Giovanna Silvestre: Calm Within Chaos

[00:00:03] You're listening to PBN, your path back to stability.

[00:00:11] Welcome in PBN family. We have an amazing guest tonight. We're gonna have a great time. We're gonna have a very interesting talk. And I want to thank Giovanna for joining us tonight. Thanks so much for coming on. It was, I guess I'll explain the timing story real quick because I think it's important.

[00:00:52] We were looking for people. I mean, not unlike yourself, literally a week before you sent me an email and said, hey, you had the common chaos kind of thing in your in your verbiage actually I think you might have said the common chaos exactly. And I said, you know, this is like kind of crazy that you showed up at this time, because we were just starting to broaden our horizons with people we wanted to bring on guests and all that kind of stuff.

[00:01:18] So I wound up with the, the confused girl in the city on our show tonight. Thanks for coming on. You know, I, what I really love about the confused girl in the city title is the, I don't want to say bravery because that word sucks and has been ruined right a little bit but it is that you know I really love it particularly in like our prepping world Giovanna, like there's people that are like, you know, I got all these things.

[00:01:48] And I know all these things that I could do all these things if things go really bad. But what I really love is when people are like, I tried a thing, and it failed immensely. And I always feel like the audience loves that stuff so and people are so unwilling to admit that. Like people like, like confused girl in the city is one of those things that you would not hear a lot of people admit to you know that even that word confused in general.

[00:02:12] Like, how did that how did you how did you sit down and write the book did you write the book and you get the title first. Well, I got that I got the title first the book came quite a bit later. And think by the way, thank you so much for saying that everything you said about confused girl because that was completely the intention behind it was to be authentic and real about how I was feeling which I was confused. And I think as we all are.

[00:02:42] No one admits it right no one will admit it. Yeah, I got it wrapped up. I'm good. Yeah, nobody wants to admit it. It's like, we want to nobody comes out of the womb with a manual on your life. Okay, I mean, I wish I came out of you know, my mother with a manual on how to do life like that would be a great avoid these people do not enter into this business venture. Oh, my God. Yeah, red flashing lights.

[00:03:11] Yeah, that would be really great, you know, but none of us have that so we literally I kind of look at life now is one big experiment and adventure. And it's, for me, it's kind of like, I got to know who I was, and then I was able to find my purpose.

[00:03:31] And then now I've really been able to enjoy the ride, instead of, you know, feel bad about the setbacks and feel bad about myself and feel like I'm not doing enough or I'm not good enough. It's like I've been able to move past those feelings now. And that's, that's where that's where the name came from. I fell into I worked in Hollywood for quite a few years, and I got pretty high up. And I decided I didn't want to do that anymore.

[00:04:00] People were crazy. And then I thought my parents had an Italian restaurant, three hours north of Los Angeles in California, a really successful Italian restaurant. So I thought, okay, I'll take that over. And I was there for almost two years. And I was miserable. The restaurant business was not for me. What did you do?

[00:04:29] That's my background. Oh, really? Are you serving or working in the back of the house? Like, I mean, owning a restaurant, you do everything. So I, if they needed help on the bar, I was bartending. I was seating. Oh, okay. The only thing I didn't do was cook. I was never like in the kitchen. But even if, like, even if they needed dishes washed, if the dishwasher didn't go up, like you had to do that. You know, it's just, you do it all. You do it all. Yeah. Oh, for sure. Definitely. Definitely.

[00:04:59] Hey, but restaurant works a good place to learn about yourself. You definitely learn like, you know, I like these kind of people and not so much these kind of people. You know, I won't tolerate this, won't tolerate that. Because people are rough in the restaurant business and hospitality in general. Yeah. So totally, totally rough. And you also have to know how to navigate certain personalities. It's so interesting. Oh, yeah. My mom and I actually started believing in the phases of the mood because of working in the restaurant.

[00:05:29] Oh, I could definitely see that for sure. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Just patronage coming in and how they're behaving. Yes. Regulars. I'm sure you had a ton of regular. Oh, yeah. We got a ton of regulars. Actually, a really fun regular was, did you see The Godfather 2? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. You know, the senator that didn't like Italians? Sure. Yeah. So he actually would come into our restaurant every week with his wife. I mean, he was a very old man. Oh, same guy?

[00:05:58] The actual guy? Yeah. The actual guy. Oh. That part as the senator in Godfather 2. And he would always tell me, I was in high school at this time when he, because when I was in college, he actually passed away. But I was in high school and I would serve him in the restaurant and he could always tell me, oh, we just got back from the Coppola's winery in Napa. And I was like, I love these stories so much. So was it an actor?

[00:06:28] Did he really hate Italians? No, he actually loved Italians. Oh, okay. I mean, he came into our restaurant every week. We were an Italian family, so you had to love us to come and eat at our place. Well, I don't know. Some people come in. I feel like some people have come into restaurants that I've worked at just to terrorize people, honestly. Some clients are rough. Yeah, no, it's true. It's true. But I would say you get more good than you get bad. Oh, definitely. You just remember that.

[00:06:56] And then the bad ones are the ones that are most likely going to write the reviews. Because if someone has a good experience, they're not going to write, you know, that's actually really difficult about the whole. That's when I realized that the whole reviewing thing is just such a scam. And now restaurants pay companies to do fake reviews about them. Good reviews to like combat. Is this happening? This is a real thing? Oh, yeah. Wow. Well, yeah.

[00:07:22] Restaurants like pay services to write reviews for them. But I mean, also, I think, you know, restaurants now will say, hey, if you will give you free dessert, if you if you write us a good review. Yeah, that makes sense. You know, I think they do that stuff. But yeah, they still like hire out, you know, that was a thing. You kind of had a little PR firm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. PR. Yeah. It's funny.

