Surviving America 040: Mom

[00:00:07] Society in every state is a blessing. The government, even in its best state, is but a necessary evil. The future has already arrived.

[00:00:31] K-PASA PBN Family, we are outdoors again for Surviving America Episode 40 titled MOM. M-O-M, if you type M-O-M on a dial tone phone, you know that old school dial tone phone, you can do it on a cell phone too. But in order to type MOM on a dial tone phone, you have to type the number 666.

[00:00:55] I always used to laugh about that. I never quite understood how it fell that way, but it fell that way. Check your phone right now if you don't believe it. You know, you go to look mom's number up or look whatever the situation was. Dial it real quick. Weird one. That's a weird... That's one of those weird universal hang-ups. They gotta fix and figure out. I got a little something... I got a little...

[00:01:22] Sorry, everything's mirrored. Something for us for Inside the Cash back there. I am still marbling over sort of the Alpha and Omega of gears or whatever. Like... I'm really hung up on this crap survival gear thing. I think we could do some lengths in the pool on that one. But we are gonna talk about my mother. My mother passed away last week and it's...

[00:01:50] Look, everything that's ever happened, happened here. You know what I mean? I don't know... I'm not big on... Victimization. You know what I mean? I'm not big on like... Guess what? Woe is me. Guess what happened to me type of thing. Which... Dave Jones did me a real solid in coming on here and telling you guys that my mother passed away last week. He really did. You know what I mean? And it was his instinct. I didn't tell him to.

[00:02:18] You know, I told him to hop on and do me a favor. Let everybody know about... You know, what was going on with the fast and to get the fast up and running. Keep people motivated. You know what I mean? Because it's not easy. But you know, some people just know you. You know, and you know some people. Right? Some people in your life... And it's... Ooh, man. It's not a lot.

[00:02:44] But some people in your life want success for you at all costs. You know? For me... See, my life is radical and jumbled. Morning, Fire Wolf. Morning, Jay Fur. Thanks for joining us this morning. My life is so radical and so jumbled and different because... Largely because I have you. You know what I mean? I have a legion of people who are fundamentally out for my best interest.

[00:03:12] Our sponsors, a lot of people have told me in my lifetime, I want to see you have success. And for the average person, it's not that. You know what I mean? That is not typically the case. And in your parents and sometimes in your siblings and sometimes in your close friends, you have this sparse group of people who want you to succeed. They want you to do great. They want to see you do great things. They want you to live a happy life. You know?

[00:03:40] Dave Jones, Jay Fergie. These are people that are not blood family who I know without a shadow of a doubt are always behind me. And when you lose people like that, I think that's what makes it so hard. You know? Because for some people it's their parents and that's it. You know, you know when you lose a parent that you're losing someone who is behind the limestone of you,

[00:04:10] marching every single day, right? Like pushing you forward. And I think that's part of that thing. You know what I mean? That's part of that thing. And there's, it's hard to get people like that. It's hard to, for some people they have nobody like that. You know? It's part of my marathon mentality that I hope all of you can really take into consideration.

[00:04:39] You can't be the nice guy all the time. You can't make excuses for people having, making terrible decisions all the time. But I do try to apply my marathon mentality to people. Because I remember in the 18th mile of my own personal marathon, if you had saw me, if your first glimpse of me were in that 18th mile when I ran a marathon in 2019, you would be like, what's this guy even doing out here? What's the point? You know what I mean?

[00:05:08] Why is he even running this race? So I always look at people who are fucking up, for lack of a better word. And try to see the situation and wonder like, where are they at in their marathon? What kind of things has the world put, impediments and so forth, has the world put in front of them? I'm seeing them right here and now. I'm going, look at this moron. Why won't he get out of my way? Why won't he do this better? Why won't he do this faster?

[00:05:37] Why won't, why is he holding me up? And what I try to do more, and I think I'm pretty good at it is people call Christians call it extending grace. Right. But I always look at it as the marathon mentality. You know, is this guy on his 18th mile? Is this guy on his 22nd mile? Has it been one of those days? You know what I mean? Because the importance of that is we all get there. We all wind up there.

[00:06:04] We are all eventually in that situation, be it at the end of the day or the end of a hard week or the end, whatever it is where we're running on fumes, man. And we're not making our best decisions and we're not our best self. And I think it's important to remember that. You know what I mean?

