Steven Menking on I AM Liberty

[00:00:03] You're listening to PBN, your path back to stability here. And so it's all that sort of stuff but it also taught me that sometimes it is easier to be sick than it is to be the only healthy person in a house full of sick people.

[00:00:47] Not that I would rather be sick than healthy but it's a different set of problems. Now everything falls and every conversation that you have is about what's going wrong just because it's something that's acute and something that's in front of you.

[00:01:06] And if you're in that mode at any point when you don't have to be, it's just so draining to you from your energy standpoint.

[00:01:20] We're so grateful that our kids are good sleepers and so it's not like they're waking up in the middle of the night because of this stuff.

[00:01:30] But on the bad days and something like that everybody pops off the pillow and just starts running around and fussing and nothing really working and all the rest of it.

[00:01:45] And it stinks because they want to run around and play outside but they want to go places that can't. Interesting lessons as always and it's sort of helped me remind myself that even if a positive attitude I have isn't going to write the ship,

[00:02:06] go from 0 to 100 or something like that in terms of percent satisfaction of the people around me, I need to do a little bit more particularly when I'm in that kind of a situation to speak an encouraging word

[00:02:22] and to mostly avoid getting frustrated myself because I can sort of bottle that frustration a bit but not really well. Not well enough to fool my wife that's for sure.

[00:02:35] I got to tighten up the attitude a little bit and it's not like I'm feeling sorry for myself in this thing, it's just like I just desperately want to get stuff done and I'm the kind of person that I think I had 30 unread emails across my inboxes

[00:02:56] and that's like a 5 to 10 year personal record for me in terms of high number. And so it's just like I got to get back to the stuff but it's a priorities thing, certain things can't get pushed.

[00:03:10] I can apologize to people in an email, people understand that kids are sick and I certainly don't pull that card out of the deck all that often but it's good to be here talking to you man and you know how it is.

[00:03:24] Oh yeah all about it, been there in almost every facet that you're talking about. Particularly that last one, that running dry of patience and all that kind of stuff that's just what the deal is.

[00:03:41] Well I'll tell you something else about that James and because I'm a private tutor for work and because I love what I do, what usually happens for me is if there's a proper balance between the work and the family,

[00:03:59] my general battery of resources of patience and kindness and all the rest of that. If I'm tutoring for a certain amount of time, you know I could be tutoring almost all day

[00:04:11] and then still have a full battery for the family and that's a function I think of me being blessed to be in a position to love what I do but if I'm doing one of those two things and it's a struggle and it's just that one thing

[00:04:26] and there's not that balance then that battery, that singular battery does get drained. So I'm learning more about myself and I knew this before but I'm learning it more acutely that you know if I'm not able to be as productive on the work front

[00:04:42] that really does gnaw at me a little bit and you know I don't think that's a bad tendency. It's just something that is built into the way I'm made up and I have to understand that to keep it in check and not let that spill over

[00:04:59] because I want as much voltage on all of those batteries as I can so just got to be sensitive to that sort of thing.

[00:05:07] How do you spend your, if you have it, like your alone time? Are you an alone time kind of guy? You seem like you have that.

[00:05:18] Yeah here's what I would love to be doing if I had a alone time. I would love to play some golf but then mostly my alone time is when everybody else goes to sleep

[00:05:30] and maybe in a couple years that's going to switch when I actually grow up and realize that I need a little bit more sleep than I'm currently getting that my alone time should be first thing in the morning before people get up and that that will be healthier.

[00:05:45] I know that that's a change that I'll eventually make but we're talking reading books, we're talking trying to do some generalized research

[00:05:55] because when I'm with my family or when I'm with my students I'm in that kind of flow state. I'm 100% focused on that as best as I can be.

[00:06:08] I'm not perfect in that regard but that's the alone time during the day if I can get it it's golfing or reading on the porch but I also am who I am so I'll go through phases where I play some video games and stuff like that.

[00:06:28] I don't necessarily need to be doing that but I give myself a little bit of a pass but I got to get back into a season where I'm making more use,

[00:06:36] more productive use of that alone time where I'm not focused on work or any of the self-help sort of stuff and I'm just taking more time to pray,

[00:06:49] to be in the Word and everything else like that. I'm certainly not perfect in that regard but I try to stick to that routine. But yeah, I've always been introverted and I appreciate the quiet, I appreciate the calm. I like that.

[00:07:08] I like to think through things as much as I can without getting too bogged down but I'm always trying to learn something new either about the world or about myself

[00:07:19] and sometimes it takes some quiet around you to be in a mindset where you can actually get that kind of stuff done. Yeah, I've got some pretty good yields and have figured out, parsed out kind of what to do with that alone time for me.

[00:07:37] And the best things seem to be, and you know, I don't know that anybody's going to really dig into this show where the direction is going

[00:07:46] and I don't care at all so we're going to keep heading in this direction because this is an important topic to me and clearly important to you. But there's, you brought up the fact of alone time at night when everyone's asleep.

