married and having children right now grew up in a household where their entitlement was met.

[00:48:23] Those parents made them an entitled child.

[00:48:26] They grew up to be entitled adults.

[00:48:28] That's why we see we've seen such a shift in the workplace and all those things that, you know, are now being affected by how children were raised after the Zennials.

[00:48:43] Yeah. Well, but the one thing I'd respond to it is like I agree.

[00:48:48] Yes, the world that our parents, the Boomers grew up in, that world is gone.

[00:48:54] But the world that I feel like a lot of these millennial parents live in today doesn't exist either.

[00:48:59] If that makes any sense.

[00:49:01] I mean, so these constant comments I kept seeing really all seem to revolve around the fact that Boomers have all the money.

[00:49:11] Boomers are retired.

[00:49:12] They have all the time in the world.

[00:49:15] We're entitled to their wealth and we're entitled to their time and this and the other.

[00:49:19] And I don't think that world exists either because like I know and you know.

[00:49:23] That generation is dealing with health problems.

[00:49:26] They are going to the doctor very often and their mobility is limited.

[00:49:30] This idea that like the Boomers as this enormous like monotheistic generation are all just billionaires is just asinine.

[00:49:39] There are some that there are some out there that are phenomenally wealthy, and there's also a lot out there that are house poor.

[00:49:45] They live in a house that's paid off.

[00:49:47] That's their only asset.

[00:49:48] They have no other retirement.

[00:49:49] There's a lot that are living on Social Security.

[00:49:51] I I cringe at this idea that like to me a lot of the response I kept seeing to this article really boiled down to a certain amount of greed that was motivating disdain for that generation.

[00:50:07] Basically saying shut up and do what I told you because the economy is your fault and the housing.

[00:50:13] The reason I can't afford a house is your fault and the reason my kids won't be able to afford college is your fault.

[00:50:18] So you should you should repay me by doing what I ask you to do, which is runs totally counter to the way I was raised as an idea of like you know sometimes.

[00:50:30] It's the idea that like we're all trying to get to a finish line.

[00:50:35] Some people start 100 yards away from the finish line.

[00:50:38] Some people start 1000 yards away from the finish line.

[00:50:41] But you complaining about being 1000 yards from finish line doesn't make it getting closer.

[00:50:45] You just have further to walk.

[00:50:47] And it's this idea that like some people are born with a leg up.

[00:50:51] Some people are born, you know, rich good looking and talented and obviously I was and I just had to work hard.

[00:50:57] But the point remains.

[00:50:59] Some people are born with a leg up.

[00:51:01] Some people are born closer to the finish line and some of us aren't.

[00:51:04] But you don't sit there and piss and moan and whine about it.

[00:51:07] You just have to walk further.

[00:51:09] You have to work harder.

[00:51:10] You have to overcome whatever this perceived slight was and just put the work in.

[00:51:16] But a lot of people our generation never got that speech and they never they were told, oh, it's OK.

[00:51:23] It's not your fault.

[00:51:24] Oh, that person cheated or oh, that person cheated you.

[00:51:28] And all these excuses were built in for why my life didn't turn out the way I wanted it to.

[00:51:33] And no one was ever told the reason your life didn't turn out the way you wanted to is because you f'd it up.

[00:51:39] Yeah. Or you just you didn't put in the work.

[00:51:41] You didn't put in the work.

[00:51:43] And I know that sounds really harsh for people who feel like, well, the world screwed me or the world failed me.

[00:51:49] And, you know, for some of y'all probably did.

[00:51:51] But I've also seen just as many people overcome incredible adversity to do something phenomenal with their lives.

[00:52:00] So I just I cannot accept that we live in a world where a person is born without a chance.

[00:52:09] I feel like that's just that's what we see now.

[00:52:12] You know, it's every it's always someone else's fault.

[00:52:15] Those people will never self reflect and see that they put themselves here by decisions that they've made.

[00:52:23] Or I also want to say this.

[00:52:26] No one is ever entitled to anyone else's time and energy.

[00:52:32] No, there's a word.

[00:52:34] There's a word. It's not even just your boomer parents or whatever.

[00:52:38] You are not entitled to anyone's time and energy.

[00:52:42] You don't get to make that decision for anyone else.

[00:52:44] There's a word for that.

[00:52:46] Slavery. Oh, I mean, it's literally the definition of when you're taught somebody else's labor.

[00:52:51] I'm talking about I'm not.

[00:52:53] Well, yes, I know we're talking about running grandparents.

[00:52:55] I mean, grandparents running grandkids all over the place.

[00:52:58] But I'm talking about like if I'm emotionally drained at the end of the day and someone calls me and says,

[00:53:07] well, I need to talk to you.

