Raising Values: Is Gillian a "Trad Wife"?

[00:00:01] Welcome to the Raising Values Podcast where the traditional family talks. You can find

[00:00:06] us on iTunes, Stitcher and Spotify and be sure to follow us on Facebook and Instagram.

[00:00:12] You can support the Raising Values podcast through Patreon. Phil and Gillian are behind

[00:00:17] the mic and we hope you enjoy the show. Welcome back to Raising Values. Good morning.

[00:00:32] Yay. I'm a Trad Wife or am I a Trad Wife? I don't know. Phil had this conversation,

[00:00:40] well this idea a couple of weeks ago but no. It was this week. It was this week but we've talked about

[00:00:46] it. We've talked about it in the past especially as things like continue to show up on your

[00:00:51] Instagram feed and all that stuff. But before we get to the show I do want to kind of get

[00:00:58] some notes out of the way. The Women Who Prep Conference is coming up and I know I've been talking

[00:01:04] about this a lot but I am really excited about it and there's been a little change to my session.

[00:01:11] This guy here is going to join me for that. So we're going to be discussing kids and

[00:01:18] prepping and how to get your kids involved with prepping and being a part of that lifestyle

[00:01:22] and you should know by now if you are a follower of this podcast or a founder of FACTS

[00:01:28] that we are preppers. So the Women Who Prep Conference is April 20th through the 23rd.

[00:01:34] I have an affiliate link. This is in the show note. No it's not in the show notes. Okay so the

[00:01:40] problem is because of the way all these different platforms handle hyperlinks like if

[00:01:45] you're listening to this in audio on our audio only podcast it is in the show notes. Okay.

[00:01:51] However on YouTube and on Rumble and looks like several other platforms they don't play very

[00:01:58] nice with hyperlinks at least not the way I tried to do them. So in that case I think going to

[00:02:02] Gillian's Link Tree which is pinned to the top of your Facebook page. Yeah so on my Facebook

[00:02:07] and Instagram pages under raising values podcast go to the link tree it has all of the links

[00:02:13] or everything including tickets to the conference and so you can purchase through that link.

[00:02:18] I do get a little you know a nice little payday. A little vacation fund. It's not much but it does

[00:02:26] help to to kind of spread the word and everything so if you like me and you want to go to the

[00:02:33] conference which is online so you don't even have to go anywhere you don't have to leave

[00:02:37] your house or anything like that and you sign up and you can anyway you click on the link

[00:02:42] and you can get tickets for that. There's going to be over 15 speakers and it grows all the time so

[00:02:52] there's all sorts of things that are going on it's not just for women men can also participate

[00:02:58] there's giveaways and prizes and all that fun stuff that you usually see at a conference

[00:03:05] and there was one more thing that oh I not only will Phil and I be doing a recorded

[00:03:12] session on kids who prepping with kids I will also be a part of the discussion panel

[00:03:20] and I'm not right yeah I'm not really sure where that lines up in the whole conference yet

[00:03:25] but so I'll be a part I'll be joining other women

[00:03:29] um and a live discussion no well I don't know if it's going to be live Q&A session but anyway

[00:03:35] it's a discussion panel and then I think we're going to open it up to live Q&A so anyway so that's

[00:03:40] there but once you register you'll get all that information so women who prep conference

[00:03:44] online event April 20th through the 23rd I always get these dates wrong I always want to say

[00:03:51] something else April 20th through the 23rd so link tree on Instagram and Facebook

[00:03:59] that's it now I can discuss whether or not I'm a trad wife yeah so this this kind of well first

[00:04:06] of all this came about because like you know I now admittedly I try to limit my social media

[00:04:12] intake because I think that like all forms social media are basically digital brain cancer in the

[00:04:17] making but I saw this thing come across and it was kind of a it was one of those little

[00:04:25] wifely pokes at husbands about you know if your husband expects you to cook for him and do his

[00:04:32] laundry and clean his house you don't have you have one more child than you think you have

[00:04:38] basically the inference being made that like you know you're you're you're

[00:04:43] treating your husband like a child if you do anything for him for his benefit which I kind of it

[00:04:49] got my gears turning about like you know that like this is where we are as a society where

[00:04:56] what was once what was once understood to not be an act of subservience but an act of like

[00:05:03] you know like affection through action is now being derided to the point where women are

[00:05:09] being shamed for taking care of their husbands and their families like and I that again and I feel

[00:05:16] like this this crashes into this whole this this kind of new social media trend of the trad wives

[00:05:23] because every time you see one of these women who espouses this idea of like I'm a stay-at-home

[00:05:28] mom my home school my kids I take care of the house a lot of them are homesteaders as you know

[00:05:33] as a result husband works he comes home I take care of him and there are always always always

[00:05:40] lesions of angry better women and you know angry feminists in the in the comments

[00:05:47] who want nothing more than to see this trend go away so that's I feel like that's where we're at

[00:05:54] is and you were the one that actually said am I a trad wife and I was like opinions would be

[00:06:00] mixed because you do work we do split the housework like in some ways you are not a traditional wife