[00:07:49] Actually, one time as like a part time gig, I would contact restaurants because because I knew what our restaurant went through. I would contact other restaurants. This is when I was back in L.A. And jobs in the entertainment industry. I said, listen, I'll write reviews about your restaurant. But, you know, you can pay you have to pay me 20 bucks per review or something. And I got business. Oh, I could definitely see that. Yeah, for sure. That's not a bad hustle.

[00:08:21] What were the places you went to? Did you just get like the menu and look? Yeah, it was like just the menu. And then I contacted them in L.A. So I kind of knew these restaurants anyway. And so I was able to do like a pretty authentic. Makes sense. Like anything else, right? Yeah. Yeah. From Hollywood into the restaurant industry, getting steward in both, I'm sure. Right.

[00:08:51] And then I was just really unhappy and I came back to L.A. And I felt just like a broken person. I was like, is there nothing that's going to make me happy? And what I realized, I fell into a depression. And what I realized was that the reason why I wasn't happy is because I didn't even know who I was. And I didn't even know what I liked and didn't like. And I hadn't explored me.

[00:09:16] I had been too concentrated on what I thought I should do or what I thought would look good or what would look cool or what like, you know, the entertainment. And what other people wanted to see. What other people wanted to see, you know, making my family happy. And and so and the thing is, I mean, besides your family, your family cares, but other people don't care. They're too concentrated on their own lives to really care too much about yours.

[00:09:44] And I realized that, too. And I was like, OK, I have to stop caring so much about what other people are thinking of me. That's actually none of my business. And I need to I want to think good of me. I want to be I want to wake up every day and feel good in my skin and be happy just because I exist. Not happy because I have a new boyfriend. Not happy because I have more money. Not happy because I have a new car or bag or whatever.

[00:10:14] I want to be happy just because I'm happy with myself. This is very hard. It's a hard thing. It was an age. It was very hard. The thing about me and this is probably why I've been able to do so many things and and be pretty successful at them. It's because I do have a I'm very focused and very determined. OK, got a little tunnel vision.

[00:10:43] Yeah, I got like a lot of tenacity. You need it. Yeah, you got to have it. I mean, going to be successful. You got to have it. Yeah. Around that. And I wouldn't say when I because when I think of tunnel vision, I think like you're just I know what I know. I know. I know what you're saying. That's what I wanted to say, too, was tunnel vision. But I'm I'm I have a full vision, but I'm like I'm like bullseye. I want to hit the mark. Like I see. Good periphery. I want to hit this mark.

[00:11:13] Yeah. And I and I think maybe because my you know, my dad was an immigrant from Italy and he was such a hard worker and he had so much. And, you know, he he became successful like the American dream. And I think growing up with him, I just kind of also had that courage just to go after what you want. Yeah, that's it. I mean, a lot of people have it. I know. I know. I know. I know.

[00:11:50] I know. I know. I know, it's like I'm going to do this crazy thing. I know. Because that's what makes the world fun. Right. Well, exactly. And it's like, it doesn't really matter what you're doing as long as you're enjoying it and you're not hurting anyone. So if you love like my friend, she works. Most people don't like corporate jobs. I would not survive in a corporate job. It'd probably survive like two hours and be walk out. But, you know, she actually really likes it.

[00:12:21] And she, you know, has this really huge personality and she just likes being around all these people. And she's really she's works at a huge accounting firm and she really likes numbers and math and stuff. So she's happy. Hey, mine, that would be my nightmare. But that is her joy. So it's like the point is and this is my books about all of this, everything we're talking about.

[00:12:43] But my my book is about take your confusion and put it as fuel in your self-discovery journey and figure out what makes you gleeful and happy and and then do that. And that can be whatever it is. It could be being a teacher. It could be being an accountant. It could be an author, an actress, a farmer. What do you know? But we're not here for that long. That's my message, Shavonna.

[00:13:13] I say that so much. My audience probably hates it. Like time's running out. Time is running out, baby. You got how many more years do you got? You know, it's crazy. And they go faster and faster. The older you get. Yeah. Yeah. And it's so crazy because when somebody I think really significant in your life dies, it's a real.

[00:13:35] Oh, yeah. Cancer. And he was super healthy guy. Didn't smoke. But cancer. Cancer comes, man. I know all too well. You know, and then to see also the decline of a man who is so active, so healthy. I mean, he would go on like a six mile run and then go play soccer.

[00:14:04] And then the next day go take his bike out. And, you know, he was like a cyclist. Loved to cycle. And you could see him not be able to do any of that anymore. And then pass away. And it's like, wow, it goes by like that. So do the things that are in your soul to do. Because you really, it's a blink of an eye in the whole. Oh, yeah. Do it all. Yeah, it is.

[00:14:32] It's a short dance in the sun for sure. Yeah. And that's it. Yeah, and we barter a lot of time for things in life. We barter a lot of time for things we don't want to do. And, you know, some of it's essential, right? There's work that has to get done no matter what. Just part of life. But there are a lot of choices you can make throughout each and every day where you gain some time to do the important stuff. You know, but that's why I like your message about, you know, accepting who you are.

[00:15:01] Because I know I said it's not easy. It's really hard. You might be better at conveying it. But it's really hard to convey to people. Because some people even think that they are who they want to be. And they're probably like in the situation that you were. You know what I mean? Like really succeeding, like hitting the bullseye. But not even knowing, like, this isn't really what I want to be doing. But I'm good at it. Or, you know, I'm having success.

[00:15:30] So it feels like this is who I want to be. I always feel like if you're not, like, moderately embarrassed about how you want to spend your time. And that you're not quite there yet. Like most of the things I want to do are like, I don't really want to tell everybody what I'm doing right now. You know what I mean? Like I have a little table over there where I paint little toys. You know what I mean? And it's one of these new things I'm doing that I just really like.

[00:15:58] And I don't really care how dorky it is. And luckily I'm married to a woman who also doesn't care. So that's huge. But, you know, it's like that, though, right? Like when you find the things that you really like, it's not always like everybody goes, dude, that's cool. Like you want to work on classic cars and make them go, you know? Yeah. It's usually something like kind of dorky or kind of weird. You know what I mean? But you love it. Yeah. That's a good metric, I guess.

