Raising Values: Asking For Help or Being Prideful

[00:00:01] Welcome to the Raising Values podcast where the traditional family talks.

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[00:00:16] The Langillian are behind the mic and we hope you enjoy the show.

[00:00:29] Welcome back to Raising Values.

[00:00:31] We were off last week because somebody had an occasion to celebrate but now she's

[00:00:37] back.

[00:00:37] I'm here and I wasn't, I didn't have a hangover.

[00:00:40] I had so many people text me and like how was the hangover?

[00:00:43] And it's like I only drink one little, what I don't know what my brother-in-law gave

[00:00:48] me but it was, it wasn't very good.

[00:00:51] I've already told him but I only drink one of those.

[00:00:55] And then like true old people we came back to the house at about 9.30.

[00:01:01] Had coffee.

[00:01:02] Had coffee and more cake and then we went to bed because we were tired and old.

[00:01:09] In fact my sister-in-law fell asleep on the couch so it was a full day of celebrating.

[00:01:17] And this is always the hilarious part to me is because for all these years you've

[00:01:21] been giving me all sorts of hell about being the old man in the house and you

[00:01:26] turned 40 and immediately just went straight into the old lady move.

[00:01:29] No, no, no.

[00:01:30] I will never ever lie about what time I go to bed at night.

[00:01:34] I have a co-worker that makes fun of me, not makes fun of me but she teases me

[00:01:40] because we eat dinner by 5.30 sometimes a little earlier and then we're in bed

[00:01:48] by 9 o'clock 9.30 at night and then lights are usually out by 10.

[00:01:52] Like we're, we've always been old but anyway and then she's up till midnight

[00:01:58] and she's like exercising at 10 o'clock at night and I'm like wait the only thing

[00:02:03] I'm exercising 10 o'clock at night is dreamland.

[00:02:05] That's it, like not doing any of that so.

[00:02:09] You have happy birthday wishes.

[00:02:10] Oh thank you Ben.

[00:02:11] Thanks Nina.

[00:02:12] I appreciate that.

[00:02:14] I appreciate it.

[00:02:16] It was a really good celebration.

[00:02:17] My husband and my sister-in-law did an amazing job.

[00:02:23] I couldn't have asked for, I mean they really took a vision that I had

[00:02:28] and then turned it into reality and so I'm super, super happy about that.

[00:02:33] I'm glad that my husband and my sister saw how much stress I was under

[00:02:37] and planning my own birthday party and they're like go have a seat.

[00:02:42] I need you to go have a seat.

[00:02:43] We're gonna do this.

[00:02:45] You're not doing your own birthday party.

[00:02:47] You're not planning it.

[00:02:48] You're not setting it up.

[00:02:49] You're not doing any of those things.

[00:02:51] Go have a seat.

[00:02:51] And so I went and had a seat and it all got done.

[00:02:54] It got done and it was kind of funny because the day of Phil and my other brother-in-law

[00:03:02] went to go pick up the cake and they brought it to the restaurant

[00:03:06] and I get this text from Phil.

[00:03:08] I'm getting a tattoo with my sister at the time

[00:03:11] and I get this text from Phil and it goes,

[00:03:13] the party's set up.

[00:03:15] It's ready and it's like not even one o'clock in the afternoon yet.

[00:03:18] It was noon.

[00:03:19] And I'm texting back going, what do you mean set up?

[00:03:24] Like the flowers are set up and everything.

[00:03:26] He goes, everything's set up and I was like, tables are set up.

[00:03:30] Everything's set up and I was like, oh lord.

[00:03:33] And so I looked at my sister and I was like,

[00:03:35] we're gonna have to go to the restaurant.

[00:03:37] She goes, no, I'll take you home and I'll go see what the boys have done.

[00:03:41] Y'all they did so good.

[00:03:44] They did so good.

[00:03:45] No face.

[00:03:47] I'm sorry.

[00:03:49] Mr. Night Vision helmet and body armor,

[00:03:54] I didn't think that you could set up flowers on this.

[00:03:58] He even set up the cake table.

[00:04:01] But let's call it what it is in another lifetime.

[00:04:06] What were you, gay?

[00:04:08] No.

[00:04:09] I used to be in the military and planning and operation,

[00:04:11] executing is kind of a thing.

[00:04:13] So like whether it's setting up flowers on a tape,

[00:04:16] whether it's setting up for a party or you know,

[00:04:18] planning how to do things in the dark and hood rat stuff.

[00:04:23] I mean.

[00:04:24] Wait so you, it was dark and it's hood rat?

[00:04:28] No, what I'm saying is.

[00:04:29] My party didn't look hood rat.

[00:04:30] No.

[00:04:31] What I'm saying is that from the moment you said,

[00:04:35] from the moment you gave me the green light to get involved,

[00:04:37] it was like six days and we had the venue done,

[00:04:40] you and I,

[00:04:43] The invitations.

[00:04:44] Yeah, design order the invitations like 90% of the party was done in six days.

[00:04:48] Yeah, in like six days and here I was,

[00:04:50] I had been stressing for months and looking for help and asking for help

[00:04:54] and I wasn't getting any help and.

[00:04:57] All she had to do was have some help.

[00:04:59] And then I was told to have a seat

[00:05:01] and then in a week everything was pretty much done.

[00:05:05] Pretty much done.

[00:05:06] So, but it was wonderful and I am excited to be 40 and not at all scared of my 40s.

[00:05:13] I'm actually looking forward to my 40s.

[00:05:15] I know I've been talking about my 40th birthday on the podcast for quite some time,

[00:05:20] but it was a milestone for me.

[00:05:22] I know a lot of people are scared of it.

[00:05:24] My twin sister was not happy to be turning 40.

[00:05:27] But she's you know, she's just a beautiful person

[00:05:31] and she has nothing to be scared of.

[00:05:34] Although she is already a grandmother.

[00:05:36] She became a grandmother last year.

[00:05:38] So, mom all up in North Louisiana finally became quote unquote old.

[00:05:44] So we just tease each other.

[00:05:46] I always tease her anyway because she's a minute older than me.

[00:05:48] So she's always the older sister.

[00:05:50] And you're always the baby.

[00:05:51] And I'm the baby.

[00:05:53] Anyway, anyway.

[00:05:55] So today's episode was one of those.

[00:05:57] I'm excited for you Nina.

[00:05:59] Sorry, Nina had Nina's turn in 42.

[00:06:01] That's a milestone.

[00:06:02] So I'm excited for Nina's birthday.

[00:06:05] I don't understand.

[00:06:06] Even though I've never met you.

[00:06:08] I don't understand why it works out this way,

[00:06:10] but there are people that are like,

[00:06:11] there are people that are super excited for the 40s.

[00:06:13] People that are that dread their 40s.

[00:06:16] And then people that that like,

[00:06:17] I guess me that were just like the difference between 39 and 40 is what?

[00:06:22] Well, and I kept asking you,

[00:06:23] well, what do you want to do for your birthday?

[00:06:25] What do you want to do for your birthday?