[00:06:07] we are not that traditional household but in a lot of ways we are yeah I do feel like we are

[00:06:13] more traditional than a lot of household households um I you had given me the option

[00:06:20] when Piper was born do I want to go back to work or do I want to stay home and

[00:06:26] to be completely honest I took the easy way out and went back to work I didn't stay home

[00:06:32] and I know I mean I was home for three months with her which is nothing compared to

[00:06:38] full-time stay-at-home moms and people who you know the women who stay home and keep the house and

[00:06:43] all that stuff I when I thought about doing that I it scared the hell out of me and I didn't

[00:06:50] want to do that I really feel like I took the easy way out and went back to work and that was something

[00:06:57] I don't think I could ever be a stay-at-home mom and I I believe that um all the jobs that I've had

[00:07:05] since Piper has been born has always it will not you know hands down will be easier than the

[00:07:13] job of a woman who stays home with her kids constant I mean it's it's a it's selfless and it is a 24-hour

[00:07:22] seven day a week there are no breaks you know you don't get time off there is no 30 minute

[00:07:29] lunch break or anything like that you don't get to punch the time clock at five and be like

[00:07:33] eh feed yourselves kids um so yeah I took the easy way out went back to work and I truly believe

[00:07:41] that um yeah and I guess the funny the funny juxtaposition for me is that like hey Stuart you're

[00:07:49] just a little bit late but you made it and hey garden girl we're reading your comments while

[00:07:53] we're putting our thoughts together but like I guess from my perspective like because you know

[00:07:58] when Piper was born we were in that weird situation where like I was in the process

[00:08:03] of getting laid off yeah so there was a period of time when you went back to work I was

[00:08:08] job hunting and I I was home with her all the time and I guess from my perspective like

[00:08:16] the only stress I had was the stress of I need to get back to work I need to provide because

[00:08:21] when my when my income went away that was 60 a little better than 60 percent of our income

[00:08:26] evaporated overnight yeah it was it was crippling but as far as like keeping up the house where

[00:08:32] taking care of her and everything that was never stressed to me like even when she was crying

[00:08:36] I'm like okay I just have to figure out what you wanted then you'll be okay yeah but see and

[00:08:40] like we've talked about in past episodes her crying was also an anxiety or panic attack for me like

[00:08:48] just the sound of her crying sent me over the edge and so when I decided it no and it wasn't

[00:08:56] an easy decision because there were so there were so many times once she was born that I felt

[00:09:01] like I was not a good mom I was not a good wife I was not a good just woman in general and I couldn't

[00:09:08] keep up and I couldn't um I couldn't hack it and all these other women were hacking it and I didn't

[00:09:15] know how they were hacking it because Lord knows I did not have a rainbows and unicorns experience

[00:09:20] for the first three years of her life I mean there was a time once she was born

[00:09:24] there was no connection there was I hate to say this but I really didn't feel that mother daughter

[00:09:32] mother child bond that supposed is supposed to come right after you have a child I didn't

[00:09:39] feel it during my pregnancy and I didn't feel it after she was born and so I felt like a failure

[00:09:44] I felt like I was just some big mistake that I shouldn't have had kids kind of thing um and

[00:09:51] so going to work was my out but knowing that you could take on that role without having the panic

[00:09:59] attacks and all that stuff which meant that our daughter not that I neglected her you know whatever

[00:10:04] but I could go to work and know that Piper was fed she was loved she was warm she was you know

[00:10:10] burped and changed and all that stuff um but yeah so anyway I don't know how we got there

[00:10:19] from where we were well because I decided not to be a trad wife when Piper was born I you know and

[00:10:27] that wasn't really a thing at the time like trad wife wasn't on social media I mean social media was

[00:10:32] still kind of you know still kind of kicking off a little bit there were different things I think my

[00:10:37] space was now my space I don't know my space was dead and buried by them but um that's how we

[00:10:44] got on that topic of me not choosing to be a trad life yeah I still think I still think that I am in

[00:10:51] some aspects a traditional wife I do ask you for things like I not like I do ask you for not so

[00:11:01] much permission but I discuss with you things before I do them so we're like if I go if I

[00:11:07] want to go out to eat with some friends after work or whatever I'm not just going to be like

[00:11:12] by the way I'm at um the restaurant and figure it out tonight you know I'm going to discuss those

[00:11:18] things with you first so and then like major decisions that happen for our household or

[00:11:23] even some minor ones it's like no first I have to talk to my husband because he's a key player in

[00:11:28] this this um decision and it this decision could be do I want to go get drinks after work with

[00:11:35] my co-workers you know that could be a key decision because you may have something planned

[00:11:40] that I'm not aware of and you're relying on me to get home to help with this so

[00:11:46] in a way quote unquote I ask your permission for things and I certainly don't balk at that I think

[00:11:54] I I do I do that and you do it as well it's not like you go and make big purchases without

[00:12:01] discussing it with me it's not like you decide well I'm going to go to the gun range today

[00:12:06] and screw my life she can figure it out on her own and then you're out the door and

[00:12:09] don't say anything we have this mutual agreement and this mutual um well we have a mutual respect