[00:06:21] Just because you happen upon a person in a certain moment in your life and you're feeling good and you're going 100 miles an hour and you're locked in doesn't always mean that that person who's probably pissing you off is there too. You know, like I said, it doesn't apply all the time. Sometimes life is life and you're just a human being. Right. So you have those moments where it's like, I got to get around this guy or I'm going to lose my mind.

[00:06:48] I can't imagine what kind of a moron is acting this way, but I got it. I got to get away from it. But I always like to extend that grace and think about the fact that there's a lot of people in the world who have no support structure whatsoever. Who have, you know, having gone through this month of June PBN back like things don't happen to us. We are very careful. That's the best word for it. We're very careful.

[00:07:19] We're very, you know, proactive in our life. We take many precautions on lots of things. My wife and I are a great team at this, you know, so. In June, we lost our dog, which is a big deal for our dog people. You know what I mean? And then we went on vacation. Thank God. Without that vacation. I don't know. Right. So we went on vacation abruptly after that.

[00:07:48] And we did have a great time. And it was exactly what we needed because upon the return home, we lost my mom. And one of those things in a year barely happens to us. You know, rarely. We don't lose people close. You know what I mean? It just. And I know it's an inevitability and it's an age thing and all that kind of stuff. And days are coming for me. Just like our favorite stories.

[00:08:13] The poem that I wrote in Darker Trails called Our Favorite Stories that focuses on life as life and the people's lives around you as a collection of books and volumes on shelves. And everyone's life is an open book, right? And a story being told. And the biggest question for us all is where are we at in the story? Are we at the middle? Are we at the beginning? Are we at the end? Right.

[00:08:40] And in that poem, there's a stanza towards the end that talks about what happens when, as you age, more and more books start thudding closed. Right. So books, the story books slam shut. That's death. And they close and they continue to close and close. And you find yourself in this situation where all of a sudden books are closing more and more all around you. So I know, you know, it's a matter of time, a matter of timing.

[00:09:11] But that's a very rare month for us. You know what I mean? That's not something that we experience very often. And that's where I'm sitting here, July 1st. You know what I mean? I mean, reflecting on a month like that. What what in the hell exactly just happened? Because it is wild, you know, and we're two days away from celebrating the birth of the nation and celebrate. We must. Celebrate. We must, folks. You know what I mean?

[00:09:40] This is this is a critical part of being American because we have it feels like we have. Well, in California, there's a bunch of Fourth of July celebrations not happen. You shouldn't be surprised. It's California. Right. But there's a bunch of them that are being canceled and they're canceling many of them because they don't want people out on the streets for ice to come scoop up. Right. So better to stay hidden and locked in your home. They like that.

[00:10:09] That's that's a favorite move. Right. A favorite move of the radical left is to keep you in your house if you haven't noticed. Right. Think back to 2020. They love it. Stay in your house. Stay invisible. Something's coming to get you. Somebody or something is coming to get you and you better just stay in your house and stay quiet. Both the way we tell you to do what we want you to. Be a good little sheeple. And that's what we need out of you. And they love that.

[00:10:37] You know, they love get on social media, yell at people. That's what they want. Right. Sorry, the rain's kicking up and I don't want my gray man kit from Lima Tango to get too wet. We're going to talk about this item right here that is out of that kit. In today's show, you know, maybe. It's pouring down rain, but maybe. But that's OK.

[00:11:02] You know, you do a show for mom and if the world decides it must cry, then it must cry and you let it do its thing. The storms here have been tremendous. I mean, tremendous. I got a story for you. I hope I remember it. I hope I remember it because. It came from my father this morning and it's. I guess with the rain falling and the eerie story, we should go into. The life of an empath.

[00:11:31] The life of an empath, which was the life of my mom. And I'm telling this story this way. We're not making this an auto or a biographical account of every year of my mom's life. You know what I mean? What you need to know. Is whatever the hell I tell you. Right? Yes. So we're going to go into it as we go into it. But what's really interesting about my mother.

[00:11:59] Is that her life in many ways is a warning to some of you out there. She was very much through the veil. For those of you who are PBN fans, you might remember through the veil. It was a great sort of short run show that we created with Lisa T. Who escaped California and made it to Tennessee. I got to give Lisa a call or a phone call. Lisa, if you're watching, I apologize.