[00:53:09] You owe me this or whatever.

[00:53:11] I don't I don't get they don't get to tell me that I have to now drain my cup even even more because they have a problem.

[00:53:21] You know what I'm saying? Does that make sense?

[00:53:23] What I'm saying? OK, I wonder if I'm making any sense.

[00:53:27] I mean, you make sense to me, but that could be because I'm becoming as crazy as you are.

[00:53:31] So well, I think you've just learned my language.

[00:53:33] So that could be a two.

[00:53:35] But like I said, I mean, so I think that's I think that's where a lot of this I think it's where a lot of this comes from.

[00:53:41] I think that there's a certain amount of I think that this grandmother suffering from a certain amount of just guilt that she and she and her husband couldn't couldn't keep up with the busy schedule.

[00:53:51] And that's that's on them.

[00:53:53] I feel like if they would have had this conversation with that family and said, listen, we just can't do this.

[00:54:01] If the family responded with what we don't expect you to, then OK, do you can and don't do what you can't.

[00:54:07] And if family said, OK, boomer, then, you know, might be time to shorten those apron strings up a little bit and take care of yourself.

[00:54:17] But on the flip side of things, I also look at I look at like my generation and the way my generation is parenting.

[00:54:23] And again, this is like not an individual indictment.

[00:54:25] This is just broad trends I see because I know just as many people none of this applies to.

[00:54:30] But I see a generation that is I see a generation that is indulging in things I don't consider to be healthy for the family or for the children,

[00:54:41] whether it's emotionally, psychologically, just physically health wise.

[00:54:46] And I I came into parenting.

[00:54:51] You came into parenting the same way we both came into parenting like we didn't do this naively and it wasn't an accident.

[00:55:00] We wanted to be parents and we both understood from the word go that this was an incredible responsibility.

[00:55:07] And I don't like to use the word burden, but I mean it's a burden.

[00:55:10] But it's something we took on willingly and we wanted this.

[00:55:13] And as a result, I feel like we've both we've both committed to being parents much like we committed being spouses and we take it very seriously.

[00:55:21] And I don't see a lot of our generation taking it that seriously.

[00:55:25] I see a lot of them prioritizing fun and easy and leisure and things like that over doing things in the way that's, in my opinion, the best.

[00:55:36] But at the end of the day, I'm going to go back to what my father told me about parenting.

[00:55:39] Your jobs prepare your kids to not need you anymore.

[00:55:43] So if if you are over tasking these children to the point where they're running from one thing to another constantly, they never have time to decompress.

[00:55:53] They never have time to just be kids.

[00:55:55] They never have time to you don't ever get to spend time with them as parents.

[00:56:00] And by the way, when they become teenagers, that's going to come back to haunt you because that's going to be a burden.

[00:56:05] Because that's going to be a time period when again, when we get to the point where we're at with our little chick and she starts pulling those apron strings back just a little bit,

[00:56:15] try to establish her own identity, her own independence.

[00:56:18] But if if the point you start at is we basically never talk to our kid already, then you don't know what's going on in their lives.

[00:56:26] I feel like with us, we've we work really hard to plant those seeds with our daughter that I fully expect that there are going to be things that she wants to try to work out on her own.

[00:56:36] But I also feel like she knows mom, dad are here if you want to talk to us.

[00:56:41] But again, I look at a lot of her peers and I see kids who are very entitled, very spoiled, do not know how to interact with adults.

[00:56:52] If they talk to their parents the way they talk to like some of you and some of your teachers and those parents aren't putting a stop to it, that's disgusting.

[00:57:01] I ask that question of some of my kids. Do you talk to your mom and dad like this? Do you talk to your parents like this?

[00:57:08] Probably. Sometimes they say, yeah.

[00:57:12] A lot of times they'll say no. And it's like, well, then you don't get to talk to me like that.

[00:57:17] You don't get to use that tone or whatever.

[00:57:20] But that's that's disgusting that a teacher has to be more of a parent than the parents are.

[00:57:26] Well, that's the generation we are in right now because the parents aren't being parents.

[00:57:32] No, they're being a taxi service and a buddy.

[00:57:34] A taxi service and the kids are being raised by coaches and teachers and everything else.

[00:57:40] And the Internet.

[00:57:41] And grandparents.

[00:57:42] Yeah. So yeah, I mean, I guess.

[00:57:45] I guess that really want to just be retired because they've raised their kids.

[00:57:51] You know, there is an old axiom that I quote every now and then carefully because it really offends some people.

[00:57:56] And I really don't care most of the time if you do a really crappy job at raising your kids, you get to raise your grandkids too.