[00:12:16] respect that's the word I was trying to get to that that we you know there's nothing wrong with

[00:12:23] that kind of stuff I also you know a long time ago I told Phil that I don't I don't like to do

[00:12:31] dishes and I don't like to do laundry I will sweep I will vacuum I will make beds I will

[00:12:37] clean toilets I will do all those things but the dishes and the laundry are like just don't like

[00:12:44] doing them so Phil you know does all that stuff not all the time I mean I I I do a lot more because

[00:12:52] we had a discussion that you felt like a lot of stuff were was piled on you more just because

[00:12:57] dad does it all the time doesn't mean that dad should do it all the time I'm waiting on responses

[00:13:04] from you what are you doing I'm feeding you the rope I'm letting you go you look kind of like a

[00:13:10] little scared a little questioning um no I'm just waiting see where you're going no I'm just I'm

[00:13:16] just saying like I do take on traditional roles in the house I do but you also take on

[00:13:24] untraditional roles as the father man and husband yeah well in a lot of ways like

[00:13:32] I as Gillian and I were figuring out how to be a married couple I I've been very fluid in a lot of

[00:13:40] ways because like my perspective is very much like there are I don't see things in terms of gender

[00:13:47] roles as weird as this might sound because I do fall into a lot of those traditional gender roles

[00:13:52] I look at things in terms of which one of us is the best suited to do this thing and whoever

[00:13:57] is the best suited as a person who should take the lead on it like no offense but if I'm out front

[00:14:02] doing a break job I'm not going to call you out there and ask your opinion on it because I know a

[00:14:07] lot more about mechanics than you do I've been working on cars with my dad since I was a teenager

[00:14:12] and you haven't but there have been moments where I've been like hey babe you see that little

[00:14:16] hole right there I need to stick your arm in there and grab that thing because my my arm won't

[00:14:20] reach in that in that narrow moment you were better suited to do that thing than I was and

[00:14:25] I'm not going to fight with it I'm just going to go get the person who's best suited to do the job

[00:14:29] there have been times raising Piper where she has needed mom and dad in different capacities

[00:14:36] and I can remember some times when she was little that you felt away because like she

[00:14:42] kept coming to me and I'm like she comes to me to get the things she needs from me she goes to

[00:14:47] you to get the things she needs from you she she's drawing that line based on what she

[00:14:52] needs and who she feels is best equipped to give it to her she's doing all this subconsciously

[00:14:57] so my point of view has always been doing the digital laundry drives with walls I do not care

[00:15:04] I don't I don't care I wouldn't care if you were doing the digital laundry and I was sweeping the

[00:15:09] floors I don't care it means nothing to me so whichever one you prefer the least I'll take care

[00:15:14] of you'll do something else we'll meet in the middle but then there are things that like

[00:15:20] yeah I do traditionally fall into but I don't think it's because I'm the man and that's a male

[00:15:25] role I think it's just because I'm better equipped to do some of those things than you are I'm bigger

[00:15:29] I am stronger I have more endurance I am better able to tolerate you know pain or discomfort

[00:15:36] or whatever the problem whatever it is there are things that I naturally gravitate towards

[00:15:42] because I'm just better equipped for them but then there's moments in time where like

[00:15:47] 11 year old little girl makes no rational sense to me whatsoever and I looked you like I really need

[00:15:53] you to explain this to me because you out of the two bus you're the only one of us that's ever

[00:15:56] been a little girl so I need you to help me out here so I guess that's kind of my perspective

[00:16:02] is like I don't I believe that if I believe that no matter what where a couple draws the line

[00:16:11] in a relationship I think there's two things that are super important I think the important

[00:16:16] things are that you assign a task based on who is best equipped to deal with it there are stay at

[00:16:24] home dads yeah who stay home take care of the kids take care of the house wife goes out works

[00:16:29] if that's the way you all want to do things that's perfectly a okay but the other really

[00:16:34] important part and this is where I see a lot of the arguing the bickering come about

[00:16:39] is there has to be a sense of we're both contributing to this pot of effort is equally or not as

[00:16:47] equally but as fully as possible because I find I see that I find that that seems to be where a lot

[00:16:53] of like there's there's miscommunication and misconceptions about you know the traditional

[00:16:59] lifestyle where it's like there's this idea in people's heads of like traditional life means

[00:17:04] wife does all the housework man sits at the like I jokingly told you this morning I'm gonna sit here

[00:17:10] while you're running around clean and I'm gonna sit here with my feet up and my slippers on read

[00:17:14] in the newspaper and then you wanted me to go make you breakfast too oh yeah forgot about the

[00:17:18] breakfast and you had to do it wearing a skirt and heels like we're doing this my pearls we're

[00:17:24] doing this 1950s style but no but that is that is a very common miscommunic misconception

[00:17:29] about you know trad wife traditional lifestyle there's a misconception there's a misconception

[00:17:34] that in order to be a trad wife you have to be subservient to your husband and I've pointed out

[00:17:40] I've always told people I laugh at that because the idea that you are subservient to me is hilarious

[00:17:44] like you have obviously never met my wife there is no there is no treading under happening in