[00:08:02] And that's an alone time. There's like, you also talked about the alone time when everybody's asleep and you wake up early. But man, for me there's the alone time and this is even harder for you I imagine because you have three kids when everyone's gone.

[00:08:20] That's a whole different spectrum of alone time for me. Like when everyone is gone, it's, I don't know why. I think it's because all options are available. It's like, if I want to play video games, I'll do that.

[00:08:35] If I want to watch an entire three hour movie or something like that uninterrupted, that's part of it, right? That uninterrupted. Like literally when the family is gone then it's like there is no possibility for interruption. And as a writer, that's a big deal sometimes.

[00:08:55] When you're working your way through fiction or something along those lines, it's like you get start to go into this whole. And if the possibility for interruption exists, you can't get down deep enough.

[00:09:09] But if it's like 4 a.m., I'm up. I know I got like three hours before anybody stirs. Then I can go down into that hole. But anyway, so that kind of solitude is a different thing for sure when everyone's gone.

[00:09:24] Over the years I've come to realize it. This is a different form of powering up. You know what I mean? The late night stuff, you get a little bit of a charge. The early morning stuff, I think you do get a better charge.

[00:09:38] But when they're gone, it sounds terrible but it is what it is. You get powered up like a nuclear reactor. No, it's very true James.

[00:09:48] It's also the kind of thing that at the same time of that there's this bifurcation of people experiencing this kind of profound existential loneliness that's there. This is where faith comes in in a variety of different aspects. But you're absolutely right.

[00:10:09] Oftentimes, I'll be thinking really hard about something even sort of spontaneously.

[00:10:15] Even in times when people are around and I'll get interrupted for something and it takes some restraint for me to not really express the idea that that interruption was not like it was a non-trivial interruption of a thought process.

[00:10:36] You're absolutely right in terms of getting really underneath stuff or really picturing something or hitting that kind of breakthrough.

[00:10:45] If I would not be able to produce any long form written output in the current environment, I would have to change my routine to have people out of the house.

[00:10:57] Because there's a big difference between having people watching your kids while you're working or while you're spending some time versus being in that really quiet place.

[00:11:08] The cognitive scientists now say that the best thing for getting information from your short term memory to your long term memory is periods of intense focus followed by periods of not mindless activity but either extreme relaxation or just a non-focused sort of autopilot kind of state.

[00:11:35] If you're thinking really hard about a particular idea, you're really locked in it for an hour then to recharge it and to get your brain to just keep working on it a little bit in the background without sapping your battery and you're going to take out the trash or do the dishes or do something around the house or go for a drive where it's not quite that same degree of focus.

[00:11:56] It's that kind of cycle that will allow you to have more of those, to sustain that intense focus over a longer period and that's really only possible without interruptions.

[00:12:09] Now in today's day and age obviously even if everyone's gone I can't even remember a time when I would have a full three hour block in the middle of the day to do whatever. It'll happen again. It'll definitely happen again, trust me.

[00:12:29] I have a kid who can easily disappear for three hours now and he's happy to do so. It's an impressive speech. It's good and obviously for emergencies we have to keep the lines of communication open.

[00:12:50] It's a precious time when you have that and it would be difficult for someone who isn't a father or a husband or have these really close ties and responsibilities to understand in quite the same way. It is also a double-edged sword.

[00:13:13] You can't be in that place 24-7 because part of what we're made for is serving other people as well.

[00:13:23] If you expend yourself in the service of those that you love to build them up, you need to have those spots to just get underneath something, to let something come to the surface to have some sort of realization. You don't even have to work too hard at it.

[00:13:43] It'll come spontaneously as long as you're not unnecessarily distracting yourself or tamping it down or other things like that. There's plenty of ideas and conclusions and inspiration and creativity and reflections and everything that is inside of us that we're processing all the time, maybe not even consciously.

[00:14:09] It's in those quiet moments where if we'll allow that to come to the surface, if we invite that to come to the surface, if we're prayerful in those moments, we'll get that kind of insight.

[00:14:21] One way I like to think about it, James, maybe we've talked about this before but maybe we haven't. Let's say a PhD that people work towards in the humanities or other fields. Maybe it's five to seven years worth of work.

[00:14:36] That means that maybe twice a decade, if we're doing this right, we should get the equivalent of two PhDs worth of life knowledge. Even if, let's say we're not operating at that particular pace, maybe it's a PhD equivalent every 10 years.

[00:14:55] It's not something we have to be actively working towards. It's just the experience of our lives. We don't even have to study anything else. It's just the accumulation of experience alone if we will.

[00:15:10] It's being processed by us all the time and it's those times of reflection where maybe a synthesis can come together or something can occur to us in a meaningful way. That happens so often in terms of those sort of realizations.

[00:15:27] For me, most of that comes along with, I can think of a couple of different examples relatively recently of that for me. A couple of them have been business related in terms of, oh, here's a new idea. Here's some new avenue to pursue.