[00:12:31] But my mother was very much through the veil. She had a lot of people in the family that were through the veil as well. A lot of weird stuff. A lot of, you know. We come from southeastern Pennsylvania where there's not a lot of bullshit. You know, so you really got to prove when someone is through the veil. It has to be real. You know, it's not a it's not because they carry a pack of tarot cards around. Yeah.

[00:12:56] Um, but I think what what mom's superpower was was and I don't know if it was because she was through the veil or because she had lived a tough life growing up. But she was empathy to the highest order. You know, she was empathy to the 10th power. Not to the point where she was liberal. But I don't think that's empathy either.

[00:13:25] Empathy to the 10th power is a different thing, because, you know, that you have that overwhelming desire to want to help and to want to fix. Right. Because you feel one of the most scariest and darkest things my mom ever told me as she got older. And this is freaky, man, because my mom was freaky like there were weird. She could fix things. That you couldn't understand. And she was not a traveled woman.

[00:13:54] She was not an educated woman. You know, she largely spent the bulk of her life in Marcus of Pennsylvania. Trips to the beach to the New Jersey Shore. You know, I don't think she'd ever gone to New York. I don't think she'd ever gone. I don't she'd gone to Maryland before I moved when I moved. I forced them to get further south from time to time. But like this is what you're dealing. You know what I mean? But she was through the veil.

[00:14:22] One of the things that she told me over the last three years more than once is that she would have. And I don't have to tell you about the human trafficking and the child human trafficking and the pedophilia and the terrible things that are going on in our world. But a real my mom was always having reoccurring dreams. Always. You know what I mean? She was like living with the. A witch isn't the right word.

[00:14:53] It's through the veil is the only way I can say it that makes sense. Thank you, Lisa T for coining that. But. But the most terrifying dream that she would have a reoccurring was. She wakes up in the dream and she's in a place. No one's around. But these kids keep coming up to her.

[00:15:17] These little, little kids come up to her and they just look at her and she doesn't know how to help her. And it's different kids all the time. So, so if you can imagine for a minute. How crazy of a dream that is to have in a time like this. And it would happen time and time again. You know what I mean? She's she's she's in the dark. I don't know. Maybe she's out and about actually.

[00:15:46] I think she might be actually out and about in public. And. These kids come up to her. She don't know. She's never seen him before. They're not my friends. They're not kids. She knew when she was younger. These these kids from out of nowhere. They're just show up. And come tugging on her dress or come looking and staring at her. And she has no idea how to help. And, you know, then she tries to wake up on top of it all.

[00:16:18] That's as creepy as it gets to me. You know what I mean? That's it. Can you guys hear me well? Because, you know, it's pouring rain. It's literally pouring down rain. Let me know in chat if you can hear me if I got to go to a different place, because. I guess I should have expected as much. Right. But because mom was through the veil that way, she.

[00:16:44] You know, she was the ear for the family. She was the person that people in the family went to when they had problems. We weren't rich. And they didn't come to her for money. You know what I mean? They came to her for. Exactly what I'm telling. She would be on that telephone on that coiled line telephone. And people lamenting in the ear about, oh, how do I do this or how do I do that or what?

[00:17:13] You know, this is happening with with my family member that's happening with my family member. And. And. She was always there. You know what I mean? She was always there and she was always offering up the advice. And it was crazy because. And it was crazy because. Thank you, Jay. For. It was crazy because for a woman who was so. Limited. In her travels around the world and and in.

[00:17:42] In her education, she was. You know, my mom was super smart. And. She was so tuned in that she always knew what you should do. My dad and I would laugh about it. You know what I mean? We're laughing about it over the last few days thinking about that. Because he'd been everywhere. You know what I mean? My dad had been everywhere. He was in the military, all that kind of stuff. And. And. We're sitting there trying to figure out how the hell did mom always know what to do?

[00:18:11] You know, this. This very seat that I sit in getting poured down rain on right now. While it's not as cozy and comfy as a private office in the corner of some corporation. This very much is mom's doing. I crashed my car. Because I suck at driving, but I crashed. I'm better now the older I get, but. I crashed my car years and years ago. And.