[00:06:26] And granted, there was a couple of things going on in our family at the time that we're

[00:06:31] I mean, I was I was I was caring for a family member that was recovering from surgery.

[00:06:35] So right.

[00:06:36] And not just surgery, heart surgery.

[00:06:37] So let's just say that a big 40th celebration was just not in the cards for me that year.

[00:06:42] I had things to do.

[00:06:43] No, but then any year,

[00:06:45] the I think the most we've ever done for you.

[00:06:48] I think when you turn 30,

[00:06:50] we had dinner at Ruby Tuesdays with a cookie cake.

[00:06:54] And that was the most that was the biggest party we've ever thrown for Phil.

[00:06:58] At least in the 20 years that I've been with him.

[00:07:01] But I've always I've always been a simple person.

[00:07:03] Like what I want for my birthday is I want to spend it with friends

[00:07:06] and I want to spend it in a relaxing environment,

[00:07:08] which for the last, you know, 10 years, I'm a homebody.

[00:07:12] I'd rather be here in the privacy moan home

[00:07:15] with the people I care about the most around me.

[00:07:17] And that's it.

[00:07:18] I don't want I don't want to be out.

[00:07:20] I don't want to go have a big party.

[00:07:21] I don't want to go to the bars.

[00:07:22] It's not me.

[00:07:23] It never has.

[00:07:24] It hasn't been me for 20 years.

[00:07:26] Yeah.

[00:07:26] Pretty much since I rack, you know, rapidly aged me

[00:07:30] from my 20s all the way into my 30s all in one shot.

[00:07:33] One day we'll have a big party for Phil.

[00:07:36] Who knows?

[00:07:37] Maybe.

[00:07:37] Maybe.

[00:07:38] But it was a good it was a good birthday.

[00:07:41] But today's topic.

[00:07:43] Yes.

[00:07:43] Today's topic.

[00:07:44] So Gillian came to me the other day with this idea in her head of like

[00:07:49] because she and I are have both been like very, very independent.

[00:07:53] We were very independent people before we met.

[00:07:56] You know, very much stand on room to feed very much take care of our own business.

[00:08:00] And I think sometimes that made the two of us like coming together.

[00:08:05] Morning, Joe.

[00:08:05] Morning, Joe.

[00:08:06] I think that I think that made the two is coming together more difficult sometimes

[00:08:10] because we were so fiercely independent.

[00:08:12] And it was I don't know.

[00:08:13] I don't know like where the line between I don't want to give up my

[00:08:17] independence was I think that's what yeah that I'm sorry or the line or the

[00:08:23] line between just I don't I don't I don't ask for help.

[00:08:26] I can figure out myself like I feel like for me it was the latter,

[00:08:29] but I feel like it was the former for you.

[00:08:31] I think that's what made the first handful of years of our relationship so rocky

[00:08:37] was because here I have what I would have called an alpha at the at that time.

[00:08:44] And that's that is what our friends actually characterize the two of us as

[00:08:50] like the girl, the woman now who got us together who played matchmaker

[00:08:58] said that we're both strong independent alpha in our friend groups or whatever.

[00:09:05] And and that I've always been attracted to that.

[00:09:08] Well not anymore.

[00:09:10] I just have that one attraction to you now.

[00:09:13] Good save babe.

[00:09:14] Good save.

[00:09:17] Anyway, now we know it's not so much alpha as it what is it?

[00:09:21] Sigma Sigma.

[00:09:23] So I think we're both sigmas but um but we were always those first few years we were

[00:09:30] always like battling each other with no I've got it like leave me the hell alone.

[00:09:35] I'm a cronist woman.

[00:09:37] I can handle my own business.

[00:09:38] I don't need you to swoop in and save me all that stuff.

[00:09:41] And you were very much the same way like I got it.

[00:09:45] I'm a man.

[00:09:46] You're like I just fought in a war like I you sit over there lady and make me a sandwich.

[00:09:51] That's not how you really were but I was never like you never asked me for help.

[00:09:55] No, never.

[00:09:56] And I didn't either.

[00:09:58] Yeah.

[00:09:58] And I feel like that there were there was an element and at the same time that made the two

[00:10:03] of us learning how to live with each other difficult it was also the attraction because

[00:10:07] like I'd been very frail with you from the word go that I the whole reason why I made it as far

[00:10:14] into my 20s as I the whole reason that before I met you I'd given up on getting married.

[00:10:20] I'd given up.

[00:10:21] I said to hell with it.

[00:10:22] This is not going to happen.

[00:10:23] It's going to be a bachelor for the rest of my life.

[00:10:25] It was purely because I hadn't met a woman yet.

[00:10:29] I felt like was independent enough to for me to be able to cohabitate with her.

[00:10:35] Like I don't I don't need another child.

[00:10:37] I don't need another dependent.

[00:10:38] I need a woman who's going to keep up with me and when he's going to help me achieve my goals

[00:10:43] and I'm going to help her achieve her goals and I need a woman who's self driven

[00:10:48] to achieve things on her own.

[00:10:50] Like I just you know how I am and I wanted a wife that I felt like it was going to

[00:10:55] keep up with me and push me to work harder not someone that was going to be a constant drain

[00:11:00] and siphon on my effort and my energy.

[00:11:03] And I found that in you and I had dated a whole bunch of girls before you that didn't

[00:11:08] measure up to that.

[00:11:10] I on the other hand was running away from being the caretaker of everyone taking care of this

[00:11:17] and it wasn't like just physically taking care of people.

[00:11:20] It was emotionally taking care of people and we met right after it was two years after

[00:11:28] my car accident.

[00:11:30] And if you don't know that story then you can ask me but anyway I had I was still trying to learn

[00:11:37] how to walk again and I was still trying to learn how to be independent again.

[00:11:41] I mean there was there was a time during that period where I couldn't even wipe my own

[00:11:46] but I like couldn't bathe myself.

[00:11:48] I couldn't get out of the bed by myself like I was in a wheelchair and I just

[00:11:52] I couldn't do anything by myself and so at that time in my life where I was

[00:11:58] walking without you know a walker or walking without a cane or walking without whatever at

[00:12:04] 19 20 years old I didn't want anybody so I could do everything by myself.

[00:12:12] I could bathe myself.

[00:12:13] I could go out.

[00:12:14] I could do I could drive.

[00:12:16] I could do everything by myself and then here comes Phil.

[00:12:20] Here comes Phil.

[00:12:22] Here comes Phil.

[00:12:22] And I was like I got this dude we got this but anyway.

[00:12:26] I don't see I don't see myself as being a prideful person.

[00:12:35] I hang on I got to think about that you talking I'll think I should have thought about this before

[00:12:40] I don't know maybe I am prideful.