[00:15:44] Others have been personally related just either a greater sense of gratitude or a greater awareness of, there are things that I could say to encourage those around me that would cost me absolutely nothing, but that would mean the world to them.

[00:16:06] It was a while ago that I had one of those realizations and I was like, well, why wouldn't I tell my kids every day that I'm proud of them? Why wouldn't I compliment my wife and encourage her and say that she's doing a fantastic job when she is?

[00:16:23] I'm not gaslighting on any of that stuff. I am proud of my kids. I am proud of my wife. The thought just occurred to me one night while I was sitting by myself and just thinking through some stuff. Again, not even purposely. I wasn't thinking about that.

[00:16:38] I didn't have this to-do list that was like, all right, step one, think deeply about your family, et cetera, et cetera. That's where my thoughts went. It's like, man, I really am grateful. I really do feel proud of the kids that they should know that.

[00:16:55] They should hear that from me. Then it's all of the follow-on thoughts to stuff like that. Well, of course, what's the cost-benefit analysis? Zero cost, massive benefit. Of course, I should be doing this. Then you go through the thoughts like, well, why haven't I been doing this?

[00:17:13] That's kind of silly. Then you have all the countervailing and all the rest of it. It's like, all right, well, no, this is a good idea. It struck me as a good idea, so I'm going to do it. I just built that into my routine.

[00:17:28] You know how sometimes when either you're not sure how something is going to go over or maybe it's going to sound weird or it feels a little bit strange? A lot of prayer is like this in the beginning of people's walk with God.

[00:17:44] It's like, what's really going on? What do I say? What is this actually? But if you just start doing it, it will feel more natural, particularly as all of the negative potential outcomes that you may have thought through fail to materialize completely and you see benefits of it.

[00:18:05] When I go to sleep at night, I know that my kids know that I love them and that I'm proud of them. It causes me to reflect on the fact that that is not the case

[00:18:18] for a huge proportion of the population, way, way higher than it should be. Then it leads me to think, well, how does that inform my relationship with God? Do my kids know that God loves them and that God is proud of them

[00:18:37] and that God sees them even when they fail and has that kind of love? Am I modeling that properly, et cetera, et cetera. It's not these high stakes, wrestling and things like that. It's just if we will quiet ourselves sufficiently,

[00:18:52] then the natural result of this PhD level life experience, not in a hoity-toity sense of, oh, we know best, we literally incorporate so much observational information every single day and if we don't take a moment to stop and not even deliberately put the pieces of the puzzle together,

[00:19:14] it will just come together if we're listening to it, if we're just giving space for it to be thoughtful. It's really helped me, that's for sure, in a variety of different ways. The practice echoes something that I do as well. My motivation, though, is different.

[00:19:37] I'm so highly motivated by the end of things. It's probably not even healthy, but I've come to the conclusion that, and it's true, as weird as it is, but it's just, you know, everything is death. Everything is an end. Every moment with my kids is an end.

[00:20:01] Like you said, you get in front of your child and you get to tell them that you're proud of them and that God loves them and then shuttle them off to bed, and that's the end of that.

[00:20:13] You can never have that moment with that child at that time in their life ever again. That's how I look at every day. Every day I wake up and think about that. Every night I go to bed grateful for that.

[00:20:28] What I try to do is I try to get with them and get on their wavelength every day. Funny enough, I do the same thing with my dogs because I know they're going to die before all of us.

[00:20:44] But I try to get on the wavelength, so I try to go into my youngest son's bedroom or go outside and see what he's doing or see what he's doing in the living room

[00:20:54] and then get into the mindset of what he's doing, why he's doing it, why it's important to him. You know what I mean? And can I add something to it? And then see, does he want me to add something to it? Sometimes kids are content and they're like,

[00:21:07] I don't need to learn how to make my bridge better than I'm building with Legos. Because sometimes dads, I think, have a tendency to be like, let me show you the right way to do it.

[00:21:18] And I try to do the same thing with my older son even when he's like... And the thing about kids is they get older and this is important too, is they still want you around. But there's a place they want you in their life.

[00:21:37] And there's a lot of places in their life they get older that they're like, let me alone, let me, I'm growing up. Give me space. And I like to try to find that space with him. And again, try to get on his wavelength.

[00:21:50] What's in his mind right now, what's important to him, what's he spending a lot of time thinking about. And then sometimes you get a talk out of it, sometimes you don't. But when you do, it's worth it. And same thing with the wife.

[00:22:05] I try to go in a lot of times as the night carries on, she'll head up to bed a lot earlier than us. And that's the time to go up and talk and what's going on,

[00:22:17] work, friends, all that kind of stuff and just see what's in her heart and on her heart and mind and all that kind of stuff. And I don't know if it's this way with you and your life, but I get the same vibe that I get from everybody

[00:22:32] and everything else depending on the day. You know, there are some days when they're like, sit here, be with me, listen, let's talk, let's play, whatever. And then there's some days where it's like, I'm, I just want to be alone.