[00:18:40] I wound up getting a check from insurance. For it. Because it was total. And. It was in that moment that I realized. I could move laterally. Into this writing business. From the profession that I was in. Because I had this buffer now. Oh, I got this buffer money. Wasn't a lot, but it got this buffer money. And. Should I do that? And of course. You know, who did I go to? Right.

[00:19:10] Who's the first person I call? Obviously I talked to my wife about it, but. As I was feeling this whole idea out. Who do I call? I call mom, right? Because. Mom. Who is not a writer. Is not a business owner. Is not a person who's ever made the jump from. You know, a career into a new career. Where you're. Solely dependent on your output as a writer. I went to mom. You know what I mean?

[00:19:39] And. I don't know. She didn't. She didn't break things down. In metrics. It was either she believed in it or she didn't believe in. She gave you what it was. Either it's going to work or it ain't going to work. And it wasn't a lengthy explanation on it all, you know? And that was it. She said, go for it. And. That is. That conversation along with, you know, the conversations I have with my wife.

[00:20:10] Are literally the reason I'm sitting here right now. They're the reason you know me. The way that you know. Because that set off everything in my life. And. It was so astounding. Like it was such an astounding moment in my life. That I threatened to write a book called. Crash your car. Quit your job and listen to your mother. Because that was exactly.

[00:20:40] How that chapter in my life went. And look. I'd be lying if I said I was sitting comfortably. You know. In a world where. I didn't worry about money or anything like that. But I do think it's a much better life than working for someone else. You know. There's no doubt about that. And. Yeah, it all came out of that conversation. Now I think we're.

[00:21:10] I think we're the advice for the rest of you out there who are deeply empathetic. That my mother would like to have left you. Is that. There is a limit. To what you can hear and what you can fix and what you can mentally deal with. Right. Because we all have our own problems. But mom was in there mitigating the rest of the world's problems on top. And.

[00:21:39] I really do think I don't know it for sure. But I really do think that. The weight of the world's problems. You know what I mean? The weight of people calling and. To sustain a lot. You know. The Buddhists say life is suffering because life is suffering baby. You can manage that in your own way too. But. Life is suffering.

[00:22:05] And when you're empathetic and you invite the lives of others into your world. You know. On a regular basis. Oh. You know the hubby's doing this. The wife's doing that. The kids are doing this. I gotta save this one. I gotta fix this one. What you invite. She had five siblings. 150 cousins. It was one of those families. You know what I mean? It all begins to fill this tank. It all begins to fill. A very limited space.

[00:22:36] And I do think that she. I think it got. Over full. I think the burden of an empathetic person is high as is. And I do think that it pushed her to the escape of. Drugs and alcohol. I do. I think that part of that escape. That would really affect her later life. You know, as I was sort of getting into my later teens.

[00:23:07] I always wonder about that. It's not like you get an email. You don't get an email and say your. Your storage is dangerously low. You better be careful, Mrs. Walton. Right? So. I do think that. She was determined to give everything. And. That doesn't mean you get all. That doesn't mean you can survive that. You know what I mean? That.

[00:23:36] That doesn't mean you can survive that. Firewolf Forge. Yeah, he's one of these guys. Be careful, man. You want to help. They're people you love a lot of times. But I'm telling you right now. There are hard limits. You know? There are hard limits. Because it's a deposit situation. I've deposited on my mother before. I know it. You've deposited on people before.

[00:24:06] Right? It is a deposit. You give something. And someone takes something. It's a reason you call. Right? And it's the reason people call you sometimes. You're giving a deposit. You know? And that deposit is emotional. And it's. It's like. Let me. Let me. Let me. Move something off my shoulder. And put your burden on my shoulder for the moment. And it builds up. You know what I mean? It builds up.

[00:24:35] And I think that's exactly. How it went. I think that's exactly how it went. It. If. If mom had to leave behind a warning. Those of you out there who. Are through the veil. And you know it if you are. You know what I mean? You feel the universe in a way that other people don't feel it. Then. Just understand there are limits. You know what I mean? It will overwhelm you. Or it can overwhelm you. And.

[00:25:06] You know. We don't understand that stuff anymore. We don't understand. The human's capacity for. Dealing with energies and dealing with. The burdens that people deposit on you. You know. They all. They all are something. They all take something. You know. So. That was. That was mom the empath. Talking to you through me. To give you that sort of heads up.