[00:12:41] So I think now Gillian reminded me of the saying you know pride comes before the fall

[00:12:47] and that's kind of where that's kind of where we that's kind of where we fit into

[00:12:51] this whole thing from that angle of like you know there are there are people who do not ask for help

[00:12:56] out of a sense of pride in a certain amount of pride I feel like is warranted you know like

[00:13:02] your right to be proud of your accomplishments your right to be proud of your independence

[00:13:07] but when that pride stops you from asking for help when you really really really need it

[00:13:12] now it's now now we've crossed over into the point where the pride becomes a problem

[00:13:16] you know like for me and I was talking to you about this the other day like I was

[00:13:21] the way I was raised I was raised figure your own problems out dig yourself out of your own

[00:13:26] holes pull pull yourself up by your bootstraps like I was raised to be very independent and

[00:13:32] never because my parents wouldn't help or couldn't help but because you know my dad told me at a

[00:13:37] fairly young age like there's going to be a day when I'm not going to be here I'm not going

[00:13:43] to be here to help you with your problems I'm not going to be heard to save you from

[00:13:46] yourself and you're going to have to figure it out on your own so in preparation for that

[00:13:52] before we got to that point because thankfully my parents are both still here I was taught if you

[00:13:58] can if you can get yourself out of you know out of the hole you're in oh the daughter

[00:14:04] our daughter is motioning to us that the cat apparently ejected a hairball in her room

[00:14:09] but um I was raised that way like if you can if you can fix your own problem fix your own

[00:14:14] problem it was never it was never a sin to ask for help if you needed it but it was a sin to

[00:14:20] ask for help if you didn't need it if that makes sense like if you're asking for help just because

[00:14:25] you're being lazy and you want somebody to do it for you that's that's that's a problem

[00:14:29] but if you're asking for help because like I've done everything reasonable and rational to fix

[00:14:34] this myself and I just cannot do it asking for help is actually like a very mature

[00:14:40] very adult thing yeah it's really hard to tuck your tail but and I think that's the funny part

[00:14:46] is that in my family you weren't tucking your tail if you went if you asked somebody for help if

[00:14:51] you genuinely needed it because all the effort you expended before you asked for that help

[00:14:56] kind of was your absolution if that makes sense it's like it's like if I went to my if I went

[00:15:02] to my dad right here now and said hey financially I'm screwed I need help if my dad felt like

[00:15:07] I got myself in this situation by spending money recklessly he'd help me out but there be a there

[00:15:13] would be a there'd be a lesson to be learned from this experience yeah and I would deserve it and he

[00:15:18] would administer it but if I came to my dad said I'm here through no fault of my own I've done

[00:15:23] everything possible to avoid this I'm just screwed there would be no penance so to say there'd be

[00:15:29] no I'm going to tell you what you did wrong is like no you did everything you did everything

[00:15:33] I would have done you out appear through no fault of your own so there is no tucking your tail it's

[00:15:38] just sometimes circumstance gets you well I think but even then it's hard to ask for help so my my

[00:15:45] phrase of tucking your tail is you know no one I don't think anyone really wants

[00:15:53] to feel like they've reached the end of their rope and like they have to reach out for help

[00:15:57] I don't know maybe some people do but I I always see it as like I've gotten to the end

[00:16:05] I can't do this anymore I get what you're saying I just I don't know maybe my brain I

[00:16:10] just need to talk it through tonight today but let her rub it no no I mean like I understand

[00:16:15] and I agree with what you're saying like tucking your tail for some it's the pride thing it is

[00:16:21] now I really have to swallow my pride and really have to tuck my tail and ask for help

[00:16:27] and I think Nina brings up a really good point and um Nina I'm going to read your comment and said

[00:16:32] I always had trouble asking for help with my kids when they were little I felt like I'm the mom I

[00:16:38] should be able to do it all I totally agree with you with that because that's how I felt in the

[00:16:44] first yeah that's how I felt in the first few years of having Piper but what I think is there

[00:16:53] the underlying like thing that is there is that as moms and even as parents we're given like

[00:17:01] there's so much pressure on us to do and be and you know be there do this do that you have to

[00:17:08] be able to do that when I had Piper before I even got in the hospital I had nurses telling me

[00:17:13] wait you're gonna give her formula that's not what a mom should do you should breast breast

[00:17:19] feed well I couldn't breast feed and it was like well you know so I struggled with that for weeks

[00:17:24] about I got a breast feed I got a breast feed she's losing weight I'm not healthy and then finally

[00:17:29] my husband was like babe I was adopted and never breastfed like I was formula from the

[00:17:35] word go like that was it and and I'm fine yeah it's questionable but no I'm joking but

[00:17:41] I am a happy well adjusted obviously not underweight or you know like with a learning

[00:17:47] disability so obviously it didn't hurt me in any way but I think there's so much pressure just

[00:17:53] that's thrust upon people in different aspects of lie in their lives and different things that

[00:17:59] they're you know a part of or where they are and you know what I'm saying like there's just

[00:18:03] different pressures that are put on people and I agree I I too thought I was failing my

[00:18:09] husband and my child because I wasn't this textbook mom or this Facebook mom that you know

[00:18:18] there were moments where I wondered when the unicorns and the puppy dogs were gonna happen

[00:18:23] and when was I going to bond with this child and I didn't want anything to do with her like

[00:18:29] her cries sent me into like spirals and you know it was just there there wasn't this magical

[00:18:37] moment for me until she was probably two man a little bit before that but I think with pride

[00:18:47] we have to understand that there's pressures that are put on us but we accept those pressures

[00:18:52] like it took me a while to be like I'm not these moms and it took an old girlfriend of mine to

[00:18:59] say you have no idea what medicine she's on you don't know what anti-anxiety pills

[00:19:05] she takes daily to look like she's focused in this great you know textbook mom and I'm like

[00:19:12] she's right she's right so and in spite of all that at that moment you did accept help from me

[00:19:19] because I mean I basically I basically for the first several months Piper's life I mean I

[00:19:24] basically took care of you and her single hand a layer for the most part well at two weeks my

[00:19:29] mom called and said me and your dad are concerned and I was concerned and you were concerned and just

[00:19:36] like you had taken care of everything except for like breastfeeding and now I mean I was all

[00:19:45] I was already dealing with not just that I had a baby but like I almost died in childbirth I

[00:19:51] have a lot of traumatic stories I almost died giving birth to Piper I mean they were rushing

[00:19:58] in bags of blood and all that stuff and that that could be a story for another date if I haven't told

[00:20:03] you but so when I got home I was dealing with the aftermath of basically a train wreck dying

[00:20:14] with a newborn baby who I had to breastfeed and was not producing milk and there you know there

[00:20:22] was not anyway so my mom comes in and she hands me two um anti anxiety I can't remember what they were

[00:20:30] and she said take these and I slept for two days which I needed to because my body needed to recover

[00:20:35] I had stitches and I I mean I literally almost died on the table or in the bed but um

[00:20:44] I didn't even at that point I didn't even ask for help I accepted it it was offered I accepted

[00:20:50] it and um weren't in a position to not accept I couldn't I I don't think I would have made it had

[00:20:57] I not accepted the help so my mom comes in and she stays for a little while and her and Phil are

[00:21:01] doing everything with the baby and I'm in the bed and yeah it was it was rough but I was not in a