[00:17:51] this house that bad it's not that you're bad but the point is that I don't seek to dominate

[00:17:58] you and you wouldn't tolerate being dominated no so that I guess I'm saying is like these are all the

[00:18:04] mis the misconceptions around the way that we've arranged our marriage and this lifestyle yeah

[00:18:11] but in in that same thought of not being dominated and I would never allow to be dominated kind

[00:18:20] of thing I also am not a feminist enough to believe that well wait don't need no man yeah well that for

[00:18:31] sure don't need no man is such a stupid thing to say and could I make it absolutely I could I am

[00:18:39] strong enough as a person not because I'm a woman but I am strong enough as a person that

[00:18:47] I had if you were gone for some reason I I would make it it would be hard it'd be difficult I wouldn't

[00:18:54] want to do it but I could do it because I'm a strong person it's not that I'm a strong woman and

[00:19:00] you know I always have these well first before I jump to that thought because y'all my brain's

[00:19:05] going 90 to nothing I've got a lot of stuff to do today and thinking a lot of things but

[00:19:09] anyway I I view you as the head of household like I it's not that I just you know ask your permission

[00:19:18] to go out after work or you know talk to you about major financial decisions and things like that

[00:19:25] I mean I've said it before I have always believed and will always believe that you have

[00:19:34] such a major role in the household and I think men in general just have a major role in the household

[00:19:43] I believe that you're the head of household whether or not you are the breadwinner

[00:19:47] you're still the head of household you are the

[00:19:53] you are the religious what am I trying to say I'm trying to think of you

[00:20:00] leader yes you're the leader but like you it all bears on your shoulders and then I take what I can

[00:20:08] off of your shoulders there's something biblical and I can't think of what I'm trying to say but it is

[00:20:14] like in the bible kind of thing but it's like god husband wife then child and so you're in the

[00:20:22] household that's how the structure is supposed to be or at least that's what we're told anyway

[00:20:27] but you carry so much on your shoulders and I respect that I am never going to be a woman to say

[00:20:35] well no no no no it's gonna be god me and you and then the child because that's not how it was set up

[00:20:41] that's not how marriage is set up that's not the way that I believe it should be now people

[00:20:46] can have their opinions they can think of whatever they want but I'm not subservient to

[00:20:52] you but I do I do know my place and my place is not the head you know what I'm saying yeah and then

[00:20:59] you can you can say the little the little joke of you're the head but I'm the neck my grandmother

[00:21:04] used to tell that to my grandfather all the time you you're the head of the household but I'm the

[00:21:09] neck and the next you know sways the head where it should go more importantly but a head without

[00:21:15] a neck doesn't get very far but at the same time and this again this is where I think some of those

[00:21:23] miscommunication those misconceptions come in like yes I do I you and I see me as the head of the

[00:21:29] household but I've been very clear about the fact that like I see the position of husband and father

[00:21:35] not as one of privilege but was one of responsibility that's what I'm trying to say yeah

[00:21:40] it's a big responsibility everything falls upon my shoulders every like I know you said earlier like

[00:21:46] you know mom's stay at home moms don't get days off and I'm very clear about the fact that dads

[00:21:51] don't get don't ever get days off dad's dad's don't get well I never get a day off from being

[00:21:56] dad or husband yeah if if everyone and we've been in this situation where everybody in

[00:22:01] this house was sick with something at the exact same time I don't care how sick I am how bad

[00:22:07] I'm hurting I don't care I will crawl my butt out of bed my miserable snotty butt out of bed and I

[00:22:13] will take care of this family no matter how no matter what it costs me no matter how much pain

[00:22:18] it inflicts I just don't I keep saying I don't care but I don't care it has to be done it's

[00:22:23] going to get done yeah and that is that's why I've always been very clear about the light

[00:22:27] the fact that like husband is a position of responsibility I have a responsibility to

[00:22:33] care for my family that if it puts me into the grave so be it but I'm not going to fail at it

[00:22:40] so I think where I think where I see a lot of I think where I see a lot of people get really

[00:22:46] twisted up about this idea that you know wife should serve husband and husband should be

[00:22:51] the head of the household is that there has to be an expectation that's going to flow back

[00:22:56] the other direction like yes biblically your your place is to to serve me but my position is also to

[00:23:04] serve you like this is this is a give and take of if I'm down or if I'm stressed out or if something's

[00:23:11] going on with me then you're naturally because you care about me you're gonna want to do anything

[00:23:16] you can to alleviate that burden and help me to calm me to rejuvenate me because as soon

[00:23:23] as that's been done I have to go right back to work to provide for the family to provide for the

[00:23:27] household to be dad to be husband to take care of stuff this is a you know this is a constant

[00:23:33] flow back and forth between husband and wife and I think that's where I get very aggravated

[00:23:38] about this idea that like serving your husband is derided but serving your wife is expected

[00:23:44] and that that seems to be where a lot of the nonsense I see on social media goes like

[00:23:49] it's putting myself in the position of all husbands but it's my responsibility to cater to

[00:23:55] your every women will and have the six pack abs and make a hundred thousand dollars and