[00:22:45] And when you tell me you want to be alone, I'm the guy who's like, oh, I get it. You want to be alone? Yeah. I completely understand. The dogs, they don't care. They always want you up under. I play with the dogs.

[00:22:57] I make sure to play with the dogs every day too. Cause I go, I just get down on the floor with them. You know, I'm a weirdo with the dogs, but I think it's so important man because you know, it's over.

[00:23:10] I mean, you're going to blink and it's over. We're both going to blink and we're going to be on this microphone and our kids are going to be 18 or youngest will be 18 and we'll be like, it's oh, he did it. Can you believe it?

[00:23:21] You know, when I was in the outer banks last year, I just talked about this, I think on Monday. But it must be in the air, Steve, and the appreciation for children because a lot of people are talking about it.

[00:23:36] But I was driving, I was riding a bike rather in the outer banks last year with everybody, the whole family. And we rode by this wooden house that we had. It was like a three story wooden house that we rented out two years before or whatever.

[00:23:50] And I saw the driveway and the driveway is like, you know, broken up seashells and sand and that kind of stuff. And in my head, this phrase kept going through my head and it was about scrounging through that sand and those shells for a fragment of Jake

[00:24:09] or a shard of Carter from that time. You know what I mean? And then I was like, there's nothing there, you know? And then I started thinking their faces, those young faces are forbidden now on the earth. Like, they don't come, you can't get them back.

[00:24:27] You look at pictures. But those moments, they're gone, you know? And that's the way you got to look at it when you're in the thick of it, like you are right now and like I am. You know, this is it. And I learned that from people.

[00:24:42] I literally learned that from people. I'd be walking around in stores with my kids when my son was like a newborn and my other son was four or five. And I'd run into these older people and they would always say the same thing.

[00:24:54] No matter where I was in Philly, in Virginia, in Lowe's, in Target, didn't matter, wherever I was, they would always say, oh man, I remember those years. I wish I had those years back. Over and over again. And that changed my whole career and my whole outlook.

[00:25:09] I said, all right, I'm either going to work part-time and work from home part-time. You know, because I was at the time I was still in food safety at the food bank. Or I'm going to work from home period because this is it. This is the window.

[00:25:24] And this window's going to shut and then that's it. And you do what you can with that window and then it's over. And it's just... Yeah. I mean, it is an amazing blessing. If the position that you're in

[00:25:37] to be at home and to be around the kids, dude, there's no money. There's no gold. There's nothing. You know what I mean? That can replace that. I should do, man. And it's like you certainly don't want to take any of that stuff for granted, but it takes

[00:25:55] active work to avoid taking it for granted or to, you know, avoid just seeing the downsides of this sort of stuff and wanting to get away. But yeah, we hear that all the time from people in terms of how precious this time is and mostly just, well,

[00:26:17] it goes quick. And I mean here in the Northeast, people are so focused on career and everything else like that. Again, it's a generalization, but it's a typecast because it's true here in the New York metro area. People are so focused on that stuff that

[00:26:35] and you can see it either in your own life, your own experience or other things like that where that sacrifice was made and it gets back to this notion of opportunity costs that we, you know, we talked, we've talked many times about. When you make

[00:26:51] a choice, even a choice to avoid something or choosing one thing means that you're actively also choosing to not do any of the other things you could have done with that time with those resources. And so it comes back to those priorities. And if,

[00:27:09] you know, if what motivates people is the state of the world, the best reaction to that in my view would be well, whatever there is that is precious and valuable and eternal, given the temporary nature of what we have even to your point, the moment-to-moment type

[00:27:33] of deal, it deserves that respect and that attention. And so, you know, all the modern-day gurus talking about living in the Presidents, like their finger is on something that is really important and then the question is how and, you know, at

[00:27:51] the end of the day it's one of those things that is simple, but not easy. You have to fight off all of these other things that would pull you away, but you have to balance all of the responsibilities. It's just a part of adult life,

[00:28:09] particularly as part of a family, as a husband, as a father. And it's incredibly important and there isn't something that is, you know, a 10-step routine that's going to work well and the same for every person in every situation, but if there is the right kind of

[00:28:33] priority and value set up that even if it's not fully articulated in some form of treatise, if you really have, and you can see it reflected in your decisions of what you choose to spend your time on and if you're on autopilot then that's the recipe for regret.

[00:28:51] Like at a certain point you're going to look back and be like, oh man, I had that wrong, I had that messed up and, you know, hopefully in our situations we can say yeah, I didn't do it perfectly but I was paying attention and I was trying to

[00:29:07] make adjustments and, you know, I got that time and I don't have that particular regret, particularly as it pertains to our families. But, you know, you're absolutely right about the moment-to-moment stuff being precious. And, you know, for me and I was just in a Bible

[00:29:29] site before this conversation we were talking about Daniel, we were talking about Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in the fiery furnace and, you know, because we are so built in to have this perspective of the hero's journey and to look up to those kind of examples.