[00:25:36] Let's take. Let's take a break from that. And let's get into. Something a little more prepper related. Let's get into. What's inside the cash. And we'll talk about. We're going to talk about a lot of things in this inside the cash. But I'm going to show you this in particular. It's so hard to do this. Because this thing is sitting right here. In real life. It's sitting right here over my shoulder. But it's actually. Let's get into it.

[00:26:12] We're going to test. The. Waterproof capabilities of this little pack right here. Okay. There we go. The IFAC. Trauma kit from Lima Tango survival. Now. I'd be lying if I said you could buy these right here and now on their website. I'm pretty sure you can. If you can't. Email me. Or email them. And that will happen. Okay. You can. You'll be able to get your hands on just this site.

[00:26:42] This item. Comes from the gray man kit. Okay. The gray man kit costs 3 95. And you get not one. And you get not one. But two. Two. Bags. From Lima Tango survival in your gray man kit. It's a two person kit. All right. Now we're going to go over this thing in detail on family gear for sure. Um. But what I need you to understand about the gray man kit.

[00:27:10] It's 3 95 for two bags. Okay. And the bags are outrageous. Right. There are. Uh. Custom sized gloves. There. There's a Gerber strong arm. There's an IFAC. There is so much gear. There's a massive MRE pack. There's so much gear. You'll see it on family gear on the membership side. All the things that are in there. And then eventually we'll probably release that out to the YouTube audience. Um. But I just want you to see.

[00:27:40] Some of the things that are inside this pack. Okay. Because it's an impressive little pack. It's going to get wet here. Um. But it is what it is. Right. So we've got. We've got high quality. Uh. Pressure bandages in the bag. Naturally we've got tourniquets in the bag. Give me a sec. We've got chest seals in the bag. Okay. If you've never priced out.

[00:28:10] Tons of bandages. I don't want to take the bandages out. I don't want them to get wet. Okay. Um. Tons of bandages in there. Alcohol pads. Those kinds of things. I'm not going to rip this tourniquet out of here either. Because it'll probably be more of a pain to get in. But it comes with a tourniquet. So you've got chest seals. You've got tourniquets. You've got splint. Right. We've got other. We've got mylar. Uh. Mylar.

[00:28:38] We've got a variety of different sort of first aid implements. And in classic Lima Tango fashion this stuff is back sealed. Right. So if you're in a situation like I'm in right now. Look. This is why I get so excited about that. You've got antacids. You've got. It's a. It's quite the little kit. You know what I mean. But the beauty of it is. Back sealed. Um. Let me shove this stuff back in there. There's nothing worse than pulling things out. Putting things back.

[00:29:09] We've got medical tape. We've got pens. We've got. Uh. These. I don't know what they're called. But I've used them before. You know those. The tapes that are rigid. That you can wrap around bandages. And they just hold. It's non-adhesive. Um. Even earplugs in here. Which is kind of an interesting one. Safety pins. More bandages. Rubber gloves. Uh. And that is in this little. This little netted portion.

[00:29:40] You know the other thing to consider. With this pack. Is um. I took something out. And didn't put it back. The other thing to consider. With this pack. Is you have the ability. To not only use. What's inside of it. But. Oh so fire wolf. Calls it. Horse tape. That sounds. Horse tape. Okay. We'll go with that. Um. So.

[00:30:11] A kit like this. There's plenty of room. On top of it. Right. So if you want to add something to it. You can add something to it. Remember. There are iFacts. That go for almost $300. Right. Now they have a little more than this kit has. But. This. This. Comes with. The two bags I just showed you. You follow me. Like this. The. If you saw the video.

[00:30:40] Of the pack that I gave. A review on. I was like. It's not even. I'm not even gonna review that thing. It's so bad. The first aid kit is unbelievable. I mean. It's like. Dollar store. You know what I mean. This. This kit. Comes. Within these two bags. That come with hats. Bandanas. Real goggles. Real gloves. You know. Real tactical gloves. I mean. There's so much shit in there. But. Bandanas. And.

[00:31:10] That's not even talking about shelter. Real high quality shelter. Real. Food. It's. Lima tango is doing it guys. I don't know. I don't know. Of a better deal. On the market. I just don't know where you can get a deal like that. You're talking about three. Let's just say 400 bucks. Talking about $200 per bag pre-built. Pre-built with room. Right. Like this. This bag right here has room.