[00:21:08] position to not accept the help I don't know where what would have happened had I not accepted

[00:21:12] the help had I just been like mom we got this and then turned her away at the door

[00:21:15] I like she didn't I don't even remember her saying I'm coming over she she talked to me

[00:21:20] I knew okay well I didn't I just know she came in and I started crying and she handed me the pills

[00:21:25] and I took the pills and I went to sleep for like two days well and to be fair when she sent you

[00:21:30] to bed she also told me she said you need to sleep yeah so I mean I I gave her a piper I went

[00:21:36] lay down got it thanks six seven eight hours to sleep woke up and I went right back to it but

[00:21:42] always be grateful for that yeah but I guess for me you know again it was always the fact

[00:21:47] it was like I told her when she said she wanted to come over and help I'm like I'm not going to

[00:21:51] turn you down but if you can't make it like I'll handle it because I was still in I was

[00:21:56] still in that mode of like as long as I'm getting like three four hours to sleep at night

[00:22:01] I can keep this up pretty much indefinitely I mean we used to joke that being a combat

[00:22:06] batter was really good practice for having it having a newborn I was about to say there were times where

[00:22:12] I'm sure you thought damn I wish I was back in Iraq this this is not as easy as I rack I mean

[00:22:19] Iraq was easier sometimes I don't I don't know if I would trade like a year in Iraq versus that

[00:22:28] first year with piper that was rough yeah that that was rough and Nina said I can't even imagine

[00:22:35] the PTSD from that alone is so much that is why we are one and done that's why piper is

[00:22:41] has no siblings we talked about having more kids when piper I wanted four kids from the time I was

[00:22:51] little I vetoed my idea what you know how girls dream about their families one day and getting

[00:22:56] married and naming their children I wanted four kids and then and then we had piper and then like

[00:23:06] two years later I was like do you want to try for another one and feels like no absolutely not

[00:23:11] am I putting myself through that or you through that or piper no we're not having any more kids

[00:23:17] and so I had to go through this whole phase of I had to tell someone this the other day

[00:23:24] a couple of days ago grieving a grieving process of this is it as you know I'm not going to have

[00:23:30] any more children and I won't have that feeling of growing a child in my womb again and I

[00:23:36] I won't have all those feelings of being a mom again and all that stuff so I did have to go

[00:23:41] through um a grieving process after we decided not to but man you know the song thank God for

[00:23:49] unanswered prayers thank God for those unanswered prayers for sure well and for me this I mean that

[00:23:57] was a purely rational I thought a purely rational decision because like when you came to me I was

[00:24:03] like I've heard every argument that well there's nothing to say the next one won't be as rough as

[00:24:09] the first one was but my point of view was I'm like yeah but there's one thing different

[00:24:14] in the equation now and that's the fact that you know when we had piper I was in the

[00:24:18] process of getting laid off from work yeah so you were at home I was I was at home I mean

[00:24:24] you know yeah we didn't have the week I was whining out the last few months of my employment

[00:24:29] I had thankfully put away a chunk of money in the savings account to float me until I got another

[00:24:34] job and I was job hunting while taking care of her while taking care of you which is why I was

[00:24:40] always sleeping like four hours a night and but at the same time like how did we make it here

[00:24:46] well but we we made it because in my in my humble opinion being the you know rabid Christian that I

[00:24:52] am I think God maneuvered those pieces on the chessboard to put us right where we needed to be

[00:24:57] we had a lot of good family yeah that came in and swooped in and helped so but at the end of the

[00:25:03] day I was like a tall gillian I'm like if we do this again and this happens again I have to go

[00:25:09] back to work because I'm gonna have a job but if I stay out long enough something bad's gonna

[00:25:13] happen so you're gonna have to be able to stand up on your own two feet and do this

[00:25:19] and you couldn't last time I couldn't you're right no and and at the same time you know like call

[00:25:26] what it is every year older a woman gets the risk of childbirth gets greater so like you were

[00:25:33] well I was already told that I probably wouldn't be able to have any more children after but

[00:25:38] you were what 28 when Piper was born yeah and by the time we decided this is it you were 31 I think

[00:25:45] 32 yeah so at that point I was like the variables here are telling me this is a really bad decision

[00:25:53] to try to have more children yeah like we weren't we weren't like completely a first to it at first

[00:25:58] but we weren't trying and then eventually made the decision that's it yeah and my doctor did say

[00:26:04] and I'm gonna not get this statistic right but I want to say she told me that the postpartum

[00:26:09] the chances of having postpartum the same or worse was it like 70 percent for a second child

[00:26:16] and so that was the big kicker for me like I can't go through the depression and the anxiety

[00:26:22] and the panic and you know all of that stuff all all over again and then and then physically

[00:26:29] she said that I probably wouldn't be able to have any more children because of all the damn it

[00:26:37] Piper literally broke the mold figuratively and literally anyway so that there was that physical

[00:26:49] aspect of almost dying during the first childbirth and then either having to have a c-section or

[00:26:58] not being able to get off the the table or the bed whatever you want to say during childbirth again so

[00:27:06] I didn't want to risk it I wanted my family to have a wife and a mother so

[00:27:11] so yeah so we decided not to but anyway I don't know how we got down this road from being

[00:27:16] prideful asking for help oh asking yeah for help with the baby so yeah yeah but there's been a lot

[00:27:22] of times where I made it to the end and had again had to tuck my tail and was like I really need some

[00:27:29] help or when it comes to you it's more more of me sitting in the bed crying like and not asking

[00:27:37] so much for help but um explaining my case so that you'll understand so the words of I need

[00:27:44] help don't actually come out of my mouth but you pick up on it enough to know okay I'm here

[00:27:50] to help I got you so that's nice um but as far as like asking for help I can't remember a time

[00:28:04] and this is probably because it's been like so small of and not not necessarily insignificant but

[00:28:09] small times where I've had to ask for help but in the bigger parts of my life I it was it was

[00:28:19] hard for me to ask but I knew I needed it I've got one that you probably forgot about oh boy let's hear

[00:28:25] it you remember when we were uh freshly married living in the apartment we divided the bills

[00:28:31] because well okay so as weird as it sounds well we'll get to your um question Joe that's a good one

[00:28:38] but um you know we've always had divided checking accounts we've both always worked we've both

[00:28:43] always like split things down the middle because that was just again too fiercely independent

[00:28:47] people that was like the best way for the two of us to be able to cohabitate was like we're we're

[00:28:52] going to share responsibility for everything rather than if there's going to be a this is your job

[00:28:57] then it's because this is my job and we've always tried to balance things like I told Gillian years

[00:29:02] ago if she wanted to be a stay-at-home mom and housewife I'm like I can make that happen we're

[00:29:07] going to have to adjust some things we're going to have to live where we can afford to live

[00:29:11] we're going to have to be able to live within our means but I can make that happen

[00:29:14] she decided not to and I said okay well then if you're going to go work I'll help out with the

[00:29:20] housework we're going to split the bills you know we're going to do this evenly as evenly as possible