[00:16:23] I don't know if you have any metrics like in that ballpark where you can kind of gauge and be like, I am doing what I want to be doing. I can tell, you know? Because it's hard. Well, I think so much of where we put an emphasis and where I put a lot of emphasis to before was like career. Like, you know, what am I going to do for the rest of my life career-wise?

[00:16:46] And that's become such a big, big part of everybody's focus on, you know, they're trying to pull their happiness from it. And they, their identity is attached to what they do. They don't have any identity outside of that. And I just think the world is so much bigger than just what you do for work, you know? Sure, yeah. So, for instance, like what you were saying, like you paint little things, whatever.

[00:17:16] Warhammer. Warhammer. It's, like, that's probably, just the mere act of, like, painting and sitting there and doing that is a very peaceful, it's, like, meditative. Sure. It is definitely that. You know, and so I think everybody needs to have something like that, which is great if you, you know, I say, if you have a career that you want to go after and do, do that.

[00:17:45] Because, again, time is short, like we said, like, go after it. I mean, I'm going after what I want to go after. But even if, let's say, you don't, right, I think it's important to have, like, little joys within your day. Like, for me, I've been spending, I kind of spent a lot of time alone this winter. And what I realized about spending a lot of time alone, which I think is so cool, is when I go on walks, because I love to just go on walks.

[00:18:13] That's something that just makes me, my anxiety goes away. I feel peaceful. I connect with myself. And I'm noticing these beautiful flowers. I'm noticing these amazing things. Because I've been spending a lot of time alone, it's like I'm very quiet with inside myself. And so when we go out into nature, I'm like, whoa, this is so pretty. Like, it's like almost being on a little bit of a psychedelic, you know.

[00:18:43] Look, this is such a, I mean, if you haven't, like, gone through this stuff, then it is really, probably sounds really weird and almost kind of silk. But, like, it really happens. In 2020, I really, like, kicked up into meditation big time. And I really slowed things down in my life. And that was, that stuff that you're talking about is exactly what happens. You explain it to a T.

[00:19:12] You're like, I never even knew that was there. You know what I mean? This bush of flowers or this tree or what, you know, we, because we forage and we do all this stuff in the wilderness, like, we spend a lot of time in the woods. And a lot of people that listen to this podcast do that. And I guarantee you're walking by something crazy that you're on your way to doing what you think you've got to do that you're missing. But the way you brought that up about seeing the flowers is, like, you know, because you can see a flower.

[00:19:40] And then you can, like, look at each petal. And then you can look at, like, what's going on in the petal itself and the different colors. And it gets crazy. But that's exactly what it is. And I'm glad to hear you say that because not a lot of people get it. You know what I mean? Like, some people you could say, like, look at the flowers. And they're like, I'm looking at damn flowers. Like, what do you want me to do? You know? I got a meeting in, like, you know, 30 minutes. Let's just walk in. Exactly. Exactly.

[00:20:09] And I don't know if you could really appreciate the big things in your life if you don't appreciate the small things. I think the small things are the essence of life. And I think it's super important to figure out the things that you enjoy doing. And maybe that's golfing. Maybe that's, you know, swimming or hiking, whatever. And, you know, to do those things.

[00:20:38] And when you're doing those things, like, really connect with yourself. I think we are in an era of, like, major connection. Like, we need to connect with ourselves. It just feels, for me, like the world is pushing us in that direction. Because a lot of us are a lot more isolated. And, like, people aren't coupling as much as they used to. True. Yeah. And so you are spending more time by yourself. But people aren't kind of utilizing that.

[00:21:08] They're on their phone all the time. Or the news. Or, you know, and it's like. Like, send it up. And it's like, just spend, literally, 10 minutes meditating. Or 10 minutes on a walk with just your thoughts and connecting with yourself. And it's really, your world is going to start to shift and become a lot more magical. And you're going to be a lot more happy. Just with, like, 10 minutes a day of connecting with yourself. Yeah. I think you have to. I don't know how to do it.

[00:21:37] But I think you have to get people to hit the brakes on life. Some. I don't know how to teach it or how to tell people to do it. But that's what it was for me. For me, it was. There was a pace that I was living life. The, like, in and out of traffic, screaming at cars pace. You know what I mean? And you've got to, like. Before you can do any of this looking and appreciating. It really felt to me like I've got to slow way down. Because you have to take the time to see the thing. You know?

[00:22:06] And if you're always in, like, what's the next thing? What's the next thing? Then it's like, oh, that's Penn. Okay. And, you know, and on to the next thing. But what's super valuable, Giovanna, for me was the way I looked. I started looking at those flowers was also the way I started looking at my kids and my wife. You know? So, and my kids in particular, because they were little. So, they would do a bunch of stuff that is like, I don't know what you're doing right now. It looks cool. It looks safe. Keep doing it. You know what I mean?

[00:22:32] And then when you slow stuff down, you can be like, let's talk about what you're doing, man. Tell me about what you're, you know what I mean? And you really start having, like, conversations with people again. Because when you have kids and you have career and all that stuff, it's just like, you know what I mean? Like, when can I go to bed? And that kind of stuff. Yeah. Yeah. And I go down into, because the other thing that's, the thing that's really scary, Giovanna, like, life is scary because it's going to end. You know what's going to end.