[00:31:40] You know. And this thing is. This thing is right there to about as heavy as you want it. But like I'm telling you. There's room. There are pockets in here that have nothing in them. So you can take a bag that's pre-built like that. And. Really make it your own. I mean. Really add the things that you already have to it. There's no radios in there. Obviously. You put your. T echoes in there. You put your mesh test. They can put your GMRS in there. Whatever you want to do. But they are well on the way. To creating.

[00:32:10] Right before I got. Right before I got on the air. I fell down the back step. And I mean it was bad. It would thank God. For physical fitness. Like if you think physical fitness is about. Muscles and stuff. The fall that I just had right. Coming down the steps. Because I got these crocs on. These God forsaken crocs. And when it rains. They have no. There's no grip. Right. But I had them on. I just said I'm going to go out here and do this show.

[00:32:40] And it's probably going to rain on me. So I don't want to put on. You know like. Good shoes. The fall that I had. Should have put. Me in the hospital. It was. I mean it hit right on my spot. I mean. The back step. The feet went out. The back came down on the step. The coffee cup goes. And I hit right on my spine. Knocked the wind out of me. And now my. Up here is hurting a little bit. But I'm telling you. Between stretching. And being strong.

[00:33:10] Having a strong body. You know what I mean. Muscles are your armor. Like. Most people don't walk away from that. And just go. Let's go do an hour live. You know what I mean. I'm telling you. It was brutal. It was absolutely brutal. I've fallen down those steps before in crocs. And for me. I'm not good at falling. I don't fall a lot. You know what I mean. I got really good balance. And it was rough. You know what I mean. It was. It was rough. It was literally. At.

[00:33:38] I went in the house to catch my breath. And came right back out. Hit record. Um. Because I was awake then. I'll tell you that much. Right. About. A thousand cc's of caffeine. And then. Bro. But. So that's. That's. That's inside the cache for today. A little more behind the scenes. Um. Now we have to talk about Dean R. Coons. A little bit.

[00:34:08] Now we have to talk about Dean. Right. Dean R. Coons. Something like that. I can't show you real. For a long time. Because I don't want it to get wet. Uh. I was never one to be like. I want. You know how some kids are like. I want. These things. From my parents. Because they're. They were part of my childhood. Or you know. Important to me growing up. The only thing that. I ever really wanted from my parents. And my mom gave it to me willingly.

[00:34:37] Was the collection of Dean Coons books. That I read all through middle school. Into high school. And into adulthood. Until you know. I still read Dean Coons today. I. There's not an author on the planet. I've read more from. Um. I haven't read a lot of Stephen King. So. I'm firmly in. The Dean Coons world. I don't know. It's just more my thing. But.

[00:35:05] This book right here. Because I hated school. You gotta understand. My mother hated school. I hated school. Like. The fact that I made it out of school. Is amazing. And my mother knew it. And my mother. She would always say. You would come home from school. And flop down on the couch. And you look like you just got out of the salt mines. That's what she said. She said. You look like you did a hard day in the salt mines. Um. Cause I hated it.

[00:35:35] You know what I mean? There was nothing. I mean it was good to be with my friends. And some good things came out of going to school obviously. But I hated every moment. I hated it. It was just not. Not the learning modality for me. So in fifth grade. Because you gotta remember like. This is the 1990s. There's no therapist. Mom's your therapist. You know. That's what mom was back in the day. Right? I hope you can. That resonates with you. But you had a problem. You talked to mom about it. It wasn't like mom.

[00:36:05] Mom take me to the therapist. I had a rough day. Or you know. Something's been bothering me. Right? And you know. She was therapy. Early morning therapy. Midday therapy. Late night therapy. It's like. You know. That was part of a mother's role back in the day. They didn't take you. To get a smoothie in the morning. And leave you with the. Leave you with the. The therapist for an hour and a half. So they could go do yoga. Right?

[00:36:35] So she knew. You know. She could tell. She hated school too. So she knew. You know. What she had. Brought forth into the world. And my sister hated it as much. Right? Um. So. Back in those days. You know. Your situation was your situation. It wasn't. Oh. Let's take Jimmy out and put him in a different school. Let's get him a tutor. Let's get. You know. We're trying to make rent. It's not. Or mortgage. Whatever. It's not. You know. You got to work with the hand you were dealt.