[00:29:51] In the faith you see these people standing firm in this like massive moment that gets recorded in Scripture for all time. And for me there is on one hand the tendency to say, well you know, I may never get a moment like that to represent, to prove

[00:30:13] my medal and to have that be, you know, part of the hero's journey there from my side. Maybe I will, but either way it's the strength that God himself alone can provide, that the Holy Spirit can provide to stand in those situations and I don't think we should

[00:30:35] imagine that the only hero's journey like the only template has to have those moments of just this sort of over-the-top surreal level grandiosity and drama. I think the obedience that we show in the everyday day-to-day activities even if it's not as quote-unquote impactful by whatever metric

[00:31:03] you choose to use, even if it's not this history changing thing if we're put in a position and God has called us to be obedient in whatever way large or small then that will echo. That will store up treasures in heaven that will do

[00:31:23] what is necessary. Like those moments are, you know, I hesitate to say exactly because I don't know how to express it properly. It's not that those moments are of equal, of exactly precise equal import. It's not as if everything is on the exact same playing field

[00:31:41] but with whatever your dealt if you can have peace of mind and say that if I'm being obedient in these quote-unquote small things that those are not like insignificant victories. Those are not insignificant contributions. And for me what's directing is that I could have all of these

[00:32:05] different ambitions and 10 years ago when I gave my life to Christ it was like, okay well what can I do? What can I do? I want to be used. I want to do all these sorts of things. And for me, I've come to the peace

[00:32:21] of in my immediate sphere of influence and responsibility if everything God has blessed me with, if all of it was just for the sake of pouring into my kids and giving them the best opportunity that they have to exceed me in the faith to succeed and to grow

[00:32:45] to experience the peace and joy and fulfillment that is absolutely necessary to the satisfaction of our spirits and our souls. If I can accomplish that then it will all have been worth it. Now, if there are other opportunities if the time comes for whatever broader influence, broader

[00:33:07] obedience, broader whatever that's fine but I've been doing it for a long time and it took me a long time to get there James where I'm content to say let me just deal with and make the most of what is immediately in front of me. Let me

[00:33:25] plan loosely for the future by opening myself up to ideas and direction. Let me follow and be obedient when I have that clear guidance from prayer and from Scripture and from intuition and everything else like that and if there is an opportunity and it is meant to be

[00:33:45] it will be in God's timing and there's nothing I can do to rush it other than mess it up. So, that is what sort of helps me in balance stay in the present moment where I enjoy these things and I'm mid-thirties now I'm 36 and I know

[00:34:05] even now my memory is not what it used to be but I have these present moments with my kids. I don't remember precisely all of the developmental milestones but I do know that I know where my kids are at the built in experience is

[00:34:23] ingrained into me to help me make those decisions. I don't need some big data model to know what to do next. You don't need a fancy degree to be able to sort all those things out. You just need to be present and to be

[00:34:37] paying attention and to be curious about it and you earnestly have to want to serve other people and to help them and if we're not motivated to do that for our families or on the flip side whatever is going to make us motivated to do that

[00:34:55] for our families then it's worth clinging onto. And I'm sure in another 10 years I'll find I would hope that I would find other ways to either express these ideas more efficiently to experience new things that allow me to go even further in this kind of direction

[00:35:15] or maybe James I'll find out I was 100% wrong but at least I'll be then moving in a slightly better direction because I'll have realized what my mistakes have been. So if we're growing and we're living then you know I think we grow just by living

[00:35:35] but we do have to be paying attention to it if we're on autopilot that's where things just don't work. Yeah I'm glad you brought up Hero's Journey man because we play that out in our heads and I know a lot of

[00:35:51] guys do it and a lot of guys I got a very close friend actually who's all about disappeared to this world or at least my world because of big goals nothing bad you know what I mean no bad decisions married kids the whole thing

[00:36:09] but just had these two had a passion and had a career and they were knitted together and they took every bit of the man's time you know what I mean and some people do that kind of thing but you brought up the Hero's Journey and it

[00:36:27] made me realize that you know you can have that whole thing each day and really for me it comes down to routine I know that the listeners are so sick of me saying the R word I need to start calling it the R word but

[00:36:47] I can't say enough about routine and about building out the routine day to day and really really not only building it out thoughtfully but giving it everything you got to be honest with that routine because then you create the world the day the world that you want

[00:37:07] you know and even like you like even throwing yourself into the furnace you know like I'm at a point right now where I'm literally throwing myself into the furnace most every day because in Virginia it's you know 80 90 degrees and it's my favorite time

[00:37:29] of the year to run and work out outside and that test is you know it's like the test the allies the enemies in the Hero's Journey and what I think people struggle with big time is that's that's the thing that you don't often find

[00:37:47] that's the thing that people go out to find like the call to adventure is always there the refusal of the call is always there and maybe even meeting the mentor is there you know but crossing the threshold and running into that enemy and that test and overcoming