[00:23:00] You know what's going to end? And then he's like, oh, yeah. And I'm going to end up in the world. And I just want to get out of the house. but all the time all the time before that is if you have the time to enjoy it and if you know how

[00:23:28] to enjoy it is it's there's no better time in life i mean for me you know i have two boys it's just been insane you know and but it's that same mentality like double the it's it's the second coat of paint on on the wicked time you know what i mean that's coming for us all so yeah to slow down like you talked about it's it's the key man it really is and i'm i'm so happy that you've gotten to that place i think um a lot of times to be able to get to that place you you

[00:23:58] have to go through a period of like suffering or pain i know oh yeah for me what woke me up to this was because i was like the total opposite i was never stopping and smelling the roses i was like i was like a little bulldozer bulldozing my way through life and nothing was good enough and i was like a glass with no bottom it's like you could pour the whole yeah empty and that's such an awful

[00:24:24] feeling is you know even accolades didn't make me happy anymore even pretty or something didn't make me happy anymore it's like nothing anymore it was just like it was all meaningless because i didn't feel good about myself and so and then that's where the confusion is too it's like okay well then what is life why am i here what's my purpose how do you feel good you know is joy and gratitude and these

[00:24:50] feelings that would be so great to experience here on earth and feel you know more than not like how do i do that how do i feel that so what's so great about being confused is that you start to ask yourself these questions and you start to figure things out and who knows where that can lead you like for instance something happened with you right where you're like what am i doing like what what is life

[00:25:18] i'm just kind of running through life and i have these little kids and pretty soon they're going to be grown up it's like if i don't enjoy this now it's just all gonna pass me by and you know and so and then you you kind of like okay well you know i'm gonna shift this because i don't want to wake up one day and go oh my gosh i was so annoyed the whole time they were growing up and i never really got to enjoy it that's perfect because that's exactly what it can be it can definitely be i'm so annoyed

[00:25:47] all the time and then they're adults and you're like oh god because that's scary to me i don't know if you have like you have like you have uh like a bucket full of regrets or are you afraid of i'm always afraid of regrets like i'll kill myself to avoid a regret you know what i mean like whatever it takes i'm gonna do it because i don't want to look back and be like you should have done that dude that wasn't that hard most of the time it's not you know maybe maybe if i had kids you know um i think

[00:26:17] you're so concerned about their well-being and you're hoping you're not going to mess them up that i think maybe you'd be like oh i should have done that i think i think if i had kids maybe i would be scared of that but with myself i really have gotten to this place i have a lot of self-compassion self-love so i go i don't even i i don't i guess i don't really regret because i do go after the things

[00:26:45] i want i know i'm like a decent good being that's always trying to do good and when i mess up i apologize i try to take ownership and shift it and um so yeah no no no regrets i don't that's good that's a good trend that that yeah no i mean that's good they have seemed like a thing to avoid just based off of

[00:27:11] watching people get old and wither away which i've seen like my handful of oh i i wanted to say i wanted to say um and actually i think another reason why i don't have regrets is because i actually don't believe in failure i explain that because i've failed a lot you don't actually think failure

[00:27:33] exists i think it's a it's a perspective and so what's really happening is not that you failed it's that whatever you did didn't meet your expectation so like for instance i started my uh yoga wear line and for like five years you know when i hustled hustle tussled i worked part-time jobs get off the ground and it was incredible got off the ground it was making me a living for like

[00:27:59] five years something that i literally like cool idea yeah crystal inspired yoga pants i mean yeah want those definitely the tethering together of two worlds that were really kind of close already you know yes yes and i also started it before i started it over a decade ago so it was before yoga was so mainstream and everybody was making yoga gear so i was definitely an og of the yoga leggings

[00:28:27] and um so i i so it was a successful for like five years and then so much competition entered the market and it is so it started to not be able to um financially support me like before yeah i was definitely i was definitely bummed out you know when i had to veer and and go in different directions but i never looked at it like a failure ever i mean five years in business

[00:28:56] supporting yourself is definitely not a failure right but even you know i feel like it's just the nature of doing business like you can't expect like i created a business that's gonna outlive me just because it's so cool you know five years is really something to be proud of business it's tough i think it is and but my expectation was so high i mean i thought i was gonna have stores all

[00:29:20] over america and i was gonna have a huge office in los angeles with 300 employees you know i just got you now i'm seeing the full picture i get it you know i i was going for the gold here okay and um and i so that didn't happen but i still i was like oh my gosh this has given me so much opportunity because because the the um active or live is doing really well for two of those years

[00:29:49] i lived abroad and i wrote my book so it gave me the opportunity to write my book and so and even like i did this silly thing during covid i bought like 500 pilates rings from china and i thought oh i'm gonna become a seller on amazon i had no idea how difficult the amazon market is now

[00:30:12] and that i don't know about any of it and so i lost about six thousand dollars which for me it was like a lot of money and and i but even then i didn't beat myself up as a failure i i learned and i said you know what you never are going to do anything again where you are not a hundred percent excited and invested in it because it doesn't work for me if i'm not a hundred percent excited and invested in it

[00:30:39] it doesn't work when i am excited and and invested it works so and so i don't even look at that as a failure i look at that as like a great learning lesson to now you know really that that kind of guides me because my book right now is being published and it's going to come out in two months but i'm like okay what else should i do what else should i start now and then i go no no no no no

[00:31:05] no no no let's just just just enjoy this and doing the pr for this and this right now because remember if we go into other things that that we're not a hundred percent in it doesn't work for you yeah yeah my audience right now is going listen james listen to what she has to say because i am the guy with 40 different irons in the fire all the time and sometimes i'm like uh-oh that iron is

[00:31:31] burnt i gotta get rid of that one that didn't work out so yeah that's it's that's a hard thing for me to do it's very hard for me to just be like i'm gonna do a podcast today and i'm gonna do it the best way i can and i'm gonna be done that's really hard i like that i you know one thing that's interesting about hearing you talk about uh your experiences is in terms of like not believing in

[00:31:55] failure is when you lay them out and i listen i don't hear failure at all which is kind of funny but when you know when you're in your own head it's real easy to be like well that was a failure you know what i mean that's why i don't believe in failure because it's a perspective like if somebody told me their greatest failure i'd be like well what did you learn i think actually the only failure would be not learning anything and yeah i've done some of

[00:32:21] that too though more than once you're like oh i'm doing this again crap i've been on this trail before but still it's still not a failure because you're getting closer to the gold no it's true you know it's like when you date the wrong person over and over and over again right exactly and you're like wow here we go again okay you need to keep like burning your hand on the stove before you realize