[00:37:02] And I think working with the hand that with your dealt makes way better people anyway. Um. At least more sturdy people. Right? They don't run to the therapist every time something gets ugly. But anyhow. All those years ago she gave me this book. Called The Fun House. And. This book changed my life too. This book is another big reason why. I'm sitting in front of you doing what I do. Because.

[00:37:30] After finishing The Fun House. I went on to read. 20 books probably. In. For the rest of my school career. The rest of my school career was time either spent. Uh. Trying to emulate Dean Koontz. And Shakespeare. In a notebook. When I was done my work. Or. Reading Dean Koontz. And. It was just a crazy world.

[00:37:59] That I didn't think existed in books. You know. It was. His is a crazy world. That. Was just my world. You know. It was sci-fi. It was. Uh. Terrifying. It was horror. It was brutal. It was real. It was. A lot of times it was love. You know. A lot of times the intensity. And the suspense in Dean Koontz books. Are built around. Relationship.

[00:38:29] You know what I mean. Love. Love between a man and a woman. Some kind of weird. Love situation. You know. And. It. It's one of those things man. It was a world that I just fell into easily. I say this with the most love. You truly were blessed. I never got that type of mother's love. Jay Fergie. And it's hard to believe. I will tell you that. You know. Jay Fergie is. A mother. In every sense of the word. And.

[00:38:58] It's weird that you can become that. And have struggles with your own mother. You know what I mean. Like it's weird that you can become that. Without. Day in and day out. The example of that. In front of you. You know. So. I mean. I've always thought that was impressive. Because I've known. A little bit about. You know. Your history with your mom. And I always thought that was such a wild thing. You know. To see someone who was so dedicated.

[00:39:28] But to have had no blueprint. You know what I mean. To have had no blueprint to get there. Would. My mother would read these novels at night. Late at night. She didn't sleep. You know what I mean. She was a. Late day. Late in the day sleeper. She slept in and stayed up late. And she would read these books. And what you do as a parent. Your kids see it all. And what your kids see. Of you. As a parent.

[00:39:58] Is. At least 10 times more important. Than what you say to them. You know what I mean. What you say to them. Can help. And can sort of drill itself in. But what you give validity to. And what you spend your time on. Is what your kids see. And. In many ways. It's what they become. Because. I didn't like to read. There was not.

[00:40:27] Probably since Animorphs. I didn't read much. Until Dean Coons. And I think a part of that was. I gotta see what the hell this is all about. Mom's up reading these books. All hours of the night. They gotta be good. She's got a TV right next door. She'd lay on the couch. TV off. Read the book. So to me. It was always like. There's gotta be something here. You know. She wouldn't be wasting her time. Pouring over these pages. She's reading this book. For some reason.

[00:40:56] And it added that validity to it. You know what I mean? Where I was like. Let me see what Dean's all about. And maybe one day. Maybe one day. I'll transcribe the book that I wrote. The horror novel that I wrote. In when I was like 20 or 19. When I was really heavily into Dean Coons. I wrote it. And published it. And that kind of thing. And. It never really saw much.

[00:41:26] You know. I didn't know what I was doing back then. So I didn't know how to promote it. And it's long been out of print. And the way I wrote. Published it to save money at the time. It's. It's unreadable. You know what I mean? I wanted to minimize the amount of pages. Because it costs money per page. So I made the writing real tiny and small. It's a big book. But. Maybe one day. You'll get to read Danvers Lights. And see what that's all about. But fundamentally getting into that.

[00:41:56] That began my reps. You know how I always tell you. Everything is reps. Like. Reading Dean Coons. And going. I wonder if I could do something like that. Really put me in a position. Where I started putting the reps in. I started filling notebooks up. With stories of my own. And that kind of thing. And all those years ago. You know we're talking. Sixth, seventh, eighth grade. All the way up through there. This writer was. Taking place. Or. Taking root. You know what I mean? And.

[00:42:26] Largely. I was dedicated to being a chef. But in the background. That writer just never went away. Um. You know these things. These things. These things that parents do. You know what I mean? These things that parents do. That guide you. It's an amazing thing. It's an amazing thing. Probably one of the reasons. My 10 year rule came up also. Right. I understood the effect. I understood the effect.