[00:38:07] those enemies that's something that I think people miss a lot and the way that I do it because I don't have enemies and I don't really face many tests from a literal enemy standpoint because I build that thing into my life as working out intense workouts because

[00:38:27] that's what it is then I realize okay I'm on this path I've reached this point in my day where now it's time to test the physical body and you know and then again you know you sink down after that and you get the reward and the road back

[00:38:43] and you're tired and exhausted and that leads to the resurrection like in the hero's journey it leads to it can all play out in a single day if you build a routine in your life and you stick to it and it's not like you know

[00:38:57] from sun up to sun down you have to push everybody away and be like leave me alone I'm on my hero's journey you know what I mean but it all can be built out that way and then because that's my real victory I mean

[00:39:09] I'm this weird guy in the prepping world and one of the weirdest things about me is like I'm not really the best at anything you know what I mean I'm not the guy you go to to talk to about guns

[00:39:25] I'm not the guy you go to to talk about well maybe homesteading I do a lot of that stuff but I'm not the best at anything but day by day man you know I win every day because of that routine because of building out that

[00:39:39] routine literally writing those lists of to-dos down each and every day just the grind every day the consistency the like James is going to be there for sure and he's going to knock out these things that we expect him to knock out every single day

[00:39:57] and it's not just James the writer it's not just James the podcaster it's James the dad James the husband you know what I mean all that kind of stuff and to your point about service that's a life worth living I feel like you know what

[00:40:15] I'm going to play two hours of Arkham City tonight let's go you already earned it you know you've already earned it you've probably earned it in bunches yeah it's absolutely true and you know to your point like if we are obedient if we are responsible if we are

[00:40:41] attentive to those around us then we do we do get those victories whether they whether they end up being recognized on some grandiose scale in this world or or not at the end of the day that doesn't matter because you have to live with

[00:41:01] yourself and you have to live with the people the people around you and you don't need to go and start a whole bunch of company companies and live this sort of idealized entrepreneurial kind of lifestyle now it makes a lot of pragmatic sense for everyone to

[00:41:21] explore how to make use of the talents that they do have and to your point you don't have to be the best at any particular thing to make a contribution you just have to be steady you have to show up and if people know that you are reliable

[00:41:37] and trust you and that you are going to be transparent and there for them that is the best you can do kind of let the chips fall where they may in these sorts of cases and so I am right there with you James maybe not running outside

[00:41:57] in the 90 degree heat to be perfectly honest to my own detriment that takes some time there is a curve there I will play around a golf but in a cart so maybe I could move past definitely don't underestimate the long walk if you have a park

[00:42:19] or woods around your way but a long walk in the woods man no phone again yourself honey I got to take 30 minutes I am going to walk as far as I can for 15 and then walk back I mean that is a lot happens there it sure does

[00:42:39] it is very much a dude thing as well when I am on the golf course when I am playing golf with my father in law or some other people or anything else like that I always get home and my wife asks me what did you talk about

[00:42:55] we talked about the shots that we just hit we talked about the shots that were going to hit and then we talked about how bad the shots were we talked about what we are doing we are immersed in that it is a different kind of bonding

[00:43:11] for men and women even if you are just by yourself what are you thinking about I hesitate to even say that that is a distraction or an escape mechanism to your point on a walk there is a whole school of philosophers from Greece that basically said

[00:43:33] that you do your best thinking and talking when you are on walks definitely that is just there is part of there is something about the kinesthetics of just sort of getting your body moving on autopilot that can kind of lubricate the way for those

[00:43:53] thoughts to come up as well and everything else like that so it is just part of this enrichment and there is to a certain extent a culture around that, a monetization aspect around that in terms of internet content but it is something that you have to

[00:44:13] do for yourself like you could watch what 100 hours worth of videos about self improvement and have it do absolutely nothing even if it gives you a bit of inspirational dopamine in the moment that you consume the content it is in those small victories those small moments

[00:44:35] those aspects of obedience that I am using small euphemistically because they are not small, they are big it is to your point about routine that is the fabric of what life is made of and it is worth trying to get right or at the very

[00:44:55] least trying to get better at and again you do not need to be an academic expert to try and figure that sort of stuff out and we see these sorts of examples and we look at the scenarios in the world around us and we imagine

[00:45:13] the lives of the powerful, the successful, the famous, like the rich, the wealthy all of these things and at the end of the day if you ask yourself would I trade places with those sorts of people, the realistic answer should probably be in almost every case absolutely not

[00:45:39] I am where I am for a reason other people are where they are for a reason we are all doing comparison as always is to ourselves and where we are supposed to be as ordained as opposed to just the bizarro world rat race and I think

[00:46:01] there is this silver lining on the cloud of the internal competition in the way that social media appraise on people's instincts and it is very much the case that people are getting swept up by that particularly younger kids and it is extremely damaging and all of that but

[00:46:23] hopefully it won't take people 30, 40, 50 years to see the bankruptcy in something that if you consume all this content if you go down one particular road if you spend your time in something like that I think when we look at the mental health crises