[00:29:25] but when we first got married at the time you were making more than I was and most of my money

[00:29:30] was going to tuition because I was in college for a year after we got married and you were

[00:29:35] supposed to pay the rent and then there was that there was that month I think like a couple

[00:29:40] of days before the rent was due where you came to me hat in your hand gee I had forgotten about that

[00:29:47] Phil tail tucked it's tucked again and you came to me and said I can't pay the rent

[00:29:58] like just was short wasn't you know payday was after the rent was coming you didn't have it and

[00:30:05] came to me and I couldn't tell at the time if you were shocked or mad that I immediately just

[00:30:10] said that's fine I got it I don't think mad mad would never I don't why would I be mad because

[00:30:18] you were calm about it and didn't like break me over the cold it was more shock of I've really

[00:30:24] expected to be like handed my ass at this point because I couldn't afford to you know make ends

[00:30:31] meet from from my budget oh that was tough but the good thing that came out it was because you came

[00:30:38] to me and said hey I need help and call it what it is I mean at that point the only thing I was

[00:30:42] spending money on was like gas insurance and college because I was just I mean I was still a

[00:30:48] college student you know I was working for it I was working 55 60 hours a week putting myself

[00:30:53] through college but I was still in college so I didn't spend my money on anything except you

[00:30:57] and I going out once a week and you know important stuff so I had money sitting off on the side

[00:31:03] and when you said hey I can't pay the rent I was like not a problem I got it I've got the money

[00:31:08] because I've been saving I've got that emergency fund just in case but the good thing that came

[00:31:13] out was like that was when you and I sat down and had a real conversation about budgeting and

[00:31:18] figuring out how to play in your money and your spending habits improved 200 after that

[00:31:24] you've never had a problem paying bills again no I was just so embarrassed I guess that I

[00:31:31] didn't ever want to be in that position again but it was I have gotten in that position before

[00:31:37] last month okay anyway anyway we're moving on we're not talking about Gillian's finances

[00:31:44] well no but we were talking about we were talking about asking for help and it's still

[00:31:50] hard for me to ask you for help for like money stuff like our accounts are still separate we

[00:31:55] we don't have a joint account we don't have a joint account anywhere we take care I take care of bills

[00:32:02] and you take care of bills like we just split it and then a lot of that is based on our income

[00:32:07] and so I take a lot of the smaller bills and you take the bigger chunk bills which was

[00:32:13] the inverse years and years ago when I made less than you did right you know like we've

[00:32:18] always tried to we've always tried to split things relative to like how much the two of us were

[00:32:23] bringing in but and we also know that between November and February money is tight because

[00:32:30] of Christmas and birthdays and you know all the stuff that happens during that time um

[00:32:37] and so when it comes to like some finances and then oh and then of course like for instance

[00:32:43] this month some medical bills popped up because I I've had to go see the doctor a couple times

[00:32:49] which is not a big deal and everything's fine I'm just anyway I I had had I have had to come to

[00:32:57] you and say can you pay this like and it wasn't like it was it was less than 50 bucks but that's

[00:33:02] how that's how much right now well not right now anymore but a couple of weeks ago that's

[00:33:09] how tight things were was I can't pay this $35 copay and I need you to step in can you just pay this

[00:33:17] please yeah and I could and what but what I'm trying to say is it's still hard for me to go

[00:33:22] well could you just pay for this part and then I'll pay for that and like it's still hard for me

[00:33:28] to to swap our finances and and say well can you pay this bill this month because you feel

[00:33:34] like that's your responsibility well yeah I feel like it's my responsibility and I also feel like

[00:33:39] I have somehow blundered this and now I can't take care of my responsibilities and now I'm having to

[00:33:46] go to my husband to take care of my responsibilities and so yeah the pride thing is there for sure

[00:33:52] I still of course I'm a very prideful person even though at the beginning of this show I said

[00:33:57] I wasn't but I am a very prideful person oh god yes you are I don't know but yes so I still have to

[00:34:05] ask you for help sometimes and I don't like it I still don't like it even after the first time

[00:34:11] I had to ask you for help I still don't like it and me on the other hand like I don't I don't

[00:34:18] know I don't feel like I have a hard time asking for help I think for me it really just comes

[00:34:22] down to like again the way I was raised like before I asked for help it's before I asked for help

[00:34:30] one of two things is going to happen either I'm asking for help with something so that I can put

[00:34:36] my effort somewhere else like like okay you know there's certain house tours I take care of

[00:34:41] and occasionally I'll ask you or Piper Billy hey can y'all fold that laundry so I can go take

[00:34:45] care of this yeah and usually that's because I can fold the laundry I'm capable of doing that

[00:34:51] but you and Piper can't do this other thing that needs to be done and I can so to me it's like

[00:34:55] if I'm going to do this if y'all do this then I can get to this faster we can all be done faster

[00:35:01] yeah but on the other hand for me it's a lot the way I was raised it's like if you're going to

[00:35:05] ask for help you better have done everything you can by yourself like don't wait until it's an

[00:35:10] emergency that's that's the other road we need to go down because that's what we had talked about

[00:35:15] that's where we're heading but it's don't don't wait until it's an emergency don't don't make it an

[00:35:23] emergency by waiting the last possible minute to ask for help but if there's something you can do

[00:35:28] to fix the problem you should fix the problem yourself that's just your response but as a grown

[00:35:33] person like I can remember a time when I was before you and I met um I was probably my first or

[00:35:39] second semester university in New Orleans I was living home with mom and dad and like at that

[00:35:44] time my dad had uh my check-in account linked to his because they were both through the same credit

[00:35:49] union and it was always done that way like if I got into a bad situation my dad could throw some money

[00:35:55] into my account to get you know get me by and he just happened to log on to look at his accounts

[00:35:59] and saw mine had 20 dollars in it now I'm working a part-time job I'm going school full time

[00:36:06] but I got 20 dollars in my account and my dad stopped me and was like why didn't you tell

[00:36:11] me that you ran out of money and I'm like I'm not and he was like you only have 20 dollars

[00:36:15] in your checking account I'm like but I'm fine like I get paid on Friday and I think this might

[00:36:19] have been like Tuesday or Wednesday I'm like I get paid on Friday I've got a full tank of gas my

[00:36:23] car insurance paid my cell phone bills paid I don't need anything from now till payday I'm good

[00:36:29] if I needed help I'd ask but that's how I live my life every two weeks I mean that's just

[00:36:33] called adulthood but but my point is like you know that that was my dad saying if you

[00:36:40] needed help you should have asked and me saying if I needed help I would have like if I if I had

[00:36:46] if I did not if I thought I was in danger of running out of gas between now and payday

[00:36:51] I would ask if I if I hadn't paid tuition I would ask but I wasn't in the situations like

[00:36:58] my very last semester at SLU before I graduated I I mean bearing in mind that I was working

[00:37:05] full-time we were living together we were married I mean but money was still tight money was money

[00:37:10] was very tight that first few years when before we're first establishing ourselves like most people