[00:42:55] That parents can have on kids. When they're around. And that. That sort of 10 year rule of mine. Which is. You know. Really try to be there. As much as you can. For the first 10 years. You get a lot of attitude. And a lot of. Disconnect. After that. It's better than I thought it would be. But you know. It's very different. You know. You. When you get to hang with your. Four year old. Five year old. Six year old. It's a very different beast. Than when you hang with your 13 year old. You know what I mean? Dad. What do you want to do? And.

[00:43:25] And. Let's be. War fighters today. And let's. Go. Here. And do this. And. You know. Show me. Show me. Tell me. Listen to me. Just us in the world. I think that's a lot of what it is. I think that's a lot of what it is. When they're that young. It's just you two in the world. And. It's no stress for the kid. But if the adult can figure out how to make it just those two in the world.

[00:43:55] That's the magic. You know. That's the magic. So. Yeah. I don't know. I think the. I think the lessons that I learned from mom over all the years were so vast. That it's hard to believe. That it's hard to believe. They came from a woman from Marcus. So who never left. Who dropped out of high school. You know what I mean. And. And. You know really became an institutional cook.

[00:44:25] And. A mom. You know. And her empathy. And her. Her power through the veil just. Really guided. Us all. In many ways. You know. And I spent a lot of time wondering like how. What makes the loss so powerful. What makes the loss so taxing on you. And it really is that. You know. Is that you. You only have a hand of people in your life.

[00:44:54] Who really are behind you. It's. It's a small hand. That you are dealt. And. When one hits the discard pile. It's. You feel it. You understand like. And like I said. I'm in a unique position. Because I've got a ton of people out here. Watching me right now. Listening to this. Who will listen to this podcast. See this broadcast. And I know many of you. You've emailed me. You've reached out. You. You want success for us here at PBN. And for me. And I'm so grateful for that. Because it's.

[00:45:23] It's non characteristic. Of. What life is for the average person. What the course of life. For mortal men is in this world. Right. And women. But. Yeah. Now. I'm going to end it with a. Through the veil tale now. Again. Hats off to Lisa T. My mother. Was an owl. Everywhere else.

[00:45:54] Every. Shelf. Hanging on the walls. The whole nine yards. Right. You. Birthday comes around. Let's get her now. You know what I mean. That kind of stuff. Like. Just totally. It was her. A spirit animal. They would say nowadays. Right. Nowadays. You say mom. Spirit animal is an owl. Back in the day. It was just something you could say. You didn't have to explain everything back in the day. Oh. She likes owls. Okay. You know. My grandmother liked clowns. Okay. You didn't. We didn't. We didn't. Therapize and try to psychologically figure.

[00:46:23] Why is it that thing. You know what I mean. It didn't matter. She likes. She likes out. Okay. Simple. We're so. Everything is jumbled in the brain. Let me figure out how and why. And what's the. What's the past trauma. What's the. I try. It's half the reason we're all going insane. Right. You got to figure everything out. My dad calls me today. This is a little through the veil. He's got a garden of his own.

[00:46:52] He's been battling rabbits in the garden for a little while. I think we got it pretty well under control. But he calls me today. And he says. I had to call you. I found a rabbit. Carcass. In the middle of the yard. And it was decapitated. And right of the way. Like right away. I like lose my breath. You know what I mean. And those of you out there who know. You know. And I'm just going.

[00:47:22] Unbelievable. He goes. What the hell would do that. What is that. He's thinking anything. You know maybe somebody did it threw it in the yard. Maybe it was a coyote whatever. And I was like dad. I've had it happen to my chickens. That's. It's an owl. That's what owls do. They'll decapitate. You know. They're prey and take the head. And. You know. Who knows.

[00:47:52] That's what I'm going to leave you with. Who knows. It's through the veil. That's all I can say. It's been a fun show folks. I'm kind of amazed. I held it together. I do appreciate you. And. Please support. Our sponsors. Prepper Broadcasting Network. And so on. We are still running the promo code B2 for. For. Membership. But. I'll spend the rest of my life wondering about that damn owl.

[00:48:22] That took care of that rabbit for my dad. That's a wild one. So. Don't be in the損. Reminder. Just. ker into the. I can't just see. I'm talking. You guys. You guys. You guys.