[00:46:45] that are going on and everything else like that and I don't want to make light of this issue or consider this a diagnostic but at a certain point would you rather hit rock bottom early or late? Probably early provided that there is

[00:47:01] the right kind of resources, the right kind of support network to help you get through that to the other side but we all have to go through those sort of moments. We all have wherever they end up on the spectrum. We all have a

[00:47:15] rock bottom and sometimes that's where we have to go in order to learn those kinds of lessons and if we never like take a long walk then it's going to be harder for us to dig out of that but maybe with the density of everything that is

[00:47:33] going on, maybe with just the sheer concentration of information and stimulus and negative news and everything else like that, maybe that will help people get through to seeing I don't know where I want to go but I don't want to be here

[00:47:51] or I don't want to go here and maybe looking for the right kind of solution so maybe we have to iterate on that a bunch of times but the answers are out there. It is worth asking the questions it's worth reaching out and trying to figure

[00:48:07] this stuff out and it's not going to be something that someone else can give to you necessarily it's going to take your choice and your effort to say I want to go in a different direction I want to improve, I want to see

[00:48:23] even if it's just I want to see what is possible because I'm experiencing some degree of disillusionment about what appears to be in front of my face that in and of itself it is the hero's journey and whether there is going to be great literature written about

[00:48:41] each one of our individual pursuits and biographies I just don't think that matters and maybe that's a coping mechanism because it's probably not let's say but it doesn't matter to me anymore James and these are conclusions I've come to mostly since even more so being a father

[00:49:05] in addition to being a husband then trying my absolute best to be a man of faith if I'm on those three journeys then that's certainly more than I can handle in my own strength so it might as well

[00:49:23] be a hero's journey to me so I'm just going to call it that well that's because you've read it you've probably digested the reality of it you've read about it in the Bible undoubtedly and you probably understood it long before me the fact that the greatest weapon

[00:49:45] that we could forge for the future is kids you know what I mean it's like you want people you want Christianity to grow in the world well if you're a Christian you better have you know what I mean you want freedom and

[00:50:05] you want to stave off this form of digital tyranny that's taking root in America and you're a constitutionally driven freedom loving American well you can buy all the guns you want and I'm a prepper guy so guns all this kind of stuff stocking food

[00:50:25] training learning how to shoot learning how to fight all this kind of crafting this thing that out of a disgrace of a human before I started down this path crafting this little like almost feels like a pseudo warrior from time to time is for me it's

[00:50:47] a 30 year 35 year endeavor or whatever like where I'm at right now 38 years old at the average man's going to live the 74 years old so I my best I got 10 more years maybe 20 more years at this as this peak thing that I've created through vanity and through ego

[00:51:09] and through desires of my own to become you know a tool to keep the things going that I appreciate and have the world run the way that I think it should be run and that's just pitiful in comparison to generations you know what I mean in comparison to

[00:51:31] my kids and the effect that having kids and raising good kids and sending them out into the world to propagate everything that they've learned from you and so on and the people that you've put them in front of hopefully not just your brainwashing but everyone else who

[00:51:47] loves brainwashing you know they go out into the world and they spread that man and it's that's exponential you know because how many people do they run into and so on it's the great way and in I think it's in Psalms it's the it's a children

[00:52:03] of the heritage from the Lord and it says there are like arrows in the hands of a warrior you know and when I read that in the Bible I was like wow because I've heard Billy Graham years ago or I heard someone

[00:52:19] quote that I never actually found the quote so I don't know if it's 100% true or not but I heard someone quote Billy Graham years ago and say I talked to so many people and brought so many people to God and I think

[00:52:33] my time would have been better spent with my kids you know like they would they're gonna have a longer standing effect or something to that effect and I just I thought about that for years and years and then I read that line in the Bible about you know

[00:52:47] they're like children are a war they're like arrows in the hands of a warrior and they're a blessing and a heritage from the Lord and I just said to myself like wow this is the thing and it's the thing that we look like to your point

[00:53:03] living in the northeast and it's definitely not just in the northeast but the hustle of making it the hustle of you making your money you getting your position you becoming the best version of you self-help books you know all this stuff and realizing like

[00:53:21] okay I've done all this work I'm 40 years old I've got 20 more good years to to affect this world probably and then after that I'm just gonna be you know on the downslope whereas children their children their children's children the legacy is what is the answer to everything anymore

[00:53:43] I mean you look at most nations what are most nations facing in the next 10 20 years declining birth rate you know so it puts us in a crazy position where like if you really want to get if you really want Christianity to dominate all over the world

[00:53:59] and you're a Christian you know aside from your relationship with God there's almost nothing else you can do donate money you know donate volunteer there's almost nothing you can do that's more of a home run than having Christian children and having them go out into the world

[00:54:17] and you know continue to be fruitful and multiply right so it's you know it is the mission in my head and I think when you talk about mental health and things like that I think inherently people know it's the mission even if they tell themselves I'll just