[00:32:48] that you don't want to do that anymore yeah look i mean we all have those things in our life i feel like right those things that were like you either think you're never going to overcome it or you you net you think you're never you know going to stop doing this dumb thing and then one day hopefully i mean a lot of people do it one day it's like oh i don't do that anymore you know or i stopped making that same mistake or i stopped you know whatever stopped dating that same person and then all of a

[00:33:13] sudden it's like wow that's crazy just came to an end no it's no it is really cool when that happens like i i remember i i every guy was like a narcissist and i didn't even that was before that it worked everyone everyone was using the word narcissist that is the word now isn't it i don't i knew what it means but yeah but yeah the way i look at narcissism is somebody that um

[00:33:41] lacks empathy can't take accountability and if you do it's like it's like a manipulation they don't they're just saying sorry just to get you to move on but then you're always back at square one if you're always finding yourself back at square one with somebody there's a there's a problem there but um so dangerous world out there in the dating game isn't it jovanna it's oh my gosh it's a it's a

[00:34:06] thing i found myself like i don't know why this is i found myself listening to all this stuff about dating like two three years ago no married for like years and years you know what i mean not interested in any of it but very interested in it like listening to what guys are going through right now girls are going through right now listening to podcasts about it and being like

[00:34:33] wow like it's a lot well i think you know no it is and i think why it's so interesting is because you're seeing a huge cultural shift because when i was growing up when you were growing up everybody was married like and you thought that's what you were going to do too like you just there was no whether it wasn't like oh that was the path yeah yeah it was like i never even thought i knew i wanted

[00:34:59] to go to college i knew i wanted to travel but i never thought i wouldn't get married and have kids i would i never even thought of that as an option it was like oh you're gonna get me you're gonna find the love of your life you're gonna find your prince turning right yeah happily ever after and you're gonna have kids you're gonna have a house and you're gonna have all of this by 29 yeah you know and so it's it's so ridiculous actually when you think about it but you know

[00:35:28] that that was that that was the generation before and and now it's like we've never seen anything like this before where you have so many different options to do so many different things right yeah it's like women they're like you know what i i don't know i don't think i want to have kids and then or you know i want to get married and i don't want to have kids or i want to have i know this

[00:35:54] one girl gorgeous girl i went to college with her she kept dating like these guys really good looking guys but i guess not very nice um and so she but she really wanted to be a mother and so and she comes from like i think a pretty like you know wealthy family so she just we just went to the sperm bank

[00:36:20] just did it on her own and had two daughters and it's oh my gosh i love seeing her facebook because i think it's i think it's amazing that she did this because i'm like you know what she wasn't gonna let anything stop her from doing what she really wanted to do in life and i super support that and she wanted to have kids and so and also no one can take her kids away

[00:36:44] from her because you know it's not like no guy can come and take them away no dad can oh i see like legally kind of thing yeah well if you like because you have to kind of be scared of that nowadays because almost everybody ends up divorced i think the rate of divorce is higher than the rate of people that stay together is it i don't really know the data i think it is to be honest

[00:37:11] at last i remembered it was like 50 50 but it could be could be worse who knows how would you even collect i'm really suspect of data you know what i mean because nobody ever calls me and goes hey how's the marriage going you know what i mean so like and i don't know anybody who ever take takes any of those goals or hits and then it's so i'm always a little suspect based on based on talking

[00:37:37] to friends who are married though i could definitely see how lots of marriages could end in divorce for sure it's not it's not an easy thing it's not you know just two people living together is not an easy thing you know and then you stir in kids and love and attraction keeping all that you know it's a lot i know i mean really it is a lot like even when i've been with a friend for a week i'm like oh get

[00:38:04] out of my energy get out of my space i want to be in my own energy i just want to be in the house by myself i don't want you here go take a walk you know i know yeah it's tough it's a tough and if you don't have somebody who's in it like like i want to be married and you want to be married you know what i mean if you don't have that going on if you have somebody who's like i could see not being

[00:38:27] married like it's gonna fall apart for sure yeah and i i think it is interesting too because i think some people are just um and this is actually what i really like about this day and age with all of its craziness and confusion and stuff i do like that there are more options for people and it's more acceptable to you know do what she did have two kids on her own with no man or a girl like me who

[00:38:54] travels the world alone and is single and has her own businesses and rights i mean that's really cool i probably wouldn't have been able to do that 30 40 years ago sure you know people would be like she's the witch that lives up the street hill she's the hippie weird girl you know yeah and so i and or i loved i love the option of hey i met this amazing man and we're gonna have a family build this

[00:39:23] beautiful life together i love that too i love all the genres and that's why like for me i just think it's important to figure out what you who you are what you like what works for you and then manifest that instead of manifesting something that you think you should do and then ending up stuck

[00:39:46] and in a situation where you're like oh my god i regret doing not doing this yeah then marriage and kids regrets that's that's really that's really a tough one real what's real but it's also real women that followed their career and they regret not having kids that's real too oh yeah yeah definitely when when you so when you went from cup never full to like the transition from cup never full to

[00:40:15] confused girl what was what was in between there you know like it wasn't revelation or was it more of like a like you said there was sort of like a depressive point in your life where you're like i'm not happy nothing nothing i'm doing is making me happy type of thing yeah that like a long stretch we talk in years or no that was like six that was like six months and and it was probably well it was like

[00:40:43] the depression kind of had been if i really i'm honest about it it was like it was like low-key all through my 20s just nagging just like it was there it was like the demon and then it just got bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger yeah um and so it was just time to face the demons and and i did

[00:41:06] and i you know i kind of became like a little monk in the four walls of my apartment and i started reading a ton of self-help books i was doing yoga i was doing meditation i had a gratitude journal i was watching you know self-help stuff on youtube and i and so i was just kind of like this sponge taking in like all the knowledge and just my my like again my main goal was i want to feel good just