[00:37:14] that are but I ended up going to my dad because I was getting paid on I think a Friday but I had

[00:37:20] to pay the bursar's office for that semester by Tuesday you see what I'm saying and I I didn't

[00:37:26] have it I was gonna have it three days later but um I literally call my dad up and I'm like

[00:37:33] look this is the situation I get paid on Friday I have to pay the bursar's office by Tuesday or I

[00:37:38] can't start the semester I'm like if you can't if you don't have the money I'll go get a payday

[00:37:44] advance loan or what I'll go figure this out I have other options but before I do something

[00:37:48] that involves like a 50 interest rate for something crazy right I'm asking can you help

[00:37:54] and all I was asked for my dad was basically loan me like I think 600 bucks so I could pay

[00:37:58] for the semester and I pay him back three days later he wrote me a check and said

[00:38:02] you've put yourself through four years of college and haven't asked me for a cent

[00:38:06] consider this a graduation present which you know that was well well appreciated but again

[00:38:13] I went to my dad because I was like before this turns into an emergency or before I just

[00:38:18] pull the plug on finish in my college degree I'm asking for help yeah so like I think for

[00:38:24] me it was always an element of if you need help and it's I need help because of a self-inflicted

[00:38:30] wound you're gonna have to hear about that self-inflicted wound you know I'm saying you're

[00:38:34] gonna we're gonna have to and for my for the way I grew up it was never I'm gonna tell you about

[00:38:39] this make you feel bad about it it was I'll help you but part of helping you means making sure

[00:38:45] you don't do this to yourself again again that old adage of parents are our teachers

[00:38:51] for my parents it was always I'll dig you out of this hole that's gonna happen because you're

[00:38:56] my son I don't want anything bad to happen to you but I have to teach you how not to get in this

[00:39:01] hole again yeah because if I don't teach you that I might I'm not fixing the problem the problem

[00:39:06] isn't I got in trouble or the problem is not I'm in trouble the problem is I got myself in trouble

[00:39:13] so anyway we have to go catch up on a couple of things have fired away um

[00:39:22] Joe said family has to be teamwork especially when babies are new I took the night shifts

[00:39:28] with the formula bottle so the wife could sleep and be hey day mom

[00:39:35] I don't know I didn't sleep that first couple years we just

[00:39:39] I'm glad y'all got some sleep during your your children's first years Joe

[00:39:45] I'm joking I do remember though like there were times eventually there were times when

[00:39:51] I would I would like Piper especially because she had such bad gastric reflux when she was first

[00:39:56] born like there were times she could could not sleep laying down they thought that I can't

[00:40:08] or I can't remember I know she had to have a lot of tests and they were really hard and the

[00:40:13] flap at the top for stomach that's supposed to keep the food in there when she lays on her side

[00:40:17] they thought that may not have formed oh okay yeah so they were remember they were concerned

[00:40:22] she might remember there being a lot of yeah uncomfortable tests that had to happen yeah it

[00:40:28] wasn't pleasant but there were a lot of nights I slept I sat in that recliner and she had to

[00:40:32] sleep sitting up I'd put put I'd sit Piper on my lap put her head against my chest throw a

[00:40:37] blanket over the two of us and she would just have her head up against my chest listen to my

[00:40:40] heartbeat she'd be out 15 or 20 seconds and then by the grace of God because the army taught me

[00:40:46] to sleep anywhere I would sleep sitting up and I'd get three four hours of sleep and then when

[00:40:52] it was time to wake up in the morning you go to work I'd go put her in bed next to you and

[00:40:57] I'd get ready and I'd go yeah but anyway um Joe asked did you ask for help after the

[00:41:06] storm or did help just show up and I don't know I just from my from my perspective I just know that

[00:41:13] the help arrived so um the help did just arrive some of the help did just arrive and we have like my

[00:41:21] sister um and Andrew your co-host for Matter of Facts to thank for that because they were in

[00:41:27] constant communication with because once we lost cell service and nobody had heard from us

[00:41:34] and the last thing that I had posted on Facebook was that trees were falling around the house which

[00:41:39] they were because I can't remember if the words tried to swallow us yeah but um they Gabriel had

[00:41:48] then decided as soon as it was safe enough to come down that they were coming and we knew

[00:41:53] that that was happening like they had already packed up their trailer and they were coming

[00:41:57] but I called um I can't remember the the church there was a church that came from

[00:42:06] it was a Mormon church from the Mormon church from Alabama I called that morning as soon as we

[00:42:13] you know were able first lighten to see how much damage there was I called that morning to get

[00:42:17] our name on the list for them to come help us cut these trees down and get them off the

[00:42:23] house and all that stuff um and then your sister and brother in law and nephew and two nieces beat

[00:42:29] them here yes because at that point I think we were there was quite a list but um as my sister is

[00:42:39] pulling away and you know all the tears of their leaving and what now we have to deal with this

[00:42:44] whole thing this mess by herself the Mormons pulled up and they finished off everything

[00:42:48] that we had left so they moved the rest of the tree out and put it in the woods and

[00:42:53] and they had it done within like 20 minutes like the house was clear and the the pile of tree in

[00:43:01] the front yard where it was supposed to go was you know probably a story high and it was higher

[00:43:06] than taller than the house and to be fair I mean we'd done 90% of the work before Micah and

[00:43:11] Gabriel left yeah so but in that instance the help was already on the way but then I did call and

[00:43:18] ask for help because there was no way we were going to get these trees off of our house by ourselves

[00:43:23] like we couldn't even walk out the front door or the garage because the trees had blocked everything

[00:43:29] so they're they we needed help and so I was not prideful at all at that point I was like no

[00:43:36] my husband can't do this and I can't do this by myself either so

[00:43:39] but that first morning I was out there with a bow saw and an axe trying to at least

[00:43:45] no but hear me out I knew I wasn't going to deal with all the mess that was in the front yard

[00:43:51] without chainsaw and help but I was at least trying to cut enough to like get your jeep

[00:43:56] out of the tree so that I knew that we had that available if we needed to get out of the area

[00:44:02] and I was also trying to cut that that chunk of the tree back enough that we could at least

[00:44:06] get in and out through the garage yeah because like otherwise we were having to go out the back

[00:44:10] the back door and walk around the side of the house so I mean again it comes down to we asked for help

[00:44:16] because we needed help yeah but I also looked at it as there's this thing that I could do right now

[00:44:23] and I've got the tools to do it it's just going to involve some effort so yeah it would be lazy

[00:44:27] get over there and get it done the two of us worked hard until somebody you know we got

[00:44:31] people there because there was things that there were things that we could do

[00:44:35] you know so and like Andrew pointed out to your sister when he was talking to her like

[00:44:40] Andrew was very because Andrew and I had this conversation later and he said I was I told

[00:44:45] I told Gabriel I'm not worried about filling Gillian being able to provide for themselves

[00:44:51] I'm not worried about them having food or water I'm not I'm not worried about any of that