[00:24:00] be everything a wife wants but the minute I say hey can I get a sandwich I'm told I'm

[00:24:06] acting like a child and I'm just like yeah I tell I I I get into with people on social

[00:24:12] media frequently just for my own amusement but I tell people all the time if you if

[00:24:17] if you wives are not prepared to make the sandwich you don't get everything that comes

[00:24:21] along with having a husband yeah it doesn't work that way well and it's like steward said it's a

[00:24:26] simple a simple courtesy I I think it goes even more than that if you truly love that person

[00:24:32] I mean you're gonna want to help them if I'm in the kitchen making a sandwich I'm always

[00:24:38] going to hey can I get you anything do you want anything while I'm in here doing this

[00:24:41] or you you yesterday you got up you made me coffee this morning I did I and I don't drink

[00:24:48] coffee that often but I got up because you needed coffee and the coffee wasn't made yet

[00:24:54] but I also didn't want to be super loud and wake up hyper so I knew there was an ulterior motive

[00:25:00] I love you and you need coffee um but yesterday you were just sitting in the chair in the

[00:25:05] living room and you're like I'm gonna get up and make my girls breakfast and it's like

[00:25:10] okay but you do that every weekend it's like it and you do it in such a way it's um

[00:25:18] it's an out of love kind of thing it's like you're almost excited because you're

[00:25:22] making your girls breakfast and that's how I feel at night when I make dinner it's like

[00:25:27] you know I put my heart and soul into dinner because not only do I want to feed and nourish

[00:25:33] my family I also want them we used to tell piper um when she would say oh this is really good

[00:25:39] and I would say um well I put a lot of love in there I like mixed a lot of love in there with it

[00:25:45] oh mama your love tastes so good well good that's what I wanted to do but I still feel

[00:25:52] that way I still want my family to sit down and start eating their meals and it's like

[00:25:58] all these compliments to the chef kind of thing um I don't know it's it's a it comes from a place of love

[00:26:06] and so if you are in need of something and even if it's just a one like you just really want me

[00:26:15] to do whatever it's gonna be hard for me to say no I don't know if I've said no I'm sure I have

[00:26:23] in the past I'm sure I'm I don't think I've ever been like no get your ass up and you go to the

[00:26:28] kitchen and get your own beer kind of thing it's like well I'm walking that way I'll bring you the

[00:26:32] beer it doesn't it makes you happy it keeps you from having to stress about something not that you

[00:26:37] stress over getting a beer but you know I'm saying like if I see a pile of clothes that need to be

[00:26:43] folded I know you're running around crazy doing whatever and your checklist is always longer than

[00:26:49] mine because I think you just find things that you need to do around the house believe

[00:26:53] believe it or not my checklist is always long because it's just it's always long there's a lot

[00:26:59] of things that I do that you don't know how to do or can't do and I have those things need to be

[00:27:07] need to be done like that's why I've always that's why I've always I think that's why when we were

[00:27:11] talking about love language the other day I think that's why acts of servitude like really

[00:27:15] speak to me because when you take something off my plate it allows me to go do something else

[00:27:20] only I know how to do like you well and you did say that the other day you did because you were

[00:27:27] doing I think you were loading ammo or something and you would add that was something that you really

[00:27:33] needed to get to and it's not like it's a household chore that needs to be done like on the weekends

[00:27:37] we grew grocery shopping we wash clothes we you know do all the everything that needs to be done

[00:27:42] by Monday so that our week is a little smoother and so when you were going to load ammo it was

[00:27:49] item on your list that you needed to get to wasn't something that's going to really

[00:27:54] support the household for the week kind of thing I mean unless we have you an invasion but you know

[00:28:00] I know it's a good thing that you're doing that so I took some things off

[00:28:07] is it really that far-fetched well not for this household and it's

[00:28:12] it's at least a monthly chore that needs to get done but it was nothing for me to take

[00:28:18] the other things off your plate of you know loading the dishwasher unloading the dishwasher

[00:28:22] folding clothes and starting loads and things like that because that's something that you needed

[00:28:27] to focus on it was also a time for you to go out there by yourself and decompress and you

[00:28:33] you need that you are have always been a constant go you were a constant go person and your mind is

[00:28:44] either reading something or it's doing something or it's thinking of something that needs to be done

[00:28:50] I mean you are a constant go person I don't do veg out very well you don't but you do veg

[00:28:56] out for menial tasks of loading ammo I think because you've got it such a you know you've

[00:29:03] got it such as a factory worker kind of thing in there that you can just pull that lever and

[00:29:09] keep going and smoke your cigar and all that stuff so I you know hi everybody that's

[00:29:16] that's coming on hi Kyle hi Brandon I think for me I can veg out with tasks that are

[00:29:23] semi-repetitive if that makes sense and yes Kyle women's clothes are complicated I have entered

[00:29:29] a new stage of hell where her and her daughter are only one size different so now I'm having a

[00:29:35] harder time like underwear but not like oh okay I'm sorry underwear socks pants in some cases

[00:29:43] okay when they're like yeah so yes I'm having a little bit of trouble figuring out who's who