[00:41:33] because i exist that was that was the main goal it's like i don't want my worth to be attached to anything outside of myself and and it's really crazy about intentions because if you if you really want something like legitimate you know like and my desire for this was so great and i did i asked god

[00:41:59] i prayed i asked my angels i was like please help me i just want to feel better and and they they do come in to help you like they do they do help you when you ask and i i feel like well actually what happened was so i was doing this for about six months and then one day i woke up and it was the craziest thing i had this and you'll you'll probably get this if you did if you've done

[00:42:28] like you said you meditated a lot so my life became this whole meditative experience trying to feel better so i woke up one day and i had this crazy energy running through my body it was like joy and gratitude and it felt like i had taken a molly and i was jumping up on the bed because i was like this is what i wanted this is what i wanted i just

[00:42:54] wanted to feel good and so i go out i was like i gotta go out into nature and i live by the beach and so i went out by the beach and i was like looking at the water and the water just how you were saying about the flower earlier i just looked at me like whoa and i was like this tree and then i started to love trees because i i love how like they you know and the branches love how the branches go in

[00:43:17] the ground and and you know even in my neighborhood even like um the under underneath like our homes and our apartments the floor will start to like your wood floors will start to open a little bit and it's because the branches the the roots of the trees are so crazy and like into the ground that we will you know so i i was just like wow they're magnificent and um there's this quote that i love um it's not

[00:43:46] about seeking new landscapes it's about having new eyes yeah yeah that's exactly what it is that's exactly what it is that's exactly yeah if you could bottle it you said it was like taking a molly like yeah if you can bottle that for people it would be it would be i know exactly what you're talking when i start like like smiling laughing listening to you talk is because i know i just

[00:44:12] you don't run into a lot of people who are outwardly open about going through this stuff that you go through and i remember going through it and being like this is so bananas like that this you know what i think the loneliness and the deprivation of uh like outside stimulation is part of that transformation like that's an essential part is is because when you're on the

[00:44:41] phone and in the news and all that kind of stuff it's like you're so stimulated all the time and you had that kind of six month monk period like you called it yeah i think that's part of it i think that's part of having that awakening is you got to turn that stuff down in order to like open up you know whatever it is inward you have to go inward and and yeah it's you know people say that like you know all the answers are inside of yourself go to yeah it's so hard but it's like

[00:45:10] it's true though and i know i know and i'm like oh my gosh and then i see people chasing and grass is always greener and chasing like all the time and they're like so desperate for that their next fix of whatever it is the new or the new man or the new this or the new that and it's like so desperate and it's just like that's miserable you know if you can go inside and yourself and find peace

[00:45:40] it's like that will you no one can take that away from you yeah the question is can people like can it is it prescription based or is it is it does it have to happen through necessity i'm like a big dork and i love dragon ball z and you in order to turn super saiyan we get really strong it has to the power comes in response to a need that's what they say in the show the power

[00:46:10] comes in response like somebody's dying i gotta help them and that's what i always thought about that i always after going through that i always thought like is this like can you actually can you even walk someone through it you know what i mean or is it something that you have to like go through because you have to slow your life down you have to go some some sort of prayer or meditation or something like that on a regular basis to reopen your eyes to all of what you know to what light is

[00:46:37] and then yeah so you i guess you probably didn't start writing the book till after right yeah i know yeah yeah i am i i started so after that then i i started actually a blog called confused girl in the city you know once i got out of my depression and i was like oh my gosh what i'm confused and then i was like i don't need to feel ashamed though about being confused anymore because i kind of like after

[00:47:06] the depression i'm like i don't care what anybody thinks about me and and then after i had that spiritual awakening i was like i don't care what anybody thinks i like i'm on my journey and another one of those things like you can't think that's you get into the stuff that you get that you're like where you're at in life is almost i'm sure people all the time are like just stop because it's so hard to tell people what you're saying

[00:47:34] and you get into the valley of cliches and you feel like i want you to feel this but i know i sound silly you know what i mean do you ever feel like that like like i want you to see the world i want you to be yourself i want you to you know what i mean i feel like people are like i do what you and then also like it's it's about the journey and not the destination kind of thing but it's so true it's like it's so true i know it's that's what i mean it gets it feels so cliche and when you have

[00:48:01] i like i have like a 13 year old so like conveying these things to him is real tough because he's at like cynical 13 make fun of everything world you know how you were probably when you were 13 do somebody like that like yeah it's so hard to convey those things to people because you know they like i said it sounds so cliche but it is like there's reasons there's so many poems and books and

[00:48:27] you know holy books written about the stuff you know because it's it's 100 legit but when you talked about um i don't care what anybody thinks about me like that's another one of those that's another one of those things that until you really feel it and again you've got to get into that sort of uncomfortable like i'm kind of embarrassed about these things but i'm i'm gonna take them on anyway and i'm going to talk to people about them because i really don't care you know what i mean what people

[00:48:56] think about me it's just you know it's one of those things it's it's hard to explain but you're doing a great job at explaining it so i'm sure the book is great in terms of conveying that message to people thank you thank you i i it is my heart and soul and i actually i was re i was reading it today um because they're actually the publishing company is hiring me to do the voiceover

[00:49:21] for that i saw you have the audio book available yeah yeah so i'm um so i was just kind of practicing today and i was reading oh my god and i was like i was like oh my gosh i think this is gonna help so many people that makes me so happy you sure it will i mean it's like i said the journey is the title is great and the journey is essential you know it really is and it's an essential thing and it's just

[00:49:47] weird that like it feels like something i wish you could teach kids in high school like i wish you along with your diploma you could come out and be like oh look at the flowers you know because everybody gets there at different times and some people get there like 90 you know and that's scary some people get there like you know 50 60 40 that's why i think this book