[00:44:55] I'm worried about the heat because Andrew knew it was like high 90s down here in August

[00:45:02] and without power that's no air conditioning and you know Andrew is concerned about our

[00:45:06] well-being from a standpoint of heat exhaustion or heat stroke but Andrew knows who I am

[00:45:12] you know we've known each other eight years now no since 2016 yeah eight years he and I've

[00:45:20] been friends and he knows that like yeah Phil's guy Phil's got water Phil's got food Phil's

[00:45:25] guy what he needs to cook with the power out and the grid down like we had all that so again I

[00:45:31] feel like it's one of those situations of like we had done everything we could ahead of the storm

[00:45:36] to prepare for the fallout my blindside was in all my years of home ownership I had never

[00:45:43] needed a chainsaw before because if ever I needed to cut something down a bow saw or an axe

[00:45:49] or a pole saw would have done the job but what we woke up to the next morning was not going to be

[00:45:54] dealt with without it turned out two chainsaws and four strong backs yeah to get it all cleared

[00:46:03] so anyway stewart is messaging me on signal so I'm I have to go see what stewart is saying

[00:46:13] I don't know it's probably something about the camp the show and now how we have to start over

[00:46:19] but he's not in the chat I know I don't know where stewart is but anyway anyway

[00:46:25] but yeah as far as what we were talking about earlier and we talked about this yesterday

[00:46:29] it's probably what we need to get into before we round the show out but you know there is there is

[00:46:34] that gillian and I have had this experience with various people and we don't do this but

[00:46:39] it's been done to us where somebody will wait till something is an emergency before they mention

[00:46:45] they just happen to mention oh by the way I'm screwed yeah and then there's that part of Phil's

[00:46:51] brain that kicks in this as if you'd have told me this like a week ago this wouldn't be an emergency

[00:46:56] we could have dealt with this in a reasonable fashion rather than this turn into a jump through

[00:47:03] your butt session to hurry up and so like I feel like you know there's a balancing act here

[00:47:12] if there's something to be said for I this might be painful but I can work this problem out myself

[00:47:18] and if a person says I can work it out myself I'm content to let them work it out themselves

[00:47:22] because that's what I would want as a grown man if I say I've got it back up let me handle it

[00:47:27] if I ask you to help I'm going to tell you exactly what I need

[00:47:32] to help but I'm also going to be open to like what youth if I but if I come to you and I say

[00:47:38] I cannot fix this then I am wide open to whatever you think needs to be done because I can't I can't

[00:47:43] fix this I can't take care of this myself so I feel like where where we get into trouble on the other

[00:47:49] side of this equation when somebody comes to us is one of two things either they wait until

[00:47:55] the problem is turned into an emergency before they ask for help which doesn't work out well

[00:47:59] for anybody or they can't fix the problem themselves but they want specific help

[00:48:06] if that makes sense it's like you've already admitted to me you can't fix this problem by

[00:48:10] yourself yeah so once you come to me and say can you fix this my response is I'll fix it but

[00:48:15] I'm gonna fix it my way because you've already admitted you can't fix this you don't get to

[00:48:20] it with me you don't get to not fix the problem and demand to get fixed in your way on your

[00:48:26] timetable once you put yourself on my end you got to surrender control and let me fix it

[00:48:31] yes and in some cases where we we've been involved the once that that has been

[00:48:41] suggested or told to them they back up and say never mind I don't need your help

[00:48:47] if you but but here's so then was an emergency but here's filling a nutshell if if I tell you

[00:48:55] if you need help you have to let me you have to get out of my way and let me do it

[00:49:00] and you immediately it's the minute you're not in control you don't you get uncomfortable

[00:49:04] with the situation that just tells me you could fix you could fix the problem or live without it

[00:49:08] yeah you're not asking out of a need or asking because you just don't want to don't want to do

[00:49:14] whatever it takes to fix the problem or in this case pride you don't want you don't want

[00:49:21] to expose how you got into that problem because then I'm going to demand that you've not

[00:49:26] get into it again yeah because again the way I was raised yeah if you if you put yourself in

[00:49:33] a bad situation and you ask for help there's going to be a lesson attached to this

[00:49:38] you're gonna it's going to be expected that when I help you out of this situation you're not

[00:49:42] going to you're not going to turn around and put yourself right back in the same situation

[00:49:47] like if you fall in a hole and I throw you a ladder and I pull you out and then you jump

[00:49:52] straight back in the hole the second time I'm gonna let's stay in the hole because now you just

[00:49:57] convinced me that there's no matter of effort I can expend to fix this problem because the problem

[00:50:01] is not you being in the hole the problem is you jumping down into it yeah and if you're not

[00:50:05] willing to fix that problem I can't help so that's I think that's where like you and I

[00:50:11] have been on the other side of this where we've dealt with very prideful people who

[00:50:16] won't ask for help because they don't want to have to admit they caused the problem

[00:50:20] themselves and they don't want to hear you have to change your behavior to avoid being here again

[00:50:27] and then you and I are left with not many other options there than I can't help if you won't let

[00:50:33] me help you don't want to be helped because my version of help is prevent you from hurting

[00:50:38] yourself in the future your version of help is stop the pain right now but I'm going to hurt

[00:50:42] myself again yeah and I do it again I can't get me out of this problem now you know I'll

[00:50:48] tell you that I'll do better but then you know do it again yeah kind of reminds me of an addict

[00:50:54] well I was I was going to say like we did have that experience with a family member that was an

[00:50:59] addict and there came a time when I told you I'm like this is because them asking us for money

[00:51:05] has become a pattern of behavior so if they want a loan or whatever they want to call it

[00:51:12] I want to see their finances to figure out where all their money's going in the minute

[00:51:16] you threw that up they did they broke contact they wanted no part of me digging into their

[00:51:21] because I'm gonna call what it is we know I know it's the line of work I was in for a lot of years

[00:51:30] though like if you let me crawl around in your finances I'm gonna figure out where your money's

[00:51:35] going yeah you probably don't want me looking at your finances as a matter of fact because

[00:51:38] if you think you're hiding something why do you think we have separate accounts

[00:51:44] we have separate accounts because I don't want you to see where I'm spending my money

[00:51:48] and as long as you can because I know that you're gonna be like why is there a six charge to amazon

[00:51:52] this link as long as you as long as you can tell me that you are sticking to your budget then I

[00:51:59] trust you I am sticking to my budget you're not lying to me are you no no no anyway pride

[00:52:15] I'm good we're good but no like I said so I mean I guess this was a long wood way of saying like

[00:52:22] there is I feel like there's a super super thin gray line between being prideful and being

[00:52:27] independent and I think that line had I think if I had to establish where that line is

[00:52:33] it has to be whether whatever you're calling pride or independence whether it is a net positive

[00:52:41] or net negative to you like if it's causing you to not ask for help when you obviously need

[00:52:45] help then it's pride and if it's causing you to work hard and be responsible to prevent

[00:52:51] causing a problem then that's independence like I feel like that's that's that's I feel like that