[00:29:50] well and we're always throwing you curveballs of this can get this can get dried this needs to

[00:29:55] be washed in cold the worst part of it is when they exchange is when she says hey I don't want to

[00:30:00] wear these anymore do you want them so now I've already have embedded in my head that these are

[00:30:04] where my wife's but now they go to the other room it's hell I'm sorry um you were responsible

[00:30:11] for the gender of our child that's woman propaganda listen boys and girls everybody

[00:30:17] in the world anybody anybody that tells you this nonsense about how men select the gender

[00:30:23] I had about five minutes or less to do oh my god her creation and you had you had custody of

[00:30:32] the result of that for nine months you chose the gender okay science deniers no it's not

[00:30:38] science denier it's I'm denying obvious woman propaganda to blame the gender selection on

[00:30:44] the man that's nonsense anyway what were you saying and what was I saying we were talking about

[00:30:52] I don't even remember now so great anyway if it's a repetitive task then it allows me to kind of

[00:31:00] like just take my brain down a little bit focus on something small and I can fit I can I can

[00:31:04] decompress like that but you're right like for me my my daily my daily world is a constant

[00:31:11] collection of to-do list chores things that need to be taken care of long term thinking about you know

[00:31:18] like like the other day when I went through the chest freezer and just took everything out to

[00:31:23] look and see what was in there started making a list of what needs to go back in like my I

[00:31:28] I always have something to work on because I feel like in a day I only have so many hours

[00:31:36] I only have so many days from now to the end of the month from now to the end of the year

[00:31:40] I only have so much time and I have so much to continue to work on and keep track of and keep

[00:31:47] tabs on and continue to look at and then even when I'm not running around with all those like

[00:31:54] you said there's this constant I want to learn about the these things and I'm constantly reading

[00:32:00] about them because like you know for all of my aggravation about the the world we live in today

[00:32:07] and social media and all the nonsense that's come with that like we also live in a time when

[00:32:12] these things have give you access to like more information than the Library of Congress had a

[00:32:17] 100 years ago and it's in your pocket yeah so I don't I don't spend my free time staring at

[00:32:27] nonsense except for hell's kitchen because that's hilarious yeah we were on a hell's kitchen

[00:32:33] kick at this house I don't even know how that happened but I don't spare I don't spend my

[00:32:37] free time I don't spend my free time staring at that and just benching out I spend it reading

[00:32:41] and learning and pumping information into my head learning about things of interest and

[00:32:46] because that's just that's what nourishes me mentally but you're right I any chore you

[00:32:54] take off my hands it's not like I'm gonna be like oh great now I can go sit on my butt it's like nope

[00:32:58] now I have something else to go work on because if you didn't take that chore off my hands I'd have

[00:33:04] to do that chore plus the other one and I do I do have to say that because you're such a mover

[00:33:10] and a shaker in a go-go-go and your lists are always constantly being checked off checked off

[00:33:18] maybe I shouldn't say this because maybe it'll change spoiled how did you know

[00:33:24] I tell you all the time that you're spoiled it does mean that I'm spoiled and I know that I'm spoiled

[00:33:30] rotten like he does all these things and he's whirling around the house like some damn maid sometimes

[00:33:39] he's always bringing especially this is where it gets me all the time he

[00:33:45] drags the the clothes from the bedrooms into the laundry room and he has to pass by my chair

[00:33:51] in the living room and I'm usually just sitting there reading a book on your blanket with socks on

[00:33:58] and so I'm always like why are you doing that right now like come on just sit down because I really

[00:34:03] want you to sit down so that I can stay in my chair reading a book but if you're up doing things

[00:34:10] then I feel like I should be up doing things but you've already got all the things done and

[00:34:17] so I guess I'm just gonna sit here and read my book I'm spoiled I know you are rotten so it's

[00:34:25] viper but okay so who spoils us but isn't it my isn't it our job to spoil each other are you spoiled

[00:34:34] sometimes oh are you spoiled all the time yes all the time I feel like it okay

[00:34:44] so I have work to do I need to spoil you a little bit more if you feel the need oh lord

[00:34:49] I don't even know where to spoil you well but here's because you won't sit down I'll tell you

[00:34:55] why don't you just stop there's stuff to do there's work to do because again husband and father is

[00:35:02] a position responsibility trophy husband Phil he actually does have a trophy okay so that

[00:35:09] that's a fun little that's a fun little side note years and years ago somebody I think Gillian made a

[00:35:16] joke about how I was like husband of the year and I kept retorting sarcastically where's my trophy

[00:35:21] where's my trophy for being a husband of the year so her and piper got me a literal trophy made this

[00:35:27] as husband of the year and it's sitting right there on top no I want to go get it so you

[00:35:31] can see it it's a man it's just a man in a suit standing on top of a little podium

[00:35:36] and then says husband of the year I don't know I thought it was funny I like to do those kinds

[00:35:43] of things it got a chuckle out of me but yeah I mean this that's just kind of my perspective is

[00:35:48] like this is what I'm supposed this is what to me this is what traditional means in terms of like

[00:35:56] husband in terms of a marriage it is our responsibility to take care of each other it