[00:50:10] is good for and anybody at any age because it's you could go through this at different points in your life i kind of think that the like the younger generation will go through it younger i don't think though i don't think i think i feel like everything's kind of speeding up in that regard i hope so and yeah probably the parents i think parents are well i know parents are way different you

[00:50:39] know what i mean that's the discussions that you have with kids now are way deeper and better you know than most parents had growing up i don't know how your parents were but most parents i think growing up are kind of surface level you know like what the hell are you doing all right don't do that do this yeah yeah definitely definitely a lot of love but definitely surface level not really and no and and

[00:51:05] and i get it too because it's really uncomfortable when you see like a child unhappy so you're you just want them to stop because you make sure you're all and then you got to deal with that discomfort with inside yourself and so that's because that's painful too because it's like your own pain and then you know they're like a little you and then they're in and oh it's too much pain just stop it be happy just go

[00:51:30] away be happy so so i i i get how that could be uncomfortable for parents so i i don't i definitely don't blame the older generations for that but i'm happy that oh no and but you know what this is another thing it's like it's great i think that that now kids are are getting more emotional support but but then it's almost like everybody's a victim and they're turning into little babies and you know

[00:51:59] part of it part of the reason why i'm the way i am is because i grew up kind of with like a my dad was tough you know yeah you still need it yeah you know two people they you know they did not have it easy so they it wasn't like oh cutie pie you know was it it it could be tough and um so but that

[00:52:26] also made me successful and get to this place oh definitely well it's kind of hard to know what to do oh for sure well you know the one thing the one thing that is important and i noticed this about people in that have gone on the journey is you get to a point where you're comfortable with who you are you get to a point where you i don't like to say don't care because you always care to some degree

[00:52:56] and but what people who who make the most of that path have is always discipline you know what i mean so and and not you know i'm very hard on myself i don't know if you're very hard on yourself but you can't get there without the discipline and you can't stay there without the discipline so it's it sounds like you know everything's great i love me i love me exactly the way i am but there's also that

[00:53:21] like discipline that is required right so that you can say i'm gonna write a book and then you actually write it because a lot of people say i'm gonna write a book and they open up a word document go this is gonna be cool one day but not today you know and then years go by because it's hard to write a book it's not easy you know yeah yeah definitely a hard thing to do and i actually i wrote it when i was living in bali and another discipline thing that i would do because i i struggle with

[00:53:50] anxiety i i always have i was always like hyperactive you know even as a child so to get me to settle is it can be difficult so knowing this i would you know go and do an hour and a half of yoga every day when i was living in bali and then afterward i'd go to a cafe with my laptop and then i'd like be like okay let's let's let's write so i and i was and i was not socializing a ton i mean i did have to

[00:54:19] make some friends there i did a little bit just because you have to socialize a little bit but i i was pretty much kind of on my own a lot because i was on a mission and um so you do definitely have to have discipline and i think what's cool now because i i know i'm gonna get things done i i know that when i say i'm gonna do something i'm gonna do it then i give myself some leeway

[00:54:45] now i kind of just wake up when unless i have like a podcast early or something i really have to do early i kind of let myself wake up wake up if one day i miss yoga i'm like i know i'll go tomorrow it's okay i don't pound myself anymore like i used to i i give myself a break because i know that okay even if i didn't get it done today i know i'll get it done tomorrow and whatever i have to do today i

[00:55:09] will get done today it's all right yeah that's important grace a little grace goes a long way i like that yeah because you're you know driven people need that because they will tear themselves into bits and pieces you know it's a rough ride for sure ourselves you know oh yeah yeah i did if if you know you know you know what i mean if you know you know like people will probably

[00:55:38] ask you like how do you do all the stuff that you do and you're like well i torture myself to get it all done i'm sure or maybe not anymore you've gotten over that but that's good anymore you know what was a big wake-up call for me with that was my dad dying because my dad oh yeah and my dad worked like i've never seen somebody work as many hours as him i mean he would work like 18 hour days go to

[00:56:05] sleep for a couple hours wake up i mean maybe like the only other person that i've seen kind of i would imagine is kind of similar with the working it seems like trump doesn't really sleep and he's like working so yeah you might be right about that yeah and my dad was kind of built like that too and um and so and i think he he you ignored his body and and so he and even like i told you when he went on

[00:56:33] a run it was like a six mile run and it was like go play soccer intensely and everything was so intense and he never gave it a break that he literally i think died younger because of it yeah what you what can happen is you start to like numb out you know what i mean when things get real crazy and and you know restaurant industry is crazy so yeah like you can definitely start to feel that if you're not

[00:57:02] intentional about it because you're just like these feelings get them the hell out of here i don't got time for that you know yeah yeah yeah it's a tough one so when the book out exactly so it's coming out may 13th but you people can pre-order it now and you can pre-order it on um oh okay you can also go to my website my website is confused girl in the city.com and um the book is called confused girl find your

[00:57:32] peace in the chaos find your peace in the chaos yeah that was the that was what started it all because we put we put out a shirt like three years what was in 2020 all of it happened in 2020 for me but if we put out a shirt which is a little guy in a meditative seat with a gas mask on for our audience and it said calm within chaos and calm within chaos has been our thing oh my gosh that's

[00:57:58] fabulous yeah that that was how we got through 2020 you know when it started to get real crazy because we our audience in particular could could use a lot of what you talk about because of the fact that we stay so plugged into not just like regular news but also like world events like we're like all these crazy ass detectives giovanna that's what we're really like like the prepper community

[00:58:24] are like psycho detectives yeah it's it's really weird it's a weird thing like you get texts from your friends yeah yeah exactly we get texts from our buddies and they're like there's an outbreak of this disease in this location and i think it might be tied to this and then it's like the next next pandemic is this the cabal what's the cabal gonna do next what's the next trick right you know it's i

[00:58:54] know we all become and such detectives well and honestly though right now it's such an entertaining time i mean every time you turn it's kind of hard to pry yourself away from the news because every time you turn on there's like something else happening it's like oh yeah entertainment and and so but but i i for me i look at it kind of as entertainment but i think for other people it's um