[00:52:58] kind of comes back to my standpoint on a lot of different things it's like the where's the line

[00:53:03] between being health conscious and being neurotic about every tiny little thing it's is it promoting

[00:53:10] you is it is it encouraging you to look after the way you eat and take care of yourself so

[00:53:14] that it's a net positive or is it making you a mess because you're constantly worrying about

[00:53:18] nonsense the line always to me has to be is it helping you or hurting you and in this case I feel like

[00:53:27] you've had some moments in your past where it has been pride that has stopped you from asking

[00:53:32] for help but I feel like you know we've both grown to a point where together and as a couple

[00:53:38] we've come just to a point where we want to be very fiercely independent we want to

[00:53:42] take care of ourselves we don't want to constantly be asking others for help if we don't need it

[00:53:48] but at the same time be gracious and mature enough that if we need help we suck it up when we go

[00:53:55] get it and we haven't done that yeah we've done that we just had a whole show about that yeah

[00:54:03] sometimes sometimes the asking for help is painful but I don't think it should be

[00:54:11] well good luck with that because it's always going to be painful like I like I said I still don't

[00:54:18] like having to ask you for help I'll do it well financially I don't like to ask you for help okay

[00:54:25] what other kinds of help other than financially because my no money's money's a sore spot

[00:54:31] I mean it's not I wouldn't say it's like a total sore spot I think we've gotten past the whole

[00:54:35] financial troubles you know between the two of us kind of thing and a lot of growth has happened

[00:54:41] but I don't mind asking you to um I don't know clean the kitchen or all the hinges on the front

[00:54:49] door or hey could you help me with my car today could you help me wash my car or whatever like

[00:54:56] I don't I'm not scared to ask you for help unless it's finances so finances are still sore spot

[00:55:05] sometimes it's just you know yes yes yes it's still a sore spot yes moving on should we make

[00:55:14] the next episode about stubbornness no where's the line between stubborn and strong will that could

[00:55:35] I do want to because we're getting close to it the women who prep conference is coming up in April

[00:55:41] and you do not have to be a woman to attend however it um I mean it is the women who prep so

[00:55:49] we're trying to reach more women who do this but anyway women who prep conference is in April

[00:55:56] your the tickets are on sale I will I keep saying I'm going to do this and I haven't done

[00:56:01] yet I will be posting an affiliate link on the Facebook and Instagram the raising values Facebook

[00:56:08] and Instagram so if you would like to buy your tickets through me and help assist out um because

[00:56:17] I have a Costa Rica trip to pay for um then please do that but the tickets are on sale

[00:56:24] but don't buy them until I post my affiliate link and it's in April and you're going to do that

[00:56:31] as soon as we get done yes yes yes I'm going to figure this out I'm going to I'm going to post my

[00:56:35] affiliate link um it's a couple of days it's online you don't have to go anywhere you know just buy

[00:56:42] your tickets there's going to be prizes and giveaways and all that stuff and there's also going

[00:56:46] to be a live q&a session there and then um yeah there's individual sessions that you can attend

[00:56:53] and then you can do the live q&a and then you could do the panel discussion

[00:56:57] and I'll be on the panel discussion and I'm also doing my own segment of prepping with kids

[00:57:03] so if you haven't heard me talk about that on matter of facts or even on raising values then

[00:57:09] definitely join us for that so you can see it um I think that's it I don't think I mean prepper

[00:57:16] camp yeah but that's coming up in September and coming up is not that's not a lot that's a

[00:57:21] ways that's a ways away yeah but if you haven't already made arrangements go to prepper camp

[00:57:25] you better be on that yesterday because the entire that place is booked the well the entire campsite

[00:57:32] is already booked out for all the improved spots um tent city I don't know if they're doing a waiting

[00:57:37] list or if it's first come first serve or if you want to look into the local area but um

[00:57:43] prepper camp has sold out orchard lake has sold out earlier in the year I think that it ever

[00:57:50] has in the past and if that's any indication of this the time period in which tickets will probably

[00:57:55] sell out for prep for the event if you are at all interested and you're in within driving distance

[00:58:01] of you know salute in north carolina you better get on your a game right now and yeah let's just

[00:58:07] address let's go into address this this comment very good bed phil are you sticking to your budget

[00:58:14] night vision I actually told him to spend that money phil does not spend money he doesn't it

[00:58:21] sits and it grows and it's great and i'm so excited and wonderful that you know it's wonderful

[00:58:27] that he does this he does not spend money on himself and so when the opportunity for night

[00:58:32] vision came to him even though it was a few thousand dollars and I said do you have it and

[00:58:38] he said yes and said will we be okay if you spend it and he said yes and I said then spend the

[00:58:43] money and get the night vision and there was no selfish reasons from my part that I wanted him to

[00:58:49] get the night vision and I have spent and I have spent the last seven months recuperating from that

[00:58:58] financial decision yes Joe he surprised me a couple weeks ago with the beach trip we're going to

[00:59:04] the beach this summer see he just said phil has money beach trip yes we're going to the beach

[00:59:11] yes I'm going to Costa Rica with my sister-in-law and I'm super excited about that in April

[00:59:16] but then my husband's taking me to the beach during the summer in addition to the matter of

[00:59:21] fact scamping trip yes I told Gillian that since that financial upheaval I've been

[00:59:29] busting my behind to get our savings account funded back to the point I would like it to be

[00:59:36] and once we get there then I'm going to start saving for a beach trip which

[00:59:40] should be doable I mean I've done some financial projections and we shouldn't have a problem with

[00:59:44] that but yes to Gillian's point I don't I don't spend money within my budget I have x amount of

[00:59:51] money that's budgeted for you know prepper stuff but a lot of a lot of my money goes into

[00:59:59] you know funding three different retirements and a savings account and taking care of bills

[01:00:03] and these two girls so I don't spend money on myself very often and several thousand

[01:00:08] dollars for night vision was a very out of character experience you know spend expense for me but

[01:00:14] it's been fun it has been fun it's been fun especially on camping trips when well that wasn't

[01:00:22] fun for me but because I was kind of scared but well but when there's no light pollution and

[01:00:26] you get to chuck up your cell phone camera behind that pbs 14 and you can see stars that

[01:00:32] you didn't even know existed before but anyway boys if you want to convince your spouse to

[01:00:38] let you buy a pbs 14 talk to them about stargazing talk to them about using a pbs 14 for star gazing

[01:00:46] or nighttime photography because it's light intensification so stars you can't see with the

[01:00:52] naked eye you'll see all of a sudden it's pretty cool it's a lot of fun anyway well I hope you

[01:00:57] guys have a great rest of your day in summer a summer sunday I'm waiting for summer I wish summer was

[01:01:04] here um yeah nothing that's it thank y'all for being here and being a part of the comment section

[01:01:10] I love love love it I always say that so keep it up but we will see you next week have a great

[01:01:17] week and yeah thank you I don't know I'm awkward what a lot of what a lot of I don't know how to

[01:01:26] big beginner end of show ask for help if you need it don't be prideful see y'all in a week bye