[00:36:02] is our responsibility to spoil each other it's our responsibility to make sure that the other

[00:36:07] person's needs are met that's not a like that is that's never a I don't think that's ever

[00:36:14] like a cost to drive one member of the marriage for wanting to do those things for the other

[00:36:21] I think that's that's probably what's missing from a lot of people's marriages I think a lot

[00:36:25] of people get it in their head that they can take care of themselves they're an adult they

[00:36:31] they need to grow up they need this that they need to do x yz at abc without the idea that like

[00:36:37] like my responsibility as a husband is to make my wife feel spoiled

[00:36:41] is to make sure that her needs are met is to make sure that I'm taking care of her

[00:36:46] not because you're an invalid and not because you're a child but because that's what I'm supposed

[00:36:51] to do as a husband and if I'm not doing those things I'm not living up to the

[00:36:56] vows we took and it works the other way yes so I feel like I feel like I don't necessarily

[00:37:05] feel as though in order for us to embrace this idea of like traditional household

[00:37:11] I don't feel like it's required that you stay home do all the housework and home school

[00:37:18] the kid and I go work I don't think that's necessarily a component because for as long

[00:37:23] as there have been stay at home or traditional wives and stay at home you know wives and moms

[00:37:29] there's also been women that worked women that worked as nurses women that worked as school teachers I

[00:37:34] mean that's that's not a new phenomena that women worked it's a new it's a relatively new

[00:37:39] phenomena dates back to what probably about the 60s or 70s that women work in the proportion they

[00:37:45] do now but women have always worked in the workforce in certain fields going back I mean even to

[00:37:52] pre pre-colonial times United States of America that's not a new thing so I guess my perspective is

[00:37:59] the fact that you work doesn't necessarily mean that you're not a traditional wife it doesn't mean

[00:38:03] we're not a traditional family I think our perspective on where we see ourselves in regards to each other

[00:38:11] is what makes us traditional like I mean that's the whole tagline for our show

[00:38:20] traditional family the traditional family talks so but but yeah I guess in a way I can see your

[00:38:28] point of view we aren't completely traditional but and because I think that really the only thing

[00:38:35] is because I work outside the home am I not a tradition a traditional wife or whatever but I

[00:38:41] cook for my family I care for my family I take care of them when I take care of y'all when

[00:38:46] you're sick you know I I do all the traditional things that a woman in the home should do

[00:38:54] I just am also I also have you to do it for me and Piper as well and like Stuart said

[00:39:05] you know not just responsibility I want to do it I enjoy doing that for my family

[00:39:10] I feel the same way I want to do those things I want to make sure that my family is happy

[00:39:15] and healthy and taking care of and that you know when they go to bed at night they're

[00:39:20] they feel safe and comfort and you know all those things that's what I want from my family

[00:39:26] and whatever I have to do to do those to make sure that y'all feel those things

[00:39:32] you know it's like I ask you every now and then and you always look at me like I'm crazy

[00:39:36] like sometimes I'll ask you do you do you still think I'm a good wife do you still

[00:39:40] think that I'm a good person do you still think that I'm a good friend do you still think

[00:39:44] you know I'm going through all these I don't ask all that at once but

[00:39:48] every now and then I just kind of do a little check-in to say hey am I falling somewhere have I

[00:39:54] have I loosened up the reins a little bit in an area that I shouldn't have

[00:40:00] kind of just like a check-in like where am I where where do I stand with you now because

[00:40:05] like we've said multiple times people change we have our marriage has changed we have changed

[00:40:13] individuals and I think it's healthy to have those conversations of you're not the same person

[00:40:21] anymore but that's okay because this is the person you know what I'm saying like it's okay

[00:40:27] that you're not the same person anymore I'm not the same person we've talked about that

[00:40:31] but in my head I always want the reassurance that I'm still you know still up there on

[00:40:39] your whole life scale kind of thing I still content that I haven't changed that much you have

[00:40:45] how you're not as like um I mean when we first met when we first got married

[00:40:53] married when we first got married you were very much a you know gung-ho I'm the man

[00:41:01] not towards me but like I'll pummel anybody kind of thing like you were just you were always high

[00:41:08] strung you were always ready for a fight you weren't mad you weren't like whatever but you were ready

[00:41:15] to defend whatever cause or thing you were just always like very confrontational confrontational

[00:41:23] but you were also very proud and you were very um I don't I don't know what else I'll also explain it

[00:41:31] you were just all those things plus I felt like I feel like when we first got married

[00:41:37] you put so much pressure on yourself to be that husband and be the eventual father and

[00:41:43] still climb the the rungs of the ladder at work and make sure that you were providing

[00:41:49] and all those things and then when when you had a setback it killed you like you were

[00:41:58] just like it would anybody but I think now we trust each other enough that you know that

[00:42:03] you can come to me when you're upset about something and that you know you can come to me when

[00:42:07] something's bothering you and you don't have to carry the load all by yourself anymore and

[00:42:13] that took some time for you to get through but I do think that you're a much more calm

[00:42:19] you're collected you're not as quick to uh you're not as quick to just like lash out at people and