[00:59:19] really destabilizing and they're it becomes purpose yeah and everything is it becomes purpose for sure i see like okay people go out help a neighbor go to yoga go plant a flower like that's when you when it's because my friend it was affecting his mental health and so he got all off social media he went to mexico

[00:59:44] for three weeks he he chilled out you know and and he and then i would like send him something and he's like don't send me this stuff the only thing you can send me is funny things he's like i don't want to see anything else and i was like okay this is another natural progression i have a i have a really hard time getting too deep into the that stuff because of that you get started like turned off by

[01:00:10] it you know what i mean you're like i don't care like i don't i don't care i don't want to know what's going on right yeah too much of anything isn't good yeah well that's a good way to look at it definitely how did you start i don't want to keep you too long i know i said we do an hour do you have a second to talk about yoga a little bit oh about yoga sure sure sure um so well i mean i'll preface you with a question if that makes it easier i just wanted to get your okay i didn't want to keep you

[01:00:38] past the hour if you have something else sure or if you're like you're minutes and then yeah that's fine i was just interested in finding out well two things really because i like your perspective and it's pretty much right on the money with my perspective in terms of a lot of this stuff and yoga is a tough sell to the audience here but i've been doing it since 2009 when it was one of

[01:01:01] those things that's like i'm embarrassed to talk about it kind of thing you know but uh but i wanted to know how you got into it and then you know kind of like what why the average person needs you know okay so yoga like literally i think i think it was one of like the main things that really saved me here

[01:01:24] um so when i was in in going through my depression my roommate she um she was doing this like 30 day yoga challenge and she said why don't you come to my yoga class with me i think you'd like it and i hadn't really done maybe i had done a class before but honestly i don't remember that might have been my first yoga class i think so because i was more like oh i'm gonna go on a run i'm gonna do like uh like that high

[01:01:53] intensity interval training right and i would do those things um to like release the energy exercise and so i was like okay i'll come to yoga with you so i did this yoga class with her and it was a vinyasa flow which is you know an intense kind of power yoga it's not just stretching you're moving it's difficult any guy that does boot camp or boxing or whatever you're gonna die okay that's your so hard i can't believe girls do this

[01:02:22] oh yeah no yeah it's a different kind of um uh endurance so i did it and i didn't even notice this i noticed this after but at that time my mind was on like a really negative mental loop it was like a record player just like consistently playing like my shortcomings and feeling unworthy and not

[01:02:49] yeah so when i was doing i have that record too i own that record as well that record that record though had gotten out of control and i wasn't able to i wasn't able to change it oh yeah and and that's how the depression actually happened but so i was dealing with that which was just excruciating pain and um i went to the yoga class

[01:03:11] and when i was doing yoga it stopped and first class the first class first and and then after i did the yoga class i felt like so relaxed and just chill and it was and then the record player started again

[01:03:34] but it was it gave me space yoga gave me space between the negative thinking and being i was able just to like just be and not have that looping and even like my you know running wouldn't give me that because i'd be it would be playing while i was running my high intensity interval classes the record

[01:04:00] would be playing while i was doing that but yoga with yoga it would just stop and then after yoga and i was like oh my gosh i have to do this more because this this it's it's giving me a break from this pain which was so it was beautiful what i was going through internally like it was very excruciating

[01:04:24] and and yoga gave me that reprieve so i i highly highly recommend it you know um well for everyone it's good um for people that like because i'm a bit obsessive compulsive high energy anxious amazing if you struggle with any of that it's amazing negative thinking it's amazing for that it's

[01:04:53] and it's just and it's so good for your body too like it's good stretching and opening up i mean and the thing is i i understand what you're saying about you know your audience kind of being like that's for chicks because that's what my dad would say my dad would be like do yoga is for girls you know and um and then actually when i was living in bali my parents came to visit and they did a yoga class and my dad was like i think because he was out of his element he would have never done it in america

[01:05:21] but because it was in bali yeah yeah he was like okay so we did it at at one of the resorts we were staying at and he was like wow that i feel really good that was he's like that that was hard that was not easy and i told him i said papa you know all the italian soccer players do yoga and he's like

[01:05:41] i know they don't and i said yes they do actually sacrilege yeah i know a lot of uh footballers a lot of sport like all of the guys they all oh yeah yoga yes it's perfect for helping you keep from getting injured i do a lot of high intensity stuff and heavy weights and stuff like that it's i think it's

[01:06:06] why i never get injured i think it's 100 why so rarely ever get injured because of yoga yeah absolutely absolutely so juvanda you were awesome you were absolutely awesome i mean like you know we we have a lot of people on here who like say things about the way that they live that are really strange you know like because the prepper lifestyle is strange but um i don't know that we've had anyone on who is

[01:06:33] as authentic you know what i mean like at least as authentic with the with the whole journey of becoming who you are now and it's so important for people to hear it i appreciate it oh thank you james i appreciate you this was such a fun conversation i i really enjoyed this and i hope the audience did too i think they will i definitely think they will it's uh like i said it's it's one of those things people

[01:07:00] got to work through it at their own pace but if they can latch on to one idea that we said and and start that journey man come out on the other end like wow they were right it's way better you're right it's just doing one thing it's just one of these things you start doing and then it's like just see how your life unfolds yeah that's it that's it give it time give it time and then give it your best

[01:07:27] because it could change your entire outlook yes so pre-order the book pbn family if you want to learn more from the confused girls in this city and uh yeah i'm gonna be checking it out for sure i appreciate you coming on giovanna and also one final thank you for kicking off this uh 2025 year here at the prepper broadcasting network with some guests that uh you know we're not typically having on the network regularly you didn't teach us how to build a hut in the woods or how to start a fire

[01:08:00] yeah it's it's refreshing so all right we'll talk to you guys soon thanks so much support the sponsors the whole nine yards and i'll be on tomorrow morning with pbn news all right