[00:58:04] Mm hmm. Food for thought, guys.

[00:58:07] Are you telling me you're looking at me like one eye glance at the screen?

[00:58:11] Are you raising our child properly because you're going to be raising your grandchildren?

[00:58:15] No, I'm not. I'm going to teach my kid to raise her kids.

[00:58:18] That's the way this is supposed to work.

[00:58:20] But yeah, I think we're going to wind up with grandpups personally.

[00:58:25] I need to.

[00:58:26] Or grand cats.

[00:58:27] I have to do I have to do one thing before we end the show and they were on the table, but I don't know where they are now.

[00:58:32] So hang on a second.

[00:58:36] Well, everything on the table had to go to the floor so we could.

[00:58:40] OK, so I told my friend that I would I would plug their business because they are really good.

[00:58:47] She she kind of made the comment.

[00:58:50] This is my hairdresser, but her husband owns a company of it's called Royally Roasted Nuts.

[00:58:58] It's delicious. I don't know if you can see it.

[00:59:00] Maybe anyway, it's called Royally Roasted Nuts.

[00:59:02] And she made the comment I was getting my hair done and she said, I don't know.

[00:59:07] Are like nuts good for prepper food or can you can you put nuts away as you know in your food as a prepper?

[00:59:16] And I was like, yeah, you know, if you bag them the right way, I mean, whatever.

[00:59:23] Hypoxic environment, no UV.

[00:59:26] And if there's nothing on them except just nuts.

[00:59:28] Well, OK, so there is stuff on them.

[00:59:30] There's always things on these things.

[00:59:32] But for you know how we always talk about how I came in and it was like, look, dude, if we're going to hit the post apocalyptic time in our life, then you better have everything to make brownies.

[00:59:46] And that's why I have a brownie bucket now.

[00:59:48] OK, so I figured, well, why not?

[00:59:51] Why not these things as emotional support candy?

[00:59:56] All right. So these they make a whole bunch of different things.

[00:59:59] These are the cinnamon roasted pecans.

[01:00:01] My favorite. I love cinnamon roasted pecans.

[01:00:04] Every time we pass a Buc-Ease, I have to stop in and get cinnamon roasted pecans.

[01:00:08] It's a thing.

[01:00:09] But now I have them local.

[01:00:11] So anyway, I told her I would help their business.

[01:00:14] They are just now getting started and they do a lot of fairs and things like that.

[01:00:19] And so Royally Roasted Nuts.

[01:00:20] You can Google them.

[01:00:21] You can find them on Instagram and Facebook.

[01:00:24] So there you go, my friend.

[01:00:26] They're delicious.

[01:00:28] I had to stop eating them so that I could do through the plug today.

[01:00:32] Anyway, so go get your go get your nuts.

[01:00:35] They're not just they don't have just this one.

[01:00:37] They have like sweet and sour and everything.

[01:00:39] Bagel cashews.

[01:00:41] I don't know. They have all sorts of stuff, but you can order online or you can find some of their vendors and things like that.

[01:00:47] This wasn't on my bingo card today.

[01:00:51] I told you I was going to do it.

[01:00:53] That's why I had to stop eating.

[01:00:55] I forgot.

[01:00:56] OK, well anyway, anyway, like, you know, don't take this episode as an invitation to beat yourself up about your about your parenting and having to having to fall back on other people more.

[01:01:09] Take this as just like a moment to think about.

[01:01:12] Am I doing anything?

[01:01:15] Am I doing am I doing anything that is suboptimal, which is a really clinical way of saying, you know, quit being a lazy parent.

[01:01:23] But just saying, like I see a lot.

[01:01:26] I see a lot of our generation making some pretty obvious mistakes in parenting.

[01:01:32] And all I can tell you is like, you know, I know where Kyle works and he's seen the result of really bad parenting.

[01:01:39] Right.

[01:01:41] Absolutely. You can attest to that.

[01:01:44] If you work if you work in law enforcement, you get to see the results of poor parenting all the time.

[01:01:48] So if you don't want your kids to be in that boat or homeless or dopeheads or anything else, you know, maybe maybe don't give them a cheeseburger when they're misbehaving and, you know, install some consequences instead.

[01:02:01] But anyway, don't expect other people to dig you out of a hole you've dug for yourself.

[01:02:06] Anything else?

[01:02:08] No, just that we need to go swim to the grocery store.

[01:02:12] Yeah.

[01:02:13] So we all have a great rest of your weekend and your Sunday and thank you all for joining us today.

[01:02:18] Bye, everybody.

[01:02:19] Bye, y'all.