[00:42:27] things like that so I do think you have changed you've cooled down a little bit you were kind of

[00:42:35] a getting older as hell you were kind of a I mean you were a hothead combat that you know

[00:42:41] coming home when we first met so yeah you have kind of cooled down a little bit in 20 years

[00:42:48] so yeah okay I'll give you that one okay well this is going to be the awkward pause

[00:42:56] what you have to have one per show is contractual okay we'll keep going but yeah for all those

[00:43:03] reasons everything without leave outline like I do feel like you are traditional wife I do

[00:43:07] like we are a traditional household and I think that I think it comes down to

[00:43:14] as simple as it sounds and is as much of a hand to forehead moment this is going to be for probably

[00:43:19] the people that are in the chat that I've been reading y'all's comments by the way while you

[00:43:23] all have been talking but it really comes down to just how how both parties to the

[00:43:29] marriage see themselves see their their responsibility in the marriage and I feel like what's been

[00:43:34] lost in demonizing traditional marriages is this idea that to serve means subservient yeah because

[00:43:44] you know like to put a biblical spin on it like you think about like the moments in the bible

[00:43:52] where it discusses like Jesus's relationship with the apostles and with just the people he met

[00:43:58] washing people's feats you know like praying praying and healing people that were blind

[00:44:04] or had leprosy and inviting tax collectors who by the way were like politicians today like they

[00:44:09] were scum of the earth inviting them to come break bread with him or sit with him and talk with him

[00:44:14] like this Jesus is really and again because we're both Christians but like Jesus's example to all of

[00:44:21] us was even though he was the son of man even though he was like the worldly vessel of all

[00:44:29] of God's power he served other people but he did it because he loved other people and I think that's

[00:44:36] what's I think that's what's missing from his conversation I think that's what scares me so

[00:44:40] badly whenever I hear people talk about how you shouldn't serve your husband you shouldn't

[00:44:45] serve your wife if service is an act of love then the absence of that service is

[00:44:53] to me hollowing out what the word love means and that's what worries me is that when I see traditional

[00:45:00] wives traditional husbands attacked for that lifestyle I'm gonna ask how do you show your spouse

[00:45:08] that you give a damn about them if not if not to try to lessen their burden if not to try to

[00:45:14] take care of them if not to try to you know whether it's cooking a meal or it's you know

[00:45:21] like just letting them then after a hard day at work or whether it's no matter what it is

[00:45:25] like how do you how do you communicate that you care about that person except through words and

[00:45:32] through acts of servitude all these other things but that's that's also the reason why I never

[00:45:38] saw the utility in the savage one of these hard lines where it was like nope that's woman

[00:45:43] work you do that I'm not going to touch that because to me it's like if I care about my wife

[00:45:47] and she's overloaded I'm gonna help I can't I can't sit here and watch you work and not want to help

[00:45:53] I can't do that it doesn't feel right yeah that's why I always feel like great he's walking by with

[00:46:01] the the laundry I have to get up and stop reading my book now thanks for that do you want to wear

[00:46:07] clean clothes or you want to run around naked well anyway I ask you that every weekend when

[00:46:15] you say would you please just sit down this is long or is this laundry gonna pull a fantasia and

[00:46:20] dance to the wash yes you will just don't ever give it the opportunity to show you that it is

[00:46:26] magical and give it a plenty of opportunities it's never taken care of itself so that means it's

[00:46:31] going to take work well I I do feel like I am a traditional life in some aspects so there

[00:46:41] that's it so do we have anything else to throw in here I don't think so I think we've kind of talked

[00:46:47] about this before in some some ways in some contexts and different episodes but um I when he texted me

[00:46:57] at school the other day he's like I have a show idea and I was like oh boy um and he's like

[00:47:03] I'll discuss it with you when you get home and I was like oh boy and then he you know pops out

[00:47:08] with this idea I was like oh yeah yeah let's do it so anyway I have to go put on some pearls and bake

[00:47:15] pie sandwich sandwich anyway actually as soon as this is over I got how we have housework to do

[00:47:27] but well thank you guys for tuning in don't forget to check out the women who prep conference

[00:47:32] information it's in the link tree on my instagram and facebook and if you would like to attend

[00:47:38] you can purchase your tickets through that link and it's April 20th through the 23rd and it's online

[00:47:44] so get your prepping on learn how to prep like us and bear in mind prepper camp is coming in

[00:47:50] up in September like it always does gillian will be with us this year so excited so excited

[00:47:58] so she invited herself along under the auspice that she would help run the booth but I really

[00:48:02] think what's going to happen is she's going to abandon me and Andrew to our own devices

[00:48:06] and run off and have fun sometimes I mean willow and jordan will be there so yes my girls can't

[00:48:16] we see them and Sarah well yeah Sarah I mean there's so many countless people that will be there but

[00:48:22] yeah so anyway so thank you guys for joining I hope you have a great rest of your day

[00:48:28] and a fun week ahead I don't know yep good talking to y'all have a happy sunny morning

[00:48:34] I'm gonna see if I can smooth talk her to making me a sandwich you got it bye y'all