[00:54:33] get an abortion even if they tell themselves I I never wanted kids anyway you know what I mean I think like our our core is like be fruitful and multiply I mean it's pretty pretty pretty simple you know I'm right there with you and I would

[00:54:51] caveat this with a lesson from the New Testament that there are some people who are called into singleness and other things like that so we're of course not intending to put that kind of stuff down but for us in the spots that we're

[00:55:05] in I couldn't I couldn't agree with you more James it's the it is the mission it is the the heroes journey there's even you know because it's a different role because if you can enable the heroes journey for others even

[00:55:21] you know knowing that they're going to be on that journey even just to get them to see it for what it is and have the right contours you know to to give them a head start everybody you know wants their kids to be safe and

[00:55:33] have it better than they had it you know and there are so many things that we can do to pass on that kind of knowledge if we will build it into our routine if we will be attentive if we will have our

[00:55:47] have our priorities straight and it's just it's just an amazing thing and you know unfortunately James I feel like we're just getting started but I have to I have to give my eight month old her dream feed bottle so otherwise you're not going to sleep through the night

[00:56:01] so I gotta I gotta heat up some milk here for you man but I know you had a conversation about silver and probably about three more hours on the silver I know that's topics so silver is above 30 you can you can buy it if you

[00:56:15] you know if you have if you have the resources to put down for it but well how ironic that we got on here to talk about wealth and we wound up talking about the true wealth maybe it's not ironic at all my friend but it's

[00:56:31] always it's always a pleasure we'll have to we'll have to make it a you know quick quicker pit stop this time faster turnaround for another conversation no doubt man always a pleasure and God bless you and all those kids man you're doing it and we're happy to

[00:56:47] you my friend thank you thank you for all you're doing it at PBN and and everything else we love you man talk to you tonight see it God bless yeah folks didn't know we were gonna do dad talk guess we did dad talk it's always good with

[00:57:05] Stephen M. King to all of you out there that this is resonating with I'll leave you with this message we don't know what the full potential of fatherhood is yet it's one of the rare things in life Stephen mentioned on the way out the door almost as if

[00:57:28] he knew I was gonna end with this that we want to give our kids a better life than we had right and you know it's not to downplay the fathers of your the fathers of old but it's just the realization in the understanding that you see this new

[00:57:50] generation of dads coming up who aren't stuck working they aren't stuck fighting on the front lines they aren't stuck you know hiding their emotions and not having the kind of relationship that's capable that you're that they could have been capable of men are at a point

[00:58:10] right now fathers in particular at a point right now where we are stepping into uncharted territory you know we don't really know what what's the best dad look like you know what I mean for the longest time the best dad was this idea of a guy

[00:58:36] who is a protector and a provider and he goes out to work 9-12 hours a day and comes home and does dad things on the weekend and you know there's a lot of distance and a lot of hiding and a lot of weird stuff

[00:58:54] in that old idea of dad and I see dads all the time all over social media dads homeschooling I see dads doing all kinds of stuff that this just it's opened me up to this idea of like we really don't know and it's into some degree

[00:59:14] I guess it's the same with mothers too but you have that sort of caricature caregiving and loving mom in your head and dad I think was starved maybe purposefully maybe not maybe because it was essential for that time with the family for so long and then you know

[00:59:39] even in that time spent with the family he was limited in his ability to express all the emotions that you want to express because that's not what men do you know what I mean there was always that old thing

[00:59:51] like there are these lists of things that you can't do it's like here you are standing in the most important time period of your life you have little kids and you have to wrestle with this list of things that men don't do and all that's shedding

[01:00:07] all that's shedding away now and we're starting to see and we're starting to read like it's one of the rare things in our society right now that most everything you go on social media you read about you know most everything in our society you look at you say

[01:00:27] I know without a doubt what the best iteration of this thing is right but when it comes to fatherhood I encourage you to get wild and crazy and thoughtful and you know really play this game as hard as you can play it because we don't really know

[01:00:51] what the top of the tier is when it comes to being a dad we don't know how effective you can be as a father you know what I'm saying with technology now we've never been in a position men have never been in a position

[01:01:11] to be fathers the way that they can be fathers today and we have to take advantage of that moment we have to we have to really give that our all because it may not last forever you know we may only have this window

[01:01:25] we may have a hundred years we may have 500 years who knows but right now we are poised man we are poised to do amazing things as dads but it takes routine it takes willpower and uh you know for me what's it take it takes

[01:01:45] the way I'm gonna feel when I get off this show dead eat something bad for you fall asleep you know that's one path you can take or you can get off the microphone drink some water dig deep go make sure the kids are in bed

[01:02:05] if they're up or if something's on their mind have a long talk with them you know what I mean dig deep to find that what you need to be dad alright appreciate you Steven Menking always a pleasure my man PBN family you guys rock

[01:02:25] not the I am liberty show I thought we were gonna have tonight but you know what hey it is what it is I'll talk to you guys soon see ya free ammo our new sponsor ammo squared dot com is a truly automated

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